I've actually seen the following signs:(on an ATM): "If you are blind, the keys are also in Braille."
(on a FREAKIN' BILLBOARD): "Can't read? We can help. Just call _."
There is a Chinese restaurant near my apartment that has a sign advertising:
"Free Take Out and Devilry"I assumed that they meant to write delivery on their awning but when I went inside. . .nope - they actually worship Satan.
Great Kung Pow Chicken though. . .
So, the chicken is fiendishly good?
So, the chicken is fiendishly good?
Oh, that's a groaner. Good one though.
::bows::
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Eating D&D minis made in China is bad for your brain.Eating minis is bad for you no matter their origin. Unless of course they're organic minis.
Plastic minis. Plastic = hydrocarbons = carbon + hydrogen = organic. Still bad for you. I've had this converesation with more people than I'd care to divulge. I guess it's just a pet peeve. Sorry if I scared you.
I once got into an argument with my boss about decomposition of substances in acidic soil. EVERYTHING DECOMPOSES GIVEN TIME. He wouldn't believe me. Ever wonder where RUST comes from? Or why iron-based stuff that gets buried in said acidic soil becomes RUSTY? Also, PLASTICS, WHILE ORGANIC, DECOMPOSE MUCH SLOWER THAN OTHER ORGANIC COMPOUNDS. GOD! (Sorry, Eric, but three years later, you're still wrong. I guess that's what happens when you let a PoliSci major teach Environmental Science to Boy Scouts, while the guy with all of the usless knowledge that happens to be relevent to the situation gets the fun task of cleaning the fish tanks.)
End rant.
I recommend lead minis.
Go ahead, try it.
Poison? No, of course it isn't!
Silly wolves...lead poisonous... ridiculous...
Hey! Just eat it! C'mon! Why wouldn't you trust me?
I once got into an argument with my boss about decomposition of substances in acidic soil. EVERYTHING DECOMPOSES GIVEN TIME. He wouldn't believe me. Ever wonder where RUST comes from? Or why iron-based stuff that gets buried in said acidic soil becomes RUSTY? Also, PLASTICS, WHILE ORGANIC, DECOMPOSE MUCH SLOWER THAN OTHER ORGANIC COMPOUNDS. GOD! (Sorry, Eric, but three years later, you're still wrong. I guess that's what happens when you let a PoliSci major teach Environmental Science to Boy Scouts, while the guy with all of the usless knowledge that happens to be relevent to the situation gets the fun task of cleaning the fish tanks.)End rant.
While what you say is true. Some food is so damn nasty it has a half life. I bought a cake from a supermarket once and it was so nasty I threw it out my front door (I've got acres so there were no neighbors to scare) and it hit a tree bough at the point of apogee. ONE YEAR LATER that disgusting icing had survived to taunt me in artificially bright rainbow hues. Past rain storms and snowfall. Past the ants and bacteria that must have refused to eat it. I'm so glad I didn't allow that junk to paint my gut. I'd still be tasting it, even seven years later.
I went to a chinese restaurant with my mother when I was thirteen. She opened her fortune cookie and almost choked with laughter. It read:
"You are very popular and have many friends. Been to the clinic lately?"
I so swear. Must have been a gag cookie. It worked, because she almost gagged.
I went to a chinese restaurant with my mother when I was thirteen. She opened her fortune cookie and almost choked with laughter. It read:
"You are very popular and have many friends. Been to the clinic lately?"
I so swear. Must have been a gag cookie. It worked, because she almost gagged.
Last Christmas I gave my mother a garotte as a gag gift. She didn't think it was funny.
But she did get all choked up.
Absurd?
I'd think it was funny. I want one (not to be used on me of course, but for me to use).
Last Christmas I gave my mother a garotte as a gag gift. She didn't think it was funny.But she did get all choked up.
Absurd?
<G> You, sir, are quite clever.
That explains my fluently tipsy meandering between the two.
I once got a fortune from a cookie that said "Love on Triangle, Not on Square."
Definitely my favorite fortune of all time - though I haven't a clue what it means. Anyone?
Perhaps it means you can complicate you life with one extra lover but two will definitely sink your ass?
My favorite fortune cookie is "Happiness is the emptiness of everything."
We believe in nothing, Lebowski, nothing!
Naked Twister!
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Perhaps it means you can complicate you life with one extra lover but two will definitely sink your ass?I once got a fortune from a cookie that said "Love on Triangle, Not on Square."
Definitely my favorite fortune of all time - though I haven't a clue what it means. Anyone?
