RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16
aka Cruiser1
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Olanra
"Undersea enchantment"
Description: Air breathing races are often unaware of the rich societies contained in the ocean depths. The nation of Olanra lies at the bottom of the Cobalt Sea. It's populated by Merfolk (80%), Locathah (10%), and Aquatic Elves (10%). Olanra is bordered on the east by a human continent, the south by a line of semi-active volcanoes, the west by the Lawless Islands, and the north by bands of barbaric Sahuagin, Scrag, and other underwater monsters.
Capital: Maridel (pop. 100,000). Also called the Crystal City, Maridel lies in the middle of the country, and is built over the ruins of a much older civilization. Next to the city are the Crystal Caves, a maze-like set of rock crystal tunnels, some of which are mines for more valuable gems. Much of the city is constructed of crystal, where the support of the surrounding water allows delicate and beautiful construction that wouldn't be possible on land. Swimming allows for unique geometry throughout the city, such as entrances in floors and ceilings. Maridel is famous for its clear water, which allows seeing four times as far as normal. The capital also has a focus on magic, and contains several mage schools. The royal palace consists of a building exactly as buoyant as water, tethered so it doesn't drift in the currents, hovering over the rest of the city. That makes it very hard to infiltrate, since guards can keep watch in all directions. The capital city's crest, and by extension that of the whole country, is a shell containing a glowing pearl.
Notable Settlements:
- Necrith (pop. 50,000): This well-guarded outpost is a wall against the enemies to the north. Olanra was originally founded when Sahuagin raiding parties forced the various towns and cultures to band together in defense. Olanran fighting techniques involve schools of warriors attacking with lances, longspears, and tridents from multiple random directions at once (including from above and below). Necrith's local crest is a set of silver scales.
- Efalfa (pop. 20,000): Centered among seaweed forests and giant coral reefs, this farming community produces most of the food for the nation. It also grows rare herbs and plants only available underwater. A major air breather shipping route passes directly overhead, where experienced sailors know that to dump garbage overboard can be a death sentence, and may result in an irate Olanran summoning a Water Elemental against them. Efalfa's crest is a wavy green spiral.
- Wasmark (pop. 20,000): This trading town exists on the slopes of one of the Lawless Islands, close to the surface. Olanrans distrust air breathers, but get along better with the pirates, tribes, and free peoples that live among the islands. Most anything can be purchased in Wasmark if one is willing to pay the right price. This is wild town, where one should keep an eye on their coinpurse and not swim down any dark alleys. Wasmark's crest is two grinning fish heads.
- Scythis (pop. 50,000): This city at the southern limits was originally established as a watchpost against volcanic eruptions, and was built on the slopes of an underwater mountain to avoid lava flows. Later it grew into a manufacturing town due to the large amount of metallic ore produced by volcanic activity. Silt from steam vents and industry fills the water here, making it count as murky with respect to sight distance. Unstable and dangerous lava tube caves lead deep underground. The crest of Scythis is a flaming harpoon.
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral. Olanran society is loosely held together, and has a carefree nature that reflects the sea's continuously changing currents.
Religion: Olanrans aren't very religious, where they tend to believe in Neutral nature deities if they believe at all. Casters focus more on arcane magic.
Ruler: Queen Kalia (Merfolk Bard 15, Neutral Good). She's unmarried, although frequently wooed due to her position and charisma. Her elite guard is the Order of the Narwhal, consisting of various classes, who keep tabs on the other cities and potential enemies, and occasionally even conduct missions on land. There are no official rules for how the King or Queen is chosen, where so far disagreements during times of leadership change haven't led to conflict. Queen Kalia has been working to better organize the government and establish formal and positive relations with air breathers.
Government: Presided over by the Queen is the High Council, containing a few dozen house nobles, city governors, or anybody who can bribe, manipulate, or intimidate their way into it. Izok (Merfolk Sorcerer 13, Neutral Evil), the local governor of Scythis, is generally considered the second most powerful in the kingdom after the Queen. What laws there are provide protection against the worst crimes, although they're enforced erratically, where a person with money or connections can often get special treatment. Olanra has been prosperous because there's enough resources and jobs to keep everyone busy.
