Dotting for demise. Grubyub Sloppybreach leaps into the fray one last time, meeting his end upon the tarnished and battered blades of those among whom he'd once counted himself a part.
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I was afraid of this... Hopefully the GM will pipe up.
Grub howls in victory as Duncan cleaves through the front line of goblins. He pulls his horseychopper and goes to work, swinging away past the front line of his friends.
Grubyub flies into a rage, dropping his bow and calling out to Sparkly to attack his foe as he leaps forward to bite his evil counterpart he'd just finished shooting. "Sparkly! Chomp him good!"
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Sparkly:
Raccoon CR 1/2
N Tiny animal Init +2; Perception +3 Senses low-light vision, scent DEFENSE
STATISTICS
Hard Head, Big Teeth: Goblins are known for their balloon-like heads and enormous maws, but some have even more exaggeratedly large heads filled with razor-sharp teeth. Goblins with this trait gain a bite attack as a primary natural attack that deals 1d4 points of damage. This racial trait replaces skilled.
Next to Duncan's right leg. It's like firing from next to a tree!
"Aaaaaaaaa!!!!!!" Grub shouts his war cry and fires an arrow at the leader. (See shot stats above) "Veľké reláciu jesť pečeň" Goblin: "Grubyub eat your liver!!!"
"They want guts, we fight, Fancypants!" the little goblin shouts. "We spills their guts first!!" He draws back his bow, sliding up next to the big man. He signals Sparkly to do the same. "You keep bad guys away from Grubyub, okay Lunk?" "Teraz môžete byť zničený! Môžete bojovať Grubyub Sloppybreach a jeho vyškolení Dlháň!" Goblin:
"Now you be gutted!!! You fighting Grubyub Sloppybreach and his trained longshanks!!"
Grub holds his middle as he chuckles at Festerjester's joke. But he nods agreement, grabs up his weapons, and motions sparkly to follow.
Congratulations!
Grubyub scratches at himself, not entirely satisfied. After a moment he shrugs. "Grub no like deal, better to gold first. I say we go, but if this doesn't pay up, Grubyub come back and stick Zamzam man."
Making his way down from the balcony, his inebriated raccoon slung over his shoulder, Grubyub finally stands with the rest of his group as the overstuffed human describes the situation. "Sound like no fun, Thurmonutzanzan. Why we do this for one cent purse?" The poor little goblin not understanding the word percent, plants his horseychopper in the ground next to him and leans on it with a haughty air. "We kill Crème Tin nice and quick, maybe we think we get more for trouble." He points at the little boy. "You tell big lie, Killem, get us down here..." Grub picks up his horseychopper and waves it towards the wizard. "...maybe this Zanzan tell bigger one, eh?"
Grubyub pokes his head above the railing of the balcony and calls down to the others. "Hey, Grandaddyboom is hurt. Not opening eyes no matter how much wine Grub pours on him!"
Grubyub says if dog missing, he didn't do it!! Now no ask questions and eat!!
Grubyub is dismayed to see the Bigboomboomfrogman fall, wiping the blood from his face and pushing himself from the wall. "Frogmanboomfella, no!" He scrambles over and drags his pack to the grippli's side and withdraws one of the bottles of wine he'd procured earlier. "Big Top Orthos say many problem sold by wine!" He proceeds to pour wine on the bruises and hurts on the grippli's body then pulls a rather questionable looking tear of cloth from his pack to fashion a sling for the poor boomboomfrogman. Sparkly, for his part, comes over to the downed alchemist and begins licking at the wine now running rivers over his face.
Grubyub reals from the blow, staggering to and fro along the railing trying to shake the stars from his eyes. "Čo sa to sakra ma udrel? Bol to škaredý kôň?" Goblin:
"What the heck just hit me? Was it a nasty horse?" The goblin looses a shot at the giant then jumps from the railing back onto the platform so he can get out the way.
As he leans heavily against the wall just inside the opening to the cavern from which they'd arrived earlier, Sparkly comes racing up with a towel, a water bottle and a bruise presser to work on his companion's swelling face.
Seeing everything is frozen in place, Grub jumps up.and down in frustration, wringing his little goblin hands and shaking them at the ceiling of the dungeon. "Hey bigboss director guy! What's next?"
The goblin's eyes narrow, seething over his last miss as he draws another arrow and looses.
"Ha ha!! Keep fighting, ugly!" Seeing his master having success once again, Sparkly resumes desecrating his tin cup helmet.
+2 vs Humans "Bah, both ugly, both dumb as rocks!" The poor goblin misses both the subtle nuances of Fester and Darius' plan and the irony of his statement based on his lack of discernment. "Grubyub gonna let 'em have it!"
