Ulrich starts as he's wrapping up his notes. "Oh! So that is where the little imp went. Well I can tell you that he eats anything he can get his beak on, even foods that are not meant for members of his species. He will try to steal the ale right from the mug in your hand. I am sorry to inform you that I have no control over his actions and he only occasionally listens to me. If you spy him causing mischief, feel free to give him a smack, but not too hard. Replacing familiars is a long and grueling process."
"If he tries to steal from me again I'll snap his wings and pluck his feathers one by one." Alessandra says brightly. "Then you'll have no need to replace him!"
"Thank you for this information" She says to the talkative bird and the not-talkative bigger one. "Is there anything else you can tell us before we go? Who are the bureaucrats for example? Do they have any particular likes?"
Umble begins to describe each waystation. "The Palace of Teeth is a small castle constructed by... I say, Thoot, who constructed it? I’ve no idea, actually. Its current occupants are malicious little pixies who collect teeth. Rather pesky. They raid the graves of the Boneyard, so I imagine they’ll accept a few teeth in trade.
"Nine-Eaves is a rather gloom-encrusted manor. An elderly shoki psychopomp named Kishokish serves as the master, ruminating on all manner of confabulations. Reclusive and a bit annoying, he has a fondness for puzzles and games. He’ll almost certainly demand some battle of wits before granting his stamp, as he’s a depressing fellow. Humor him.
"Salighara is a viduus psychopomp, and not a gregarious one. She likes the privacy the Dead Roads offer and oversees several scribes performing menial copying tasks for the Boneyard bureaucracy. I’ve attended one of her pompatious lectures on a prior encounter, and I don’t need to tell you, they are sanctimonious and redundant in the extreme. How a psychopomp could be so full of herself is quite beyond me! If Salighara wants labor in exchange for her stamp, it will likely be exceedingly dull to perform. You have my apologies in advance!"
"If he tries to steal from me again I'll snap his wings and pluck his feathers one by one." Alessandra says brightly. "Then you'll have no need to replace him!"
Gabriella turns to look at her sister, her eyes widening just a smidge.
And you say I'm the one being provocotive?
"Pixies? the dhampir questions with a raised eyebrow. "Why are ...? Nevermind. I don't want to know. But they're not getting any of my teeth." She shakes her head and then checks her minimal gear. "Are we ready to begin our journey back?"
"Uh oh! Not the feathers!" Says Kamosh. He flies over to Ulrich and scrambles into his hat, scratching him along the way.
"Ouch! Damn bird."
-----
"There is a spell that I would like to prepare now that I can hold additional spell slots. It will help me identify this mysterious wand that we picked up in Roslar's tomb. Unfortunately it would take me at least 15 minutes to do so, potentially up to an hour, but I do have an idea for you if you feel bored during that time. Those pixies will require teeth for safe passage, I suggest not using our own, if you understand what I mean."
Anfiel is much more calm now, at peace with his death. "You are welcome, Eldarel. I know that I could be hard on you at times, but that was only because I truly wanted to see you succeed. Remember what I taught you. Continue to explore, learn, and grow. The Pathfinder Society is lucky to have you as a member. And I... I was lucky to have you as a student." The elf smiles.
Ellie wordlessly gives the elf a hug, and then walks away, eyes filled with unshed tears.
She wipes her face before rejoining the others, but the day's emotions are deeply imprinted; although now overlaid with a fierce determination. "Ok then. We know what we have to do. And honestly, Doctor, I'd just as soon get out of here before that crazy skeleton lady returns. Let's get going." She grasps her flail and moves forward, ready to take point.
"Is there anywhere we might acquire teeth then?" Alessandra asks Umble. "The doctor is right - it makes sense to be prepared."
"Spending another hour here makes me nervous," Gabriella grumbles. "We've no idea when that skeleton woman will return with the goal of 'fixing' our condition. Let's hope it doesn't take that long."
Umble shares Gabriella's disbelief about the pixies. "I cannot even fathom Barzahk’s reasoning regarding this appointment, but positions staffing the Dead Roads are far from coveted among my normally quite sociable kind. I imagine it pertains to a case of prolonged occupancy implying a certain element of ownership."
Thoot points back to the tomb you emerged from. "Ah, yes, good point, Thoot! You did just defeat several gremlins of an azurite countenance. They likely won't be needing their teeth any more, should you wish to engage in some impromptu dentistrations."
"That sounds like something right up your alley, Ulrich," Gabriella says, giving the Doctor a wide smile showing off her own array of unavailable dental currency.
