"I stopped aging after eighteen,
I'm not as young as I would seem,
my true age would drop your jaw
but eternal youth has it's flaws,
forever I'll be judged as far too young,
even after all my contemporaries are dead and gone,
some places I look to young to be served,
and all I have to prove my age is my might and my word.
This is why I travel the planes,
here no one cares to even know your name."
Joachim follows this back and forth between the two young (looking) women.
"Perhaps then Lady Malfaerr, as a wizard of some puissance, you can answer me a question. How does one go about locating a lost portal to a world? I have been stranded in this inn for months now. Although I have seen many wonders my heart years for the sere winds and blue skies of my country of Andimala. Perhaps you have heard of my world? Scholars called it 'Terrino' although most folk just called it 'Earth'."
"There's no rhyme or reason to this twisted place,
corridors and doorways shift at an alarming pace,
this bar is the only constant unchanging zone,
you want to get back you need to research your home."
Malfearr looks around for the bar keep or someone to offer her some service, perhaps that gnome that was rhyming with her earlier, Malfaerr was in the mood for some beer . . . and she felt the need to share with her companions who she knew she'd need to appease soon. Her language and mannerisms were often disturbing most things these days.
Sharinda hurries up to Malfaerr
"I see that you might need a drink
Your glass is dry, your forehead kinked
I'm happy to refill your mug
Just tell me what you'd like to chug."
"A couple of pitchers of beer if you please,
I promised these folks drinks, and I;m no tease,
plus top up any drinks at the table here,
I don't know the best brews on the planes I fear."
Sharinda grins
"I'll be right back, I'll not delay
For I can see you're parched today
A pitcher or three I'll bring to you
Of Mitchifer's Homemade Planar Brew."
Sharinda bustles off
O.L.L.I pipes up
"Server Sharinda could this unit get a Medium Grade Clockwork Oil?"
Traveller Smurf returns from the jakes
"Well that was smurfing embarrasing" He mutters quietly
Traveller Smurf looks up at Karrin
"Miss? Can you smurf me a smurf up?"
Karrin takes a few moments to process the request . . . then she picks the tiny blue man and puts him on the table.
Traveller Smurf looks up at Karrin
"Thanks! That's a smurfing long way to smurf if you have to smurf up the smurf leg."
Looks aound the table
"Is that severed smurf gone?"
"Ya," Karrin whispers down to the tiny blue man, "the cra- er, the rhyming lady stuck it back in the sack."
Traveller Smurf looks relieved
"Thank smurf for that!"
Traveller Smurf leans closer to Karrin
"That smurf was smurfing scary as smurf."
O.L.L.I looks over at Karrin
"How are you finding your new employment friend Karrin? Is the Cage a functional habitation for you?"
Looks to Malfaerr
"Wizardry being appelated Malfaerr. Are you forced to communicate in a rhyme scheme or is it voluntary? Was that severed fiendish head a demon or devil? How does it remain animate? you alluded to quasi-deity status, is this an approximation or a fact? Do you also inhabit Sigil or are you merely a traveller? Could this unit examine the severed fiendish simian head? ...blah ..blah.."
O.L.L.I begins to pepper Malfaerr with all sorts of questions
Karrin smiles, and opens her mouth to reply, but Olli's questions keep bubbling out. Karrin nods with most of them, some of these things she wants to know as well, but as Olli's questions continue Karrin cuts in:
"Ya," she say over Olie, "how come you always talk in rhyme?"
"Why do I talk in rhyme?
do I do it all the time?
the answer to both is a simple no,
not all the time, and I don't know."
Malfaerr shuffles through her things, she studies the others, her wide eyes looking for something in her companion's faces.
"the head belonged to a Bar-Lgura demon,
a horrible creature that kills for fun,
This particular monster tried to kill us,
kidnapping my companions and being an annoying cus.
that monster is dead,
but later something began possessing it's head.
as to it's other claims I can't really say for sure,
but I know it's not a demon's head anymore.
I tend to think that most of it's claims are true,
but there are gaps, omissions, and an outright lie or two.
The thing calls the far realms home,
that much is certain, little else is known."
O.L.L.I digests this information
"Wizardry being Malfearr. This unit would like to inquire if he could question the entity that inhabits the Bar-Lgura Demon head. This unit's information on the sphere of reality known as the 'Far Realm' is incomplete."
O.L.L.I digests this information
"Wizardry being Malfearr. This unit would like to inquire if he could question the entity that inhabits the Bar-Lgura Demon head. This unit's information on the sphere of reality known as the 'Far Realm' is incomplete."
