GM Rendwattle Gutwad's page

Aaah, goblins be very clever. Chief make slave do map thing soon as can.

Goblins! You hear slave, he need you help. You know good tool for map?

Slave! Where you go? What happen? Why you not tell gobs bout when bad nits arrive?

Bad slave! There be big ditch long road. Many goblins as want to fit in ditch.

Chief say yes, cause who not speak goblin?

Chief Gutwad have confession to make. Adventurers come by Licktoad camp selling magic sand. Chief buy all of it. Longshanks lie though, and sand not magic, it just sand. So all start with smallest gold based on class. You get biggest pile of sand you want though!

Slave! You stop or Chief poke you with sharp stick. Me not like charter. Me make own charter.

You be mighty goblin gang! You go to place called Green-Belt to find lots of things. Some things be to eat, some things be to burn, something be to poke with sharp things. I don't matter you do really. What matter is dat you make Chief Gutwad good proud. So go, gob crew, and... Make King!

Dat better, you keep talk slave.

Slave say he ready to play. Chief Gutwad start game now?

You not need gob traits, Chief just tell you where to find dem.

Mikmek be Gob-who-not-gob, he take Gob trait-things if he want.

Slave say we do thing called buy-points! Say each gob get ten! Chief Gutwad beat him! He say each gob get twenty!

You also get what longshank call trait-things! Two! Gob trait-things be found here!

Chief Gutwad have big important stuff to be done, so Chief have not much time for playing King Make. But Chief be very clever, and have good idea. Chief make longshanks slave play game sometimes. Say hello to slave gobs!

Chief Gutwad real smart, he make more places to put words-that-travel-real-far!

Gobs! Talk bout things!

Gobs! Assemble!

This be good, 8 gobs and one honorary gob-who-not-really-goblin. You be make big kingdom, make Chief Gutwad good proud.

Now Chief just get ready Make King book, and we play!

1...2...4...2...um...Many gobs play in Make King! Good good!

Chubgrub, you ask bout Blood God dat makes Big Chubgrub eat enemies. Chief Gutwad say yes, dat god you speak of be Venkelvore, who eat anything!

All gobs quiet! Chief Gutwad just get great idea! Chief Gutwad think we play game called Make King! Gang of gobs go to wilderness and found mighty kingdom in Chief Gutwad's name. Me get Make King right away, and we play, and we have fun good.

All gobs who want to play make like dis:

Name of Gob:
As longshanks call it, "Class" of Gob:
Favorite Food of Gob:

Then me give you title, and you be part of Gob exploration party!

Mikmek not goblin... but Mikmek poke with stick and make dog and horse dead! Me like dat!

What you say goblins, we make Mikmek have title of Goblin-Who-Not-Goblin?

Feeva remind Chief of bad gob named Vorka. But Vorka eat goblins, and Feeva only eat longshanks, so Feeva good!

You not worry bout finding Chief Gutwad. We got magic of words-that-travel-real-far, remember?

Dear Chief Gutwad,

You can't read this, because you're a goblin. However, that only makes me want to pull on your cheeks. This is quite an impasse we're at.

You only THINK dat! You forgot me have human slave who read for me! Hah! If Chief ever catch you pulling any goblin cheeks, Chief have Seranov's cheeks cut off right quick!

Chopslot and Wrecktwitch, you Chief's personal Cheek-Cutter and Cheek-Burn-Cook-Food-Maker from now on, yah?

Okki story is good story indeed. Me like stabby parts best. Chief Gutwad welcome Okki back to Licktoads and grant Okki grand title: "Okki Stabs-and-Steals, Killer of Pajama-Humans!"

Okki? Me no heard of Okki. What tribe you from Okki?

I'm going to be a Huntmaster Cavalier! I also want to buy a Mount for myself so I can ride around on a combat-trained horse with a pack of riding dogs. It'll be so much fun!!!

Wait, GM, why are you getting that look in your eye? Is that Alchemist's Fire? AAAAHHHH!!!!!

Seriously though, I'd love to do either an AP or a homebrew. I'd definitely play a martial character of some sort, but it would depend on your requirements.

And the Cavalier thing was just a joke. Please don't kill me.

Chief Gutwad like jokers. Them taste best chopped into pies. Maybe me make you into pie and then throw pie in face. Hah! That be funny joke!

I happen to like my stomach were it is, filthy goblin, so I will give in to your demands for now.

You make good choice filthy human, but you maybe want to cut out stomach anyway? Chief Gutwad very hungry for manmeats.

Me Chief Rendwattle Gutwad. You may know me from adventure book called "We Be Goblins!" It real good book, but me not play big enough role in it. So me take matters into own hands, go kill book-writers. But me not find book-writers, even though me have goblins search all over Golarion.

So Chief Gutwad make up own adventures. Better adventures. But goblins not play Pathfinder with Me, because goblins can't read rule book. Neither can Chief Gutwad. Chief Gutwad have them killed, they make yummy stew.

Now Chief Gutwad get smart. Me have captured human, make him write words-that-travel-real-far. He says they go to message boards, where other stupid humans read them. Me not know what message boards are. Me cut his toes off. They make nice jewelry.

Now Chief Gutwad asks question. You interested in playing game with Chief Gutwad? Me can take you through adventure paths, modules,or even adventures Chief Gutwad make, you name it.

If yes, write words-that-travel-real-far with what Chief Gutwad should do.

If no, cut stomach out and send to Chief Gutwad. Me burn stomachs of all the stupid humans who not play game with Chief Gutwad.