DungeonmasterCal's page

Have fun! A friend of mine mentioned that he might go tonight, too. Serendipity and all that!

The year we lived in St. Louis my boss called me up one day and told me that one of our clients told him we had to go to a baseball game with them (we could bill them for the time...!...). I have zero interest in sportball of any kind. I don't like being in the sun. We stayed for five innings of the Cardinals game before the client said she'd had enough because the Cards were losing.

I don't know what the Venn diagram here is on people who love Iron Maiden AND Blackadder, but I found this video this morning and it brings me joy.

I cannot express how glad I am you shared this LOL

We were fortunate here in central Arkansas. The forecast had been calling for partly cloudy skies for over a week but we didn't have a cloud in the sky for the eclipse. Most of the birds got very quiet and the crickets started to pump up their jam. Some dogs in the neighborhood howled for a moment but nothing crazy happened.

I'm dead.

I live in central Arkansas where we'll have totality. I remember a total eclipse in February of 1979 when I was in high school and still living on our farm. I sat out in the backyard in a lawn chair, surrounded by snow, and wearing my dad's welding helmet to watch it. As totality approached, I took off the helmet to take in the changes in the light of what was a clear winter's day. The silvery veil that colored the land was pure magic. That's when I noticed our chickens hauling a$$ to the hen house like they were on fire. And then our cattle stampeded through a fence into the neighbor's pasture. Magical.

The meet and greet with the new dog went well, but she would demand a level of activity I am no longer able to provide. Chronic pain and accompanying mobility issues would prevent me from giving her lots of walks to burn off happy Labrador energy. But she was just the sweetest pup imaginable. It was hard to not take her home with me immediately.

And as if to accentuate my mobility problems, I fell stepping down into the restaurant we went to after meeting her and her person. I could barely walk the rest of the day and last night and it's not easy today.

DungeonmasterCal wrote:

91: Why are you singling me out? I'm just doing what my Non-Player Characters would do.

Oh man... I said this once to one of those asshat players who would always wreck campaigns using the "it's what my character would do" excuse.

He did not understand. The look on his face was like watching a hamster trying to do calculus. Like, it genuinely baffled him that anyone else in the world (real or imagined) would behave like he did and then use his excuse.

I am honestly, truly not surprised.

91: Why are you singling me out? I'm just doing what my Non-Player Characters would do.

Thank you so much for putting in all of this time and effort! Everything looks fantastic!

I recall reading some years ago about an observatory that began receiving irregularly timed signals that lasted from one to five minutes at a time. They were in the microwave end of the frequency, and that's what led them to find out it was the actual microwave oven in the breakroom.

What has five toes but isn't your foot?

My foot.

LOL!!!

About 20 years ago, my son and I were in that last-minute madness of buying Christmas gifts. I was tired and grumpy and generally just being a dad who wanted to go home and relax after work. As we're walking toward the storefront, he says, "Dad, I love you. But I'm not sure if it's because you're my dad and I'm your son or if it's Stockholm Syndrome." Cue hilarious laughter (and pride that my ten year old son knew what Stockholm Syndrome was).

❤

Addendum: A hunchback is automatically considered to have sanctuary in the area of a chimeswarm...

I saw what you did there.

They don't even have to be Noobs to be that dumb. Oh, no...

I like that it's system agnostic, but I only made it ten pages in before my eyes glazed over lol.

What do you call an annoyed lobster?

A frustracean.

What do you call a person who farts in secret?

A private tutor.

I laughed out loud at this, which startled my dog. Who farted.

There were a lot of them. I think.

That's hilarious! What kind of dogs do you have?

My dogs would lose their minds when they heard a package being checked after delivery. The *beep* was the trigger. They'd bark until they were nearly out of breath.

Then I had to get a new cookstove. To use the various settings on it, you had to push a button. Which sounded EXACTLY like the beeping used by the scanners. So dinner prep was always accompanied by two large dogs barking like thunder for ten minutes.

