Cruiser1's page

I'd like to "give a hand" (no pun intended ;) to the top 8 on and wish them the best of luck in future rounds! :)

I really don't care for the format you use to present the information.

I formatted my country the same way, with subheadings and bullet points. I found this feedback interesting, especially since you said the opposite when reviewing my country: "Right off the bat I like the format choices you have made—good sections, bullet points. That is a design decision and you did a good job." Of course, the best way to present a country isn't necessarily the best way to present a villain.

I'm not sure if this is truly a villain, but it is close enough.

I consider Elsie to meet the definition of "villain" as defined in the Round 3 rules:

Thank you for your reviews and comments! Ack, first my underwater country is potentially "watered down" by a second water themed entry, and now I'm faced with a second little old lady in this round. Therefore, I request you all "lend me a hand" here (no pun intended ;) and vote for Elsie! :)

We asked for villains. What we got, in some cases, werent so much villains as detailed NPC monsters.

*Must be capable of being a proactive opponent, not simply reactive;
*Must be capable of independent thought and be able to both come up with plans and take actions to thwart the PCs.

It sounds like the last two points on what makes a villain are what some didn't cover well enough.

Hee hee, my villain is covered by one of the entries on the list! However, as others have pointed out, it's not what they are that makes a good or bad villain, but rather what they do, i.e. new twists or just plain execution of a traditional concept. :)

Every day you notice more victims, people with their hands cut off. Today even the mayor, who hired you to investigate, woke up to two bloody stumps. Who or what is doing this and why?

Description: Elsie is a typical "little old lady". She has fiendish characteristics, but keeps them well hidden. She enjoys gossip, knitting, caring for stray cats, and secretly severing the hands of people.

Collecting: Elsie typically begins by using social skills and divination to determine her next victim. She approaches under disguise and/or invisibility, followed by enchantment spells to get her target alone. Then she turns them to stone, breaks their hands off, and finally restores them and escapes. If she's feeling particularly vicious, she may use hold person and a dagger instead.

History: Elsie grew up a street orphan, mistrusted by all due to her heritage. One day she was falsely accused of stealing, the punishment of which was having her hand removed. What little sanity she had to begin with snapped like a twig, and she embarked upon a campaign of revenge against society, resolving to cause as much pain and fear as possible. She's long since got her hand regenerated, however the motivation to ruin the lives of others has remained just as strong over the years.

Lair: Elsie's "lair" is a well-kept manor in a respected neighborhood. Hidden in her basement are all the hands she's collected, nailed to a wall and in varied states of decay. She uses the severed hands as a bonus to scry against victims, taunting them from afar with message and sending spells. She's driven more than one person mad this way, much to her satisfaction.

Strengths

• Stealth: With both Still Spell and Silent Spell, Elsie can cause mayhem without anyone even knowing she's a caster. She uses nondetection to hide her alignment, and magic aura to make it seem like none of her gear is magical. Her "knitting needles" are actually wands.
  
• Information: Elsie makes heavy use of divination. By the time she's confronted, she's most certainly knows they're coming, combined with an intimate knowledge of their strengths and weakness. She sets mental alarm spells throughout her property, so it's hard to ever surprise her.
  
• Influence: Elsie is a respected member of the community. If attacked, she'll feign innocence and scream for help. Her "minions" consist of several dominated servants and unknowing neighbors who will attack on her behalf, posing a moral dilemma to good characters.

• Targeting: Elsie only attacks the rich or powerful. This isn't done out of any compassion for the weak, but rather because they're no challenge. As characters gain levels, they become more tempting targets for her.
  
• Tactics: Elsie seeks to subdue, not kill, so she can collect more trophies. Her hesitation to kill gives enemies opportunity.
  
• Arrogance: Elsie tries to befriend characters, so she can betray them when the time is right. She's also likely to taunt investigators from afar, potentially giving them leads.

ELSIE, THE HAND COLLECTOR CR 15 [+14 level +1 LA]

Female Planetouched (Tiefling) Sorcerer 14
CE Medium Outsider (Native)
Init +2 [Dex]; Senses Darkvision 60 ft., Listen +3, Spot +3 [+1 Wis +2 Alertness]

DEFENSE

AC 22 [10 base +4 mage armor +2 ring +2 Dex +4 shield], touch 14, flat-footed 20 (armor +4, deflection +2, Dex +2, shield +4)
hp 64 (14d4+28) [14 level x 2 Con]
Fort +7 [+4 base +2 Con +1 resistance], Ref +7 [+4 base +2 Dex +1 resistance], Will +11 [+9 base +1 Wis +1 resistance]
Defensive Abilities Resistance to cold 5, electricity 5, and fire 5 [tiefling traits]