While waiting for Ulrich to prepare his spell, the rest of you spend time gathering teeth from the dead mites in Roslar's tomb. Soon enough, you are ready to depart.
The Dead Roads resemble a raised roadway approximately 15–20 feet across. The exact appearance of the Dead Roads varies according to who sees them and that individual’s own understanding of the word “road,” but, in general, the Dead Roads are unremarkable, winding, and devoid of signs. To either side of the road, the ground slopes away steeply into silvery mist.
"The Roads criss and cross over each other in a complexian pattern. You can approach the three waystations in any order, but I would recommend the Palace of Teeth first," Umble says. "It is the 'closest,' metaphysically, and easiest to retreat from should you need to return."
Ellie uses her flail to dislodge as many mite teeth as she can, shuddering slightly while she does so.
Afterwards, she approached Gabbi with a slightly shamefaced expression. "Uh, Elka told me what really happened, that the man challenged you to a fight. Sorry for, uh, overreacting." She looks like she's about to add more, but decides that is enough for now.
Gabbi's body language is decidedly closed as Ellie approaches. Once she finishes her apology, the dhampir frowns.
"Look, Bl... Ellie. It's clear you don't like me and that's fine. You won't be the first." She takes a deep breath. "I'm not ... You don't have to pretend to like me to be friends with Alessandra." She glances at her sister, unable to tell if Allie can hear the conversation or not. Her lip turns up into half a grin. "I should warn you, though, she snores and hogs the blankets."
She leaves the Lore Warden to approach her twin. "I put in a good word for you," she whispers, leaning in close.
Ellie looks utterly bewildered: she'd thought Gabi was the one who didn't like her.
Gabriella's remarks throw her completely off balance, and she's unable to do much more than mumble: "Don't dislike you. Don't really understand you, but that's not the same."
"...and I don't see what blankets have to do with anything..."
Elká brandishes a hunting knife and clacks her tongue at Eladrel. "Tsk, tsk. Here, watch, look and learn, see how I do it." Calmly, she sits down next to a dead mite and opens its mouth to expose its gum. Without much respect, she pries a couple of teeth out of the fey's mouth with the help of the tip of her knife. "I know, pretty ghastly stuff, but if you had any wild meat back in the Coffer, might be I killed the animal and sold the carcass."
--
The act of putting the important bits out of the mites causes a wave of homesickness to crash over Elká. Why had brought her here? Would she ever be able to get back to her simple life as a hunter? With the Coffer gone, who would buy her skins and meat? The orcs? Ha!
As she stands up, the changeling lets out a hearty sigh and looks up to stare at the alien sky overhead. A certain softness finds its way to the woman's eyes as she ponders the here and now, trying hard to avoid the thought of what will be next. Where the others let petty social stuff keep their thoughts occupied, Elká's character denied her such luxury. Maybe I should ask a God for help, but, ha! Which one? All of them seem to be rather self-occupied individuals. Cayden? Ugh, let's not ask an alcoholic for help? Iomedae? She'll demand you to become a bastion of virtue in return for her help. Meh, okay, fine, let's not ask the Gods.
Without resorting to yelling, Elká calls out her companions. "So, we ready to go? Or are the lot of you getting comfy with the afterlife?"
"We're ready as soon as Ulrich finishes with his spell," Gabriella answers. "I am so not ready to be judged yet."
"Thank you." Alessandra whispers although her attention is still focused towards Ellie - she seems to be listening, quite intently. "She thought you don't like her. This is going to be much easier now."
One of her hands snakes out and pinches her sister from behind, along with a sharp crackle of dark energy. "And I do not snore!"
-----------------------
She stays out of the dentistry session, instead trying to experiment by grappling the remains of the constructs, nothing happens though, leaving her none the wiser as to how she made the energy appear or really even why although simply holding the broken constructs seems to damage them even more.
"Yeah, there are some many things I need to do before judgement!" Alessandra adds to her sisters point. "People I need to kiss, all the good stuff!"
Ellie watches Elka closely, doing her best to copy the movements, but with limited success. After a while, she simply stops and instead takes notes to read at a later date. Not that this is a skill that is likely to have wide applicability, but that's not the point. The point is to learn, and you learn by reading.
She nods along with the others. "Ready to go. Doctor, perhaps your bird could keep watch above us and let us know of anything that's headed our way?"
She moves to the front, holding her flail ready for any trouble.
One of her hands snakes out and pinches her sister from behind, along with a sharp crackle of dark energy. "And I do not snore!"
