Alright you pack o’ wenches and wastrels belly yerselves up to the bar and find something to occupy yer bootlickers. If yer lucky the panty-waste snot-rag manning it won’t have water the horse piss down too much. It’s time for this lady to spin ya a few tales o’ violence and intrigue, mainly violence.
Now a little bit about big ole me. My daddy was Jose Monkamuck. A well reknowned captain o’ tha sea. O’ course unlike the rest of me family I hate the water. Still I’ve followed in his footsteps a bit. I swear by Kord, even if I don’t have the patience to be chantin’ for his help. I sell my sword and not a bloody thing else. So I’ll spin my tales fer free as you all get hammered into unconsciousness.
((I'm looking forward to Silent Man running Kingmaker, and I'm ready to go.))
Well I’ve got me a job. Afta’ leavin’ home I ended up headin’ way North. Afta’ a time I came ta’ country with a temptin’ offer. I got me a writ that says I’m the new authority up furtha’ North, that is assumin’ I kin “civilize” tha place. Now that’s a tall orda’ for big ole me, so I got me some help. O’ course after meetin’ ‘em….
First up der’s Psycho-M. I call her a psycho cause I just know she is one. That calm smilin’ little face don’t fool me, dat lady is CRAZY. Y’all see what I mean when I get ta what we was doin’. Still and all I kin deal wit’ crazy. I t’ink she’s da one I can trust most. Maybe it’s cause she’s a chanter like my daddy was. O’ course she don’t follow Kord. ‘Stead she’s got some weird goddess o’ life n’ death. I can respect the big ol’ blade she totes around, even if looks like some sorta’ farm tool.
We do have a finger wiggler in da party, and a pretty competent one so far. His name’s Lewy. He don’t say much, which I count as a good t’ing. We’ll see how he shapes up.
We also go two point ears in da party. Da first one is Pretty Boy. Now when he first showed up he was wearin’ some wolf skin mask, so I kinda’ assumed he was ugly which is how he got da nickname. Well he asked me about da nickname and I explained. At dis point he pulls back da mask to show he was a looker, which means da nickname isn’t as funny, but it still works. As for his fightin’ ability he brings ta mind my daddy’s tails of one a’ his old adventurin’ buddies named Sir Ineptus. Hopefully he’ll prove ta be a bit less dumb.
Finally we got ZZ-Bottom, our otha' pointy ears. His names Zar-somethin’ or Zon-somethin’ that I ain’t ever gonna remember. I’d call him ZZ-Top but I got this feelin’ he’s more of a bottom if ya get my meanin’. The way he caresses dat’ long boy a’ his don’t help none. When he gets up close and personal like he tends to whip out two blades and use bot’. Still he’s good at all dat woodsy stuff, which I can tell is gonna be important.
Supposedly some otha's might be joinin’ us latah, but dose in-tro-ductions will have to wait till latah.
((Interesting how the character has ended up with what seems to be a Cajun accent….))
Well once we got ta tha place that’ll be our new home we stopped by some old man’s out post. We figgered it’d be a good place ta buy supplies. We was right, but they was havin’ a bit of a problem. Seems some bandits was given ‘em trouble. So we volunteered ta help. This is gonna be my land and ain’t no bandits gonna be tolerated. Bindit’s is just pirates dat don’t have a boat, and I know what ma daddy taught me about how ta deal with pirates.
Now fa’ some reason Pretty Boy wanted ta talk with dem. He was hopin ta get dem to surrender and have us cuttin’ dere throats. Dis iggits have a lot ta learn I see. I explained ta dat once a person surrenders ya’ can’t just go and slit dere throat. You have to do t’ings proper like. Turn ‘em over ta de authorities. He’ll get it soon enough.
Still an’ all I felt I could indulge him a bit. So the plan was he would stay outside and talk with da bandits. I knew he’d fail, but it would lure dem in where I wanted dem. In de meantime Lewy hid in the building wit’ da old man. I put ZZ-Bottom up in da towa’ on da palisade. He could up dere pretty easy and den rain arrows down on dem when needed. Me an’ Psycho-M hid in a buildin’ behind where Pretty Boy would be talkin’ wit’ dem.
Da plan was pretty simple. Pretty Boy would try an’ fail to talk dem into surrendren. We gave him a code word ta say fer when it failed and he needed help. At dat point ZZ-Bottom would stand up and start shower’n dem wit’ arrows. Psycho-M would throw open da door and I would charge out. Once Pretty Boy and I had dere attention Lewy would start rainin’ magic down on dem as well.
