RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Went to Bob Evans yesterday after getting Donna to the doctor, again.
We had an exceptionally good waitress, named Mary. She was very attentive, cheerful and responsive. The service was excellent, and I left a healthy tip.
Well Donna's tea tasted sour (Donna freely admits it was her, not the tea) and Mary was going to take it off. While we're waiting, her and the manager were adjusting the bill. I asked him if he was the manager.
When he confirmed it, I told him, "Well I wanted you to know Mary did an incredible job and was a joy to have wait on us. She's easily one of the best waitresses we've had in a long time, and you're lucky to have her."
Well she was all flustered and embarressed and just not used to the compliment. Is it so unusual anymore to tell a manager/supervisor how good a person is, as opposed to when they suck?
P.S. She also blushed quite nicely too. Which wasn't my intent, but funny none the less.
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I work with customers and financial advisors every day in my full-time job. Compliments are pretty rare, outside of a simple, "thank you."
I know it shocks me when, every now and then, my manager tells me an agent or client called back just to compliment me on my professionalism.
It takes no effort to treat people (especially faceless people on the other end of a phone) like dirt, which is why, IMHO, it is the more common outcome.
I work with customers and financial advisors every day in my full-time job. Compliments are pretty rare, outside of a simple, "thank you."
I know it shocks me when, every now and then, my manager tells me an agent or client called back just to compliment me on my professionalism.
It takes no effort to treat people (especially faceless people on the other end of a phone) like dirt, which is why, IMHO, it is the more common outcome.
The thing that gets me is that unless they're yelling at you, it really takes no effort to treat them respectfully and professionally as well.
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The thing that gets me is that unless they're yelling at you, it really takes no effort to treat them respectfully and professionally as well.
I do. Employees can and do, get fired for being rude to our clients and agents.
I don't really fault clients. When something gets screwed up with their finances, the get panicky, and speak a little more strongly than is necessary. I get that.
Agents, on the other hand, come in two categories: the professionals, and the complete jerks.
Unfortunately, the split seems to be 30%/70% in favor of the latter.
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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The thing that gets me is that unless they're yelling at you, it really takes no effort to treat them respectfully and professionally as well.
I do. Employees can and do, get fired for being rude to our clients and agents.
I don't really fault clients. When something gets screwed up with their finances, the get panicky, and speak a little more strongly than is necessary. I get that.
Agents, on the other hand, come in two categories: the professionals, and the complete jerks.
Unfortunately, the split seems to be 30%/70% in favor of the latter.
Amen to that. As a call auditor I want to go and shake the reps sometimes.
This is only tangentially related, but I sometimes get the impression that people don't greet each other and say thank you even in the course of basic conversation at stores.
Case in point, the grocery store. I know those folks don't make much more than minimum wage, but when I go through the aisle, I always say 'hi' and ask how their day is.. and then thank them and the young person bagging the groceries.
I wouldn't say they get blustered or embarrassed per se, but I can tell that they're not actually used to be spoken to directly about anything other than the transaction. Especially the young adults.
I kinda like the way they brighten up when you do it. Once in a great while they look vaguely uncomfortable. Of course if they're young and pretty I make an effort to not seem like a stalker..
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It's weird--I've worked in the service industry and had experience in the art world, and they're complete opposites:
In the service industry, it's as you said: everyone loves to tell you that you suck, but is loath to compliment anyone. I lucked out, and I have one of the best bosses in the world, so I really haven't run into it as much, but it's out there.
In the art world, however, people are scared to death of giving any sort of criticism. People look at your stuff, and regardless of what they think, they simply say "that's nice," and walk away. I've come damn close to having to hit people in order for them to give me constructive criticism.
It's weird--I've worked in the service industry and had experience in the art world, and they're complete opposites:
In the service industry, it's as you said: everyone loves to tell you that you suck, but is loath to compliment anyone. I lucked out, and I have one of the best bosses in the world, so I really haven't run into it as much, but it's out there.
In the art world, however, people are scared to death of giving any sort of criticism. People look at your stuff, and regardless of what they think, they simply say "that's nice," and walk away. I've come damn close to having to hit people in order for them to give me constructive criticism.
The people that are willing to give constructive criticism get jumped on by their friends too "That was mean!" they'll say.