I guess that's the most popular interpretation I've heard. But with my possessive wife and lack of ability to tell a convincing lie, one lover would sink my ass. Stupid fortunes...
...and what happened here...
Smerfs smorfs smirfs
Naked Twister!
Hells yeah.
Absurd: Youtube comments. They make me want to kill things.
Director of Sales
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Absurd: Youtube comments. They make me want to kill things.
ToTaLlY!!!!111
AND IF YOU LIEK THAT YOUE SHOULD CHECK OUT MY PAGE WHERE I'VE GOTZ TEH 1000'S OF LINKS JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! HOT BABEZ, CARTOONEZ, AND MORE!!!!
Quite possibly my favourite headline ever. And from the Washington Post, no less!
That took me a while to process, but yep, that's pretty absurd.
I apologize for the above post.
We go back. So... you are forgiven.
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Director of Narrative
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Absurd: Youtube comments. They make me want to kill things.ToTaLlY!!!!111
AND IF YOU LIEK THAT YOUE SHOULD CHECK OUT MY PAGE WHERE I'VE GOTZ TEH 1000'S OF LINKS JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! HOT BABEZ, CARTOONEZ, AND MORE!!!!
Thirded. I'm glad that gaming requires at least a modicum of gray matter which keeps those video commenting cretins over there on those sites and not where I am most of the time.
Thirded. I'm glad that gaming requires at least a modicum of gray matter which keeps those video commenting cretins over there on those sites and not where I am most of the time.
I THOUGHT THIS POST WAS LAME!!!
Thirded. I'm glad that gaming requires at least a modicum of gray matter which keeps those video commenting cretins over there on those sites and not where I am most of the time.I THOUGHT THIS POST WAS LAME!!!
F$!! YOU S#$+S! I TYPE IN ALL CAPS! Grrr...
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Smurf! Ah ha ha.
I'll give you absurd. A dog I don't know all that well seemed to have the hots for me, and he proved it when he climbed behind me on the couch last week and bit the back of my neck hard enough to break the skin to try and secure himself some of this sweetness.
I told him in no uncertain terms to quit trying to mate me and he grabbed his doggie bed between his arms and humped it for twenty minutes while staring deeply into my eyes from across the room.
It would have been so perfect if the radio was playing, "Every Breath You Take" while he was wrigglin' away on that thing.
Did anyone notice that the spelling
sm--
I mean, sme--
I mean, smer--
Oh, here...
S
M
E
R
P
H
no longer is safe? Beware!
A dog I don't know all that well seemed to have the hots for me, and he proved it when he climbed behind me on the couch last week and bit the back of my neck hard enough to break the skin to try and secure himself some of this sweetness.
Holy crap! That takes the leg humping to a whole new level when you get bit. Maybe they should buy it one of these (mildly NSFW depending on where you work).
It would have been so perfect if the radio was playing, "Every Breath You Take" while he was wrigglin' away on that thing.
I now command you go watch Punchie. (NSFW)
This is more of an anecdote than an observation, but I'll tell it nonetheless...
When I was 18 I went to get a 'Proof of Age' card so I could go to the pub and drink beer, as I don't drive. I ended up having to go and get my learner's permit because they wouldn't give me my legal identification without other identification to prove who I was. I had a choice of using two primary forms of ID besides my birth certificate and ATM card: Either a driver's license, or wait several weeks and spend a hundred bucks for a passport.
That's pretty absurd. I needed the card to rpelace my license as a form of ID because I chose not to drive, and I had to go get my license to get the card.
The guy I’m working with just bought a house via sealed bid. A week or two ago, they told him he suddenly needs to come up with an extra $5,000 for the underwriters of the loan. He’s in the middle of a divorce, and doesn’t exactly have an extra 5 grand lying about (who does?), so he sells his boat.
Here comes the fun part. He has a receipt of sale for the boat, BUT, because he built the boat (nice boat too), and it doesn’t have a motor, he didn’t need to register it. The underwriters want a paper trail showing he was the owner of the boat, which he doesn’t have, because he built the fricking thing. He sent in pictures of himself building the boat, but it’s going to be hit or miss.
Holy crap! That takes the leg humping to a whole new level when you get bit. Maybe they should buy it one of these (mildly NSFW depending on where you work).
How bizarre! Picture two looks like a standard poodle. That's exactly the breed that tried to breed with me. ::Shuddering flashbacks::
I now command you go watch Punchie. (NSFW)
Punchie is a marvel! Now there's a video I'm actually going to share.
...That's pretty absurd. I needed the card to replace my license as a form of ID because I chose not to drive, and I had to go get my license to get the card.