T’ings went pretty much as planned. Pretty Boy says da word, which get da two o’ dem closest to him suspicious. Dey attack, but don’t manage ta land a blow, unfortunately Pretty Boy does tha same. In da mean time Psycho-M throws da door open and slings some chant to make dem weaker ((doom)). I see one a dem is standin’ pretty close but lookin’ tha wrong way. So I step up behind him, stick my sword in his back and pull it downward until I hit his a**& h%&%. At dat point everyt’ing important just kinda spills out. Lewy puts da two goin’ fer Pretty Boy ta sleep, but t’ankfully don’t get Pretty Boy along wit’ dem. ZZ-Bottom stands up and sends an arrow flyin’ that misses.
At dis point Pretty Boy charges da only one still sittin’ on a horse, but misses. I’ll applaud da boy’s enthusiasm if not his accuracy. Psycho-M follows me out da buildin’ as she t’rows a blessin’ on all a’ us. I direct ZZ-Bottom’s attention ta tha guy on da horse as I collected me anotha’ head. I did not want that guy gettin’ away. Lewy t’rew some sorta magic at him dat didn’t do much, but at least he noticed it. Seein’ as how only ona’ da men he brought wit’ him was still up da man on da horse backed up ta get da hell outa’ here.
Pretty Boy turned his attention to da one remainin’ bandit, which went about as well as his last few attempts. Da bandit did tha smart t’ing and surrendered after takin’ one more stab a Pretty Boy which drew a little blood. Psycho-M came and took a slash at him mutterin’ somethin’ about her goddess’ judgement. ZZ-Bottom and I tried to fill da horse rider more full a’ shafts dan his boyfriend does, but he managed to make it out. Still we got ourselves three prisoners. Now I got ta show my friends da proper way ta deal with prisoners.
We tied ‘em up and I sat dere cleanin’ blood and otha’ bits off my sword as I talked to ‘em. I told ‘em “deres three a you, but only one a’ ya gets a pardon. Da one dat tells me what I want ta know first gets da pardon. Da otha’ one gets turned out ta de authorities, we do t’ings propa’ here afta’ all.”
Now one a dem is a lot smarta than tha otha’ two, so he starts spillin’ all he knows about da gang dey hooked up wit’. Too bad he don’ know much. Still we got a bit a’ information about what is goin’ on. He does mention somethin’ about da Stag Lord who used to run t’ings around here.
Getting’ back ta tha otha’ two, we did t’ings properly. So I pulled out tha’ writ I was givin’. “Accordin’ ta this I am da authorities in dis area.” Turnin’ ta Lewy “so would ya kindly turn these here bandits over ta my authority?” Lewy shows how smart he is by agreein’ quick like.
So I turn ta Psycho-M “so miss Psycho-M as tha’ new of-fi-cially appointed executioner of dese parts, would you kindly introduce dese two bandits to tha correct and final punishment for banditry in these here parts?” Needless ta say tha lady quickly agrees and send da two on dere way to da afterlife wit’ a few prays.
So turnin’ to da one about ta get a pardon “you are about to be granted an official frontier pardon. Now Pretty Boy and ZZ-Bottom please be so kind as ta hold him down so he can receive said pardon.”
Wit’ da two of dem holding him down I heat my knife up till it glows. Den pressing hard enough to scrape bone I carve a’ L inta his forehead. As I explain ta him “Ya have one day. Afta’ that if we evah see ya again we goin’ ta kill ya. If anyone who works fa’ us see ya’ again, they gonna kill ya. So get yerself gone.” The pansy is sobbin’ from dis little bit o’ pain, but he nods and picks his self up ta leave.
Now as I explain ta da old man runnin’ da place “ya got two choices and I won’t tell ya what ta choose. Ya can man up, stay and take ya risk. Or ya can pack it up like a panty-waste and leave. Up to ya.” Da old man decided ta stay. I kin respect dat.
So I figured dat one dat guy whose ridin’ heal fa’ leatha’ gets back ta his boys dere goin’ ta want some payback. So my plan is ta follow his trail till we find a good point ta ambush dem. I figure dat dey will t’ink we’ll be stayin’ back and not followin’ afta’, but I ain’t one ta wait around. Afta’ a day followin’ da trail I was startin’ ta get worried. Accordin’ ta ZZ-Bottom nothin’ in tha trail showed that it was used regular. So once we get ta tha woods tha next day I figure we need ta change our t’inkin’. So instead of just followin’ tha trail into tha woods we start goin’ around tha edge so we can find where dey come and go from regular like.
