Volner Tain, the Thrice-Damned Disciple
Male Human Lich, Cleric 11/Assassin 4
Description
Volner Tain has kept his hawkish features through years of undeath, but his eyes have fallen out, leaving only ashen pits. He drapes his withered body in robes that reek of formaldehyde, and countless prayer beads and amulets jangle around his neck. Stretched and shattered before he died, his limbs bend in unnatural places seem too long for his body. Once a gifted orator, he now mangles prayers to gods both real and imagined – not even he knows which he worships.
A crusader of Iomedae in life, Volner Tain led a disastrous assault against the daemons of Abaddon, ending in his capture and the death of all his followers. Bound and tortured in the Cinder Furnace, Volner watched and despaired as his captors worked towards the world’s undoing. Three times he called on the gods for aid – to Iomedae, for justice, to Desna, for liberation, and to Pharasma, to take his soul. Perhaps he was already cursed in their eyes, for his prayers went unanswered. Though the daemons killed Volner, they bound his spirit to a fragment of stone called a thanatos shard and returned him to the world as a skulking lich. Volner promised four things in exchange for his death: a plague, a famine, a war, and a massacre.
Motivations and Goals
Volner loathes his undead state, but wants to be sure his ‘gifts’ aren’t considered too paltry to warrant his freedom. Thus he seeks artifacts and followers to bring about destruction that will feed on itself, manipulating others to evil so he needn’t spend time on each little death. He stays mobile, instigating plots as he travels, hoping some will grow into true catastrophes.
The lich saves his personal wrath for those who remind him of his former piety, but who remain uncorruptable. He spares nothing to ruin such people: he stalks them first, learning what and who they love, then either tricks his quarry into destroying these things or corrupts them beyond recognition.
Adventure Hooks
Volner’s spells and conjured daemons turn the fields and woodlands of Andoran into wastelands of tumors and blight. The native creatures and fey go mad with pain and attack nearby villages, while starvation forces desperate townsfolk to commit terrible crimes to survive.
Volner has captured seven nobles and dignitaries from rival nations across Golarion. He actually killed the whole lot, but has resurrected them after implanting... something inside each of their skulls. One likely contains the lich’s phylactery, as he harries those who rescue the prisoners no matter how far they flee or how often they strike him down. The others could hold anything from mundane gemstones to scrying beacons to fiendish wasp eggs. Do the PCs convince the aristocrats to die a second time for a mere chance at revenge? Can they avoid starting a war in the process?
VOLNER TAIN CR 17[11 cleric +4 assassin +2 lich]
NE Medium Undead (Augmented Humanoid)
Init +3 [+3 dexterity]; Senses darkvision 60 ft; Perception +32 [+15 ranks +3 trained +6 wisdom +8 lich] Aura fear aura (60 ft.)
===== Defense ===== AC 32, touch 20, flat-footed 25; (+7 armor, +2 defending sword, +3 deflection, +3 Dex, +2 dodge, +5 natural)
hp 123 (15d12+29);
Fort +10 [+7 cleric, +1 assassin, +2 resistance], Ref +12 [+3 cleric, +2 assassin, +3 dexterity, +2 resistance, +2 lighting reflexes], Will +16 [+7 cleric, +1 assassin, +6 wisdom, +2 resistance] Defenses uncanny dodge; DR 15/bludgeoning and magic; Immune alignment detection, cold, electricity, polymorph, mind-affecting, undead immunities; Resist +4 turn resistance
===== Offense ===== Spd 30 ft., air walk Melee touch +17/+17/+9/+4 (1d8+8 negative energy plus paralysis) [+8 cleric, +3 assassin, +3 dexterity, +3 luck], or +2 defending short sword +19/+19/+14/+9 (1d6+7) [+8 cleric, +3 assassin, +3 dexterity, +2 enhancement, +3 luck] Special Attacks aura of destruction, channel negative energy, copy cat, damaging touch, death attack, destructive smite, master’s illusion, paralyzing touch, sneak attack +2d6
Spell-Like Abilities (CL 11th)
1/day--invisibility, shatter (DC 18)
5/day--disguise self, inflict light wounds (DC 17)
Spells Prepared (Cleric CL 11th; +17 touch[+8 cleric, +3 assassin, +3 dexterity, +3 luck])
6th--harm (DC 22), word of recall
5th--flame strike (DC 21), scrying, true seeing
4th--air walk, divine power, poison (DC 20), unholy blight (DC 20)
3rd--bestow curse (DC 19), deeper darkness (DC 19), dispel magic, speak with dead (DC 19), wind wall
2nd--death knell (DC 18), desecrate, enthrall (DC 18), hold person (DC 18), silence (x2, DC 18)
1st--curse water, detect good (x2), divine favor, entropic shield, shield of faith
0--bleed (DC 16), detect magic, guidance, speak resistance ===== Tactics ===== Before Combat Volner approaches his target unseen, using stealth or (if need be) invisibility. He singles out a lightly-armored target for his death attack while casting shield of faith, divine power, and air walk, in that order. His statistics reflect these spells. If he believes his target is a spellcaster he casts silence on himself just before attacking.
