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I hate airports.
First, a bit of context to back up the following story:
One week ago, I was forced to fly from Ticonderoga, NY to Santa Cruz, CA to help occupy my elderly (and more than a little bit mentally ill) aunt. The day before I was supposed to leave, I picked up THE worst cold I have EVER had. During the visit, my aunt grilled me on why I didn't have a 'real job.' A sample conversation:
"Get a real job."
"I don't have a college degree..."
"Go to college."
"But I don't have the money..."
"Get a real job."
"Haven't we been through this before?"
Anyway, In the airport, I had to pass through the metal detector SEVEN TIMES because, apparently, the zipper in my jeans was setting off the equipment. In other words, I had to strip down to my boxers in front of upwards of seventy people.
On the airplane, the in-flight meal was some strange piece of... something that included about eight billion pakcets of red, foul-smelling sauce that EXPLODED if you tried to open them.
And to top it all off, my flight was delayed. While I was waiting in the gate, I fell asleep. When I woke up, my coat was gone. My wallet was dumped on the ground (oddly enough, the thief had left the debit card, but taken $21.10 in cash). The worst part was, my medication was in my jacket pocket.
Keep in mind that this is the medication that keeps me from blowing my brains againt the ceiling (I take a high-test antidepressant).
So, in short, the airport strip-searches ME, but lets ACTUAL CRIMINALS THROUGH THE MOTHERF#$#ING CHECKPOINTS. AND, to conclude, I was trapped in a tiny house with an insane old lady for five days with no way to prevent myself committing suicide other than the fact that I can't drive (one needs a valid driver's licence to buy ammunition in California. Not guns, mind you, but ammo).
Thanks to anyone who listened to my b*%!&ing and moaning.
And to United F$#&ing Airlines, I give you only muy middle finger.
Damn sorry man. Things are a bit hectic these days. Well at least you remind calm and made it through it. I was in an airport when a guy decided he was pissed, tired, and going to yell about it. He yelled and swore a lot about his rights as an American, and then he got carried away in cuffs…where I’m sure they informed him what his rights really were.
Fizz
Just hang in there and imagine your kicking the s#$~ out of all the stupid people.
Weird, the first post doesn't match the preview text...
I fly a lot in the Army. Long, international flights too. Two years ago I finally came back to the States after being in Korea for a year and a half. My carry on was a bit too big for the flight, so I had to buy a box and pay to have it shipped with me to America. Not easy to do, since the Koreans, while helpful, didn't speak much English. They did a great job boxing it up and they labeled it in Hangul and let me label it in English.
It was raining when I arrived 13 hours later in Dulles. I looked everywhere for the box, but I couldn't find it. I found my other luggage. Then 20 minutes later, a soggy cardboard box that had been torn in half showed up on the conveyor belt, covered in "Dept. of Homeland Security" tape. Apparantly they searched it outside. Luckily the electronics inside still worked.
I thought it was a thoughtful homecoming.
Damn sorry man. Things are a bit hectic these days. Well at least you remind calm and made it through it. I was in an airport when a guy decided he was pissed, tired, and going to yell about it. He yelled and swore a lot about his rights as an American, and then he got carried away in cuffs…where I’m sure they informed him what his rights really were.
Fizz
I was in an airport in Seatle where this also occured. The guy decided that the beeping of the metal detector didn't apply to him and/or they were taking too long to scan him for crap. People suck.
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I hate the airport too. I like stripping in front of the general public, but that never happens to me. But, yeah, airports really suck.
I was running once to catch a flight, and I was pushing a baby stroller with one hand and a suitcase on rollers with the other; I switched this stack of suitcases from pushing to pulling and the whole setup tipped over and I had to like pick it all up. There was this airport worker guy laughing at me. I started to walk over and fight him. Then I decided that I would've done so when I was single, but I don't want my wife and son stuck in Atlanta because I had to fight this guy.
So I just said, "if you stupid m.f.'s wouldn't rifle through our damn suitcases in baggage, we wouldn't have to keep it on the plane with us. A%&##!!"