Then both the artist and I will look at them and say "What? No, I'm/He's just giving some criticism."
EDIT: fixing grammar.
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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I think the art world is different in that I can't draw. I can tell you if I like something or don't like it, but there is a bit of awkwardness in telling an artist "Well that's not what I visualized."
At the same time, what I visualized might be worse than the result. My bracelet of shields entry for last year is an example. Hugo's art was a lot cooler than I visualized it.
Plus I'm the last one to comment on how colours match.
That said, I also try to address people by name and thank them. Sure anyone can bag groceries, but the point is, they're doing it and if they do a good job, compliment them, but at the very least be polite.
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In the art world, however, people are scared to death of giving any sort of criticism. People look at your stuff, and regardless of what they think, they simply say "that's nice," and walk away. I've come damn close to having to hit people in order for them to give me constructive criticism.
I remember those days and yeah, that was frustrating. Then I got to sophomore year and everything changed. Teachers were brutal and they really encouraged people to lay it all down. I still got (and probably gave) some wishy-washy answers but overall, people let me have it and it was hurtful at the time but it was the truth and it helped me grow.
If you want honesty, post up here. I'm sure some folks will give it to you.
*sharpens knives*
;-)
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I think the art world is different in that I can't draw. I can tell you if I like something or don't like it, but there is a bit of awkwardness in telling an artist "Well that's not what I visualized."
At the same time, what I visualized might be worse than the result. My bracelet of shields entry for last year is an example. Hugo's art was a lot cooler than I visualized it.
Well, that is the artist's job.
On the point of thanking people, I call people "Sir" and "Ma'am" out of habit. A lot of the time, when I do it to people I don't know, they think I'm working an angle, and get pissed off, which seriously bums me out.
In my experience, both giving and recieving criticism is an art- NOT, by any stretch of the imagination, a science. There are some people who can't take criticism(myself included), and there are some people to whom everything just sucks unless it was drawn/written/created by one of the people they actually like.
It's not a matter of being nice or mean, it's a matter of whether or not you really want to see someone's work grow- and, again this is only my opinion- one has to be REALLY honest with oneself in that particular regard. If you don't like someone's stuff just 'cuz, while they may surprise you with something in the future, chances are you aren't going to like the next few gazillion things they do. It's better to admit that something they are doing just isn't your thing than to try to twist and mold them into something/someone you like. I'm speaking from bitter experience here.
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I think the art world is different in that I can't draw. I can tell you if I like something or don't like it, but there is a bit of awkwardness in telling an artist "Well that's not what I visualized."
True, good art is in the eye of the beholder so something I like may not work for you. However, I think there are some basics of perspective, color, composition, etc. that all can agree on, even those with no training in it.
I think the art world is different in that I can't draw. I can tell you if I like something or don't like it, but there is a bit of awkwardness in telling an artist "Well that's not what I visualized."
At the same time, what I visualized might be worse than the result. My bracelet of shields entry for last year is an example. Hugo's art was a lot cooler than I visualized it.
Well, that is the artist's job.
On the point of thanking people, I call people "Sir" and "Ma'am" out of habit. A lot of the time, when I do it to people I don't know, they think I'm working an angle, and get pissed off, which seriously bums me out.
That's weird too. Good manners have become undervalued in a society as jaded as ours. I try to be as courteous as possible, and most of the time it earns me a strange look as people think that I'm setting them up for something(insurance salesman, etc.)
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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In the art world, however, people are scared to death of giving any sort of criticism. People look at your stuff, and regardless of what they think, they simply say "that's nice," and walk away. I've come damn close to having to hit people in order for them to give me constructive criticism.I remember those days and yeah, that was frustrating. Then I got to sophomore year and everything changed. Teachers were brutal and they really encouraged people to lay it all down. I still got (and probably gave) some wishy-washy answers but overall, people let me have it and it was hurtful at the time but it was the truth and it helped me grow.
If you want honesty, post up here. I'm sure some folks will give it to you.
*sharpens knives*
;-)
Heh, that reminds me of my language classes in high School.
My Freshman/Sophmore Russian teacher was always on my case, and I tried. It was the first time I really had to push myself, and I just kept by the skin of my teeth. Mr. Taylor really reached out to me, though I didn't appriciate it at the time.
At the same time, we had one guy who was just basically idling. I asked him when he retired, "Why is it you always pushed Dave and I, but let Joel slide?"