During Combat Volner likes to open combat from surprise, striking a lightly armored foe with a paralyzing touch that also adds sneak attack damage and his death attack. He then uses Spring Attack to leap away from reprisal, or stays close to his target if silence is in effect to disrupt spellcasting. After the first round Volner continues to dart in and out of combat (ideally upward, using air walk), making paralyzing touch attacks augmented by harm, poison, or inflict wounds spells. He tries to avoid ending his turn next to anyone with a bludgeoning weapon. He uses his short sword entirely for defense until only he can move, when he starts slitting the throats of paralyzed foes (his AC should be reduced by 2 if he uses the sword offensively. He channels negative energy to heal himself and damage enemies that group together. He relies on his two rings of counterspells to block the most effective magical attacks.
Morale Volner uses word of recall to flee if dropped below 20 hp, but only because he doesn’t want anyone stealing his equipment. If unable to flee he fights until destroyed, knowing the thanatos shard will create a new body.
Base Statistics If his magic gets dispelled, Volner has the following statistics:
Hp 112 (15d12+18);
AC 29, touch 17, flat-footed 22; (+7 armor, +2 defending sword, +3 Dex, +2 dodge, +5 natural)
Speed 30 ft.
Melee +14/+9/+4 touch (1d8+5 plus paralysis), or +16/+11/+6 short sword (1d6+3)
===== Statistics ===== Str 11 [11 base], Dex 16 [13 base, +1 level, +2 enhancement], Con -- [10 base, -- from undeath], Int 14 [12 base, +2 lich at level 11], Wis 22 [14 base, +2 human, +2 lich, +4 enhancement], Cha 20 [12 base, +2 lich, +2 level, +4 enhancement] Base Atk +11/+6/+1 [+8 cleric, +3 assassin]
; CMB +12 [+8 cleric, +3 assassin, +1 strength] Feats Ability Focus (paralyzing touch), Craft Wondrous Item, Dodge, Improved Turning, Mobility, Lightning Reflexes, Spring Attack, Toughness, Weapon Finesse
Skills[55 cleric, 28 assassin, including Intelligence bonus at level 12]: Acrobatics +18 [12 ranks +3 trained +3 dex], Bluff +15 [7 ranks +3 trained +5 cha], Diplomacy +12 [4 ranks +3 trained +5 cha], Disguise +12 [4 ranks +3 trained +5 cha], Knowledge (religion) +10 [5 ranks +3 trained +2 int], Perception +32 [15 ranks +3 trained +5 wis +8 lich], Sense Motive +23 [15 ranks +3 trained +5 cha], Spellcraft [15 ranks +3 trained +2 int], Stealth +29 [15 ranks +3 trained +3 dex +8 lich] Languages Common, Daemonic
Special Qualities hidden weapons
Combat Gear +2 defending shortsword, rod of metamagic (silent), ring of counterspells x2 (heal, greater dispel magic); Other Gear headband of mental prowess (Wisdom and Charisma) +4, belt of incredible dexterity +2, cloak of resistance +2, mithril chain shirt +3, hand of glory, ring of mind shielding, 23 holy and unholy symbols
===== Special Abilities ===== Aura of Destruction (Su) Volner can emit a 30 ft. aura of destruction for ll rounds per day. All attacks made against targets inside this aura (including him) gain a +5 damage bonus and all critical threats are automatically confirmed. These rounds do not need to be consecutive.
Channel Negative Energy(Su) Eight times per day Volner can unleash a wave of negative energy in a 30 foot burst. Living creatures take 6d6 negative energy damage, halved on a successful Will save (DC 22) [10 + 5 cleric +2 feat]. Undead (including Volner) in the area are healed a like amount of damage. Hit points above the undead’s total are lost. Undead who are within the area of this effect must make a Will save or fall under Volner’s command. He can command any number of undead whose total Hit Dice do not exceed his level. He can relinquish control of undead to gain control of new undead. Commanding undead is a standard action that requires line of effect. Intelligent undead receive a new saving throw each day to break free from his command. If a commanded undead is subject to channeled
positive energy, it might flee, but it also receives a new saving throw to dispel the command effect.
Copy Cat (Su) Volner can create an illusory double of himself as a move action. This double functions as a single mirror image and lasts 11 rounds (unless dispelled or destroyed). He can have no more than one copy
cat at a time. This ability does not stack with mirror image.
Damaging Touch (Su) Any living creature Volner hits with his touch attack suffers 1d8+5 negative energy damage. A Will save (DC 22) [10 +7 levels] halves the damage.
Death Attack If Volner studies his victim for 3 rounds and then makes a sneak attack with a melee weapon that successfully deals damage, the sneak attack has the additional effect of possibly either paralyzing or killing the target (his choice). While studying the victim, Volner can undertake other actions so long as his attention stays focused on the target and the target does not detect Volner or recognize him as an enemy. If the victim of such an attack fails a Fortitude save (DC 16) against the kill effect, she dies. If the saving throw fails against the paralysis effect, the victim is rendered helpless and unable to act for 1d6+4 rounds. If the victim’s saving throw succeeds, the attack is just a normal sneak attack. Once Volner has completed the 3 rounds of study, he must make the death attack within the next 3 rounds. If a death attack is attempted and fails (the victim makes her save) or if Volner does not launch the attack within 3 rounds of completing the study, 3 new rounds of study are required before he can attempt another death attack.