Malfearr gives Olli a strange and pained look:
"Olli, trust me when I say,
not knowing is better that way."
Although Modrons don't have strong emotions, O.L.L.I looks distinctly pained.
"But wizardry being Malfaerr, obtaining information is always better than not obtaining information. How can a unit formulate correct hypotheses and parameters when the data sets are incomplete? Information on its own is never dangerous, it is merely a tool that beings can use for good or ill."
Although Modrons don't have strong emotions, O.L.L.I looks distinctly pained.
"But wizardry being Malfaerr, obtaining information is always better than not obtaining information. How can a unit formulate correct hypotheses and parameters when the data sets are incomplete? Information on its own is never dangerous, it is merely a tool that beings can use for good or ill."
"That's where you are sadly mistaken,
knowledge is like poison once it's taken,you can't un-know something once it's learned,
that knowledge is always in your head to churn,
think about learning your father's now insane,
then you reexamine all he's taught and all his claims,
from that point on he might only spout truth,
but already you're questioning memories of youth.
make no mistake, Olli, knowledge is power,
but what I've learned has caused reality to sour."
Sharinda hustles back with the ordered drinks
"There yeh go cutters, some o' the house brew and a Medium Grade Clockwork Oil for Lil' Olli."
Sharinda looks at Malfaerr
"I believe I heard you say,
That this round would be yours to pay?"
O.l.L.I sips his Medium Grade Clockwork Oil
"Wizardry being Malfaerr. This unit can assure you that he does not suffer from strong emotional backlashes as some beings with flesh incarnations do. This unit has perused some of the most dark and forbidding tomes of knowledge in Sigil and come from the experience none the worse for wear."
Sharinda looks at Malfaerr"I believe I heard you say,
That this round would be yours to pay?"
Malfaerr absently reaches into her belt pouch and hands Sharinda a handful of platinum . . . perhaps eight or ten times more then the tab owing.
O.l.L.I sips his Medium Grade Clockwork Oil
"Wizardry being Malfaerr. This unit can assure you that he does not suffer from strong emotional backlashes as some beings with flesh incarnations do. This unit has perused some of the most dark and forbidding tomes of knowledge in Sigil and come from the experience none the worse for wear."
"But you are prone to logical and unrecoverable errors,
fleshy beings are more emotional but that sort of thing doesn't scare us . . ."Malfaerr thinks for a moment.
"This isn't a matter of dark or light, evil or good,
these terms have little meaning, like 'like' and 'should'"
"Let me talk to him!" comes a shout from somewhere within Malfaerr's belongings, "I'll warp his beautifully logical and metallic mind!"
Malfaerr kicks at the bag she jammed the head in earlier.
"Quite you, that's exactly what I don't want,
I'll do something nasty to you if you continue to taunt."
Traveller Smurf pipes up
"Yeah no one wants that smurfing hideous smurf back on the smurf! Let it smurf right where it smurfs. It's a smurf before Smurf."
Sharinda looks at the table.
"Anything else cutters? Coffee, more snacks, a second helping of Mitchifer's Stygian Dire Eel Pie?"
Sharinda looks at the table.
"Anything else cutters? Coffee, more snacks, a second helping of Mitchifer's Stygian Dire Eel Pie?"
"Bring another pitcher in exactly half an hour's time,
and keep them coming every half hour after that, mind,keep them coming until one of us passes out,
and then only once an hour bring us a pitcher of draught."
Malfaerr hands Sharinda some more coin, probably to pay for future drinks.
Malfaerr pours a drink and places it in front of Karrin, she does so for all present at the table, and then she takes a mug for herself.
"We need a toast and here's one I like a lot:
Let's all drink until our hearts stop!"
Malfaerr takes a long swig of beer before turning to Olli.
"I'm not trying to discourage you from your learning,
Olli, please understand that it's not what I'm yearning,
but you must accept that there are things that you mustn't know,
strange as it may seem, knowledge can lay you low."
Ah... can ya smell it? Fresh from the Serpents belly still warm titanberry pie from the briar and bramble patches of Carceri. Mmmm, you can just taste the acid still! And to wash it down is a rich coffee aperitif. Brewed from the beans grown in the mountains of Arcadia and sweetened with honey obtained from the fiendish giant bees of Ankhwugaht! Enjoy.
Sharinda hustles to the bar
"Nice spread boss! Yeh sure have a way with those Mercane vendors. I'll start getting the word out."