"Mr. Morris, Joel was never going to get the language, he was in there just to be a 'student athlete' I pushed you and Mr. York, because you can do it."
He was wrong about me, unfortunately, but I look back and that really changed me. So yeah, criticism is good. Too many forget that.
I'd also add, more relevantly, if you can't take criticism of your work, stay the heck away from RPG superstar ;-)
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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That's weird too. Good manners have become undervalued in a society as jaded as ours. I try to be as courteous as possible, and most of the time it earns me a strange look as people think that I'm setting them up for something(insurance salesman, etc.)
Oh, I agree, and I've had people try to take advantage of me because I'm so polite. After watching Serenity, 'young miss' seemed to be a permanent part of my vocabulary.
Though you can set up people with politeness.
Couple years ago at Origins, Matther Atherton was a guest of honour, so we had a large number of people in superhero costumes. There was a woman in a Wonder Woman outfit, who filled it out quite nicely. Not Lynda Carter nicely, but still...
I walked over and told her, "Excuse me, young miss. I jsut wanted to say that's a very nice Wonder Woman costume, and you look much better in your costume than I do in mine. Have a nice day.
The look of confusion and dawning horror on her face was priceless.
That's weird too. Good manners have become undervalued in a society as jaded as ours. I try to be as courteous as possible, and most of the time it earns me a strange look as people think that I'm setting them up for something(insurance salesman, etc.)Oh, I agree, and I've had people try to take advantage of me because I'm so polite. After watching Serenity, 'young miss' seemed to be a permanent part of my vocabulary.
Though you can set up people with politeness.
** spoiler omitted **
SO....you went in drag? :-)
I'd also add, more relevantly, if you can't take criticism of your work, stay the heck away from RPG superstar ;-)
If you can't take criticism of your work, don't present it to the public at all.
I'd also add, more relevantly, if you can't take criticism of your work, stay the heck away from RPG superstar ;-)If you can't take criticism of your work, don't present it to the public at all.
It is not carte blanche for ugly behavior on either end, however, which is all I was trying to say.
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I'd also add, more relevantly, if you can't take criticism of your work, stay the heck away from RPG superstar ;-)If you can't take criticism of your work, don't present it to the public at all.
Seconded. The husband of a friend of mine is a member of a local writing group, and he told me that one member came in with a note from his doctor saying that no one could criticize his work, due to his being suicidal. If so, why go at all?
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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SO....you went in drag? :-)That's weird too. Good manners have become undervalued in a society as jaded as ours. I try to be as courteous as possible, and most of the time it earns me a strange look as people think that I'm setting them up for something(insurance salesman, etc.)Oh, I agree, and I've had people try to take advantage of me because I'm so polite. After watching Serenity, 'young miss' seemed to be a permanent part of my vocabulary.
Though you can set up people with politeness.
** spoiler omitted **
Nope, the thought of it was enough to scar her. Do you really want me devestating the mental health of the midwest gaming community?
Having worked in retail, I can tell you that it's a rare thing when people take the time to let your manager know that they appreciate your service. I tend to pride myself on customer service, and I think I would receive maybe one such compliment a year... maybe.
Personally, if I receive exceptional service, I always let the person's manager know, because I recognize what a thankless job it is. I remember one time, I walked into a sporting goods store, and there was this woman who was running her ass off to help people. Yet despite the fact that she was practically out of breath trying to help four people with shoes (including me), some woman had the gaul to snap at her about how there should be more sales representatives on the floor. As if it's this poor girl's fault that there aren't enough sales reps.
The poor girl was in tears, but she still went around helping everyone. I told the girl that I thought the other lady was a total cow, and that I appreciated everything she was doing. I also let her manager know that I thought she was doing an amazing job, and that he was very lucky to have her.
Nope, the thought of it was enough to scar her. Do you really want me devestating the mental health of the midwest gaming community?SO....you went in drag? :-)That's weird too. Good manners have become undervalued in a society as jaded as ours. I try to be as courteous as possible, and most of the time it earns me a strange look as people think that I'm setting them up for something(insurance salesman, etc.)Oh, I agree, and I've had people try to take advantage of me because I'm so polite. After watching Serenity, 'young miss' seemed to be a permanent part of my vocabulary.
