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One of my co-workers just sent this to everyone in the office.
Just in case you need a laugh:
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
LOL! Thanks, that was funny.
*giggles*
Oh that's awesome. Reminds me of the snarky comments in our old order entry software. "Look, you can't do this." People were accusing me of writing those comments.
I've seen this list before, attributed to various sources.
Doesn't make it any less funny, though.
Ahhh...
I see this is now making the rounds as UPS airlines.
I remember back when it was Quantis Airlines Gripe Sheet.
Still just as funny though.
Lol, thanks for posting this.
I have read this before, several times. Funny until the end each time. You have brightened my day! Thank you.
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Reminds me of my job at the camp. Like the time I was on late-night dish duty, and after hearing a loud *clunk*, noticed water spreading across the floor. I looked under the dishwasher, and noticed that the main y-pipe had basically dropped straight down onto the floor. I called the commissioner (maintainence guy), and he arrived shortly. He picked up the pipe, and, thinking there was a blockage, stuck his finger in the end. He immedistely set the pipe down, got on his radio, and called Harrison (the assistant ranger). When you have to call Harrison, something's going down. Harrison stuck his finger in the pipe and promptly burst out laughing (not something he's wont to do).
Diagnosis: the pipe wasn't attached. It wasn't threaded or glued. It was just sitting there. Apparently, the plumber we'd hired the previous spring was one lazy S.O.B.