Airports always suck, but what angers me is that everyone around you in the airport saw the person take your coat and wallet and didn't say or do anything. Maybe because we live in a time of huge lawsuits over trivial things or the reality television/video game mentality of modern life (every man for themselves, fight and claw your way to the top, exploit weaknesses in your peers), but it's really pathetic that no one will stop to help someone that needs it. I'm not saying that I'm perfect or anything, but dang. Someone should have said something, otherwise why are all the cops and security guards around?
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I went to Florida from Delaware this past week for a wedding (sister-in-law who lives in Pa. decided to make her 2nd wedding difficult for all involved.....bi#ch.). I had my carry-on, my "man-bag" (purse...deal with it) and an almost 2 yrs old boy set up in an elaborate harness system on my chest. Wifey was equally laden except she had the 4 year old daughter walking with her.
Removing the shoes was the fun part. Need a hand free for that. Declaring any liquids (hand sanitizer, baby meals, etc.). Need a hand free for that. Photo ID. Hand free. etc. etc.
Someone there has to have a shoe fetish because they "randomly" searched one of the bags that I had checked. Which one? Not the one with the wires and cords and electrical items (cell phone charging lines and blow dryers and curling irons) but they needed to open the one bag that had 2-3 pairs of each member of my family's shoes. Why? I can understand checking people's shoes going onto the planes but why check that bag that was checked?
Oh yeah, 1 hour delay going to Florida and 4 hour delay coming back. Try that with 2 kids. It sucked and I feel the pain of air travelers everywhere.
FH
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Airports always suck, but what angers me is that everyone around you in the airport saw the person take your coat and wallet and didn't say or do anything. Maybe because we live in a time of huge lawsuits over trivial things or the reality television/video game mentality of modern life (every man for themselves, fight and claw your way to the top, exploit weaknesses in your peers), but it's really pathetic that no one will stop to help someone that needs it. I'm not saying that I'm perfect or anything, but dang. Someone should have said something, otherwise why are all the cops and security guards around?
They may not have. There's a whole subspecialty of rogue that hangs around in airports to rip off travelers. They're really sophisticated at their profession.
I saw one anecdote in the news--at this one airport, in the bathroom stalls, the airport people took the coathanger knobs off of the doors to the stalls because thieves were snatching coats/bags off of the doors while the traveler was occupied with his business...the thieves put the coathangers right back on the doors, so they could continue on with their easy gleanings.
You have to keep a watch on all your bags at the airport, and not fall asleep. There's thieves everywhere there.
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Airports always suck, but what angers me is that everyone around you in the airport saw the person take your coat and wallet and didn't say or do anything. Maybe because we live in a time of huge lawsuits over trivial things or the reality television/video game mentality of modern life (every man for themselves, fight and claw your way to the top, exploit weaknesses in your peers), but it's really pathetic that no one will stop to help someone that needs it. I'm not saying that I'm perfect or anything, but dang. Someone should have said something, otherwise why are all the cops and security guards around?They may not have. There's a whole subspecialty of rogue that hangs around in airports to rip off travelers. They're really sophisticated at their profession.
I saw one anecdote in the news--at this one airport, in the bathroom stalls, the airport people took the coathanger knobs off of the doors to the stalls because thieves were snatching coats/bags off of the doors while the traveler was occupied with his business...the thieves put the coathangers right back on the doors, so they could continue on with their easy gleanings.
You have to keep a watch on all your bags at the airport, and not fall asleep. There's thieves everywhere there.
Yoink!! *steals Heathy's canines without him noticing*
I'm watchin' you "facqui."
Dude, that sucks.
Sorry for you, man.
I hate airports too. I surprisingly enough almost never have to fly, because despite the multiple long trips I take yearly, the whole family always finds it easier to drive for 8+ hours than to fly for 2 or less.
But when I do have to fly, everything always goes wrong. I think it was a bad omen that the first time I flew, we missed our plane because we hadn't got to the gate before the door was closed. The plane hadn't taken off, the big hallway-thingy that leads to the plane was still attached, but the door was closed so they couldn't let us on.