Though you can set up people with politeness.
** spoiler omitted **
Seconded. The husband of a friend of mine is a member of a local writing group, and he told me that one member came in with a note from his doctor saying that no one could criticize his work, due to his being suicidal. If so, why go at all?I'd also add, more relevantly, if you can't take criticism of your work, stay the heck away from RPG superstar ;-)If you can't take criticism of your work, don't present it to the public at all.
In that case, I'd say he's there more for socialization than actual participation. It happens more often than one might think. Hopefully he'll be able to join in one day.
I compliment people all the time. I wonder if that's why I get so much free stuff. I don't do it for the free stuff though ...
Liar. ;)
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This thread is so good, i'm going to hang it on the refridgerator where everyone can see it!
^_^
Sadly, it will have to go up next to the picture of Zardoz I keep on the fridge to help my diet.
</tongue in cheek>
Anyway, I've been saying the same thing for a while. I think a lot of people are afraid to say compliments to each other in the day and age of sexual harassment. When you're dictated as to what you can compliment it begins to defeat the purpose.
That said, I think its a good idea to compliment people regularly not just for their sake but for you as well. It helps a person keep a positive outlook on life.
I'm also from St. Louis MO, and quite a few of the people around here are pretty helpful and complimentary. We tend to hold doors for one another, greet each other with a smile, and shake hands when we meet someone new, and try to say at least something nice. Its disconcerting to some at first, and its far easier to just be frank.
While teaching at a small private school for a couple of years, I added Basic Manners to the curriculum for my students. Simple things like addressing adults as "Sir" or "Ma'am", how to shake hands, how to applaud appropriately, how to respond to questions with complete sentences, and, my favorite:
Me: How are you doing today?
Student: Fine.
Me: No, no. You didn't do that right.
Student: Huh?
Me: It goes like this. You start. Ask me how I'm doing.
Student: Okay.... How're you doing?
Me: I'm fine. Thank you for asking. How are you doing?
:)
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Is it so unusual anymore to tell a manager/supervisor how good a person is, as opposed to when they suck?
It's kinda fun to make a point of mentioning that a server or whatever did a great job, because it confuses the manager, who was expecting a complaint.
A relevant blog about the subject, with some adult language...
I'm also from St. Louis MO, and quite a few of the people around here are pretty helpful and complimentary. We tend to hold doors for one another, greet each other with a smile, and shake hands when we meet someone new, and try to say at least something nice. Its disconcerting to some at first, and its far easier to just be frank.
New Yorkers (city-dwellers, mostly) are the funnest. If you say 'hi' to one or smile or even make eye-contact, their force-fields go up and they're like, 'what do you want?'
It's the same sort of exagerrated threat reaction that my dad had after Vietnam, which says a lot about life in the big city....
On the point of thanking people, I call people "Sir" and "Ma'am" out of habit. A lot of the time, when I do it to people I don't know, they think I'm working an angle, and get pissed off, which seriously bums me out.
Please don't let something like that bum you out.
Speaking for myself, I kind of dislike it when people use Sir/Ma'am. To me it doesn't come across as a sign of respect, but rather of subservience. I can't stand it when from the very get-go someone artificially tries to establish a sense of inequality in a relationship. This is also why I never say Sir/Ma'am unless the nature of the dialog is specifically unequal (i.e. addressing a judge, etc). Even then, it grates against my belief that people should respect one another as being born equal.
To put it another way, you know how when you speak to a banker or a car salesman they repeat your first or last name every 3 seconds? It's artificial and awkward, right? When someone calls me Sir, it just kind of grates in the same fashion (particularly if they do it repeatedly). Also, being as I'm a slender guy with long hair, occasionally someone will get it wrong. At that point they've actually gone and insulted and/or embarrassed me and made themselves look like an ass.
IMO it's far better to show your politeness and respect with a smile, word-choice and body language than trying to sum it up by using an honorific that forces an unequal relationship.
On the point of thanking people, I call people "Sir" and "Ma'am" out of habit. A lot of the time, when I do it to people I don't know, they think I'm working an angle, and get pissed off, which seriously bums me out.Please don't let something like that bum you out.