I've been reading Patrick Stewart's memoir and just learned that he and Brian Blessed were in the same amateur theatre group when they were teenagers. This has led me to the suspicion that young Brian Blessed made his magnificent beard by stealing young Patrick Stewart's hair...

*looks up from monitor in horrified surprise* Dear...God.....It's all coming together... *rushes to look outside to see of the stars are all extinguishing themselves*

Assaulting the cat with a spray bottle because she won't leave the dog alone and surfing the internet while my dishes gently weep.

DungeonmasterCal wrote:

Drejk wrote:

Fantasy Monster: Roaming Sarcophagus.

When a vampire wants to go for a dayride.

This popped into my head the instant I began reading the description:

"Dragula" -- Rob Zombie

And any time I hear "Dragula," what immediately pops into my head is when someone put it over clips of a live action Roald Dahl book.

That made my whole day! LOL

DungeonmasterCal wrote:

Barring a meteor strike I'll get to be a player tomorrow, but I'm faced with a dilemma. It's sort of like a "What do I wear?" but instead it's "What dice to I take?" (I have a lot).

I'd love to hear how the game goes!

First off, my condolences about catching The Bug.I've had it three times (with preventive vaccinations yet) but each time has been very, very mild when compared to what others have gone through. I do have some Long Covid effects, though, such as a greatly diminished sense of taste, occasional vertigo, and brain fog. Hang in there!

The game (a short synopsis). The party was tasked to find a mythical item to save the kingdom from being overrun by another country which has already conquered much of the continent. The champions of the realm were sent out, but knowing the enemy would scry on them they are essentially the decoys to allow our party of first-level nobodies to embark on the quest.

We had a fourteen-day journey by sea to get to a point where we think the enemy nation wouldn't have any advance forces to alert the kingdom of our task. We were attacked once by a group of Skum that clambered aboard. During the fight, our Wizard went down but my ex-wife's (we get along great and are each other's best friend) character, an Omdura, healed her after the fight and we sailed on. A day before we made landfall, a warship from Gotar (our enemy state) spotted us and began a pursuit. There were three ships in our group to its one, and being very large and somewhat armored, it was slow to make its run toward us and one of our ships, a clipper designed for speed, positioned itself between it and our ship. We got away but the fate of the other two ships is unknown. One of them was carrying the realm's champions, too.

We were dropped off just off the very marshy and dreary coast of a country to the south (I need my notes to remember its name). We had used up some of our provisions on the journey, so we haggled with the locals over buying dried, salted fish and used the two lifeboats they gave us to go ashore to travel upriver toward a location on the map where history indicated the last time the item was used in battle, over a thousand years ago. During the early morning hours, a Dire Boar came tearing through our camp, but our Druid used her Animal Empathy ability and then a spell to calm it down and send it on its way without harming us. That's where we left off.

So, it's a basic sort of "Find the MacGuffin to Save the Kingdom" set up. Nothing fancy, as the GM was pretty rusty. But we all had a blast. He used the names of some of our own characters from ages past as names for some of the champions and places. It was a really nice touch and we all told him so. Even the item of our quest, The Black Unicorn, is based on an actual event that took place between myself and a friend when we were introduced to another player who, we came to find out, was a diagnosed pathological liar somewhat detached from reality. He introduced himself as "The Black Unicorn" and that moment is crystalized into the lore of our gaming experience (the introduction went as thus;

Mutual Friend approaches me and my friend Wolf, which is his actual first name. Lots of my friends called me by my surname, which is Roach.

Mutual Friend: "Hey, Wolf, Roach. I'd like you to meet Alan McDonald."

Alan: "Roach and Wolf!! Are those your D&D names? They call me The Black Unicorn!" Wolf politely walked away, holding his laughter as long as he could. His mirth echoed in the concourse of the mall. Alan proceeded to launch into an explosion of of verbiage, to the point of telling us that he drew all of the illustrations in the AD&D 1e DM's Guide but they ripped him off and refused to pay him. I think he'd have been about nine years old when the book was released. FASA Games were always demanding he create Mechs for their games because he was the greatest game designer they had ever seen. Hint: He did not design Mechs.)