Destructive Smite (Su) As a full-round action, Volner can make a single melee attack against an opponent with a bonus +5 damage bonus. If the attack hits, all critical threats against the target are automatically confirmed for 1 round, including this attack.
Fear Aura (Su) Volner is shrouded in an aura of death and evil. Creatures of less than 5 HD in a 60-foot radius that look at the lich must succeed at a Will save (DC 22) [10 + 7 levels]. or be affected as though by a fear spell at CL 15. A creature that successfully saves cannot be affected again my the lich’s aura for 24 hours.
Hidden Weapons (Ex) Volner gains a +4 bonus to all Slight of Hand checks made to conceal weapons and prevent others from noticing them.
Master’s Illusion (Su) Volner can create an illusion that hides the appearance of himself and any number of allies within 30 feet for 11 rounds per day. This ability otherwise functions like the spell veil. The rounds do not need to be consecutive.
Paralyzing Touch (Su) Any living creature Volner hits with his touch attack must succeed on a Fortitude save (DC 22) [10 + 7 levels +2 feat]. or be permanently paralyzed. Remove paralysis or any spell that can remove a curse can free the victim (see the bestow curse spell description). The effect cannot be dispelled. Anyone paralyzed seems dead, though a DC 20 Perception check or a DC 15 Heal check reveals that the victim is still alive.
Uncanny Dodge (Ex) Volner retains his Dexterity bonus to AC (if any) regardless of being caught flat-footed or struck by an invisible attacker. (He still loses any Dexterity bonus to AC if immobilized.)
Thanatos Shard Aura none; CL 17th
Slot --; Price 150,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
===== Description =====
This fragment of oily black diamond gives the unsettling feeling of being watched whenever visible, and a soft whimpering fills one’s mind when the shard is held. Specifically crafted as an indestructible vessel for a mortal spirit, the shard allows you to cast trap the soul once per day, using the shard as the material component regardless of the target’s hit dice, until the spell has been cast successfully. Once the shard contains a soul you can communicate telepathically with spirit within as long as the shard is touched. At your command the soul can be released to dominate a nearby creature, as the magic jar spell. If you know the arcane ritual to become a lich and use the contained soul’s original body instead of a living creature, the transfer of the soul is permanent and the captured spirit becomes a lich against his will, treating the shard as his new phylactery. You can release the soul at will with a mental command.
The thanatos shard resists destruction as if it had hardness 50 and 200 hp, and is completely immune to spells and supernatural abilities except as follows. Holy weapons of at least +6 enchantment bypass the shard’s hardness, and while inside the aura of a consecrate spell the stone becomes an inert chunk of rock. If the shard is already being used as a phylactery when this occurs the bound lich is not immediately destroyed, but does become vulnerable to destruction like any other undead.
===== Construction ===== Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, antimagic field, magic jar trap the soul, wall of force;Cost 75,000 gp
I'd take Wolf's advice and dial back a little bit on the adjectives in future rounds to make room for more nuts and bolts or making sure you've used the whole spice cabinet, not just 5 pounds of oregano.
Heh, well said. I will endeavor... nay, try! to tune back the overwriting in future rounds. :) I hope the voters will give me a second chance to improve.
Many thanks to the judges and everyone else who's offered feedback. No matter how the vote turns out it's been a great experience.
I learned a few valuable lessons from last year's defeat:
* Don't let criticism knock you down. If a critic's goal isn't to help you improve, then ignore him or her. Wherever you go, you will encounter those who want to tear you down to boost their own egos. They aren't significant.
* Do as much work ahead of time as possible. If you don't use it for one thing, you'll find another use for it later.
* Have your friends and fellow gamers give you editorial feedback: It's hard to see your own errors, so don't try to be a one-man show.
Excellent advice, and thank you for the injection of sanity :)
I'm all for more villain artwork (or any other kind) and would love to both see what people come up with for mine and illustrate others (see examples of my stuff completely unrelated to this contest here and here).
I would like to jump on the 'wait til voting ends' bandwagon though, just to avoid any bad feelings of biasing the vote one way or another and to make extra sure we don't break any rules.
My gut tells me that allowing any angle on any surface makes this chalk a little too versatile, but otherwise many props for a well designed creativity-inspiring item in the tradition of the marvelous pigments, sovereign glue, and of course the immovable rod. It's like Crayon Physics: the RPG!
Awesome indeed (if legal)- maybe we could split the load, so everyone's gets covered and it's half as much work for each of us? Could we get some kind of official word on this?
I'm picturing the Dr. McNinja cartoon with all the zombie presidents doing the dance from Thriller.
Any official word on when/if we'll be allowed to post pictures? Because every good character, villainous or otherwise, can benefit from a spiffy portrait.
(Thrice-cursed message boards just ate my big reply. Grrr.)
Looks like it's fine to post specific responses in the item round, so here goes: the Dust of Weighty Burdens, Special Director's Cut Legacy Super Dragon Alpha Gold Edition.
This item started life as an 'obedient boulder' that would change weight from negligible to a thousand pounds on telepathic command. Then a friend of mine pointed out I had basically invented a pet rock. Thank goodness for editing.