OFFENSE

Spd 30 ft.
Melee +2 Dagger +7/+2 (1d4/19-20x2) [-2 Str +2 enchantment]
Ranged Light Crossbow +9 [+7 BAB +2 Dex] (1d8/19-20x2)
Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
Special Attacks darkness (Sp)
Spell-Like Abilities (CL 14th):
1/day: darkness (DC 17)
Spells Known (CL 14th):
0th (6/day): daze (DC 15), detect magic (DC 15), ghost sound (DC 15), mage hand (DC 15), mending (DC 15), message (DC 15), prestidigitation (DC 15), read magic (DC 15), resistance (DC 15)
1st (8/day): alarm (DC 16), burning hands (DC 16), mage armor (DC 16), magic aura (DC 16), shield (DC 16)
2nd (7/day): alter self (DC 17), detect thoughts (DC 17), minor image (DC 17), see invisibility (DC 17), spectral hand (DC 17)
3rd (7/day): clairaudience/clairvoyance (DC 18), fly (DC 18), suggestion (DC 18), summon monster iii (DC 18)
4th (7/day): dimension door (DC 19), greater invisibility (DC 19), locate creature (DC 19), scrying (DC 19)
5th (7/day): break enchantment (DC 20), dominate person (DC 20), sending (DC 20)
6th (5/day): contingency (DC 21), flesh to stone (DC 21)
7th (3/day): grasping hand (DC 22)

TACTICS

Before Combat With her divinations, Elsie is almost certain to be able to buff ahead of time with the following spells (Extended if appropriate): greater invisibility, mage armor, mirror image, resistance, see invisibility, and shield. She may also use alter self to appear as someone else, and set up a minor image to try to get casters to waste spells against it.
During Combat Elsie casts against the opponent deemed most dangerous. Low Will save people get targeted with dominate person or related enchantments, low Fort save opponents get targeted with flesh to stone, and everybody else gets targeted with grasping hand.
Morale If Elsie falls below half health, she will escape using her boots of teleportation. She also has a contingent dimension door set up to move her to a nearby safe location as a free action should she need it.
Base Statistics Str 7 [8 roll -1 age], Dex 12 [10 roll +2 tiefling -1 age +1 leveling], Con 10 [11 roll -1 age], Int 12 [9 roll +2 tiefling +1 age], Wis 13 [12 roll +1 age], Cha 14 [13 roll -2 tiefling +1 age +2 leveling]

STATISTICS

Str 7 [base], Dex 14 [12 base +2 gloves], Con 14 [10 base +4 amulet], Int 12 [base], Wis 13 [base], Cha 20 [14 base +6 cloak]
Base Atk +7/+2; Grp +5/+0 [+7 BAB -2 Str]
Feats Deceitful [level 1], Negotiator [level 3], Extend Spell [level 6], Silent Spell [level 9], Still Spell [level 12], Alertness [Familiar], Simple Weapon Proficiency [Sorcerer]
Skills Bluff +23 [13 rank +5 Cha +2 tiefling +3 Circlet], Concentration +19 [17 rank +2 Con], Diplomacy +12 [+5 Cha +2 synergy +2 Negotiator +3 Circlet], Disguise +10 [+5 Cha +2 Deceitful +3 Circlet] (+12 when acting in character) [+2 synergy], Forgery +3 [+1 Int +2 Deceitful], Gather Information +8 [+5 Cha +3 Circlet], Hide +4 [+2 Dex +2 tiefling], Intimidate +10 [+5 Cha +2 synergy +3 Circlet], Knowledge (Arcana) +6 [5 rank +1 Int], Knowledge (Local) +2 [1 rank +1 Int], Knowledge (Nobility and Royalty) +2 [1 rank +1 Int], Listen +3 [+1 Wis +2 Alertness], Move Silently +5 [+2 Dex +3 cat familiar], Sense Motive +3 [+1 Wis +2 Negotiator], Spellcraft +13 [10 ranks +1 Int +2 synergy], Spot +3 [+1 Wis +2 Alertness], Use Rope +3 [1 rank +2 Dex]
Languages Common, Infernal
SQ Familiar, darkvision 60 ft., resistance to cold 5, electricity 5, and fire 5 [tiefling traits]
Combat Gear Wand of charm person, Wand of hold person, Wand of invisibility, Wand of mirror image, Boots of Teleportation, Dagger +2, Light Crossbow; Other Gear Amulet of Health +4, Circlet of Persuasion, Cloak of Charisma +6, Gloves of Dexterity +2, Ring of Mind Shielding, Ring of Protection +2

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Summon Familiar (Ex) Orange tabby cat named Peaches
Tiefling Traits (Ex) Darkvision 60 ft., resistance to cold 5, electricity 5, and fire 5

Now that voting has closed, I wanted to thank you all again for your comments, praises, and concerns. Tomorrow we'll see how Olanra did in the voting (i.e. whether it sinks or swims :) and whether you'll be able to see more content from me in future rounds. :)

Maybe I am not envisioning things properly but I can't imagine why in a wide open ocean (where you can go down, up, and around) invaders wouldn't just go around the northern fortress of Necrith. It just seems a little contrived.