Now as we was goin’ along da edge of da forest a few intrestin’ t’ings happened. First we get surprised by four piggies. Big, angry, tusked piggies. We it didn’t look like dey was just gonna let us pay by, so it was time ta get some bacon.
Lewy proved ta have quick reflexes and he managed ta put two of dem to sleep, made it a lot easier. I charged in ‘afore da piggies could move and carved up one a dem while everyone else went for da’ other soom ta be slab o’ bacon. Pretty Boy got himself a few gashes, but otha’wise we was okay.
Afta goin’ most a’ tha day around tha forest edge wit’ out findin’ any sort a’ regular trail, we decided ta head back ta where da rider’s trail was. We didn’t get all da way back ‘afore he had ta camp though. It proved ta be an intrestin’ night.
About midnight Me, ZZ-Bottom and Pretty Boy was all on watch. All of a sudden ZZ-Bottom starts convulsin and some sorta floatin’ skull appears in da middle of camp. Now it turns out ZZ-Bottom has a little girl scream, which was good for wakin’ up Lewy and Psycho-M.
Now I’m prouda my boys and girls, dey did well. Psycho throws down a blessing an then spends her time makin’ sure ZZ-Bottom don’t die. Pretty Boy gets real angry and he and I come at it from two sides. Lewy scrambles back a bit afore slingin’ some magic it’s way. Despite how good they was doin’ things was lookin’ pretty grim. ZZ-Bottom dropped and den it started in on Psycho-M. Me an’ Pretty Boy couldn’t seem ta connect, ‘specially when it went invisible. Good t’ing it didn’t stay dat way. I finally managed ta get in a good hit which seemed ta make it decide dis was not a good place ta stay. I got lucky again and got in a partin’ shot as it floated away, den Lewy managed at bring it down wit’ a final spell a’ some sort. We woke up ZZ-Bottom so he could make sure it definitely wouldna’ get back up.
((All in all a very good first session. It would have gone a lot easier if Pretty Boy’s dice didn’t HATE him. In the fight with the Will’o’the’Whisp I don’t think he rolled higher than a 4.
Speaking of the Will’o’the’Whisp it had us dead to rights. Even with flanking, bless and dropping my buckler I need about 14 or 15 to hit it. Not good. Still the dice decided to throw and confirm a crit, which I rolled low damage on. Then as it ran I got an AOO that also connected and I rolled max damage on. It still would have gotten away if not for Lewy’s Force Missle special ability. At low levels it rocks.
And Killer_GM if you’re reading it has once again been confirmed that sleep is AWESOME at low level.
It’s a good group and the game will be a blast I think. We went with medium exp, possibly moving to slow so that we can get all the various things possible in the first book done without out leveling it.
For anyone also reading Silent Man’s Journal here are the characters from there to here:
Xenos = Lewy
Tharnos = Pretty Boy
Jayce = Psycho-M
Connie = ZZ-Bottom
If you are enjoying this journal please comment. The comments are what makes it worth doing.))
Nice to see a neutral (/evil?) party at work. I can't wait to read more.^^
Nice to see a neutral (/evil?) party at work. I can't wait to read more.^^
((As far as the characters are concerned they see themselves as being Good or at least Neutral. Of course the Monkamuck family has always had a certain tendency towards...let's call it expediency. So others might not see them in quite the same light.))
I'm just glad that she has and will continue to get the party into trouble cause they let her do the talkin and the dice rollin'. I'm thinking of letting her do all the encounter rolls just because of the characters nature ;)
A suggestion to Silent Man:
Tally the "scheduled XP", then permit Random Critters of Dismemberment to fill in the remaining XP for a given chapter. Slow XP progression means you need more RCoD to fill in the gap, while giving the advantage of a longer amount of game time to be played out for a given level.
Monkamuck:
Highly amusing journal, good to see / read that the Monkamucks are running amok and putting the hurt on things.
Or, perhaps from Lasavinia's point of view: "It's good to put the hoit on tings. 'Specially tings dat has my gold. Ink costs gold after all." ^_^ Have fun!