I'm not sure how I missed not giving an action type for sprinkling the dust out an application at a time, but I'd call it a standard action that provokes attacks of opportunity. If you're trying to carefully sprinkle the dust on a creature or its equipment that requires a touch attack as well. You can't just scatter it because the particles are too heavy, and you can't pour it into your hand and sprinkle it that way because your hand or glove will end up weighing a quarter ton. (Same with pouring the dust into another container to get two grenades - the other container will get heavy. The flask is part of the magic.) So it definitely requires a fair bit of concentration to apply if you're not just going to throw it all at once.
If you poured out just a pinch onto a creature or attended object I'd resolve that just like throwing the flask with one application left. It's like how disintegrate or shatter work differently on held objects and creatures vs. things just lying on the ground - an artificial distinction to be sure, but important for the sake of balance. I wanted to avoid effects that would require to actually calculate how much weight you were carrying for determining encumbrance. What 'heavily encumbered' means is pretty cut and dry, but I know lots of campaigns (mine included) just hand wave carrying capacity and having to tally up your entire inventory for the sake of one attack would slow things to a crawl. So creatures and their equipment always get a Fort save to resist the set effects, and the duration (also for the sake of balance) is limited.
Should the Fort save to resist actually be a Strength check? Well, that would seem to make more sense, yes. But Strength checks don't improve with level, and with the dust being a low cost item to begin with I didn't want high level parties carrying around backpacks full of the stuff to utterly hose monks, rogues, and anyone else with low Strength and light armor. The most realistic solution might be to require a Fortitude save modified by Strength instead of Constitution, but that seemed too clunky and White Wolfish, especially given the limited scope (and word count) of a magic item. This does mean as others have pointed out that a dragon can be encumbered just as surely by the dust as a wizard, but I look at it this way: a dragon could fly carrying a few hundred pounds, yes, but could it fly with that weight all in one spot hanging off the tip of its nose? Or its wings? If the creature is strong enough that the answer is 'yes' it probably has a high enough Fort save that it can basically ignore the dust anyway. (I can't think of any creatures with great Strength but lousy Fort saves, but let me know if I've missed any.)
Flavor-wise, I could also see this item being an elixir, maybe the 'Black Blood of the Earth' or something, but the contest already had one of those last year and so I ultimately went with the more old school approach. Looks like the judges and fellow contestants are split on whether that was a good move.
Speaking of old school, I worried when Clark was talking about the cube of force that I'd fallen into the trap of the 'obscure counter just to reward other players who memorize the rules' with the electricity-removal bit. I'll admit I was reaching with that one (as the description, alternate name, and required skill all hint, I was going for a hand-wavey alchemical magnetism feel, and figured electricity would counteract the charge) but I wanted some way out for PCs (monks in particular) who got hit and discovered how many abilities require unencumbered movement, and having a way to remotely 'turn off' the extra weight opened up lots of neat applications for resourceful traps. Requiring a damage type rather than a specific spell or substance left things fairly broad while still encouraging teamwork - so if the druid doesn't have call lightning the fighter can pull out his shocking burst longsword or the like.
Stone shape as a creation prerequisite came from wanting a low-level spell that would reflect the weight-changing applications in addition to the slowing/grounding combat uses. Changing a substance's form and changing its weight seemed close enough thematically to justify the inclusion. Reverse Gravity might have been more appropriate but was too high level for early crafting... I wanted the dust to be useful before everyone could fly, teleport, etc.
Incidentally, while the encumbering and grounding effects have gotten most of the attention (and item word count), what really interested me about the dust were all the creative ways to use an instant half-ton of weight. Like the immovable rod (my favorite item ever) the dust really rewards a player for ingenuity. Others have thought of most of these and can no doubt think of many more, but I'd imagined players using the dust to block doors, make deadly missiles for telekinesis, avoid or safely set off weight-sensitive traps (say, when you need to remove the priceless golden idol on top of a carefully calibrated pressure plate), collapse fragile ceilings and floors, start avalanches, form dispellable counterweights for makeshift pulleys or see-saws, prevent thefts, slow down chariots or wagons, start 'sword in the stone'-type legends, and of course win ridiculous bar bets.
I agree that something needs to be done about the potential for friendly flagellation. Not letting nonlethal damage power up the retributive blast would be a good start, but other than that... I dunno, maybe the damage reduction is higher but it only works half the time? Except that would mean an extra die roll every time someone hits you. Hm... yeah I have no idea what I'd do differently. But congrats on making it in and can't wait to see your villain.
A very tight, well thought out design. High powered without being broken. Bold as brass, and pulls it off too. Definitely one of my faves.
I'd like it even better if, instead of saying you can only use it every four rounds, using it more often than every four rounds made you vanish into the time stream never to be seen again. That would probably take you over the word limit, but in a perfect world I'd rather see 'if you do this something awful (but also kind of cool) happens' than 'this can't be done'.
First up, i have to say i love the idea, it is utterly cool, like something out of a Dave Mackean picture or from the pages of Sandman. It reminds me a little of discord's fish on a string.
Yeah, I read this and immediately thought, "Woot! It's Delirium's intangible fishies!"