Necrith has a population of 50,000, so it's more than just a fortress. Our countries only mentioned "notable settlements", where there are certainly other smaller outposts along the border too. Invaders can indeed just swim over and past, however that runs the risk of them being discovered and trapped between the armies of Necrith and the even larger capital city to the south.

an underwater crystal city just seems silly since I have never seen or heard of crystals being found underwater.

Actually, most real crystals are formed in liquid solutions. Think of the school classes or chemistry sets or that allow one to grow their own crystals.

When I saw Efalfa, I immediately thought of ordering sprouts online.

Heh! If I could go back, I'd certainly change that name. However at least "alfalfa" is the farming town, which makes it easy to remember. Sometimes real world cities or words from other languages sound funny, so it's realistic in that respect.

Speaking of names, did anybody notice that Necrith, Efalfa, Wasmark, and Scythis, start with letters that indicate their direction: North, East, West, and South? And the capital i.e. middle city Meridel of course starts with "M"? That's a simple way to memorize the cities and where they're located. :)

A small army of Krakens just isn't feasible. How many sahuagin does it take to control four gargantuan monsters which are bigger, faster, stronger, smarter, tougher, etc. If I were one of the kraken, I would just take leadership and POOF!: an army of sahuagin.

There are enough Sahuagin to be a threat to a town of 50,000 Merfolk, some of which have up to 13 class levels. Some of the Sahuagin have class levels too, where the Sahuagin tribal leader might be able to solo a Kraken just like Queen Kalia can. Having the Kraken be the real leaders is an interesting concept. However my thinking was that the Sahuagin didn't enslave the Kraken, as much as form an agreement with them. Or maybe high level Sahuagin casters did manage to dominate a few Kraken. The PC's can still participate in this storyline even if they're lower level. They can be the scouts who detect the Kraken so the Necrith army can properly prepare, they can sneak in and dispel the domination so the Kraken are free and turn on their masters, etc.

They worship Nature deities, but they don't have enough druids to farm properly?

Olanras usually don't worship at all. If anything, they follow the concepts of having fun or acquiring power. For the few who are religious, I couldn't mention the standard pantheon since it's not OGL, and due to space constraints I didn't want to make up a new god (although as the judges said, that would have been a good opportunity) hence I just mentioned generic ocean or nature deities.

I might vote for this entry just for the halibut.

Ha ha! Although I don't want to "drift" too far off topic, I must say that we seem to be the "mast"-er of puns in this thread! ;)

Enchantment under the Sea! Heh. Was that an intentional Back to the Future reference? Points if so.

Alas, since we're not allowed to expand upon our entries on the message board, the answer to this question will have to remain a mystery until after the voting! :)

I also share some people’s sentiment that it all seems a bit too clean and cheery. Yeah, it’s a fine line; if you went too far the other way you’d probably get accused of doing a ‘stereotypical’ evil under-sea nation …

Indeed, finding the right balance to create a realistic society that isn't too gimmicky can be a challenge. This is an interesting feedback topic. Although the capital Maridel is certainly clean, at least on the "surface" (no pun intended :) do you think that overpowers the industrial Scythis which is quite different? Is the purity of Queen Kalia too much for the corruption and semi-lawlessness that she's surrounded by?

I think it’s a pretty good entry – though I fear with the other underwater entry, your vote may be watered down (badda-boom).

I hope not! I have something special planned for my Round 3 villain. However if you want to know what it is, I need enough votes to make it to that round in the first place. :) The way I like to see it, with nearly 3/4 of the Earth's surface covered with water, my totally underwater entry and that other half underwater entry should get 75% of the votes, where all the other countries have to share the other 25%, hee hee. ;) Anyway, until my next post, I "wave" good-bye to you all (badda-boom. :)

Thanks to everyone who's read and commented so far! All three judges recommended this move to the next round, where I hope some of those who haven't selected their favorites yet will "sea" the potential here too and give Olanra one of their votes. :)

A single kraken is nigh unstoppable...and the idea of what this city might have done to deserve this scale of wrath is just --hard to fathom (*badum-pah* sorry, bad pun).