DM Secrets:
- Maridel: The capital was built over the ruins of a human city that fell beneath the sea in an ancient calamity. Some of the Crystal Caves are closed off because they contain undead or other horrors from past eras. Certain tunnels, if followed far enough, connect with the southern volcanoes.
- Necrith: Adventurers can easily be hired to help defend the city, or conduct raiding parties against monsters. The Sahuagin have been raising a small army of Kraken they intend to use to invade Necrith.
- Efalfa: The growth of the nation, combined with the lack of Druids or high level divine casters, has resulted in unsustainable farming practices. Olanra's prosperity and stability is at risk if this continues for much longer.
- Scythis: Deep within the lava tube labyrinth lies a portal to infernal realms, being used by a group of devils trying to establish a foothold on the material plane. Governor Izok is in league with these fiends and is plotting to have Queen Kalia assassinated, so he can seize power and lead the country in a much different direction.
Submission checklist:
Submitted on time? Check.
Submission is a "country"? Check.
Submission contains all of the mandatory content as required by the contest rules? Check.
Submission is within the word limit? Check. 1000, right on.
Submission is free of inappropriate content in violation of the "taboo" guidelines? Check.
Submission does not use content from a source other than those listed? Check.
Submission does not reference a published campaign setting? Check.
Submission does not include maps or art? Check.
Submission is a suitable setting for roleplaying with the d20 system? Check.
Submission is not a "joke" or otherwise completely fails to meet the minimum requirements of the competition or other contest rules? Check.
I disagree with Wolfgang that this is the lesser of the two aquatic entries. I prefer this one.
Fluff (writing, grammar, style, evocative prose, etc.): B
Well written. Didn’t grab me by the throat. But not boring either. You did well with the words you had. Some sentence structure and passive voice issues.
Crunch (basics, rules issues, depth of the setting, details, etc.): B-
Some good passing crunch. Could have used more.
Design (choices made, format, naming, originality, theme, balance--ie, is the submission heavy in one part but lacking in another?): B-
The Good: Right off the bat I like the format choices you have made—good sections, bullet points. That is a design decision and you did a good job. Real good DM Secrets. I like the names.
The Bad: I was disappointed in your lack of use of religion. That seemed like a startling waste of an interesting opportunity. Like the other aquatic entry, I am not seeing a strong design theme beyond the initial choice to use an aquatic setting. Unlike Wolfgang, I like that your country is primarily underwater (except for Wasmark).
Play (setting for adventure? campaign? is there conflict? are there play limitations?): B
The limitation and the attraction come from the same place: it is an aquatic setting. I will take a bit away because in this limitation it does not inspire additional choices. Sometimes in a limited or niche setting, that limitation can be turned into a positive by stressing that PCs now can try something they haven’t before. Those options aren’t offered here. But the play is solid for an aquatic setting.
Tilt (my personal take, is it evocative? do I want to play there? does it capture my imagination?): B
I like it and I find the conflict here ones that I would like to explore. It isn’t blowing the doors off other entries, but it is solid.
Overall: B
A workmanlike and interesting aquatic setting that takes the bold risk of being almost entirely underwater. Excellent formatting and good content make up for a submission that could use a clearer theme.
RECOMMENDED for top 16.
I'm not surprised that Walter would do something unique and interesting. I thought his Blindspot Orb was great.
Good luck!
Chief Creative Officer, Publisher
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Immediately I'm getting images of DC Comics Atlantis, and for me at least that is a good thing. The game is rife with undersea humanoids but so far there has been precious little development of them, and what development there has been generally kind of sucks.
So I appreciate that someone tackled the challenge of making a cool and interesting undersea kingdom. I'd say you achieved that admirably, but given that this is such a weird and out of the way locale I think I would have appreciated more attention to Olanra's interaction with the surface world, particularly something I could use as inspiration to haul my party there.
I mean I think the nation is interesting and well written and stuff, but I just don't have a great idea of why I would want to bring my campaign there. An undersea kingdom is so nonstandard that I'm unlikely to set an entire campaign there, so why will my players want to visit?