Speaking for myself, I kind of dislike it when people use Sir/Ma'am. To me it doesn't come across as a sign of respect, but rather of subservience. I can't stand it when from the very get-go someone artificially tries to establish a sense of inequality in a relationship. This is also why I never say Sir/Ma'am unless the nature of the dialog is specifically unequal (i.e. addressing a judge, etc). Even then, it grates against my belief that people should respect one another as being born equal.
To put it another way, you know how when you speak to a banker or a car salesman they repeat your first or last name every 3 seconds? It's artificial and awkward, right? When someone calls me Sir, it just kind of grates in the same fashion (particularly if they do it repeatedly). Also, being as I'm a slender guy with long hair, occasionally someone will get it wrong. At that point they've actually gone and insulted and/or embarrassed me and made themselves look like an ass.
IMO it's far better to show your politeness and respect with a smile, word-choice and body language than trying to sum it up by using an honorific that forces an unequal relationship.
Wow! Maybe growing up in Texas or my time in the army has colored my take on this, but I tend to call every one sir or ma'am. It doesn't matter to me if it's the guys who empty the port-a-johns or haul off the trash or elementary school kids. The first work hard for their money and the latter need a good example. If we want our kids to be respectful and polite, we should model that behavior. Showing courtesy in no way shows subservience or obsequiousness in my mind. I've always been puzzled by women who take offense to being called ma'am or having a door held open. I guess I've always seen basic courtesy as basic human respect.
Having worked in retail, I can tell you that it's a rare thing when people take the time to let your manager know that they appreciate your service. I tend to pride myself on customer service, and I think I would receive maybe one such compliment a year... maybe.
Personally, if I receive exceptional service, I always let the person's manager know, because I recognize what a thankless job it is. I remember one time, I walked into a sporting goods store, and there was this woman who was running her ass off to help people. Yet despite the fact that she was practically out of breath trying to help four people with shoes (including me), some woman had the gaul to snap at her about how there should be more sales representatives on the floor. As if it's this poor girl's fault that there aren't enough sales reps.
The poor girl was in tears, but she still went around helping everyone. I told the girl that I thought the other lady was a total cow, and that I appreciated everything she was doing. I also let her manager know that I thought she was doing an amazing job, and that he was very lucky to have her.
I can be brutal and short tempered with incompetence, stupidity and unprofessional-ism. If a business really ticks me off I have been known to hold it against them for decades (literally). OTOH I will go out of my way to let someones boss know that they did a very good job even if it means I cave to call or e-mail a company at the home office. I'm a firm believer in meritocracy. I have little tolerance for stupidity and laziness, but i enjoy high lighting excellence, and I'm not bashful when it comes to voting with my dollars.
Speaking for myself, I kind of dislike it when people use Sir/Ma'am. To me it doesn't come across as a sign of respect, but rather of subservience. I can't stand it when from the very get-go someone artificially tries to establish a sense of inequality in a relationship.
I'm the same way. Sir and Madame are over the line of acceptable amounts of politeness in my book. There's a difference between the absence of rudeness and being deliberately insulting, however much some I've known want to deny it.
The other thing I really loathe is the fake friendliness people deploy with complete strangers. I don't want strangers to go around trying to engage me in empty, ritualistic conversation just because we're passing in the supermarket. All I ask is to be passed in silence, a favor I am more than happy to return. Do not be so egotistical as to think that your rote phrase and canned smile shall improve my day and I shall not insult you by presuming the same. Let us not pretend we are any more than indifferent to one another. It's not like one of us is laying on the ground bleeding or something. There's no need for us to jump down one another's shirts in the name of some kind of social kabuki.
If we want our kids to be respectful and polite, we should model that behavior. Showing courtesy in no way shows subservience or obsequiousness in my mind.
I agree that people should act and speak in a way that serves as a good example to others. However, I strongly disagree that calling others Sir/Ma'am has anything to do with courtesy.
As such, you are reaching the wrong conclusions about what I think if think I'm implying that courtesy equals subservience. In fact, after re-reading my post, I'm not sure how that conclusion could be drawn since it couldn't be further from the point I was making:
IMO it's far better to show your politeness and respect with a smile, word-choice and body language than trying to sum it up by using an honorific that forces an unequal relationship.
If we want our kids to be respectful and polite, we should model that behavior. Showing courtesy in no way shows subservience or obsequiousness in my mind.I agree that people should act and speak in a way that serves as a good example to others. However, I strongly disagree that calling others Sir/Ma'am has anything to do with courtesy.