Note a D&D Kraken is only CR 12. A level 15 character (such as Queen Kalia) should be able to solo one. Although a group of Kraken would certainly be a serious threat, they can be defeated, especially if known about in advance and prepared for.

I think I want to use this item on the red dragon my group is getting ready to wack :)

The Orb indeed isn't as useful for players attacking a Red Dragon, since as mentioned it doesn't protect against breath weapons. However it would be an interesting item for the Dragon itself to carry as defense against the players' attacks. I've always thought Dragons should make better use of the items in their hoard, just as players tend to carry most of their wealth on their backs as equipment.

Olanra
"Undersea enchantment"

Description: Air breathing races are often unaware of the rich societies contained in the ocean depths. The nation of Olanra lies at the bottom of the Cobalt Sea. It's populated by Merfolk (80%), Locathah (10%), and Aquatic Elves (10%). Olanra is bordered on the east by a human continent, the south by a line of semi-active volcanoes, the west by the Lawless Islands, and the north by bands of barbaric Sahuagin, Scrag, and other underwater monsters.

Capital: Maridel (pop. 100,000). Also called the Crystal City, Maridel lies in the middle of the country, and is built over the ruins of a much older civilization. Next to the city are the Crystal Caves, a maze-like set of rock crystal tunnels, some of which are mines for more valuable gems. Much of the city is constructed of crystal, where the support of the surrounding water allows delicate and beautiful construction that wouldn't be possible on land. Swimming allows for unique geometry throughout the city, such as entrances in floors and ceilings. Maridel is famous for its clear water, which allows seeing four times as far as normal. The capital also has a focus on magic, and contains several mage schools. The royal palace consists of a building exactly as buoyant as water, tethered so it doesn't drift in the currents, hovering over the rest of the city. That makes it very hard to infiltrate, since guards can keep watch in all directions. The capital city's crest, and by extension that of the whole country, is a shell containing a glowing pearl.

Notable Settlements:

• Necrith (pop. 50,000): This well-guarded outpost is a wall against the enemies to the north. Olanra was originally founded when Sahuagin raiding parties forced the various towns and cultures to band together in defense. Olanran fighting techniques involve schools of warriors attacking with lances, longspears, and tridents from multiple random directions at once (including from above and below). Necrith's local crest is a set of silver scales.
  
• Efalfa (pop. 20,000): Centered among seaweed forests and giant coral reefs, this farming community produces most of the food for the nation. It also grows rare herbs and plants only available underwater. A major air breather shipping route passes directly overhead, where experienced sailors know that to dump garbage overboard can be a death sentence, and may result in an irate Olanran summoning a Water Elemental against them. Efalfa's crest is a wavy green spiral.
  
• Wasmark (pop. 20,000): This trading town exists on the slopes of one of the Lawless Islands, close to the surface. Olanrans distrust air breathers, but get along better with the pirates, tribes, and free peoples that live among the islands. Most anything can be purchased in Wasmark if one is willing to pay the right price. This is wild town, where one should keep an eye on their coinpurse and not swim down any dark alleys. Wasmark's crest is two grinning fish heads.
  
• Scythis (pop. 50,000): This city at the southern limits was originally established as a watchpost against volcanic eruptions, and was built on the slopes of an underwater mountain to avoid lava flows. Later it grew into a manufacturing town due to the large amount of metallic ore produced by volcanic activity. Silt from steam vents and industry fills the water here, making it count as murky with respect to sight distance. Unstable and dangerous lava tube caves lead deep underground. The crest of Scythis is a flaming harpoon.

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral. Olanran society is loosely held together, and has a carefree nature that reflects the sea's continuously changing currents.

Religion: Olanrans aren't very religious, where they tend to believe in Neutral nature deities if they believe at all. Casters focus more on arcane magic.

Ruler: Queen Kalia (Merfolk Bard 15, Neutral Good). She's unmarried, although frequently wooed due to her position and charisma. Her elite guard is the Order of the Narwhal, consisting of various classes, who keep tabs on the other cities and potential enemies, and occasionally even conduct missions on land. There are no official rules for how the King or Queen is chosen, where so far disagreements during times of leadership change haven't led to conflict. Queen Kalia has been working to better organize the government and establish formal and positive relations with air breathers.

Government: Presided over by the Queen is the High Council, containing a few dozen house nobles, city governors, or anybody who can bribe, manipulate, or intimidate their way into it. Izok (Merfolk Sorcerer 13, Neutral Evil), the local governor of Scythis, is generally considered the second most powerful in the kingdom after the Queen. What laws there are provide protection against the worst crimes, although they're enforced erratically, where a person with money or connections can often get special treatment. Olanra has been prosperous because there's enough resources and jobs to keep everyone busy.

