Quotes Thread

[Steven Purcell]

“Once you can accept the universe as being something expanding into an infinite nothing which is something, wearing stripes with plaid is easy.”

– Albert Einstein

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

Steven Purcell wrote:

A painter paints his pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence. We provide the music, and you provide the silence.

– Leopold Stokowski, English-born U.S. conductor, reprimanding a talkative audience, May 1967

"Hey, don't f~%#ing kick people, and don't f!%!ing punch people. I'm talking to you, and you. You want to f$&+ing do that shit, get the f%@* out on the football field, alright? I'm talking to you, yeah, you. That's right. It sucks to tell people to behave yourselves, but there's other people here, too, alright, so try to be a little more kind."

- Ian MacKaye, reprimanding a violent audience, 1992.

"I saw you two guys earlier at the Good Humor truck, and you were eating your ice cream like little boys, and I thought, 'Those guys aren't so tough! They're eating ice cream.' I saw you eating an ice-cream cone, pal... You're bad now, you think you're bad now, but I saw you... That's the shit you can't hide. You eat ice cream; everybody knows it. Ice-cream-eating motherf&$%er, that's what you are."
- Guy Picciotto, reprimanding the same violent audience, five seconds later.

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

Steven Purcell wrote:

“Once you can accept the universe as being something expanding into an infinite nothing which is something, wearing stripes with plaid is easy.”

– Albert Einstein

Re: "The Name is Morgan"

Changing your name from one robber baron to another? That's like changing your name from Cockman to Dickman.

[Azhagal]

"the first step to enlightenment is to realize you are full of s***"

[Bitter Thorn]

Today we mourn the passing of an old friend. Common Sense lived a long life, but died recently in the United States. No one really knows how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, and factories, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second. A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including body piercing, whole language, and "new math".

But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus. In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations.

He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with
sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student, but could not inform the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion.

Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses into everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports.

Finally, when people, too stupid to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, were awarded a huge settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel.

As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic, but was kept informed of developments regarding questionable regulations such as those for low flow toilets, rocking chairs, and stepladders.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two step-siblings: My Rights, and Ima Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized that Common Sense was gone...

[Xabulba]

Common sense isn't dead it's just in hiding waiting for inevitable collapse of modern civilization. After the collapse the survivors will beg and pled for the return of its sound advice.

[Bitter Thorn]

Xabulba wrote:

Common sense isn't dead it's just in hiding waiting for inevitable collapse of modern civilization. After the collapse the survivors will beg and pled for the return of its sound advice.

I'm not that optimistic.

I'm reminded of Idiocracy.

[Xabulba]

Pain is the great teacher of mankind.
- Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

[Bitter Thorn]

"Pain is weakness leaving the body." Gym T-shirt

[Charlie Bell]

Some more of Blake's Proverbs of Hell:

What is now proved was once only imagin'd.
Every thing possible to be believ'd is an image of truth.
Listen to the fools reproach! it is a kingly title!
The crow wish'd every thing was black, the owl, that every thing was white.
Truth can never be told so as to be understood, and not be believ'd.

From Murphy's Laws of Combat:
The important things are always simple; the simple things are always hard.
No plan survives initial contact.
Try to look unimportant. The enemy may be low on ammo.
If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat.
Combat always occurs on the ground between two adjoining maps.

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

"Hey, I'm Dr. Rodney McKay, alright? Difficult takes a few seconds, impossible, a few minutes."
- Dr. Rodney McKay

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

Marge Simpson - "You turned Springfield into America's trash hole!"
Homer Simpson - "Marge, Ix-nay on the a$~#~%&-tray."

[Steven Purcell]

“Sell your islands, you bankrupt Greeks – and the Acropolis too!” -German Tabloid Bild, on Greece's financial difficulties and the associated bailout

[Steven Purcell]

“Don’t cut what you can untie.”

– Joseph Joubert (1754-1824)

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

"[I was] baffled when Hitler raised his arm in the Nazi salute and said, 'Heil Hitler.' After a moment's thought, [I] raised my own arm in an identical salute and proclaimed, 'Heil Meinertzhagen'."
- from Col. Richard Meinertzhagen's (most likely partly fictional) journal

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

Dr. Rodney McKay - "The grappling hook didn't work because the hook wouldn't hold our weight in the soil; the crates didn't work because Sam was too heavy..."
Col. Samantha Carter - (looks at him indignantly)
Rodney McKay - "Oh, well, we all would've been, I mean our weight in general. Nothing to do with you, you just... I mean, you're in very good shape, seriously. You have like, uh, the perfect body."
Dr. Jennifer Keller - (glares at him)
Dr. Rodney McKay - "Oh, not that you don't. Oh, no, no no, I realise that your bodies are different and, uh, uh, maybe that would mean that I think that your body is imperfect but that is not the case. No, no no, far, far, far from it. That is a sweet... uh, which is to say, I mean, it would be impossible for me to choose which of you..."
Col. Samantha Carter - "Rest assured, you're never gonna have to."
Dr. Jennifer Keller - "Aww, if we kept quiet he probably would have gone on like that forever..."
Dr. Rodney McKay - "I... I'm sorry, what I mean is that you have..."
Col. Samantha Carter - "Rodney, stay on topic."
Dr. Rodney McKay - "Right. Where was I?"