As such, you are reaching the wrong conclusions about what I think if think I'm implying that courtesy equals subservience. In fact, after re-reading my post, I'm not sure how that conclusion could be drawn since it couldn't be further from the point I was making:
IMO it's far better to show your politeness and respect with a smile, word-choice and body language than trying to sum it up by using an honorific that forces an unequal relationship.
From my background addressing a stranger as sir or ma'am is basic courtesy.
Therefore this quote leads me in this direction (from my background),
"Speaking for myself, I kind of dislike it when people use Sir/Ma'am. To me it doesn't come across as a sign of respect, but rather of subservience. I can't stand it when from the very get-go someone artificially tries to establish a sense of inequality in a relationship. This is also why I never say Sir/Ma'am unless the nature of the dialog is specifically unequal (i.e. addressing a judge, etc). Even then, it grates against my belief that people should respect one another as being born equal."
It was not my intention to represent your position as, "courtesy equals subservience", but because something you view as subservient I view as basic courtesy, I felt compelled to make the contrast. Does that make sense?
I'm drunk right now, so I may ramble, and probably won't even make sense. But I'm gonna try anyway, and correct myself in the morning.
Sir, or Ma'am, at least in my experience, have been labels you apply to elders or those with more authority. Considering I don't believe that age itself implies true "elderness" and with a complete lacking in the belief of the right of authority I will not address someone as such, period. I don't care if they're a judge, a boss, or my mother. We're all human beings, and none of us better then any other (and yes, I've thrown so called "meritocracy" out the window. They may not be the best customer service rep, or some other merit that I can personally see for myself, but how the hell am I to know what they've done with the rest of their lives?). That doesn't mean I don't treat them with respect. I apologize when I bump into someone, I tip my waitstaff, and am generally courteous to anyone, but I'm not going to address them with a title or label that puts them either above or below me, as I don't agree that anyone is above or below.
It may be different in TX, but here in Cali, it's the cops, the judges, and the bosses that we are supposed to address as sir and ma'am, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna lower myself below someone else just because everyone else thinks I am lesser. I'm a human being, you're a human being, let's treat each other as such, rather then divide ourselves along authoritarian, class, or other privilege lines.
From my background addressing a stranger as sir or ma'am is basic courtesy.
[snip]
It was not my intention to represent your position as, "courtesy equals subservience", but because something you view as subservient I view as basic courtesy, I felt compelled to make the contrast. Does that make sense?
That makes perfect sense. Where I'm from (Philadelphia, PA and Asheville & Charlotte, NC), I really only hear people in service industries use Sir/Ma'am. When they do, it is always directed at guests of their hotel, restaurant, etc. With that said, my best friend is an LEO, and formerly an MP. I'm used to hearing him address people as Sir/Ma'am, and I've just figured it was a military thing.
Perhaps "subservient" overstates the case I was making for honorifics framing things in an unequal light.
The basic structure of hierarchical organizations such as the military or a corporation inherently means that the place is full of unequal relationships: COs/Managers have a higher rank than the soldiers/workers they are leading.
Now I've never been in the military, but I do work in a large corporation. While I would expect that everyone treats one another with civility and a certain level of respect, I would not expect a CEO to address their subordinates as Sir/Ma'am because they out-rank them in that hierarchy.
On-the-street, just going about our own business, we are all just people. Even if indirectly, everyone has to buy food, travel the same roads, pay takes, etc. While we are faced with hierarchies even in social contexts, I just have a strong preference to greet and be greeted as potential equals. To me, that is the essence of respect.
To me, greeting someone as Sir/Ma'am implies a hierarchy, and in a hierarchy there is always someone who must lead and someone who must follow. I just don't like implying such a burden upon others or having one implied on me. This doesn't mean I get bent out of shape when someone calls me Sir, I just prefer to greet and be greeted without an honorific. That's why I was replying to encourage Mr. Shiny — so that he wouldn't get the wrong idea about why some folks prefer to dispense with the Sir/Ma'am. :)
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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We won't get into where I hear 'sir/ma'am' I don't want to scare folks ;-)
It's always been a case with me to use it as a default sign. But I'm old fashioned. I joke about having 'young miss...' stuck in my head, but it's not much of a leap from, 'miss' which I do use.
