Anxieties stampeding around your brain like Angorian Starbison? Worries multiplying like tribbles on Cialis 9? Thinking feels like fighting a gorn all day long?
Come on down to Ensign Gray's House of Distant Memories!
Here at Ensign Gray's, we specialize in probing the bejabbers out of abductees removing troublesome humanoid mental states from your cerebral cortex. Our methods are safe, proven, and effective. Don't believe me? Just ask--well, don't ask anyone. Because they won't remember. But trust me, it's totally safe, proven, and effective.
For just 11 minutes a day we can have those anxieties on the run! You won't remember a thing! I guarantee it!
This is not a guarantee. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. For entertainment purposes only. Probing may occur. Probing will definitely occur. So much probing. Holy s*&!balls you're getting probed. Buckle down and bite your toothbrush, kiddo. Ensign Gray's is not responsible for recurring nightmares, talk show appearances, or unexpected pregnancies (especially in the male of the species). May cause headaches, monolith worship, or doing weird stuff with mashed potatoes. Consult your doctor before beginning any probing memory wipe program.