I think the entry would be much more solid if the fish didn't regenerate and if the rounds of stunning were days of sickness/weakness/ability damage/whatever instead, but mechanics aside this item is all the best kinds of madness.
Not a fan of the name, but I love the item... it's my kind of crazy. :) I just wish this game would do away with gold piece costs and recommended wealth by level and NPC gear allotments and all that nonsense so every little minion could have one.
Oh yes, and congrats on making it to the top 32! I'm sure you're sick of hearing 'it should have been DR/SR -5' by now but I'll chime in (eh? eh?) and say I agree. Great writing though; I'm always a sucker for monkish goodness.
Here's an interesting thought: if 20th level monks with Perfect Self are outsiders, is their flesh still 'mortal'? Come to think of it Perfect Self gives damage reduction too, and Diamond Soul gives spell resistance... man, if monks ever go off-world this bell could really come back to haunt them!
I checked the website during my lunch break at school and learned results wouldn't be out until 5:00... then spent the afternoon convincing myself I could take the ego hit if I didn't make it and it was no big deal... then thought for sure I hadn't made the cut when I couldn't find my name under the Ms... then realized the list was alphabetized by first name and did a little happy jig that frightened my roommate's cat.
I started writing up my villain and realized I had broken 500 words before even writing the backstory or motivations/goals. A long series of revisions and trimmings followed, but I think I ended up with something much stronger than my original concept as a result. I write best with tight word limits... I'd never properly edit without them. Like my Big Brother always says, Freedom is Slavery!
So pumped for this contest. Can't wait to see everyone's villains, and learn what diabolical (or abyssal, or daemonic) twists the judges have planned for round 3.
Going to lunch now. Will update when I get back if any of you other slackers have finally gotten around to submitting.
Submitted mine a few minutes ago... would have sent it in before work today but I just couldn't resist some last minute wordsmithing. Hope it went through! Thanks for your help easing our panic.
Volner Tain, the Thrice-Damned Disciple
Male Human Lich, Cleric 11/Assassin 4
Description
A devoted follower of Iomedae in life, the once-just cleric Volner Tain lost himself to rage when daemons overran his cathedral, leaving no others alive. Plane shifting to Abaddon, Volner charged the gates of the Cinder Furnace in a one-man crusade to kill as many fiends as possible. He should have died there, righteous in his fury, but the Angel of Desolation had other plans.
Captured and bound atop the citadel, Volner stared out through the Great Beyond and watched the daemons’ craft. He saw innocents butchered in war, peasants starving while nobles feasted, skin-rotting plagues, and everywhere, death.
He called on Iomedae for justice. He prayed to Desna for liberation. He begged Pharasma to take his soul. None answered. Only when, overcome by despair, he pledged service to his captors did the daemons end his life – but not his oath. Binding his soul to a shard of black diamond, the daemons returned him to Golarion to do their work.
A hunched seven feet tall, Volner stares down at the world with eyes like glowing coals in pits of ash. He drapes his withered body in patchwork robes, and countless prayer beads and amulets jangle around his neck. When agitated he babbles mangled prayers to gods both real and imagined – not even he knows which he worships anymore.
Motivations and Goals
Volner’s madness hides a terrible guilt over the monster he’s become. He absolves himself by subjecting others to the same torments he once endured: if the whole world cracks before such evil only hypocrites can call him a fiend. To this end he seeks rituals to summon daemonic hordes or unleash plague and famine, and manipulates nations into senseless battle.
The lich saves his true wrath for those who remind him of his former virtue, but who fail to break when confronted by horror. When he learns of such souls he spares nothing to ruin them utterly: he stalks them first, learning what and who they love, then either tricks his quarry into destroying these things or corrupts them beyond recognition.
Adventure Hooks
Volner’s blasphemous spells and conjured daemons turn the fields and woodlands of Andoran into wastelands of tumors and blight. The native creatures and fey go mad with pain and attack nearby villages, while starvation forces desperate townsfolk to commit terrible crimes to survive.
Volner has captured seven nobles and dignitaries from rival nations across Golarion. He actually killed the whole lot, but has resurrected them after implanting... something inside each of their skulls. One likely contains the lich’s phylactery, as he harries those who rescue the prisoners no matter how far they flee or how often they strike him down. The others could hold anything from mundane gemstones to scrying beacons to fiendish wasp eggs. Do the PCs convince the aristocrats to die a second time for a mere chance at revenge? Can they avoid starting a war in the process?
This one is growing on me. It's clear the description took some shoe-horning to fit under the 200-word limit, and my first read of the item left me utterly perplexed... but after looking through the comments/explanations and thinking of all the neat things you could do with this I'm coming around. Some other questions raised: how much weight can the tether support? What's the Strength DC to pull it apart? I'm left wanting more details from this item - I mean that as both critique and praise.
Ditto to what's been said before... awesome concept, but the Con damage is absolutely brutal and it needs some limitation to keep it from being the perfect door opener. Daily charges or limited uses (maybe there's only so much sand in the hourglass?) would go a long way, as would a limit on what hardness of materials it could affect (if you can only rot objects of hardness 5 or less stone is already out, and you don't have to worry about slowly rusting the unpickable wizard locked adamantine door the DM didn't want you to be able to open). And even without the Con damage or door opening properties, the cost still seems very low.