And so on it went. I came to find out my ex (then fiancee) knew him from her Political Science classes and a little later I found out he went to high school with two of my players. He is immortalized in our world lol.

Sorry for the wall of text, but there you have it; the first adventure in The Quest For the Black Unicorn is underway. We're only going to play once a month, which is just fine. I'm just grateful to not be the driver of the clown car this time.

The Fellowship of The Golden Horn contains the following classes:

Druid - Played by GM's girlfriend
Wizard - Played by his 17 year old daughter
Ranger - Played by long time friend and power gamer
Omdura - Played by my ex wife
Fighter - (Two-Weapon Warrior archetype) Played by me

I was an actual player for the first time in many years. The party was tasked to find a mythical item to save the kingdom from being overrun by another country which has already conquered much of the continent. The champions of the realm were sent out, but knowing the enemy would scry on them they are essentially the decoys to allow our party of first-level nobodies to embark on the quest.

The GM is one of my friends and players who's been with me for over 35 years. His GMing style is rusty but we still had a lot of fun. We're only going to play once a month, which is fine with everyone, and gives him plenty of time between two jobs and adjusting to a new living arrangement (he and his gf just got their first apartment as a couple). I'm already itching for the next game lol

Scintillae wrote:

Drejk wrote:

Monterey Jack incident?

Last year, I started the tradition of giving the kids proofreading passages - just articles I found and inserted errors into for them to catch. One was from a recipe blog.

A group of girls came near to blows over whether or not Monterey Jack should be capitalized. A table was nearly flipped. I had to intervene by googling it, which started more arguing about cheddar.

Cheddar should absolutely be capitalised. It's a place, in Somerset, SW England.

That's also the place where they found the 9,000 year old remains of a neolithic man and named him for the city, right? As I recall there is a man there who has been determined via genetic testing to be his direct descendent. Ironically, the guy is a history teacher.

Duh. Cheese is serious business. Well, at least real cheese (yes, American "cheese" I am looking at you).

Red-blooded 'Murican here and I hafta to speak up and defend the cheeses of other countries. American cheese sucks.

I'll watch a couple of 10 minute long YouTube videos about criminal profiling and become an expert on the subject, then go back and read Scintillae's posts again.

How is everyone this fine Friday? Any plans for the weekend? Barring a meteor strike I'll get to be a player tomorrow, but I'm faced with a dilemma. It's sort of like a "What do I wear?" but instead it's "What dice to I take?" (I have a lot).

**squee**

After decades of being the Perma-GM I'm getting to join the homebrew campaign created by one of the guys in my group. He and I have gamed together since 1987, with a few years here and there when we didn't live near each other.

Having been the GM for the games he and our friends played in for so long I'm kinda worried I might start behaving like I have Main Character Syndrome. I really hope I can curb the urge to hog the spotlight.

You'll starve to death here.

"We few, we happy brain-free few..."

Drejk wrote:

Fantasy Monster: Monastic Cat

A fairy cat that comes to live with monks in a monastery. Have fun trying to avoid paw-prints all over your holy texts now.

HA!

Love it.

"Alright, who knocked the pope off his throne for no apparent reason again?!"

Holy cats!

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I really needed that laugh. Perfect timing, as usual!

♫Ohhh rom zom com wom a lom a lom

whooaaa rom zom com wom a lom a lom♫

I freaking sang that.

The story of my life - reduced to a side quest.

The when wrote:

Mikdrop Walkov wrote:

There's only one thing left for you to do...

Take a banjo and stuff it in a shoe?

What am I, Ned Beatty's chiropodist?

That's it. I'm dead.

Boo. Hiss. Damn real life getting in the way of fun.

This grownup stuff has its drawbacks, for sure.

Fun Fact: My late father in law "met" Helen Keller. He was still a baby when she visited the church his aunts helped found and she laid her hand on his head and then said, "He must be a beautiful baby".

