There is no Mike McArtor, only Zuul.
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Way out west there was this fella I wanna tell ya about. Goes by the name of Mike McArtor. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. See, this McArtor, he called himself "The Ninja". Now, "Ninja" - there's a name no man would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about the Ninja that didn't make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place so darned interestin'. See, they call Bellevue the "Beautiful View"; but I didn't find it to be that, exactly. But I'll allow it as there are some nice folks there. 'Course I ain't never been to London, and I ain't never seen France. And I ain't never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the feller says. But I'll tell you what - after seeing Bellevue, and this here story I'm about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin' every bit as stupefyin' as you'd seen in any of them other places. And in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. Now this here story I'm about to unfold took place in the early '90s - just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the I-raqis. I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? Sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about the Ninja here - the Ninja from Bellevue. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Ninja. The Ninja, from Bellevue. And even if he's a lazy man - and the Ninja was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in all of King County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide. Sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Well, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I've done introduced it enough.
My name is Mikemus Decimus McArtorus, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
I am Mike McArtor of the Clan McArtor. I was born in 1518 in the village of Glenfinnan on the shores of Loch Shiel. And I am immortal.
"Mike McArtor is seven feet tall!" "Yes, I've heard. Kills men by the hundreds. And if HE were here, he'd consume the pirates with fireballs from his eyes, and bolts of lightning from his arse."
I am McArticus
McAaaaartoooor!!!!!!
McArtor!!
Whenever someone types "McArtor," their avatar should be turned into a bronze dragon ninja. |