>:(
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Last year, when I was going from Rochester, NY to Portland, OR, for my brother's wedding, I arrived approximately 28 hours late.
Fun times. Fortunately, the plan was just to visit with my family on the first day, so I didn't miss the wedding or anything.
Next time I'm thinking of flying somewhere, I'll just stab myself in the thigh instead.
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Last year, when I was going from Rochester, NY to Portland, OR, for my brother's wedding, I arrived approximately 28 hours late.
Oh that's nuttin'. Once upon a time, I was delayed for thirty-six hours out of Albany International waiting for a three-hour flight to Philly. Lopsided, eh?
And THEN, the flight from Philly to Madrid was delayed for another twelve hours.
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And while we're talkin' about airports...
Has anyone noticed that they have to make everything idiot-proof these days?
Example:
When I was walking from the gate, down the walkway to the plane, I noticed that there were ARROWS, pointing the way to the plane. Keep in mind that this is a one-way line of people moving down a five-foot-wide corridor. THEY DON'T NEED HELP FINDING THE PLANE THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
Another example would be the whole Gate Charlie thing mentioned in my previous post.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE UNIVERSE?
WHERE AM I GOING, and WHY AM I IN THIS HANDBASKET?
And those questionable questionnaires you have to answer as an international tourist entering the U.S.: Asking you if you are a terrorist or war criminal (drug addict is among them as well) and things like this. Do the security authorities honestly think that these are answered truthfully, even if it would be the case?
And think of the guy killed because of a "misunderstanding" in Florida on an airport there last year by security personnel. Shoot first, ask questions later?
I´m not going to visit the U.S. anytime soon, thank you.
Stefan
I have to fly several times a year with a 4 year old with major medical issues, so I have to carry a tracheal suction machine with an 18 # lead acid battery and a backpack full of other assorted medical equipment.
We've always been treated well by TSA. The TSA screeners at Dallas Love Field even called my son by his first name last year after we had flown to Dallas for the third time in six months for doctor's appointments. He ran over and gave the guy a hug.
Sure, it's a hassle, but what are you going to do?
Major Southwest Airlines commercial--I've flown SWA at least 50 times round trip. I've been late twice, and each time it was due to weather and it was less than an hour delay.
I flew Continental to Greensboro last month. That airline just SUCKS! We were two hours late each trip, just because of logistics. In 2000, Continental left us on a taxiway in Newark for 6 hours stuck in a 777 while they waited to deice the plane--then they slid off the taxiway into the mud and we had to wait to get towed out of the crud.
I fly SWA whenever I can. Even American isn't all that great any more and they used to be my favorite airline. SWA treats you like cattle--get off the plane, get on the plan, sit your ass down, here's your f#!+ing peanuts, but they have the best track record in where it counts--getting your ass there without killing you and your schedule.
I´m not going to visit the U.S. anytime soon, thank you.Stefan
Ok the airports do suck really f~!+in suck now-a-days, but your not going to get shot. It's not like every American is trigger happy or carrying a gun. Sometimes bad things happen at the wrong time to the wrong people, and this is a very sad thing. However, I'm sure unfortunate things happen to everyone every where even in Germany.
Fizz
It's not like every American is trigger happy or carrying a gun.
Just don't come to Texas ;)
It really isn't bad over here, Stefan. Europeans' perception of U.S. crime is largely driven by television shows. The only place I ever got mugged was in Troisdorf, if you recall our conversation about that from last year.
It's not like every American is trigger happy or carrying a gun.Just don't come to Texas ;)
LOL I'm from Tennessee, and I have a concealed weapon permit...I'm the son of a narcotics investigator, and have hunted all my life. I have a healthy resecpt for guns even unloaded ones. I find this true for most of the people across Tennessee. IMO most people in my area have grown up with guns and because of this we don't take them lightly. However, there is always that one Mother F&*!ing!! Dumb Ass!!! who thinks it "cool" to play with the AK-47 or SKS or his "9" that I'm not sure how he got, and he'll do something to make the rest of us look bad. I don't think gun control is the answer we need dumb f*&#er control.