The names are generally pretty cool, but I guarantee you Eflafa is going to be called "Alfalfa" at the gaming table. This will almost certainly lead to bad Eddie Murphy impressions of Buckwheat, and all of a sudden the Little Rascals have taken over your gaming table. Mark my words.
I could have used more links to the surface world, but beggars can't be choosers at this stage in the game and I appreciate you taking on the difficulty of an underwater kingdom.
I recommend that this entry advance to the next round.
Kobold Press
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As I noted over in Russ Taylor's Eluraelon entry, I think this isn't quite as strong as the second undersea country, but it does the job better than most undersea nations I've seen over the years. It's an area filled with a record of failure, so your taking the risk to try this niche (and largely) succeeding says a lot about your ability.
Right away, your name for the country and the premise of merfolk getting some attention start off strong. I have a pet peeve about New Age crystal everything, so that whole caves things rubbed me the wrong way, but the idea of crystal mined for building material is a wonderful way to explain the glasslike architecture of an Atlantean city. The buoyant palace is another nice, concrete, imaginative touch that really defines the place.Likewise, the little details about crests and fighting techniques are useful as well.
Your language is fairly evocative and well-crafted throughout.
My big beef is that I'm not sure where the players fit into this. As Erik said, why would they visit? Maybe the arcane knowledge, but frankly, the DM Secrets aren't all that compelling for such an exotic setting. I think the country writeup is not as focussed on how and where adventure happens as Eluraelon, and that gets it less marks overall from me.
Recommended for Top 16.
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 6
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Dedicated Voter Season 6
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Interesting entry. I was happy to see another take on underwater adventure in the contest. As a voter, I'm really looking for something more than "just another fantasy kingdom", and this meets the test for me. Of course, I still have 29 more entries to read :)
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I had plans for an undersea kingdom myself. You went a different route than I went, which is always a good. I'd love to see a Golarion II setting focusing on the underwater realms of the world, and the more diversity the judges see now, the more likely that is to happen.
Shortlisted, since with two aquatic countries, I can't just follow my "most like my setting" rule by clicking on the aquatic submission. :)
Sure you can. You get to select 5 countries.
RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16
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Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Rusty Ironpants
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I really like this entry. Kudos for making an undersea country that was not sterotypically evil like in so many published adventures over the years. I also liked the format you used, everything was clear and understandable.
I think an aquatic country may be unique enough to get you advanced to the next round. Good luck.
Now I need to go read the other aquatic entry and compare.
~Rusty
The Crystal Caves make me immediately think of Mary Stewart's book, so renaming would be good. I do have concerns about some of the names (and in addition to Efalfa/Alfalfa I think some of the others are suspectible). That said, there's some imagination here and intrigue. (I haven't read the other underwater country yet.)
I don't know about this. I mean I don't hate it, but it really does commit one of the two great cardinal sins of fantasy setting design. It's really too clean and perfect and beautiful. "Underwater Enchantment" really says it all. It just gives me this very Barbie feel that I really sort of viscerally dislike. I dig wonder and majesty, but I really get the feeling from this that it's a big travelog about just how cool and awesome this place is compared to all those dirty dirtdweller places. It's all crystal, multistoried wonder with supernaturally clean un-murky water and a lovely queen who everyone wants but isn't interested in pursing the enamorations of any of her myriad suitors. Her Order of the Narwhal Guard was funny though. That made me smile. It just seems really too sugary sweet for my taste, with the only darkside being that they are righteously cranky to the point of murder when dealing with the aforementioned "dirty humans".
"You LITTERED?? In MY crystal utopia!! BWAAAH! Water Elemental Death to you ALL!!"
I could do with less of that in my fantasy. That and if a small army of Krakens is coming to destroy anything...sorry it's gone. I can't imagine a group of PC's who would get that quest and not just immediately start packing their bags...travelling bubble? and get out of Dodge. A single kraken is nigh unstoppable...and the idea of what this city might have done to deserve this scale of wrath is just --hard to fathom (*badum-pah* sorry, bad pun).