But as Wolf says, you've got so much cool in this entry the mechanics can slide. Well done.
I dunno, I'm just not feeling it... I think it's well balanced (making you choose between two performances or performing and fighting) and very creative, I like that it's an unusual item type, and I like that it does something bards really should be able to do, but I don't like the sort of bard it facilitates. Personally I've always thought the bard should move away from sitting back making music while the rest of the party fights, and more toward performing outside combat and singing while fighting like a swashbuckler. (Six=String Samurai being the exception, but that's comedy, and trippy.) For people who actually like bards, though... everyone will want one, not because it's munchkin but because it's well made and incredibly useful, which can only be a good thing.
The first sentence of your description really turned me off of this item, but I'm glad I kept reading, because the 'someone must pay' mechanic is actually pretty cool. I'm just not sure if greater dispel magic is really the spell you want to start with (upon reading the judges' comments I agree you should definitely specify that the item only drains one spell, or you'll end up with madness). I can see the chain of required saves bogging down play at high levels if used frequently - I'd almost rather see this as an expensive, one-time use item, so you can give the villain (or martyr) some cool magical mojo without having to go through the series of saving throws every fight. Excellent concept though, and I get the feeling your villain is going to be the stuff of nightmares.
Great imagery (and name) though as has been mentioned I'd prefer a physical spider and spinning the rope as it goes... the rules for how the hook works outside line of sight could use some revision though, as it's unclear whether or not the rope can appear bending around corners or what happens if you can't see it anymore. A quick note on what happens if the animate hook (or rope) gets dispelled would be nice, though I suspect the word limit was holding you back on this. Still, I'm a big big fan of concept, and much improved from the boring ol' rope of climbing.
EDIT: Removing specific replies to feedback until after the contest ends. Bad writer. No cookie.
Thank you all for your feedback, insight and advice. I don't think my item was perfect by a long shot, but I'm thrilled you've given me the chance to advance to further rounds.
Though like Jason, I'm curious about the 55-ft. range. Why not 60 feet?
If I had to guess I'd say he was basing the range off of Close spell range at CL 6 (25 ft + 5x6/2 ft). To which I'd respond - it's not a spell, it's a wondrous item, so don't let the standard effects limit what works best for the item.
But that's just nitpicking. These things are twelve gallons of awesome in a ten gallon hat. Using the ki pool to limit the uses per day was a stroke of genius, and as others have said, you've got a cool cinematic feel going on (like the fight between Flying Snow and Moon in Hero) backed up by a legitimate need in the rules for more ranged monk fu.
Many props, and I look forward to seeing your work in future rounds.
I've already mentioned what I think is wrong with it, but if Clark or anyone else wants to comment on my Gloves of Sanguine Runes, I'd greatly appreciate it. (Is P.E.A.C.H. in common parlance on these forums?)
Upon donning this threadbare silk glove the wearer feels a sharp pinch, and blood soaks through the last digit of the wearer’s index finger. As a standard action the wearer can paint symbols on any surface with the blood, creating an arcane mark but suffering 1 hp of damage that cannot heal while the mark remains. The mark persists (and the blood never fades or smears) until the wearer removes the glove or dies, and a bond of vital energy connects the wearer and object bearing the mark:
The wearer feels a throbbing pain whenever someone else touches the object – enough to wake the wearer if asleep but not disrupting concentration or causing damage.
A marked door holds tight as if subject to an arcane lock spell. Other objects add the wearer’s Constitution modifier to their hardness values and break DCs.
The marked object bleeds when damaged. Destroying the object inflicts 2 points Constitution damage and stuns the wearer for one round.
I'm noticing the cost too. The hourglass costs 35,000 gp and lasts 10 minutes. Compare this to a scroll of etherealness, which only costs 3,850 gp, lasts 17 minutes, takes a whole group of people with it, and doesn't require you keeping your hands full or attract the attention of hostile outsiders. Granted, you've quite nicely allowed the hourglass's duration to be split up into increments as small as a minute, but I still think the pricing is more like a permanent magic item than a limited use. To look at it another way, a (hypothetical) staff with 50 uses of ethereal jaunt on it would cost 34,125 gp and have many times the utility of the hourglass, since you could use it 50 times, 14 rounds each time, and not deal with all the hourglass's drawbacks.
Which is a shame, because the drawbacks of the hourglass are what make it so cool. You've got good flavor here, and I like how it makes ethereal travel more risky and mysterious than mundane travel rather than less, but as has been mentioned some of the rules crunch could be clearer. I want something awful to happen if you take your hand off the hourglass, or if it gets destroyed. Stuck on the ethereal, maybe, but unable to see the material plane? And to keep costs down while making the item more permanent (without the strict daily uses limitation that's been done to death) maybe instead of consuming sand, the glass has a hefty, cumulative chance to shatter each time it's used more than once per day?
I'm digging the glowing blue sand, and that it's an hourglass. There aren't enough magical hourglasses. I imagine when the hourglass is turned over the user's body dissolves into a cloud of sand, leaving a ghostly blue afterimage before vanishing. And a LotR-style twisted shadowscape as the hourglass holder tries to rush through walls searching for something before the monsters from the other side of the sky come and eat him.