Fizz
As long as we're griping: It's not just that they take my stuff. But every time they've confiscated something from my bags, it had been through at least one other airport before. That doesn't fill me with confidence.
Also, fudge is not a liquid!
I'm flying to the US in a month or so on honeymoon. Anything worth knowing about the airport controls so I don't get shot or, more realistically, significantly delayed.
Just don't kneel on a prayer rug. Or wear a beard and turban. Or speak a language other than English. Or protest anything. I'm a clean-shaven, American-dressing, English-speaking white dude, and I still get "randomly selected" for "additional screening" whenever I fly (post-9/11). Is it because I was born in Germany? Or because of my swarthy looks? But it's for sure not "random" when you get it 100% of the time. I'm all in favor of better security (it was, admittedly, a joke before), but it does get tiresome proving every few months that I'm not, in fact, a terrorist.
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Some day, I'm going to crack and either walk into the security checkpoint in my birthday suit, or wearing a full suit of plate armor. Or, I could stuff a backpack full of copper wire and see what goes down behind the x-ray machine. I swear, I wouldn't care if I got arrested. I'm f~#$ing sick of airport security, and the looks on their faces would be completely worth it.
It's not like every American is trigger happy or carrying a gun.Just don't come to Texas ;)
It really isn't bad over here, Stefan. Europeans' perception of U.S. crime is largely driven by television shows. The only place I ever got mugged was in Troisdorf, if you recall our conversation about that from last year.
I recall that conversation, of course (shame on those muggers for besmirching germanys reputation - but I think the soccer world cup took care of this).
I do not fear to get shot at random all that much, but that security hassle annoys me too much just from hearing about it. My fiancees brother flew to the US for christmas (his gf is from Maine), and I don´t really think that all that nearly paranoid security stuff is warranted.
Stefan
I'm flying to the US in a month or so on honeymoon. Anything worth knowing about the airport controls so I don't get shot or, more realistically, significantly delayed.
Wear pajamas. Apparently only terrorists wear belts and shoes. Also, lose clothing reduces your risk of blood clots. ;-)
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I'm flying to the US in a month or so on honeymoon. Anything worth knowing about the airport controls so I don't get shot or, more realistically, significantly delayed.
They're tripping over any liquid carryon whatsoever.
Another thing I learned inadvertently, this is cool. Coming through customs from Costa Rica to U.S., they said they had a special line for "agricultural: any food whatsoever." So me, I had bags of Costa Rican coffee in aluminum foil bags. So I went through that line. They weren't worried about my coffee, so they let me right through.
Now, I got through customs FASTER than the people NOT CLAIMING ANYTHING because there's more people in that line; the agricultural customs line had 3 people in it. So...bring some tea bags or something, and bring them through the agricultural customs line; maybe it'll speed your journey...;) And they're happier about foodstuffs if they're unopened. So bring some unopened biscuits; our biscuits in the U.S. are totally different from yours, much like our chips.
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I hate airports.
First, a bit of context to back up the following story:
One week ago, I was forced to fly from Ticonderoga, NY to Santa Cruz, CA to help occupy my elderly (and more than a little bit mentally ill) aunt. The day before I was supposed to leave, I picked up THE worst cold I have EVER had. During the visit, my aunt grilled me on why I didn't have a 'real job.' A sample conversation:
"Get a real job."
"I don't have a college degree..."
"Go to college."
"But I don't have the money..."
"Get a real job."
"Haven't we been through this before?"
Anyway, In the airport, I had to pass through the metal detector SEVEN TIMES because, apparently, the zipper in my jeans was setting off the equipment. In other words, I had to strip down to my boxers in front of upwards of seventy people.
On the airplane, the in-flight meal was some strange piece of... something that included about eight billion pakcets of red, foul-smelling sauce that EXPLODED if you tried to open them.
And to top it all off, my flight was delayed. While I was waiting in the gate, I fell asleep. When I woke up, my coat was gone. My wallet was dumped on the ground (oddly enough, the thief had left the debit card, but taken $21.10 in cash). The worst part was, my medication was in my jacket pocket.