The undersea element does not lend itself well to most players I would guess. I realize this was meant to be a contest in creativity but just being undersea doth not creative make.
This is a bit too Disney-esque for my tastes. “Undersea Enchantment”, “forests of seaweed”. Just not evoking high-adventure in a fantasy setting for me, especially compared to the other water-borne entry which I prefer over this one.
The thought of there being unique geometry was trying to be evocative but the example was a “door in the ceiling”, darn I was really anticipating something cool here. I don’t know what it could have been myself but it is not my entry. Entertain me darn it.
The crests are a really cool touch and I like many of them. Do they have any significance beyond the obvious connection to the sea though? I think that could have helped set this entry apart from others.
The Lawless Island is a cool idea but how is it unique from other cool lawless settings or countries designed by others in the past? (Boo to pirates!)
Scythis is a way cool name. The writing describing the place leaves me longing for something else though. (Efalfa is not so cool however. Too much like my home states major crop and an old TV character)
Alignment section says the people live a carefree nature like the changes of the sea but I don’t see that theme carried over the rest of the entry.
I was not blown away by this and I don’t see myself voting for 2 entries that have a water theme.
Forged Goo Adventure Scale: Not Good
As I read entries I try to think of what I would create as adventures for my characters. This entry did not get my juices going very much. There are some possibilities for social role-playing over combat oriented stuff but then why add the extra difficulty of doing it undersea?
Thanks for the effort these are fun to read and think about.
Goo
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RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16
aka Cruiser1
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Thanks to everyone who's read and commented so far! All three judges recommended this move to the next round, where I hope some of those who haven't selected their favorites yet will "sea" the potential here too and give Olanra one of their votes. :)
A single kraken is nigh unstoppable...and the idea of what this city might have done to deserve this scale of wrath is just --hard to fathom (*badum-pah* sorry, bad pun).
Note a D&D Kraken is only CR 12. A level 15 character (such as Queen Kalia) should be able to solo one. Although a group of Kraken would certainly be a serious threat, they can be defeated, especially if known about in advance and prepared for.
I just can't shake the "Back to the Future" prom riff I have going now; thanks for that.
Hmm. Part of it strikes as quite generic underwater setting (couple of points brought up visions of Istar in Dragonlance) and certain Disney magic kingdom flavor is indeed there (which again might make it good should I sometimes pursue that campaign with unashamed fairytale feel), but DM secrets brought up interesting new viewpoints.
And I really like the style of the writing.
A contender for my vote, but let us see...
Very ambitious but you lost me at the crystal city and the lone fortress protecting the entire northern border.
The crystal city is a little cliched for me while an underwater crystal city just seems silly since I have never seen or heard of crystals being found underwater. A coral city or one carved out of the sides of a deep trench in the ocean or on the sides of continental shelves would have been really cool and a much better choice. Perhaps a city of sand-castles magically held together?
Maybe I am not envisioning things properly but I can't imagine why in a wide open ocean (where you can go down, up, and around) invaders wouldn't just go around the northern fortress of Necrith. It just seems a little contrived.
I think this country may have suffered from the word count but I want an undersea country that uses more of what you actually find in the ocean. The country doesn't have to be evil but make it dark and gritty, there is a lot of sand underwater so use it.
Besides those two issue above I am not a particular fan of countries that require my party to be at certain levels in order to travel/adventure there.
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Enchantment under the Sea! Heh. Was that an intentional Back to the Future reference? Points if so.
This one is pretty unique (or would be if there wasn’t another underwater themed entry) and well written … but I fear that it’s a bit too niche for many people’s tastes. I think maybe the other entry with above and below the wave elements may have been a better way to go. I can’t see getting that much mileage out of this one as a player or DM.
I also share some people’s sentiment that it all seems a bit too clean and cheery. Yeah, it’s a fine line; if you went too far the other way you’d probably get accused of doing a ‘stereotypical’ evil under-sea nation … but I admit to having a bias for my fantasy to be dark and gritty.