Gabbi lets out a small squeal at her sister's energized pinch. She looks over to see if she still has Ellie's attention. She then points to her sister and tips her head to the side feigning sleep. Her mouth drops open and a snorting, deep-throated snore pours forth. Not wanting to get hit with more of her sister's now painful touch, she then moves quickly out of range, giggling all the way.
"Yeah, there are some many things I need to do before judgement!" Alessandra adds to her sisters point. "People I need to kiss, all the good stuff!"
Gabbi rolls her eyes. "There are always people to kiss." she says as she tongue slides over her lips. "The trick is finding the ones that want to kiss you back."
She readies her crossbow.
"So let's go find this Palace of Teeth and get our token."
Kamosh can go with the others to find dentistry. He's actually quite an accomplished dentist himself.
Kamosh has a +4 to heal checks! Good bird!
Ulrich is preparing Identify and Read Magic
"Thank you for your patience, I trust you found success with extracting teeth? If anyone is interested in learning the art of non-magical medicine for the benefit of others or just themselves, I am both happy and authorized to teach. You may be wondering what I have uncovered regarding the magic wand that I was unable to identify. The reason is because it contains a religious spell. Miss Gabriella, perhaps this wand will suit you. It has the ability to create a gallon of water. It contains twenty-eight charges. This should help us survive the journey, though I am unsure how long that may be. We may still have to forage for food, but thankfully the human body can survive much longer without food than without water. Oh yes, good plan, Ellie. Kamosh, could you please fly around and warn us of danger?"
Kamosh perches on the end of Ulrich's quarterstaff. "Kamosh hungry. Give Kamosh food."
"I don't have any birdseed on me, Kamosh. You ate it all last time I was busy in a surgery." Ulrich replies.
"Kamosh won't fly if Kamosh doesn't get food." Replies the stubborn bird.
Ulrich sighs and sifts through his pack. He pulls out some dried fruit from one of his rations. "Now do what you promised, Kamosh."
Kamosh does. He takes to the skies and looks around for scary things.
You begin your journey along the winding ways of the Dead Roads. Fortunately, Kamosh doesn't spy any dangerous creatures about. After three hours of walking, you reach the Palace of Teeth.
This tall, narrow castle rises from atop a hill near the road. Constructed of weathered wood and ivory-colored stone, the building is studded with thousands upon thousands of teeth, arranged in neat rows and spirals. The castle’s only windows are high and narrow. A tall gatehouse leads into a courtyard, its floor paved with yellowish bricks and old teeth.
"We may still have to forage for food, but thankfully the human body can survive much longer without food than without water. Oh yes, good plan, Ellie. Kamosh, could you please fly around and warn us of danger?"
Gabriella looks over the wand with distaste. "It summons water, does it? I guess we must subsist on what we must." She gives the Doctor a wink. "Even if our tastes lie with things so much more ... satisfying," she adds with a bite of her lip.
~~~~
She looks up at the castle's windows. "Should we just walk in? Shout 'Hello'?" she says as she walks a little closer.
"Hello, in the castle!!!" she shouts out. "We wish entrance! We bear no malice!"
She looks back at the others and shrugs. Turning back to the entrance, she enters, watching for ambushes.
Gabriella looks over the wand with distaste. "It summons water, does it? I guess we must subsist on what we must." She gives the Doctor a wink. "Even if our tastes lie with things so much more ... satisfying," she adds with a bite of her lip.
Ulrich genuinely smiles at the comment. His eyes look over Gabriella from head to toe, and lingers where he had previously stitched her up.
--------
Ulrich loads his crossbow. "Let us see if these fey are the sociable type. I surely hope they are."
There is no response from the palace. Gabriella leads the way into the gatehouse. When she is halfway through, a pressure plate sinks under her feet. A bundle of teeth falls to the floor with a large clatter! While noisy, it doesn't seem like there's anything more to the trap.
Beyond, the small courtyard is surrounded by walls 12 feet tall. High above, an arched bridge spans the courtyard from north to south. The courtyard is paved with bricks and teeth in intricate floral arrangements.
An ornate wooden double door studded with whorls and spirals of humanoid teeth stands opposite the gathehouse passage, leading to the north.
A heavy wooden door stands on each side of the passageway in the south wall. The handle of the east door has been removed, leaving a gaping hole. The west door is secured with an elaborate lock, supplemented with an additional lock and handle, apparently from the east door.