Keep in mind that this is the medication that keeps me from blowing my brains againt the ceiling (I take a high-test antidepressant).
So, in short, the airport strip-searches ME, but lets ACTUAL CRIMINALS THROUGH THE MOTHERf!*~ING CHECKPOINTS. AND, to conclude, I was trapped in a tiny house with an insane old lady for five days with no way to prevent myself committing suicide other than the fact that I can't drive (one needs a valid driver's licence to buy ammunition in California. Not guns, mind you, but ammo).
Thanks to anyone who listened to my b#@!!ing and moaning.
And to United f!*~ing Airlines, I give you only muy middle finger.
Try eating lots of meat and walking everywhere for a year and a half. My blood was so iron oxide rich, I was setting off metal detectors...
I suggest you simply memorize the following phrase: "Touch me with that rubber glove and you will be charged with conspiracy to sedition for abuse of authority for sexual gratification..."
Try eating lots of meat and walking everywhere for a year and a half. My blood was so iron oxide rich, I was setting off metal detectors...I suggest you simply memorize the following phrase: "Touch me with that rubber glove and you will be charged with conspiracy to sedition for abuse of authority for sexual gratification..."
I think I need to clean my monitor now... That made my night.
Mr. Shiny:
I really hope your little "excursion" didn't dim your spirits too much. As to the criminals in the farking airport, I was rather upset with my recent flight when one of my freaking BAGS made it to the airport BEFORE I DID (it caught an earlier flight... grr.). I was one of the lucky ones who didn't lose their luggage, especially since we carried my son's Chemotherapy drugs with us. I feel your pain for losing your medicine, it's bloody expensive stuff. On top of that losing your wallet AND coat... That does point out that there are criminals who just fly to steal, literally.
This instance is argument for CAMERAS in the waiting areas for flights. They may not catch them all, but they might do a little better.
/d
Ok, I just have to chime in with my airport security story.
My wife and I are flying from California to Nebraska with two drugged-up cats my father-in-law is kind enough to adopt after we rescued them from the streets (we already have three of our own). We are taking them onboard with us, because there is no way in hell we are sending them as "luggage."
Obviously, we can't send the cats through the x-ray machine in their carriers, so we have to take them out and walk through the metal detector with them. My wife goes through fine. Of course, I set it off, and have to step aside for a more "thorough" search. Do they let me put the cat back in the carrier first, oh no....
Not only do I have to hold the cat the whole time, they FRISK THE CAT!
Seriously, the guard frisks the cat.
I still have no idea what the guard thought the cat might be carrying, or where he would carry it....
Al-Qateda?
http://pics.livejournal.com/wyntarvox/pic/0000r5hb/g7
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OK, more insanity.
I was just in Washington, DC for three and a half days.
I was frisked by security four times.
1: Albany airport, security checkpoint: I set off the metal detector, and apparently, 50 cents plus the metal snaps in my pants were setting the f**&ing thing off. I apparently looked suspicious (as only a 5'10" scruffy white guy wearing a Boy Scouts of America t-shirt can), so I was patted down by a guy that looked like a shaved ape. Wacky fun.
2: the Ronald Reagan Building: Again, frisked because of my pants. A rather intimidating security guard told me that he might have to confiscate my pants. Still not sure if he was joking.
3: National Aerospace Museum: The tiny metal spring in my clip-on sunglasses set off the detectors. I was detained for fifteen minutes as they tried to figure out what was setting off the machines.
4: the Ronald Reagan airport: I was 'randomly searched after I passed the security checkpoint. Guess what they didn't find.
Also, I was delayed for an hour because they lost my ticket.
On the plus side, however, I got to shake the hand of Bill Strauss of the Capitol Steps. Not a lirty die.
So, the storel of my morey is: fwon't die to doshington wee-see, yest lou get ucked in the fass in the checkurity pecksoint. Are we moving sporward as a feces? Tard to hell.
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Ummm .... have they done studies on the effects of these metal detectors on the human brain....?Not a lirty die.