It is indeed. I've been caught in such loops before. I always assumed it was just a "mass murderer in a past life" karmic punishment.
...Here comes the fun part. He has a receipt of sale for the boat, BUT, because he built the boat (nice boat too), and it doesn’t have a motor, he didn’t need to register it. The underwriters want a paper trail showing he was the owner of the boat, which he doesn’t have, because he built the fricking thing. He sent in pictures of himself building the boat, but it’s going to be hit or miss.
That's enough to boil the blood. He must be nursing a hateful ulcer.
That's enough to boil the blood. He must be nursing a hateful ulcer.
Rofl.
------------McDonald's has these snack wrap things. I find them delicious, and they make me...disturbingly regular, let's say. The problem is, I don't care for condiments all that much (salt/ketchup is where I draw the line), but they all come with a toping.
You can get ranch, honey mustard, or chipotle barbeque in crispy or grilled.
To order a plain wrap, you have to order one with a topping, and then ask for it to be removed. I’ve tried just ordering a plain wrap, and they cannot comprehend. The following is an actual conversation:
Me: “I’d like a crispy wrap, plain, please.”
Them: “What kind of wrap?”
Me: “Just a plain wrap, crispy.”
Them: “Do you want the honey mustard wrap, or the ranch wrap?”
Me: “It doesn’t matter, I don’t want any topping, I just want the wrap.”
Them: Extended silence, followed by: “We only have Ranch or Honey Mustard Wraps.”
Me: “Pick one; I don’t care, just as long as it doesn’t have any topping on it.”
Them: Extended Silence.
Me: Drives away.
So now, I order the barbeque wraps, but then I tell them I don’t want any barbeque. Unfortunately, there isn’t a button for “No Barbeque,” so I have to tell them to push the “No Ranch” button on my barbeque wrap (que?).
Last week the friendly and polite staff asked me why I don’t simply order a Ranch Wrap and ask for no Ranch (GAH!), to which I replied, “Because if they screw it up I’ll still consider eating the barbeque.”
That story was so zen perfect. Seriously.
I love your reasoning at the end.
It's the Five Easy Pieces toast scene of our time.
Dupea: I'd like a plain omelette, no potatoes, tomatoes instead, a cup of coffee, and wheat toast.
Waitress: No substitutions.
Dupea: What do you mean? You don't have any tomatoes?
Waitress: Only what's on the menu. You can have a number two - a plain omelette. It comes with cottage fries and rolls.
Dupea: Yeah, I know what it comes with. But it's not what I want.
Waitress: Well, I'll come back when you make up your mind.
Dupea: Wait a minute. I have made up my mind. I'd like a plain omelette, no potatoes on the plate, a cup of coffee, and a side order of wheat toast.
Waitress: I'm sorry, we don't have any side orders of toast...an English muffin or a coffee roll.
Dupea: What do you mean you don't make side orders of toast? You make sandwiches, don't you?
Waitress: Would you like to talk to the manager?
Dupea: ...You've got bread and a toaster of some kind?
Waitress: I don't make the rules.
Dupea: OK, I'll make it as easy for you as I can. I'd like an omelette, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.
Waitress: A number two, chicken sal san, hold the butter, the lettuce and the mayonnaise. And a cup of coffee. Anything else?
Dupea: Yeah. Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.
Waitress: You want me to hold the chicken, huh?
Dupea: I want you to hold it between your knees.
Waitress: Do you see that sign, sir? Yes, you'll all have to leave. I'm not taking any more of your smartness and sarcasm.
Dupea: You see this sign? [He sweeps all the water glasses and menus off the table]
I think my favorite part is right at the end: "I would have just punched her out."
Where, oh where to begin?
My family history is…placompcated, on both sides. In this particular instance, we’ll only deal with the aspect of (one of) my father’s birth records.
So, he’s never cared to know, which is a sticking point between us. Only now, he needs to know, or more accurately, he needs an official document, so he can obtain something from the State, which he cannot otherwise obtain.
Driving 10 hours to visit the place which holds the document(s), one of which is not supposed to exist but apparently does, he learns he cannot have the documents, even though they are his documents, without the consent of his parents…who are deceased.
At what point does one reach the human being who has the ability to say, “Um…this is stupid, so we aren’t doing that?”
I swear sometimes, I am living in a Kafka novel.
And...exactly what happened here?..
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It would have been so perfect if the radio was playing, "Every Breath You Take" while he was wrigglin' away on that thing.I now command you go watch Punchie. (NSFW)
Where do I send the bill for my ruptured spleen surgery I'm gonna need now? I also split my lip when I fell over laughing.