"It's good to put the hoit on tings. 'Specially tings dat has my gold. Ink costs gold after all." ^_^
*SNERK*
ohjeezsodagainaaaaaargh
I have got to stop drinking while reading these forums....
A suggestion to Silent Man:
Tally the "scheduled XP", then permit Random Critters of Dismemberment to fill in the remaining XP for a given chapter. Slow XP progression means you need more RCoD to fill in the gap, while giving the advantage of a longer amount of game time to be played out for a given level.
Monkamuck:
Highly amusing journal, good to see / read that the Monkamucks are running amok and putting the hurt on things.
Or, perhaps from Lasavinia's point of view: "It's good to put the hoit on tings. 'Specially tings dat has my gold. Ink costs gold after all." ^_^ Have fun!
Ya maght be right 'bout me puttin' da hoit on tings. Yer mad but ya ain't stupid. Some of ma new friends definately seem ta be agreein' wit ya. As fer meself....gold be shinny and pretty, but I learned from me daddy dat it's just a bauble. Power, dicipline, control now dats where it's really at.
Ya maght be right 'bout me puttin' da hoit on tings. Yer mad but ya ain't stupid. Some of ma new friends definately seem ta be agreein' wit ya. As fer meself....gold be shinny and pretty, but I learned from me daddy dat it's just a bauble. Power, dicipline, control now dats where it's really at.A suggestion to Silent Man:
Tally the "scheduled XP", then permit Random Critters of Dismemberment to fill in the remaining XP for a given chapter. Slow XP progression means you need more RCoD to fill in the gap, while giving the advantage of a longer amount of game time to be played out for a given level.
Monkamuck:
Highly amusing journal, good to see / read that the Monkamucks are running amok and putting the hurt on things.
Or, perhaps from Lasavinia's point of view: "It's good to put the hoit on tings. 'Specially tings dat has my gold. Ink costs gold after all." ^_^ Have fun!
But da gold, bauble though it is, is da key to gettin' yous some of the action, capiche? It is amazing what da gold lets yous get, from creature comfoits to buyin' some deep pockets attached to some "soshially influenshal" soits of fellas. Da ones dat pulls strings, ya sees.
But da gold, bauble though it is, is da key to gettin' yous some of the action, capiche? It is amazing what da gold lets yous get, from creature comfoits to buyin' some deep pockets attached to some "soshially influenshal" soits of fellas. Da ones dat pulls strings, ya sees.Ya maght be right 'bout me puttin' da hoit on tings. Yer mad but ya ain't stupid. Some of ma new friends definately seem ta be agreein' wit ya. As fer meself....gold be shinny and pretty, but I learned from me daddy dat it's just a bauble. Power, dicipline, control now dats where it's really at.A suggestion to Silent Man:
Tally the "scheduled XP", then permit Random Critters of Dismemberment to fill in the remaining XP for a given chapter. Slow XP progression means you need more RCoD to fill in the gap, while giving the advantage of a longer amount of game time to be played out for a given level.
Monkamuck:
Highly amusing journal, good to see / read that the Monkamucks are running amok and putting the hurt on things.
Or, perhaps from Lasavinia's point of view: "It's good to put the hoit on tings. 'Specially tings dat has my gold. Ink costs gold after all." ^_^ Have fun!
True dat, true dat. An' don't t'ink I'll ever shy away from pickin' up a shinny bauble when I got's the opportunity. Still got ta keep da eye on da prize.
Aight well we’ve kept ya waitin’ long enough fer da next part of da story. ((The real life monster ate our GM last week, hopefully we’re back to an every two weeks schedule.)) Now after puttin’ down dat floatin’ skull t’ing we managed ta rest the rest of the night without more trouble. The next day got us back ta the trail and we headed into da woods. Da first night in there somet’in’ made off with some of our food. Didn’t leave too much fer us, but we ain’t goin’ hungry yet.
‘Bout noon the second day in dere we had more than bit o’ excitement. We was travelin’ along when all of a suddin’ somet’in’ I never seen before burst outa da bush right beside Lewy. It looked kinda like a bear, but it a beak and clawed wings. What eva’ it was it downed Lewy right quick. A few hits wit’ it’s beak and claws and he was down for da count. Well Psycho jumps in right quick and her chantin’ put da fear somet’in’ in it. It turns ta run an’ crashed inta some huge guy rapped in bandages. Dat stopped da t’ing cold. Then some guy onna horse comes up an’ skewers it. After dat it didn’t take long to bring da t’ing down. At dis point I got ta meet our three new traveling companions.
