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Needless to say it's been a hard time for me lately but now I think it may be the last straw. I really need to vent and this is my only outlet. Don't get me wrong I love my brother he's the only family I have left, and recently because of unfortunate events he had to come and move in with me. But he managed to get into major trouble with the law he's now on the run with warrants out for his arrest. I understand he has reason to be troubled but now he's living on the streets in Montreal and calls me every other week from a payphone and I just don't know wether I should even try anymore.
Well, I won't give you advice because it will just be flawed. My brother has developed an entire world outlook philosopy by doing the exact opposite of whatever I advise. He's doing quite well for himself by the way. And though I would love to bust out with my father's usual encouraging words.....you know there is some guy living in a trash dump in some heathen jungle country subsisting by licking out the inside of Fruit Loop boxes...no no...not even fruit loop boxes....the off brand third world version that has fish content.... speech that I get from time to time... Just know this...whatever is going on your life... my life is worse. Just makes you feel warm and fuzzy! And the fuzzy feeling is not even the creepy feeling of bugs crawling on you...
Family doesn't usually listen to family when it counts. So you're off the hook for helping him. Only he can help him.
So long as he's not asking for money, keep on actively being his brother. If he's looking at you like you're a free lunch, create some strong and well-defined boundaries. When his life irons out, he'll still need a brother. You don't have to support him in everything he does, but you don't have to shun him either. The rest of the world will do that handily. Good luck, Jeremy. It's just a tough situation that has to be weathered. There's likely no winning, only outlasting.
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Take heart Jeremy, and keep the faith. Hopefully your brother will get his act together and get back on the straight and narrow. As someone else said, though, he can only really help himself. All you can do is give him the positive support that makes it easier.
And, for what its worth, I think you can consider some of us Paizonians family as well.
Tough call, I mean you’re basically the guy’s lifeline back to normality, and he is your brother, but on the other hand he sounds like kind of a deadbeat (no offense), and maybe jail would do him some good.
”God curses the man who stands between two brothers.”
Amazing really, how you can grow up together in the same house, from the same parents, and be so completely different. My brother and I have 5 years between us, and growing up we hated each other’s guts, to the point we tried to kill each other more than once. Funny thing is, if anyone from the outside tried to interfere, we’d back each other, then go right back to it. In fact, he taught me an incredibly valuable lesson once: If you hit someone in the back of the head (especially if that person is a 6'4'' teamster) with a baseball bat, don’t stop. (hey, I had to check my swing, he is my brother after all) Wow did he break me for that one, but he so had it coming, jerk. He's not a bad guy, we're just yin and yang.
Time and distance have helped, but we’re still two different people who happen to share the same genes (though I think I’d harm myself if we shared the same jeans), looks, and mild OCD.
Michigan just held another (huge) amnesty turn-in for outstanding warrants. Maybe you could convince him to seek out something similar?
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Same kinda crap from a brother-in-law over here; long story; it's looooooong over now. Some people are their own worst enemies.
I really don't think I can add any advice that would be helpful, seeing as my own encounter with the phenomenon was not what I would consider a glaring example of success. I think beeler had it pretty nailed down; it's hard to walk that fine line between 'helping' and 'enabling' somebody to keep being a freeloading flake.
Just wanted to say, I sorta know how you feel. I have no siblings, so I don't completely know how you feel...
... Funny thing is, if anyone from the outside tried to interfere, we’d back each other, then go right back to it. ...
That is the truth! good luck and happy venting.
Just an aside.. from a legal stand point... you might want to check about knowing his whereabouts while he's wanted.
If it's for something major you might be implicated as well.
I don't know.. I don't know what he's wanted for.
But, remember to take care of yourself first man. He's made his mistakes.. you shouldn't have to pay for them as well.
wow dude; well, he is your brother; but dude; he really needs to get his life cleaned up; I suggest being there for him but dont enable his dysfunctions and for cripes sake try to stay out of trouble yourself; dont become a part of the problem and bring it all down on you too; you can't be much help if your fighting for your own freedom and survival. I would probably start looking for a good lawyer for him if you can afford it; a good talk with a professional might point him in the right direction. Showing some cooperation and good will and a positive attitude can move mountains. Tuff choices; I feel for you.
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I think I'm gonna go for a while. I've been feeling weird lately everything is in haze I can't concentrate. I have major migraines somedays others I just can't function. I get super depressed I can't leave my house somedays and others I just totally forget to eat. I can't seem to form a cohesive thought very well and honestly I don't know what to do anymore. I tghink I'm gonna go to the hospital..... check in for awhile I've already put in for Leave of Absence and I just can't think and the thoughts I do have are dark and sometimes really really harmful. I'm probably not thinking straight now. Honestly with My dad dead, my older brother dead, and recently my mom and little sister gone, and my little brother MIA I need time I just need time. Cya hopefully in afew weeks.
Good luck, Jeremy. I hope things get better soon.
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Needless to say it's been a hard time for me lately but now I think it may be the last straw. I really need to vent and this is my only outlet. Don't get me wrong I love my brother he's the only family I have left, and recently because of unfortunate events he had to come and move in with me. But he managed to get into major trouble with the law he's now on the run with warrants out for his arrest. I understand he has reason to be troubled but now he's living on the streets in Montreal and calls me every other week from a payphone and I just don't know wether I should even try anymore.
You should run for Mayor some time...
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ok, this is personal. my life in the '90s was a mess. i was running dope ffrom mexico, hooked on coke, living like a completely nihilistic b&$~#$%~, didn't care about anyone but myself, and finally got caught smuggling 100kg of cocaine into the country. i was given a ten year prison sentence, federal. did seven and a half after getting good time and a ten month reduction for taking a rehab program. honestly, it was the most important seven years of my life. i came out with a completely new lease on life, a new outlook, and i am starting to piece together an existence i can be proud of. (an aside: being able to play d&d in the joint helped the time go by easier. we used cards marked with numbers for dice.)
prison is a hard place, but it can be a good place to find some perspective if you're willing to open your mind up to the mistakes you've made and the harm you've done the people in your life.
my advice, especially considering that canadian prisons are more geared towards rehab than american prisons (trust me, american prisons are about punishment, any rehab is an afterthought), is that you might want to talk your brother into turning hiumself in, then be as supportive as you can (frequent visits, encourage him to take correspondence courses, stuff like that). life on the run wears you out, i know, and it isn't any way to live.