I do know of one company who actually brands 'sir/ma'am' as racist and doesn't allow it for their reps *rolls eyes* Drives my roommate crazy since she's Southern through and through.
Personally I don't like first names with Customer Service. You don't know me, don't call me 'Matthew' or worse 'Matt' unless I say so (I'm usually quick to say so). When my work relaxed the policy, it too forever to get used to hearing this:
"May I have your name?"
"Robert Smith."
"And how can I help you today, Bob?"
It's like nails on a chalk board to me.
But then I also hold the door for a lady, and try to pull out the chair so a lady can sit. I'm an old fashioned sexist pig. *shrug*
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I'm also from St. Louis MO, and quite a few of the people around here are pretty helpful and complimentary. We tend to hold doors for one another, greet each other with a smile, and shake hands when we meet someone new, and try to say at least something nice. Its disconcerting to some at first, and its far easier to just be frank.New Yorkers (city-dwellers, mostly) are the funnest. If you say 'hi' to one or smile or even make eye-contact, their force-fields go up and they're like, 'what do you want?'
It's the same sort of exagerrated threat reaction that my dad had after Vietnam, which says a lot about life in the big city....
I don't get it. You'd think that people crowded together would be more polite with one another in order to get through the day, but instead many become pushy and belligerent. It really boggles my mind when someone thinks that your courtesy is really just some ploy... though I geuss I could see salesmen making people feel anxious for that very reason.
I don't get it. You'd think that people crowded together would be more polite with one another in order to get through the day, but instead many become pushy and belligerent. It really boggles my mind when someone thinks that your courtesy is really just some ploy... though I geuss I could see salesmen making people feel anxious for that very reason.
People living in densely populated areas have to encounter vastly more people on a daily basis than those in sparsely populated areas have to, both in terms of absolute numbers and the frequency of encounters.
If you want into a room and there are two people in it, you probably say hi. That's what most people do. If you walk into a room with three hundred in it, do you say hi? Probably not, unless you're a featured speaker or something. It's not only impractical to do otherwise, but downright obnoxiously self-important. ("Stop everything you're doing and saying and look at me for a moment!")
If you pass one or two people on the sidewalk maybe you make a greeting. If you're passing one or two people every fifteen to thirty seconds, probably not. Same idea.
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I don't get it. You'd think that people crowded together would be more polite with one another in order to get through the day, but instead many become pushy and belligerent. It really boggles my mind when someone thinks that your courtesy is really just some ploy... though I geuss I could see salesmen making people feel anxious for that very reason.People living in densely populated areas have to encounter vastly more people on a daily basis than those in sparsely populated areas have to, both in terms of absolute numbers and the frequency of encounters.
If you want into a room and there are two people in it, you probably say hi. That's what most people do. If you walk into a room with three hundred in it, do you say hi? Probably not, unless you're a featured speaker or something. It's not only impractical to do otherwise, but downright obnoxiously self-important. ("Stop everything you're doing and saying and look at me for a moment!")
If you pass one or two people on the sidewalk maybe you make a greeting. If you're passing one or two people every fifteen to thirty seconds, probably not. Same idea.
I mean a lack of cordiality in situations where there is clearly on a small group interacting though, such as holding a door. People from more high-density areas tend to not be as cordial in those situations even when the number of people decreases. I would actually have expected the opposite and I am beginning to wonder if its not a city vs suburb vs rural issue but one of a regional nature. Cordiality is expected here, which in an ironic way makes us less empathetic at times (at least it seems that way to me).
<shrug>
I mean a lack of cordiality in situations where there is clearly on a small group interacting though, such as holding a door. People from more high-density areas tend to not be as cordial in those situations even when the number of people decreases.
I'll have to take your word for it. I've only lived in a small town for any length of time. My visits to cities, in the US and abroad, didn't give me any kind of impression that urban dwellers were more or less rude than others.
Cordiality is expected here, which in an ironic way makes us less empathetic at times (at least it seems that way to me).
I've noticed that too, at least with people who have similar expectations of social interaction. It's trivial to pretend that one's being very nice by following the conventions of politeness. Style before substance. I've seen people defend the most amazingly abhorrent notions (and I'm not talking about just abhorrent to a member of the far left such as myself) and then become outraged because someone uttered a profanity.