Do the rest of you have multiple names for your cats/pets, or is it just the humans I know?

For example, when our latest stray started showing up post-Ian, I started calling him Croak Monsieur because of his creaky voice (which turns out he only uses when he can't find anyone, otherwise he uses normal sounding meows), and Dad was calling him Meow Meow. But after he warmed up to us and revealed his loveable goofball nature, I started calling him Ricky Bobby (it was either that or Frank the Tank) and Dad has been calling him Fonzi, Fluffy, and Bailey (the name actually registered for him now). But often none of those names are first to come to mind, so I've also been calling him The Big Meowski, Ned Nederlander (from his habit of leaping off the roof in front of you without advance warning), Boober/Uncle Boober, Mr. Winklebeans, MeowMeowBeans, and Floof of Earl.

I guess my pets have nicknames instead of other "proper" names. The cat, Poppet, is called at various times Pops, Popcat, Poptart, Poppy Cat, Get Off That, and G**dammit Get Off That!

My dog, Buster, is Buster Rhymes, Buster Brown, Silly Old Dog, (he's 12), and Buster Boy.

Drejk wrote:

Alas, I have organizational skills of a macaque on crack.

RELEASE THE MACRACKEN!!!

De-beverage successful. New keyboard plugged in.

Fantasy Monster: Gym Gremlin

That's why I don't go to gyms.

Drejk, I owe you an apology. For a long, long time I've harassed you about publishing your bestiary. Last night I spent several hours on your site, reading blog entries, monster entries, etc. I learned you're already a published game writer with some brilliant work in your resumé. So please accept my humblest apologies. I'm a card carrying member in good standing in Dungeon Dumbaßes (the Eszett/beta character stands in for the "ss" for those not familiar with it. I don't wanna get yelled at by a moderator. Again.). So yeah. Just tell me to shut my yap when I do any other stupid crap.

Drejk wrote:

Fantasy Monster: Arteur Gremlin

This gremlin will happily improve your creative work for your!

I could really use one of these guys these days…

So they are either meddlesome kid siblings or know it all friends and partners. I'm familiar with both!

It's my birthday! I'm 48 time-units today!

So, it's a chore-light weekend for me. Going out to a fancy-ish pizza place tonight for my birthday dinner. I'm going to laze around until I screw that up and do something productive. Rinse and repeat all weekend.

Oh wow! Happy birthday! Enjoy dinner and avoid productivity!

Ho! Ha ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust! Sproing!

Friar Tuck showing off his mad monk skillz.

Scintillae wrote:

Well, the biggest cross is the one you invent to carry yourself.

I spent my morning trying to move a couch up one very narrow flight of stairs and into a room whose door jamb was a half inch too narrow to fit said couch.

I can confirm the accuracy of this observation.

PIVOT!!

Heh. Texas, man. Whatcha gonna do?

It's less the cold and more the darkness.

I have been diagnosed with "reverse seasonal affective disorder", something less than 10% of all seasonal depressive disorders. I don't like bright sunlight, I can't stand the longer days, and I'm actually much, much sadder when the rain or snowfall stops than I am when it's happening. If I were rich and could spread my money around like gravy on a biscuit, I'd travel from pole to pole to maximize the amount of night time I get, except I don't know anyone in those areas. Oh, wait. I do know a guy in Alaska, who describes himself as "the only gay, Communist, pacifistic anarchist in this hemisphere", which suggests he has an evil counterpart in the southern hemisphere, I guess.

Waterhammer wrote:

lol

Dogs are cute.

She cute. She know it.

Tell your dog I said, "Hi!"

It's only January 5 and I'm already deeply surly. This is going to be a long winter if I can't get the Cold Madness under control...

I love my backward little state, but our winters here have become lackluster, lukewarm affairs thanks to climate change. I remember growing up that every winter we had at least one decent snowfall, sometimes two. It's actually a bit colder right now than it's been this time of year in a while, so I'm loving it. It snowed yesterday but then warmed up and rain washed it away *shakes fist at Dan Fogelberg*.