Sharinda hustles back to the table.
"Mitchifer just made some titanberry pie with Arcadian coffee. Any takers?"
"I probably shouldn't," Karrin says licking her chops, "but I'll try some titan berry."
"I must pass on the pastry I fear,
sweets don't mix well with the taste of beer."
Sharinda dishes out some Titanberry pie and coffee to the group. She turns to Malfaerr.
"You sure you would not like a slice?
Mitchifer's pies are very nice
He bakes them from the freshest things
The taste will make your palate sing!"
"you really are pushing that pie,
I said no and told you why,
please make no more mention of it to me,
I know what I want and know what I mean."
Malfearr suddenly realizes that she was a bit curt with the gnomish server.
"Sorry if that didn't come out sounding not very nice,
but I'm not accustomed to saying things twice."
"Sorry if that didn't come out sounding not very nice,
but I'm not accustomed to saying things twice."
"There's no need to be rude to Sharinda," Karrin snaps, "she's just doing her job. Maybe a bit of pie would sweeten you up a bit . . ."
Karrin was about to say more but then she realities that Malfearr was actually in the process of apologizing when Karrin lashed out.
"Sorry," Karrin says as her face seems to grow slightly flushed and she rubs the back of her head, "Guess I should be the one apologizing now. Sharinda is my friend and I didn't like the way you were speaking to her just then, but I didn't realize that you'd apologized till after I'd already snapped . . . some people say I'm a but slow on the up take or something."
to Sharinda
"I'll have some of the pie and coffee."
to Malfearr
"I agree about the beer with sweets, but I find that coffee clears the head as well as complimenting the sweetness."
Sharinda looks a bit annoyed
"Just checking to see, young lady. Sorry to have bothered you."
Turns to Saurig
"A big slice of Titanberry pie and some hot fresh coffee coming up Ser Saurig! I'll get the rest of yeh yer slices as well.." Pauses for a moment "Those what want them that is."
Sharinda hustles off
"I think you made Sharinda mad," Karrin warns Malfaerr, "she was just trying to be nice and all . . ."
"Such is my terrible lot in life,
people think I'm not very nice,
or they think I'm completely insane,
just because of my tongue tided words and unkempt mane."
Malfearr grabs her mug of beer with both hands, her constant smile seems to shift to look slightly mischievous as her eyes focus on the frosty mug, and for a moment the woman looks like a teenager sneaking her first taste of alcohol. Her tongue gently licks her lips as she slowly hoists the mug to her lips and tilts it back . . . she nearly drains the entire thing with one swig. Only a small dribble at the bottom remains. She slams her mug back on the table with a satisfied sigh.
"But I'm not insane you should know,
I've proven that, the records will show,
How could I archive the things that I have,
If I truly was stark raving mad?
but I'm not good with speaking my mind,
somehow the words get twisted and come out unkind.
Or worse, they somehow make me sound unstable,
slanted or crooked, like a one legged table."
O.L.L.I gazes over at Malfaerr
"This unit often has the same problem, wizardry being Malfaerr. Often times this unit presents himself in a manner that many have termed 'annoying' or 'abrasive' which is not this unit's intention. Sometimes it is difficult to communicate with beings ruled by emotions and chaos. There seems to be a certain disconnect that this unit finds hard to bridge with words."
O.L.L.I sips his oil
Traveller Smurf looks at Malfaerr
"Maybe if you didn't carry around a big smurfing severed demon smurf around people wouldn't smurf that you are crazy."
Traveller Smurf eyes Malfaerr's bag and shudders.
Joachim listens silently, observing the scene with hooded eyes
to Malfearr
"I agree about the beer with sweets, but I find that coffee clears the head as well as complimenting the sweetness."
For a time it seems as though Malfaerr intended to ignore Saurig's comments, but the strange toad like creature locks it's pulsating eyes on the half man, half rork, and Saurig suddenly hears a strange voice in his head:
<Malfaerr can't drink coffee,> the voice seems to say, sounding like someone speaking through a membrane, <It makes her edgy and far more easily agitated. She really shouldn't be allowed any sort of stimulant. I'm Hop=Toy Dan by the way . . . I'm guessing that you have some amphibian blood in you somewhere.>
Traveller Smurf looks at Malfaerr
"Maybe if you didn't carry around a big Smurfing severed demon Smurf around people wouldn't smurf that you are crazy."
Traveller Smurf eyes Malfaerr's bag and shudders.