DM Secrets:

• Maridel: The capital was built over the ruins of a human city that fell beneath the sea in an ancient calamity. Some of the Crystal Caves are closed off because they contain undead or other horrors from past eras. Certain tunnels, if followed far enough, connect with the southern volcanoes.
  
• Necrith: Adventurers can easily be hired to help defend the city, or conduct raiding parties against monsters. The Sahuagin have been raising a small army of Kraken they intend to use to invade Necrith.
  
• Efalfa: The growth of the nation, combined with the lack of Druids or high level divine casters, has resulted in unsustainable farming practices. Olanra's prosperity and stability is at risk if this continues for much longer.
  
• Scythis: Deep within the lava tube labyrinth lies a portal to infernal realms, being used by a group of devils trying to establish a foothold on the material plane. Governor Izok is in league with these fiends and is plotting to have Queen Kalia assassinated, so he can seize power and lead the country in a much different direction.

I like the item, but it seems a bit pricey to me. For 25,000 you can get a ring of evasion which is always on and lets you often avoid the effects of area of effect spells (and also supernatural abilities such as breath weapons).

Note the Blindspot Orb is unslotted, which doubles the price. You can always make use of an Orb (even multiple Orbs) but a Ring of Evasion is only useful if you have a free ring slot. One of the main benefits of the Orb is it works against all area effect spells, even the dangerous ones with no save.

The only concern I have about it is that it is directly related to the Shape Spell ability of an Archmage. This item does have limitations, but with it being so similar, I could see a lot of room for abuse at lower levels.

Indeed, this is a one-shot limited form of the Archmage's Shape Spell ability. Note the Orb was originally inspired by the level 7 spell spell turning, which protects you against targeted spells, but not area effects. (Hence I considered an option to protect against area effects, but not targeted effects.) Concerning potential abuse, if you have a free 60,000 gold to spend at lower levels, I think there are much more effective ways to powergame your character.

It bugs me that it's written in 2nd person though. Aren't all the SRD items in 3rd person?

The SRD wondrous item Bead of Force is written in 2nd person. However you are indeed right that most items are in 3rd person.

the sentence that starts ", where you can still be affected..." was a bit clunky for me.

I used passive voice, where the active voice is generally preferred in writing. The text "you can still be affected by that spell if you move into it before its duration expires" would probably have been better worded as "the spell affects one if they move into it before its duration expires". My excuse: This is an abjuration item, where abjurers are the gentlest of the casters. ;)

About my item's Lore, note many items in the Magic Item Compendium are worded similarly. For example, the Mantle of Second Chances finishes with text along the lines of, "Lore: A human bard named Evla, who had a knack for getting herself into tight situations, designed the original mantle of second chances." However, since the judges were looking for SRD formatted wondrous items, none of which have lore, it indeed would have been better to just leave out altogether.

People can't resist it because there's a measure of ego-inflation in the idea of getting your character a measure of fame by having it printed. Blame Gygax and company. ;) Their characters started it.

Ha ha, guilty as charged! What can I say, I'm old school and appreciate D&D's founders. ;) Note the lore was also intended as a bit of subtle humor, namely that if my item wasn't accepted this time, then I would be back next year with a better one. :)

My item also clocked in at exactly 200 words (as counted by MS Word). That includes the title, physical description, and lore (but not BBCode tags). Most of this was taken up by the item mechanics, along the lines of "both gloves must be worn for the magic to be effective", to ensure people know exactly what it can and can't do. Brevity is important, but concise extra clarification can be valuable as well.

Blindspot Orb
This fist sized hollow crystal sphere contains a second small sphere inside of it, which rattles around when shaken. You can activate a blindspot orb up to three times per day as an immediate action to prevent an area affect spell or spell-like ability from affecting the squares you're in. That spell's area is considered to not include your squares in the first place. You can use this ability on spells you cast as well as those cast by others. Activation only affects the initial casting area of the spell, where you can still be affected by that spell if you move into it before its duration expires, or if the spell's area later moves so that active parts of it touch you. A blindspot orb has no effect against targeted spells, rays, touch attacks, or supernatural abilities such as breath weapons.

Lore: An elven wizard named Cypus Poundrum, after finishing second place in an arcane duel competition due to an area effect spell cast by his opponent, crafted the first blindspot orb, which enabled him to win the next year.

Moderate abjuration; CL 7th; Craft Wondrous Item, lesser globe of invulnerability; Price 60,000 gp; Weight 2 lb.