[Bitter Thorn]

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:

Dr. Rodney McKay - "The grappling hook didn't work because the hook wouldn't hold our weight in the soil; the crates didn't work because Sam was too heavy..."

Col. Samantha Carter - (looks at him indignantly)
Rodney McKay - "Oh, well, we all would've been, I mean our weight in general. Nothing to do with you, you just... I mean, you're in very good shape, seriously. You have like, uh, the perfect body."
Dr. Jennifer Keller - (glares at him)
Dr. Rodney McKay - "Oh, not that you don't. Oh, no, no no, I realise that your bodies are different and, uh, uh, maybe that would mean that I think that your body is imperfect but that is not the case. No, no no, far, far, far from it. That is a sweet... uh, which is to say, I mean, it would be impossible for me to choose which of you..."
Col. Samantha Carter - "Rest assured, you're never gonna have to."
Dr. Jennifer Keller - "Aww, if we kept quiet he probably would have gone on like that forever..."
Dr. Rodney McKay - "I... I'm sorry, what I mean is that you have..."
Col. Samantha Carter - "Rodney, stay on topic."
Dr. Rodney McKay - "Right. Where was I?"

LMFAO!

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

Bitter Thorn wrote:

LMFAO!

It's from the episode "Trio," if you want to check it out.

[Bitter Thorn]

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:

Bitter Thorn wrote:

LMFAO!

It's from the episode "Trio," if you want to check it out.

Sweet! I haven't seen that one.

[Bitter Thorn]

You make a persuasive argument. And by that, I mean there are more of you and you are using that to coerce me into obeying your moral code.
-Belkar

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

"On religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or whatever one calls this supreme being. But like any powerful weapon, the use of God's name on one's behalf should be used sparingly. The religious factions that are growing throughout our land are not using their religious clout with wisdom. They are trying to force government leaders into following their position 100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups on a particular moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a loss of money or votes or both.
I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in "A," "B," "C" and "D." Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me?
And I am even more angry as a legislator who must endure the threats of every religious group who thinks it has some God-granted right to control my vote on every roll call in the Senate. I am warning them today: I will fight them every step of the way if they try to dictate their moral convictions to all Americans in the name of "conservatism."
- Barry Goldwater, addressing the United States Senate in 1981

[Bitter Thorn]

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:

"On religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or whatever one calls this supreme being. But like any powerful weapon, the use of God's name on one's behalf should be used sparingly. The religious factions that are growing throughout our land are not using their religious clout with wisdom. They are trying to force government leaders into following their position 100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups on a particular moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a loss of money or votes or both.

I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in "A," "B," "C" and "D." Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me?
And I am even more angry as a legislator who must endure the threats of every religious group who thinks it has some God-granted right to control my vote on every roll call in the Senate. I am warning them today: I will fight them every step of the way if they try to dictate their moral convictions to all Americans in the name of "conservatism."
- Barry Goldwater, addressing the United States Senate in 1981

:) :p

[Godwin's Law Nazi]

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:

"[I was] baffled when Hitler raised his arm in the Nazi salute and said, 'Heil Hitler.' After a moment's thought, [I] raised my own arm in an identical salute and proclaimed, 'Heil Meinertzhagen'."

- from Col. Richard Meinertzhagen's (most likely partly fictional) journal

And we were doing so well.

[Steven Purcell]

“It is an equal failing to trust everybody and to trust nobody.”

– Thomas Fuller (1654-1734)

[Steven Purcell]

“Repeated polls over the years have found people’s biggest lifetime regret is not getting enough education or not taking it seriously enough.”

– Malcolm Ritter, San Francisco Chronicle, Oct. 25, 1993

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

"The ultimate rebellion is to be smart. If you really hate the man, and the way things are, and your parents, and all that, out-earn them, outlive them, and know more than they do."
- Henry Rollins

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

"People say 'Bill, how do you write your jokes?' What I do is I start with the laugh, and work backwards from there."
- Bill Bailey

[Xpltvdeleted]

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:

"On religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or whatever one calls this supreme being. But like any powerful weapon, the use of God's name on one's behalf should be used sparingly. The religious factions that are growing throughout our land are not using their religious clout with wisdom. They are trying to force government leaders into following their position 100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups on a particular moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a loss of money or votes or both.

I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in "A," "B," "C" and "D." Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me?
And I am even more angry as a legislator who must endure the threats of every religious group who thinks it has some God-granted right to control my vote on every roll call in the Senate. I am warning them today: I will fight them every step of the way if they try to dictate their moral convictions to all Americans in the name of "conservatism."
- Barry Goldwater, addressing the United States Senate in 1981

Now that's a man I would vote for.