The goblin, seeing his arrow simply fall from his fingertips as the bow string lets go, jumps up and down in mad frustration. "Gnila lok! Grubyub vedel neumno Kobold laž, ko pravijo, nikoli ne zamudite! Grubyub iti nazaj in poje kuščar srce!!"
Goblin: "Rotten bow!! Grubyub knew stupid kobold lie when he say never miss!! Grubyub go back and eat his lizard heart!!"
"Daj ti grdi sina osel. Grubyub bo hrustljavo krompirček iz ušesa!" Frustrated by his last shot, Grub zeroes in on the giant and lets fly.
Goblin:
"Come on you ugly son of a mule. Grubyub will make crispy fries out of your ears!!" ...not sure if that hits, he's a biggun though, an we got elevation! ...wait, he stood up though, huh?
He laughs his devilish, red-eyed laugh and uses his move action to turn around and, using his free hand, shows the beast his rump. "Ne upajo pogledati v zeleno oko!" Grub taunts the giant.
Goblin:
"Beware! Do not look into the green eye!!" The goblin looks at the others. "Get to making the bleeding!! FIGHT!!"
The little green devil gives the two headed monstrosity another few thrusts, laughing his horrid black heart silly. "Grubyub panna ühte kõrva! Söö, mida kaks headed muda humpes!"
Goblin:
Grubyub put one in your ear! Eat that you two headed mud humpers! He whips out another arrow and lets it fly, still laughing. ...
Grub lets fly a string of nearly unintelligible goblin curses as he prepares to draw another arrow.
"I told you I not a giant, look nothing like him." Grub turns back to the big human and rests a hand on his shoulder. With all sincerity, Grubyub does something he's never done. "Grubyub sorry, Lunk. Me know what it like to be judged by face." With that, a tiny tear trails down the goblin's cheek... With that, the little goblin turns and draws his bow, sighting in on the life-size giant down below.
The devious goblin begins a rigorous flurry of pelvic thrusts aimed at the giant. "Jah, pannes puit oma kahvatu nägu, sa kuradi hobune!!"
Goblin:
"Yeah, putting wood in your pasty-face, you son of a horse!! Still hiding in the corridor leading to the balcony, Sparkly imitates the gruesome display being presented by his master, taking off his tin-cup helmet and giving it a vigorous...loving.
Grubyub lets his horseychopper rest against the railing of the balcony and rubs his dirty, goblin hands together like an Absalom banker over a pile of gold. "Oh boy, Sparkly..." With a barely controlled glee, he pulls his longbow and knocks an arrow. He gestures to Lunk to lean over so he can whisper in his ear. "You put Grubyub real gentle on this here stone railing, Lunk." The goblin pats the railing, thinking it looks just wide enough for him to balance properly. "You put Grub there, then me shoot giant in face."
"Have good time Festerjester! Bring Grub back plenty horsey meat from toonland!! Kill mouse and bring Grub ears!"
Grubyub jumps up and down, throwing his horseychopper in front of him in frustration. Next to him, Sparkly begins jumping and having a fit too. "Nie, nie, nie! Kde obrie Beasty?? Ako Grub ho krvácať a umierať keď tu nie je?" Goblin:
"No, no, no! Where giant beasty?!? How Grub make him bleed and die if he not here?" Once done having his fit, the little goblin snatches up his weapon and marches towards the tunnel leading to the next room. "Grubyub find something, and Grubyub going to kill it!" "Veľký Bip nikdy nerokovali s tým!" he grumbles to himself as he marches into the next tunnel. Goblin:
"Great Bip never dealt with this!" Sparkly tilts his helmet forward in mock toughness and marches after his master. When they hit the mouth of the tunnel though, the raccoon places himself on the wall, allowing only his bandit masked face to peer forward. ...tracking
"Bah! He play bleed and die!" Grub calls triumphantly and marches in after his friends.
Grubyub looks at the sign, red eyes blinking as his head tilts back and forth. What Grub sees...:
Sparkly tugs at the hem of his filthy breeches, Grub looking down at him as the raccoon points at the sign, then holds his forepaws out like he's measuring some distance, then points down the pathway. "Grub no think it say that, Sparkly." With that, he continues forward.
"It's gigantic and we should kills it!" Grug announces and then motions everyone to keep quiet. "You wake beasty, keep quiet." His shrill little goblin voice sets the ear drums on edge. ...Grub sneaks forward, horsey chopper at the ready and visions of glory dancing in his eyes.