"And what exactly would you have me do?
If you were me and I was you?leave that head to fall into the wrong hands?
That's just not an option my little blue man."
Traveller Smurf grimaces
"How about making a smurfing big fire and smurfing that smurf in? Or maybe smurfing a big deep smurf and then smurfing it under six smurf of rock and smurf? Then there's always hydochloric smurf. That smurfs just about anything."
"One of the things I've come to learn,
is that which is not flesh cannot burn,
and burring the physical form in the ground,
won't prevent the head from making sound,
even now, trapped in the bag's pocket dimension,
it is still able to talk and grab our attention.
this is a problem to which I've given a bit of thought,
and although I've grabbed at them, a solution can't be caught."
O.L.L.I glances at Malfearr
"Have you considered sealing the entity in a pocket demiplane? Something that is liable to cause so much chaos and damage and resists destruction could conceivably be warded into a small convoluted Type Beta Artifical Möbius Demiplane as described in the text Mongrazzor's Guide to Ethereal Geometries. This unit has magically copied the text for patrons of the Lady's Library. This unit still keeps a complete copy of the text in his memory. If you wish, wizardry being Malfaerr, this unit can reproduce the text for you."
O.L.L.I glances at Malfearr
"Have you considered sealing the entity in a pocket demiplane? Something that is liable to cause so much chaos and damage and resists destruction could conceivably be warded into a small convoluted Type Beta Artifical Möbius Demiplane as described in the text Mongrazzor's Guide to Ethereal Geometries. This unit has magically copied the text for patrons of the Lady's Library. This unit still keeps a complete copy of the text in his memory. If you wish, wizardry being Malfaerr, this unit can reproduce the text for you."
"You're either assuming," says the voice from the severed head, "that this is my actual body rather then just a conduit, or that I would be unable to simply attune another. I like this conduit, organic matter is so wonderful and squishy, but it's highly possible that I could simply attune something else. Maybe I could attune just about anything. Also I wouldn't put too much faith in Mongrazzor. Smart guy, for a mortal, but he made the fatal assumption that the Ethereal plane was one large singular mass and that it was solid around the edges, amusing really, but then I always love seeing hypothesis fail in such dramatic and catastrophic fashion. It's possible he wrote about it, I mean he was falling for some time, but I suspect that he went mad at some point. mortals can't really handle paradox or total sensory deprivation very well."
O.L.L.I glances at the bag
"Thank you for the clarification, Unknown entity attuned to severed Bar-Igura head. This unit is not a practicioner of arcane arts, so he cannot judge the efficacy of Mongrazzor's writings, save that they are a popular request for copying from the library this unit dwells at. As you say, if you can attune to another focus, then sequestering the severed Bar-Igura head is illogical."
O.L.L.I. pauses for a moment, then launches a barrage of questions:
"Unknown entity attuned to severed Bar Igura head. Query: Why do you attune to such a strange focus if you can attune to anything? Why have you translated your conciousness into this realm, which must be alien to your normal sensorium? Can you tell me of the incident that led to Mongrazzor's failure? blah ..blah ..blahbedy blah.."
O.L.L.I seems to be working up a good head of steam, his aspergillium swinging about as he becomes animated.
"Unknown entity attuned to severed Bar Igura head. Query: Why do you attune to such a strange focus if you can attune to anything? Why have you translated your conciousness into this realm, which must be alien to your normal sensorium? Can you tell me of the incident that led to Mongrazzor's failure? blah ..blah ..blahbedy blah.."O.L.L.I seems to be working up a good head of steam, his aspergillium swinging about as he becomes animated.
"Why the demon head? You know about the plains O.L.L.I, why would you speculate . . . hmmm, wait, are you familiar with harmonics or fields? Humans think of harmonics being synonymous with sound, which isn't entirely true, as sound is created through vibration and waves, and the vast majority of these waves are completely undetectable to prime beings. Fields are these things that exist over a large area, so if we were to take our idea of sound, a field would be something that the sound waves pass through . . . Let me know if I loose you."
O.L.L.I blinks
"This unit believes that he understands the gist of what you are trying to explain, unknown entity attuned to severed Bar-Igura head. This unit has accessed Tillinghast's Radical Harmonic Experimentations, Grendesh's seminal The Ethereal Plane, Conduit to Supra-Dimensional Spaces, and Hovragon's Uncommon Sensoriums. Are you implying that the severed head you are attuned to is more convenient than, say a lump of rock for communication with this realm?"