[Steven Purcell]

“[T]here’s no need ever to wear a watch, but we continue to do it. The time is all over the place these days; on every screen, in every pocket, we don’t need it under our cuffs as well. Except maybe to ease that moment when a conversation’s gone on too long and you want to leave. That’s what a watch is for, and that’s why we’ll always have them.”

– Russell M. Davies in Wired (British edition)

[Steven Purcell]

“Never swear, for that is a crime without excuse as there is no pleasure in it.”

– The Atlantic Monthly Almanac, 1926

[Bitter Thorn]

Steven Purcell wrote:

“Repeated polls over the years have found people’s biggest lifetime regret is not getting enough education or not taking it seriously enough.”

– Malcolm Ritter, San Francisco Chronicle, Oct. 25, 1993

In my personal experience most men express their greatest regret on their death beds in terms of wishing they had been better husbands and fathers. To quote a man I have great respect for,"I have ministered to literally hundreds of men on their death beds, and not one of them has told me he wished he spent more time at work.".

[Bitter Thorn]

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:

"The ultimate rebellion is to be smart. If you really hate the man, and the way things are, and your parents, and all that, out-earn them, outlive them, and know more than they do."

- Henry Rollins

:)

"The best revenge is to live well."

[Bitter Thorn]

Xpltvdeleted wrote:

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:

"On religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or whatever one calls this supreme being. But like any powerful weapon, the use of God's name on one's behalf should be used sparingly. The religious factions that are growing throughout our land are not using their religious clout with wisdom. They are trying to force government leaders into following their position 100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups on a particular moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a loss of money or votes or both.

I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in "A," "B," "C" and "D." Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me?
And I am even more angry as a legislator who must endure the threats of every religious group who thinks it has some God-granted right to control my vote on every roll call in the Senate. I am warning them today: I will fight them every step of the way if they try to dictate their moral convictions to all Americans in the name of "conservatism."
- Barry Goldwater, addressing the United States Senate in 1981

Now that's a man I would vote for.

Really ?!?

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

"Thanks for twenty great years. The best is yet to come. Now stay tuned for three new Seth McFarlane shows."
- end credits of the 450th episode of The Simpsons

[Xpltvdeleted]

Bitter Thorn wrote:

Really ?!?

GRRR!!! Ate my post.

Reader's Digest version:
Yes, I would. You need not be relgious to be moral. It's amazing how peoples attitudes on your personal morality change when they find out you're an atheist (even though you've been an atheist the whole time...the only difference is now they know).

That statement by AuH2O sums up how i feel about all those high and mighty hypocritical religious zealots that try to dictate how everyone else must live.

Religious organizations have no place trying to dicatate public policy and any who do should have their tax exempt status pulled.

[David Fryer]

"Observe which side resorts to the most vociferous name-calling and you are likely to have identified the side with the weaker argument and they know it." - Charles R. Anderson

[David Fryer]

"People ask m how I write such perfect women. It's easy, I start with a man and then take away reason and accoutability." Melvin Udall

[Set]

"Does this look familiar? Do you know what it is? Neither do I. I made it last night in my sleep. Apparently I used Gindrogac. Highly unstable. I put a button on it. Yes. I wish to press it, but I'm not sure what will happen if I do..." -Gune

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

Set wrote:

"Does this look familiar? Do you know what it is? Neither do I. I made it last night in my sleep. Apparently I used Gindrogac. Highly unstable. I put a button on it. Yes. I wish to press it, but I'm not sure what will happen if I do..." -Gune

Love that movie.

[Steven Purcell]

“Partial culture runs to the ornate, extreme culture to simplicity.”

– Christian Bovee (1820-1904)

[Steven Purcell]

The earth is the cradle of the mind, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever. Konstantin Tsiolkovsky

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

"Whenever someone says 'You can't get blood from a stone,' don't reply. Just smash them in the face with a stone."

"I'd take your message of social upheaval much more seriously if your 'Anarchy' patch hadn't clearly been purchased at Hot Topic."

- MAD magazine

[Vomit Guy]

"SPLOOOOOOOOORRRRRTCH!"

-random Irishman on St. Patrick's Day

[CourtFool]

"Don't break your shin on a stool that is not in your way." -Irish Proverb

[Moorluck]

Shenzoe wrote:

I need a witty quote for when someone slaps you, any suggestions?

Anyone ever tell you that you hit like a b*tch?

[Bitter Thorn]

Moorluck wrote:

Shenzoe wrote:

I need a witty quote for when someone slaps you, any suggestions?

Anyone ever tell you that you hit like a b*tch?

Is swift and blinding violence an option?

No...wait.. You're looking for a quote.

[CourtFool]

"If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."

[Steven Purcell]

“The television set in American homes is like the toaster. You press a button and the same thing pops out almost every time.”

– Alfred Hitchcock

[Steven Purcell]

“I used to be a vegetarian, but I quit because it has side effects. I found myself sitting in my living room, starting to lean toward the sunlight.”

– Rita Rudner in I Still Have It … I Just Can’t Remember Where I Put It

[Steven Purcell]

“The more unintelligent a man is, the less mysterious existence seems to him.”

– Arthur Schopenhauer