Grubyub chitters with glee and falls in line with the Halfling. "Grub and friends finds the treasure, find Killemall's pappy!" He darts forward and busies himself with checking for tracks to see if there's hopefully a hoof print or something. Oh, but he still feels the nagging regret in his little goblin heart for not having burned down the stables outside the castle gates. All those tasty rotten horsies... ...tracking The goblin begins searching the ground leading into the passage, looking for tracks. As he does he begins forming a tune in his mind... Once was a goblin named Gruuuub,
...listening for trouble but apparently distracted by his mind-music. ...but he apparently has no trouble falling into his old habits of being sneaky red-eyed goblin. Behind him, still wearing his tin cup helmet, Sparkly falls in next to Drysten's fox...wait a second, did the raccoon just wink an eye at the fox?
*scrabble scrabble, scrabble* Grub hops down from the bar, feeling a twinge of excitement as Festerjester and Dirtstaindaggers have found the way to go. He sees his companion scratching at the cask of ale. "Not now, Sparkly! We drink when get back..." He steps closer to the raccoon and whispers in his little, fur tufted ear. "Zažgemo to mesto na poti ven. Grub našli mastne stvari!" Goblin: He steps back and the two share a quick dance that would have been cute under normal circumstances...come on, a raccoon with a tin cup as a helmet holding hands with a little goblin as they dance in a circle...but there is the part that Grub's a goblin...and there is the part that he's laughing like a demented devil child.
"We burn this place on way out. Grub find oily stuff!" Their dancing done, the little green hero got back to business. Into his pack Grub puts 5 of the steak knives - because pointy things are useful! - then thinking better of it after a moment he uses some of the napkins to cover the sharpy points in case Sparkly wants to root around. That done, he slips a pair of the flasks of oil into hip pouch, then gathers up the rest - as many as he can hold - in his arms like a man embracing his lover after years apart, then flaps around the bar. He drops them unceremoniously on the floor in the center of the room. "Hey Grandpoobah!" he calls to leGrande, a wicked grin on his little goblin face. "Big present for you! Grubyub find oily, burny stuff. You use make big fire booms!" He clasps his hands together and jumps up and down, then lets his hands fly outwards as he makes whoosh and boom sounds. Grubyub spins and dances his way back to the bar and grabs up his horseychopper, whistling for Sparkly and heading towards the western passage. "Yeah yeah, Kill'em, we find you family! No problem!" He steps to the western door and looks a the other two diminutive members of the party. "What see, Festerjester? You Dirtstaindagger? You two find treasure?" Grub makes stabbing motions down the hallway, a motion quickly mimicked by Sparkly. "Maybe there giant horsey guarding treasure?"
The little goblin ranger squats down next to his friend and grab the onion, chomping happily. He glances around at the supplies in the cabinets searching for any bottles of alcohol. Oh but they would make great fire bombs! Maybe he could be like Grande Frogman, making magical burning potions. "Grubs likes the fire
" Hej, Sparkly, hodiť nejaké jedlo navyše v balení. Možno budeme musieť neskôr!"
Goblin:
"Hey, Sparkly, throw some extra in the pack. We may need later." Grub sings his little tune as he searches for bottles of alcohol. ...then he heard "treasue". He leaps up and clasps the edge of the bar, peering over. "Where treasure? Let's go!"
Grubyub hitches up his breeches a bit after coming to a stop in the large chamber, taking advantage of the proximity of his hand and his derriere to commence a quick scratch. He flaps after Sparkly, absently smelling at his scratching hand while he looks about the place. Not knowing how to read, he gives the signs a miss. Then he hears his animal companion rooting around behind the bar. Grub grins, his red eyes narrowing to little illumined slits and he steps a bit livelier. He casually looks about as he says in Common; "Hey, Sparkly, get out of there, you no be digging and stealing!" ...looking around for others besides the party in the area as his interest is piqued by the raccoon's search. +2 vs Humans ...as Grub pretends he wants Sparkly to stop searching for something interesting. But the little raccoon knows Grub's heart isn't in it. Grubyub waddles around the corner of the counter finding Sparkly digging and rooting for...well something Sparkly. "Çfarë keni, djalosh?" Grub whispers as he ducks behind the counter.
Goblin: "Whatcha got, boy?"
"See! Told you Sparkly find something!" Grubyub hot-foots it down the stairs and follows after his beloved companion. "Wait up you furry gut-sack!" ...to catch a glimpse of danger so I'm not running into a pike or something... ...track Sparkly if I loose him.
Grub rolls up his sleeves and steps forward. "One side, Festerjester, Sparkly's onto something!" The goblin shoulders past him and commences tugging.