On a slightly tangential note... if Golarion has the Mammoth Kingdoms, does that mean we'll be seeing mastadons, smilodons, or other prehistoric mammals in addition to everyone's favorite terrible lizards from the age before timekeeping?
I'd actually prefer if the epic level book just covered levels 15-20 (or so). More monsters in the CR 15-25 range, some NPC templates or other rules for making classed characters a little more uber with divine favor/ritual sacrifice/whatever (so the big bad can keep threatening PCs approaching level 20), rules for magical rituals that do more than a wish, more artifacts, tips on how to manage plane-hopping / etherealness / divinations / teleportation and other high level tricks, and advice for making truly epic world-shattering storylines with divine ascension, kingdom-forging, and assaults on gods and demon lords.
I'd be very interested in such a book, but there's no reason it needs to actually extend the levels of play. Just make the class progressions we already have more epic.
1) How many dinosaurs is the right amount to do a good show of it?
2) What four dinosaurs would you hope to see in the book more than any other?
If just four... T-rex, deinonychus, pterodactyl, triceratops. But I'd rather see eight: those four plus (in descending order of importance) the stegosaurus, apatosaurus, ankylosaurus, and elasmosaurus. And I'd love to see the pachycephalosaurus, paracerolophus, compsognathus (swarm), and gallimimus (as a PC mount/animal companion) in later bestiaries, cuz they're just cool looking and lend themselves well to unique special attacks.
James Jacobs wrote:
3) How important is it to maintain all five dinosaurs from the MM? Can we get away with just one dromaeosaurid (probably the deinonychus), with the assumption that one can make a megaraptor by simply advancing the deinonychus?
4) If #3 above is true, would it better to replace the deinonychus with the velociraptor? Velociraptor is more well-known these days, and it's easy enough to say that a velociraptor advanced up one size category is a deinonychus.
Sigh... the purist in me is kicking at this, but yeah, makes sense.
James Jacobs wrote:
5) Dinosaurs don't have to be boring. They don't have to simply be hit points and a bite attack. Currently living animals have a wide range of biodiversity, with special attacks like poison, constriction, electricity generation, stunning attacks, ranged attacks (like tarantulas flicking poison hairs, archerfish spitting balls of water, or cobras spitting poison), and the like. Would it be too strange to give some dinosaurs a bit more flavor by giving them attacks that aren't necessarily supported by the fossil record?
I don't know why there wouldn't be some poisonous dinosaurs, and I think spitting attacks or the like could be fine as long as you gave them to existing species instead of making up new types whole cloth. But in general I think the fossil record supports much cooler abilites than the current stats give them credit for. Some examples:
Tyrannosaurs: augmented criticals (incredible jaw strength), disease (like modern day komodo dragons), bleeding wounds (serrated teeth), frightening presence (it's a T-rex!)
Deinonychosaurs: pounce/rake (they already have these, but they're still perfect fits), improved flank or other pack hunting bonuses, camouflage (like the ranger ability... this could be terrifying).
Triceratops: impale (free grapple and continuing damage on a critical hit), shield rider (riders can get cover behind the neck frill), automatic bull rush and extra damage on charge attacks.
Pterodons: Flyby attack with improved grab, so they can carry PCs back to their clifftop nests. Bonus damage for diving charges. A line about using them as mounts, since any encounter that starts with someone on the back of a flying dinosaur is made of win.
Big sauropods: Crush/trample attacks, deafening whip-cracks with their tails, tail sweeps that hit everything in a wide swath and knock targets down on a hit. Super bonus cool points for rules on climbing up onto their backs, or for any picture that shows a dinosaur with a howdah.
Stegosaurs: Defensive stance with crazy AoO bonuses. Knockback if struck by the thagomizer (best word ever).
Ankylosaurs: Tail sweeps that stun. Free attacks when flanked. Crazy high AC and fortification, but with a soft underbelly (encouraging nimble PCs to dive underneath, or work together to try to flip it over).
Can always fudge things on a monster-per-monster basis too. If you want a giant undead sack of hit points you can just give the monster a special quality saying 'gets ten extra HP per level' (or something). Or give it maximum hit points, like 1st/2nd Ed did whenever the adventure designers wanted to show the toughness of an individual monster.
Had a few ideas, but only typed up one other than the one submitted... I discounted this because the utility seems limited and it's essentially just three spells in one item. That said, I still really like the name and the visuals, so it was a tough choice.
Upon donning this threadbare silk glove the wearer feels a sharp pinch, and blood soaks through the last digit of the wearer’s index finger. As a standard action the wearer can paint symbols on any surface with the blood, creating an arcane mark but suffering 1 hp of damage that cannot heal while the mark remains. The mark persists (and the blood never fades or smears) until the wearer removes the glove or dies, and a bond of vital energy connects the wearer and object bearing the mark:
The wearer feels a throbbing pain whenever someone else touches the object – enough to wake the wearer if asleep but not disrupting concentration or causing damage.
A marked door holds tight as if subject to an arcane lock spell. Other objects add the wearer’s Constitution modifier to their hardness values and break DCs.
The marked object bleeds when damaged. Destroying the object inflicts 2 points Constitution damage and stuns the wearer for one round.