So, the storel of my morey is: fwon't die to doshington wee-see, yest lou get ucked in the fass in the checkurity pecksoint. Are we moving sporward as a feces? Tard to hell.
It's one of the Capitol Steps' signature comedy sketches: Bill Strauss' Lirty Dies.
After having been stopped by TSA personnel for having saline solution for my contact lenses, I was quite miffed. According to the TSA website, liquids for medical use (last time I checked, optometry was stll done by doctors), were permitted in any amount. But no, the nazi pigs (TSA), needing to have 2 seconds of control to make up for their shortcomings in the anatomical department, confiscated my exceedingly dangerous saline.
The graffiti in the men's room just past the gestapo checkpoint summed up my feelings rather neatly:
"TSA - government sanctioned panty-sniffers"
I only wish I'd thought of that.
Having gone through REAL security overseas (as a 10 year old, I was searched by a Bundeswehr Commando while his partner held a submachinegun trained on my brother and myself at the Frankfurt airport not long after a bombing there), the TSA can, thankfully, only dream of having the sort of power they obviously crave and drool over.
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Having gone through REAL security overseas (as a 10 year old, I was searched by a Bundeswehr Commando while his partner held a submachinegun trained on my brother and myself at the Frankfurt airport not long after a bombing there), the TSA can, thankfully, only dream of having the sort of power they obviously crave and drool over.
Reminds me of the Da Vinci Airport in Rome. Security is a breeze, but it's only because there are 20 - 25 men with SMGs patrolling a catwalk 15 feet above your heads.
On this same trip -- I got through security with scisors and two compasses (the math kind that draw circles with the pointy metal bit) in my carry-on. They were worrying about his pants while I got through with pointy objects. Don't you feel safe now?
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On this same trip -- I got through security with scisors and two compasses (the math kind that draw circles with the pointy metal bit) in my carry-on. They were worrying about his pants while I got through with pointy objects. Don't you feel safe now?
"Um, sir, we may have to confiscate your pants."
*blink*
"Huh?"
On this same trip -- I got through security with scisors and two compasses (the math kind that draw circles with the pointy metal bit) in my carry-on. They were worrying about his pants while I got through with pointy objects. Don't you feel safe now?
Wait a minute, wait a minute...
They let you on a plane with weapons of math instruction?
*ducks*
Wait a minute, wait a minute...They let you on a plane with weapons of math instruction?
*ducks*
Yeah. I also had a protractor! *waves graphing calculator menicingly*
But the scisors are a bit suspicious, and seeing as how they don't allow nail clippers on planes, the pointy compasses should seem dangerous.
Oh you so punny! But true!
How am I ever to get the requisite Brownies, Muffins and Cookies to the Paizo staff at GenCon with the airport insecurity?!?! Oh noes! Crisis! Crisis!
Wait a minute, wait a minute...They let you on a plane with weapons of math instruction?
*ducks*
Yeah. I also had a protractor! *waves graphing calculator menicingly*
But the scisors are a bit suspicious, and seeing as how they don't allow nail clippers on planes, the pointy compasses should seem dangerous.
Wierdo thinks math is fun. It's abnormal, I say.
A friend of mine got through Airport Security twice and on to two planes with a 4in pocket knife in his pocket...he had a bunch of crap in his pockets ex lots of keys, sun glasses, change, paper, cell phone, pen and a knife. He dumped it all in the tray, and walked through the metal detector. This is when they made him empty all his bags, 3 times, then they chemical tested his bag for explosives. They finally let him go. He picked up all the crap in the tray plus his knife. They had forgotten to check the pile of crap. This happened twice in remotely the same fashion. He wasn't trying to get the knife on the plane he just always carries one. We both thought this was funny and sad at the same time. I was glad he didn't get caught because I didn't want to have to explain how he was a dumb ass to airport security and the cops. It also just seemed like they were so worried about high tech ways of hiding things that they let "normal" security drop. I would almost bet that if he had a small cal. gun say a 22 he would of gotten by to.
Fizz