As you are getting your bearings, five diminutive creatures shriek and swoop down at you from hiding spots. These gaunt fairies have tattered ears, black eyes, and a huge mouth filled with mismatched teeth. They each carry an oversized pair of pliers.
Ulrich genuinely smiles at the comment. His eyes look over Gabriella from head to toe, and lingers where he had previously stitched her up.
"See something you like, Ulrich?" the dhampir responds with a raised eyebrow. She turns to glance at her twin meaningfully and then looks back at the older man. "You might be ... biting ... off more than you can chew." She licks her lips with just the tip of her tongue. A grin follows and she joins her sister's side to whisper while shooting looks at the necromancer.
~~~~~
"Wait!" Gabriella calls out. "We've brought teeth to trade! We simply wish to travel the Dead Roads and we need a token to do that," she says holding out her hands. "Lots of wonderful teeth. They could all be for you."
Ulrich suddenly realizes that he's staring and tries to cover this with a harsh cough. He mutters something about Gabriella having healed up very well. Up above, Kamosh is laughing.
The fairies stop short. In eerie unison, they hold out their hands, waiting for the promised teeth.
Gabbi holds out her bag of teeth that she had collected. She watches nervously for any sign of betrayal.
The fairies flit closer to look at the teeth. Then they turn as one and point to the door to the north.
"Kamosh, would you please give the bag to the fairies?" Asks Ulrich quietly.
"Oh f&+* no." Replies Kamosh
You don't have teeth, you stupid bird!
Alessandra seems to find whatever Gabriella says very funny, judging by her covering her mouth and muffled giggles.
---------------
"Thank you." Alessandra says, leading the way between the fairies. If her mouth is pressed shut more tightly than usual then that's just coincidence...
"We have come for a way pass. We have teeth we are willing to trade for it too." She calls out when they are next stopped, looking as non-threatening as an unarmed or armoured woman can.
The fairies contiue to silently point to the north door.
Alessandra attempts to open the door...
This ornate room spans the entire width of the palace. Large, jutting fangs enchanted with continual flame spells provide illumination. The north end consists of a floor-to-ceiling stained-glass mural of skeletal knights with halos surrounding an angelic figure. Globs of metal and bits of teeth affixed to the stained-glass angel give it a repulsive appearance, with a mouth far too wide and teeth attached to its fingertips. On either side of the stained-glass mural are two delicate archways. From the room beyond comes the faint sound of flowing water.
As you step into the room, the stained-glass angel suddenly animates, stepping towards you with tooth-studded hands raised!
Alessandra leaps forward and attempts to grasp the angel - but the glass is too smooth for her to find good purchase.
"Construct!" Yells Ulrich. "Do not use lightning, but if you have a sonic spell, this is the best time to use it."
Since he already has his crossbow loaded and ready, Ulrich tries a potshot at the stained glass construct.
"We said we just want a pass for the road! Why does this have to be difficult?" Gabriella says as she raises her crossbow.
Trying to avoid staking her sister, though, affects her aim and her shot goes wide.
Elká snarls at the construct and balls her fists. Suddenly it hits her: punching her claws into this glass lad might be a painful ordeal. "Anyone got a spare mace?!"
"There's a morningstar in my bag," Gabbi calls out, gesturing towards her backpack lying on the ground.
"Kamosh doesn't think these fairies are credible business partners!"
Ulrich's crossbow bolt shatters a few panes of glass, then Ellie's flail smashes a large swath of the angel's glass body. It attempts to retaliate, but the fighter's armor protects her from its teeth-studded fists!
Alessandra hammers away at the angel with her fists.
Elká circles around the construct until she finds a gap. Without any hesitation, she steps forward and throws her entire weight into the toss. "Catch!"
Ellie tries to identify the thing attacking them, to see if she can add anything to what Dr Urbanov has already told them.
She looks down in relief as her shiny new armour protects her from the glass angel's sharp-edged attack. Her own retaliation is fierce.
Dr. Urbanov loads his crossbow for another shot. "I have no magic that can affect something like this."
Alessandra and Elka both score good hits, then Ellie's flail strike shatters the construct into a million glass shards!
Dr. Urbanov loads his crossbow for another shot. "I have no magic that can affect something like this."
Ellie shakes the splinters of glass from off her flail, throwing Dr Kurbanov a radiant smile as she does so. "No problem - magic is for things that can't be solved by blunt force trauma. Happily, this one could."
She steps forward. "Shall we keep going?"
Elká fetches her javelin and shakes her head at the construct, "Should we collect its tooth-studded hands? Money is money, right."