DESCRIPTION
Only one such stone is known to exist, currently in the possession of an advanced Lantern Archon.
The owner may cast summon swarm with a casting time of 800 million years. The creatures summoned mutate until they resemble hairless apes. They are utterly, utterly free-willed. Once per round, on a 01 on a d%, the apes get out of hand, the stone burns out and turns to dull gray, forever useless. Some of the apes speak French.
DESTRUCTION
see above
Awesome.
I was going to say 'the joke would be funnier if you actually typed in the weight of the earth instead of just some ridiculously big round number.' And then when I looked up what that number actually is I found out... it's 10 septillion pounds.
So that's doubly awesome.
Unfortunately your item must be disqualified for lacking a price or creation information.
DESCRIPTION:
Also known as loadstone essence, this coarse grey powder comes in a fragile ceramic flask covered in Terran runes. Newly crafted flasks contain enough powder for ten applications if poured out carefully, or the whole container can be thrown as a splash weapon with a range increment of 10 ft.
One pinch of the dust sprinkled over an object increases the object’s weight by 100 pounds. Multiple applications stack, and the effect remains until the object is scrubbed clean of the metallic particles (taking a full round action per pinch applied) or blasted with an attack dealing electricity damage.
A creature struck directly with a thrown flask must make a Fortitude save (DC 10, +1 per application remaining in the pouch) or become heavily encumbered and unable to fly for 2d4 rounds. Targets splashed with scattered powder when the flask breaks must also save or suffer medium encumbrance for the same duration. Electricity damage neutralizes the powder as noted above.
CONSTRUCTION: Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, slow, stone shape;Skill Craft (alchemy); Cost 1,800 gp
Characters with a high BAB may make multiple attacks as a standard action by reducing their chance to hit. A character may gain one additional attack for every 5 point reduction in BAB. BAB may not be reduced below 0 in this fashion.
Thus, a character with a +12 BAB could make one attack at +12 or two attacks at +7 or three attacks at +2.
(snip)
I really like this idea. Perhaps this could be added as an option for standard attacks (Paizo has said they like adding things more than removing them) while keeping iterative attacks as-is with a full attack action. Makes fights more mobile and doesn't require one jot of stat block change for old modules... Longsword +18/13/8 (for example) could mean three attacks at +18/13/8 as a full attack, or one attack at +18, two at +12, or three at +8 as a standard attack. Does give an edge to fighters compared to the old rules but I think most people will agree that's a good thing.
And maybe when taking a full round action one could also take a 5-foot step (as normal) or move 10 feet while provoking attacks of opportunity like regular movement. Little more mobility but completely backwards compatible.
1) Many of the school and domains start off with an at will power that is as powerful as a first level spell. What's the point of taking an offensive spell at first level?
2) Favored classes getting a bonus hit point every level. I don't like the fact that if I want to play an Orc fighter instead of a barbarian,
I miss out on hit points. It doesn't make sense.
1) Spells like sleep and color spray are still better are still better choices at 1st level. Of the straight damage spells, magic missile does comparable damage and doesn't miss, and burning hands affects an area. You're right that the at-will powers are almost as good at caster level 1, but the spells get better much faster (typically +1d6 per level as opposed to +1 per two). And low level spellcasters need more at-will love. Personally I think Paizo should have gone further, let the damage be (say) 1d6 + 1d6 per three levels and maybe improved the potency, range, or duration of the disabling effects with higher levels... I'm still a bit wary of 4E's slew of encounter and at will powers, but having to rest after every two encounters because the wizard ran out of mojo is just plain silly.
2) While still better than the original favored class system, I agree that the Alpha rules do too much to encourage playing to specific race/class combos.
The existing 3.5 rules only deal with multiclassing - namely, by discouraging it except into certain classes traditional to the race. The advantage being you're never hindered if you don't multiclass (racial ability penalties aside), but the downside is the system still doesn't really address the cherry picking twinkery it's designed to prevent, and the more base classes get added (we're up to what, around 40 now?) the harder it is to make legitimate multiclassing work.
The alpha rules say if you're going to multiclass you get fewer hit points - period - and you're always hindered (relatively speaking) for not playing your race's favored class. It only exacerbates the problem of more base classes than races (which might be intentional, but is a kick in the pants for people who like the scout or duskblade or what-have-you).
I'd say if Paizo wants to stick with the bonus hit point idea everyone should have two favored classes - one of the player's choice, and one given by race (except humans and half-elves, who pick two). If you start as your race's favored class you can hold off picking your chosen class until later. One bonus hit point per favored class level as in the alpha.
This would mean taking more than two classes always hurts, but taking one never does. If you dabble in two classes you're still encouraged to play to racial tradition. Going for your race's favored class from first level also means if you pick up a prestige class later on you can choose that as your second favored. Rewards single classing, multiclassing only into core race-appropriate classes, and no more than one prestige class. I'd call that win.
I agree, there are more unique ways to help out fighters than giving them DR... and while capstone abilities are good, having so much in one big lump strains credibility a bit. I'm digging the 'armored moves' idea... maybe let fighters treat armor as one class lighter at (say) 11th level and two classes lighter at 19th. Cements the fighter's role as the heavy armor guy and makes mithril a bit less of a requirement.