First dere’s Curry. He’s da guy on horseback. He’s a follower of some goddess o’ justice or some such. I remember her as one a’ da ones my daddy talked about. He said she was kinda on our side, but had a big ole stick up her keister. He seem ta have just as big a’ one, but at least ya can talk ta him. I don’t t’ink he and I’ll be doin’ t’ings the same way, but he seems to have more on da ball than most of tha’ yahoos I’ve been saddled with.
Second is Long-Shanks. He’s tall as hell, even bigger dan me at 7 foot. Plus when he shanks someone with dat axe of his it’s definitely a long shank.
An’ I wasn’t miscountin’ when I said three earlier. Da last new comer is Kazoo. She’s a bard stand ‘bout 2 feet tall. Da hair definitely gives her away as a gnome and she claims ta be a bard. I thought ‘bout callin’ her flute or somet’in’ like dat, but no gnome bard is gonna get enough respect ta be called anyt’ing but Kazoo.
Now I was just ‘bout read ta lop off that fallen critters head and make da biggest pair o’ buffalo wings I’ve ever seen when Curry speaks up. He doesn’t want us ta kill tha damn t’ing. He’s belly-achin’ about it just defendin’ itself and territory. So I speak up.
“What if some poor woodsman is comin’ t’rough try his hard ta make a good life fer his family. His poor wife waitin’ at home fer him ta come back. He’s just tryin’ ta make a life fer da two a’ dem and dere poor children. Do you want him ta be eatin’ by dis t’ing?” I admit I was choked up, t’ink of dat woodsman. Now Curry ain’t so heartless as ta let dat man die, so he agrees ta kill it. Still he wants ta do it himself and offers some a’ his food in place o’ da buffalo wings. I promises you I am getting me mah giant buffalo wings one day. You wait ‘n’ see.
Turn out da three o’ them got themselves writs like us. De bandits coutner attack got past us and hit da fort. T’ankfully dey got dere in time to help. Now we all agreed ta team up and put des’ bandits in dere place. So we keep headin’ sout’. Da next mornin’ someone took some shots at us in camp. Two went down but two got away too. We tracked dem towards dere camp. ‘Ventually we got ta a place where we could see an empty camp up ahead. Now while it was likely dey was da bandit we was looking for, it wasn’t guaranteed. So Curry wanted ta go first and talk wit’ dem. I gots no problem wit’ someone else getting’ shot at first, so I agree. We shake down and follow him.
Turns out it da bandits had an ambush set up, not dat it was much of a surprise. Despite arrows from ZZ Bottom and Long-Shanks taking down two o’ dem Curry actually manages ta get dem to stop and talk. Partly dat’s cause he’s a smooth talka’, but more o’ it’s cause da leader is a lady and Curry and Pretty Boy are both dang easy on da eyes. She agrees ta stop fightin’ as long as Curry, Pretty Boy and Kazoo all come ta her tent dat night fer a grand ole time. New da pretties in question are okay by dis so da fightin’s stopped fer now. One a’ her boys does get uppity so she lops his head off.
We offer her a choice. We’re gonna be takin’ over dis region, so t’ings are gonna change, but dat don’t have ta’ be bad fer her. First up she can join us. We’re gonna need muscles, specially muscle as can t’ink, and she has good enough control over her boys dat da fight stopped. Second she can take herself elsewhere. Third we can kill da lot o’ dem, not her best choice. Last she can wait, not do anyt’ing till we and da Stag King have settled up, den make her decision.
She decides on da last one and promises not ta rob anyone fer a month. She also turns over da head of the one as got uppity earlier. Turns out he was da one raiding da outpost wit’ her permission. Seems he wanted ta make a good impression on her. Now I like her decision, it’s what I was hopin’ she would pick. Fer does of you who don’t get dis, it’s all about trust. Now if she just signs on up can I really trust her? If she promises ta leave can I trust dat either? Nah, she da one answer I can trust. I kin trust her ta be smart enough ta do what’s best by her, I just got ta arrange t’ings so it’s clear dat what’s best fer her is ta do what I want. Da way her boys trust her means she does pretty well by dem too, which is a plus.
So now we headin’ back ta da outpost. We needed ta find out somet’in’ about tha’ Stag King right quick, ‘fore he finds out about us and does somet’in’ we ain’t ready fer.