I have put away so many potatoes in this lifetime that I am like… an epic level potato eater.
And so I’ve taken on the Half Spud template. It metes out advantages much like a prestige class... completely dependant on levels gained.
First level benefit? A full body coating of dirt that won’t come off without heavy scrubbing. This adds a +2 natural armor adjustment to my AC.
At third level I become tastier to monsters. However, without a constant source of extreme heat (200+ degrees) my body temperature quickly plummets to room temperature, lowering my charisma by 1 point/round to a minimum of 3, much like a French fry past its prime.
At fifth level I grow a multitude of eyes, distributed randomly all about my person. So endowed, I cannot be surprised, unless I develop the 'spicily battered' flaw.
Upon reaching seventh level, I can, once per day, transform one of my many eyes into a conjoined starchy simulacrum of myself. Only mystics may know what this ability is actually good for.
At tenth level, I achieve 'faithful tater' status and transform into a true potato. I perfect non-intelligence and thus become immune to mind affecting spells. I cannot be paralyzed as I have no ability to self ambulate. Freeze attacks add months onto my life, and fire attacks only serve to make me more powerfully delicious.
More versatile than a dumpster full o' bards, FEAR ME!
(and bring salt).
LOL!
good stuff
LOL!
good stuff
If this humble tuber had but hips with which to bow, he would bow to thee, good Duke.
Upon reaching seventh level, I can, once per day, transform one of my many eyes into a conjoined starchy simulacrum of myself. Only mystics may know what this ability is actually good for.
Hero's Feast! Or pauper's feast.
Potatoes aren't really a feast, are they?
Hmm. . .
Upon reaching seventh level, I can, once per day, transform one of my many eyes into a conjoined starchy simulacrum of myself. Only mystics may know what this ability is actually good for.
Hero's Feast! Or pauper's feast.
Potatoes aren't really a feast, are they?
Hmm. . .
Wise Korranberg, you have delved deeper than many a mystic to realize such arcane lore.
Some might be confused into thinking that because a simulacrum is a lesser version of me with reduced abilities that I'd take issue with others nibbling one off of me.
On the contrary, there is no finer service to Russeta, the goddess of Tuberkind, that to make of Idaholy pledge of oneself as a not overly burnt offering.
We are 'that which must be scarfed' and we welcome the consumption of our table feeding other-me-bumps.
Just don't leave any simulacrumbs, I hate cleaning up.
I can't quite remember what this template's other level dependant benefits are... Hmm...
OMGLOLPWNDLOLWTF!!!1111
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Being a current resident of the official State O' Potatoes, and a fan of comedy in all its forms regardless of starch content, this was hilarious.
It sounds like many of your powers are based off the "Potato, Russet" breed. Perhaps a different set of powers for each of the Chromatic Tubers? Maybe Yukon golds can breathe fire and weakening gas, while their greedy covetous red cousins have only the former.
Are purple potatoes psionic then? Do some of the "other" root vegetables have unique abilities, like say, taro root completely sucks?
Sounds like fodder for MM 4 (you know it's in the works).
Being a current resident of the official State O' Potatoes, and a fan of comedy in all its forms regardless of starch content, this was hilarious.
It sounds like many of your powers are based off the "Potato, Russet" breed. Perhaps a different set of powers for each of the Chromatic Tubers? Maybe Yukon golds can breathe fire and weakening gas, while their greedy covetous red cousins have only the former.
Are purple potatoes psionic then? Do some of the "other" root vegetables have unique abilities, like say, taro root completely sucks?
Sounds like fodder for MM 4 (you know it's in the works).
Wow... did this post come out before MM4?
Chromatic tubers? lol
Your flesh-out is great, N'wah (I never saw it until I linked back to this post recently). If this didn't all go dbown in public post it would have made for one hell of a satire article.
Your one weakness is the lack of flavor text. It is dependent on the DM or player to add a sutibly thick and zesty coating before bringing it to the table.
oh, and the MM 5 is out and suprisingly decent.
Your one weakness is the lack of flavor text. It is dependent on the DM or player to add a sutibly thick and zesty coating before bringing it to the table.
oh, and the MM 5 is out and suprisingly decent.
You are, of course, right about the lack of delicious flavor text, Korgoth! Creative seasoning is only solution.
B. Matt Conklin (Great Green God) and Tim Hitchcock have some monsters in MM5 so it must rock.
BTW, I hate Karen too. (proves I read the profile)
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Yes, potatoes are the wonderfood. You can do just about anything to them and they remain edible. Roast them, toast them, fry them, cook them, spice them, bake them into bread, even raw, they're still good.
But, even after explaining all this, the ladies still don't like it if you give them a bouquet of potatoes on Valentine's Day.
Your one weakness is the lack of flavor text. It is dependent on the DM or player to add a sutibly thick and zesty coating before bringing it to the table.
oh, and the MM 5 is out and suprisingly decent.You are, of course, right about the lack of delicious flavor text, Korgoth! Creative seasoning is only solution.
B. Matt Conklin (Great Green God) and Tim Hitchcock have some monsters in MM5 so it must rock.
BTW, I hate Karen too. (proves I read the profile)
wow, I its been so long, I actually had to go back and reread my own profile. What is the basis of your Karen hate? (My own is based on a character played by a guy who was later kicked out of our group... long but funny story.)
~innocent look~ So I guess that since I eat so much fast food, that I am fast, cheap and easy?
wow, I its been so long, I actually had to go back and reread my own profile. What is the basis of your Karen hate? (My own is based on a character played by a guy who was later kicked out of our group... long but funny story.)Your one weakness is the lack of flavor text. It is dependent on the DM or player to add a sutibly thick and zesty coating before bringing it to the table.
oh, and the MM 5 is out and suprisingly decent.You are, of course, right about the lack of delicious flavor text, Korgoth! Creative seasoning is only solution.
B. Matt Conklin (Great Green God) and Tim Hitchcock have some monsters in MM5 so it must rock.
BTW, I hate Karen too. (proves I read the profile)
Who or what is Karen? And why do you all hate Karen?
Well, it started with a Dane Cook routine. then, there was this LE creepy samuari chick played by this one guy... we all hated her and nicknamed her Karen. I put it in my profile just in case someone from my group came across it.