Grubyub studies the boy's face as he speaks... ...and decides he's telling the truth. Besides, how many times had Grub stolen meat for the Great Bip the Gnoll? "Sound sad, Call'em Greedy. You make good orphan, get big money on street with your sad story." He flaps over to the boy and pats him on the shoulder. "But no worry, Mr. Fancypants and the rest of us will find your daddy." The red-eyed goblin shrugs a bit to get his bow set right over his shoulder, then lowers his horseychopper to point a the trap door on the ground. His floppy ears twitch a bit as he listens for danger in the room or down thru the trap door. ...and hears nothing. "Hey, Sparkly, have a sniff around. Tell Grubyub if you find anything bad."
"Hey, dirt boy, why people hate you? You a thief?" Grub asks, eyeing him carefully.
Grub crosses his arms, a gesture Sparkly is quick to mimic. "Tiny human, how father go in castle, eh? He leave clues?" He looks back at the party and shrugs. "What, Grubyub not idiot, want quick way to dungeons..." The little goblin snickers at his own words. "Heh, Grub want dungeon." He shakes off the giggles and refocuses so he looks more serious, one hand on his hip, the other on the haft of his chopper. "So?"
Grubyub and Sparkly share a glance, both seem to shrug in response. The little goblin looks up at Fancypants and Lunk and waits patiently for the signal to either burn something down or to simply get going.
Grub keeps his mouth shut. He senses Fancypants is onto something when it comes to Lunk. Better to let him take the lead than get in the way. Besides, he was still a bit depressed about not getting to burn down the tavern.
Grubyub grabs up his chopper, wiping the blood from his lips where he'd bitten the brawler. "Grub agree, Fancypants. Let's get Lunk, then get treasure."
"Ahh!!, Grubyub munch munch!!" The goblin twirls in the grip of the offending human, overly large head opening on the hinges of his jaws, biting down as hard has he can...
Hard Head, Big Bite
Hard Head, Big Bite
"Hah hah! Finally fight come Grubyub's way!" The goblin chitters away as he hops up on the table they're sharing and begins scooping up the mass of sauce laden chicken bones...pausing long enough to slurp off any remainders of meat and cartilage...then begins tossing the entire mess onto the floor where the fighting patrons would be approaching. He gets out a torch from his pack, ready to use it as a club. "Watch, watch fellows!! Grubyub give them the slip!! Then he smash heads with club!!" With a maniacal laugh he swings the club about and then ends with it pointing at Fester, his mirth coming to a dead halt as he points the torch at the gnome, but his eyes are looking at the bar. A positively wondrous revelation booms in his head like a thousand fireworks. "Light me, Festerjester! We bring down house!" Unknown to the goblin who's eyes have promptly glazed over with visions of the entire establishment ablaze, Sparkles the Raccoon is off pilfering shiny things from the tables left behind by the brawling patrons. "Grub gonna light it,
.....
Grub stands with pride as the guards depart. "You guards tell people Grubyub Sloppybreech in town! He kill baddies, big famous!" Next to him, he hears the familiar squeaking of his raccoon companion. He sees the animal standing with a bit of pride himself. "You run off, Sparkly, you not cut baddie like Grubyub. You go hide..." The raccoon folds his forepaws across his chest and glares up at the goblin. Grub glares back. "Fine, next time I pick you up, throw you at baddies!" With that, the goblin hefts his chopper and follows after Daggers and Festerjester. "Hey, where giant man go? Lunk run away?"
Grub plants his polearm in the snow butt first and looks down...err, straight at the bandit kneeling and clutching his guts. "Me Grubyub Sloppybreech, big famous archer. Me hand you a$$ for breakfast, eh?" He notices Dirtydaggers and Festerjester grabbing the man's coin. "Bandit keep shirt, clean self up...you bleed all over pretty snow" He looks up at the arriving constabulary, "Grubyub get reward, yes?"
Grub frowns at the halfling, growling out. "See, Drystendaggers?!? Grubyub miss chance to offer heart to Great Bip!" The goblin spins his weapon about and prepares to strike again. "How dirtbag robber learn lesson not to steal if he no dead?" He dances around the halfling and goes in for the kill. "Grub want t-shirt say, 'me capture your heart in Greyhawk Castleplace!'"
The goblins whoops with delight and jumps up and down leaving little goblins prints in the snow. "Ha ha!! Grubyub slit his throat!!" Grub jumps forward and runs a circle around the downed human. Hearing Festerjester's singing puts the little scamp in a delightful mood! "Now Grubyub crunch,
+2 vs Humans He brings his horseychopper up in a stabbing arc, ready to bury it into the thug's back so he can cut him open like a dead deer...or a dead human. "Ha ha, time for Grubyub to eat!! Great Bip say Grubyub need more heart!" +2 vs Humans / +1 Inspire Courage (Fester)
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