Unlike for some people, the names didn’t really work for me somehow. Apart from the obvious Alfalfa, for some reason the four settlement names just don’t say underwater nation to me. Not sure why.
Despite these criticisms, I think it’s a pretty good entry – though I fear with the other underwater entry, your vote may be watered down (badda-boom).
I like your writing. Very clear descriptions. Great oranization.
Good entries for the settlements.
I liked the entries in the DM Secrets section excepet for the Elfalfa one.
Definitely a fan of the organization of this entry. Shows some thinking about the bigger picture.
But...
Not a big fan of the content. I can't help but feel an underwater setting should be so very much cooler than this feels (same with the other one as well). Feels like missed opportunities.
Also brought a few too many visuals of Everquest's underwater settings to my head. That's probably my own failing, but there are a couple of specific images there...
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RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16
aka Cruiser1
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Enchantment under the Sea! Heh. Was that an intentional Back to the Future reference? Points if so.
Alas, since we're not allowed to expand upon our entries on the message board, the answer to this question will have to remain a mystery until after the voting! :)
I also share some people’s sentiment that it all seems a bit too clean and cheery. Yeah, it’s a fine line; if you went too far the other way you’d probably get accused of doing a ‘stereotypical’ evil under-sea nation …
Indeed, finding the right balance to create a realistic society that isn't too gimmicky can be a challenge. This is an interesting feedback topic. Although the capital Maridel is certainly clean, at least on the "surface" (no pun intended :) do you think that overpowers the industrial Scythis which is quite different? Is the purity of Queen Kalia too much for the corruption and semi-lawlessness that she's surrounded by?
I think it’s a pretty good entry – though I fear with the other underwater entry, your vote may be watered down (badda-boom).
I hope not! I have something special planned for my Round 3 villain. However if you want to know what it is, I need enough votes to make it to that round in the first place. :) The way I like to see it, with nearly 3/4 of the Earth's surface covered with water, my totally underwater entry and that other half underwater entry should get 75% of the votes, where all the other countries have to share the other 25%, hee hee. ;) Anyway, until my next post, I "wave" good-bye to you all (badda-boom. :)
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RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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I might vote for this entry just for the halibut.
Seriously, I like it, but there's a lot to accomplish to make my top 5, and without a focus on bringing adventurers to this country, you might not pull it off.
When I saw Efalfa, I immediately thought of ordering sprouts online.
A small army of Krakens just isn't feasible. Four of them are CR 16. How many sahuagin does it take to control four gargantuan monsters which are bigger, faster, stronger, smarter, tougher, etc. If I were one of the kraken, I would just take leadership and POOF!: an army of sahuagin.
I fear this one will not garner one of my 5 votes for the following reasons:
1) Sahuagin raising an army of Kraken = no; Kraken raising an army of Sahuagin = yes (personal preference)
2) Undersea nations just are not as portable as others.
3) I don't gather a great sense for how the community funtions. What is a day like in Olanra?
4) Internal inconsistency. They worship Nature deities, but they don't have enough druids to farm properly? A) Wouldn't priests of Nature deities be better suited to this anyways & B)I have a hard time understanding the need for druids to properly feed an undersea nation.
This is well-written, but I think it falls a little short of my top 5.
Good luck.
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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It's good to see an entry that expands out each of the mandatory sections for a full description.
However, I can't in good conscience vote for a nation that air-breathers are often unaware of and can only visit in one border town. Apart from anything else, it's too offbeat to be useful.
So the problem is, as a human, why do I care? Eluraelon gave me a much better synthesis of terran and aquatic. Sure, it "makes sense" for a fantasy world but in terms of usability it's low.
I very much like how this submission was formatted, it definitely makes it more useful as a reference.
I can't quite put my finger on this, but this just doesn't do much for me. Its a bit too matter of fact, and rather than being a "hey, that's a cool nation" idea, its more of a "that's what I figured aquatic races would do" kind of thing.
Its not bad, but it just isn't that groundbreaking, at least compared to the undersea civilizations we have seen in Dragonlance and Forgotten Realms.
Another really good entry - I've always wanted to run a campaign or lengthy adventure in an undersea kingdom and this one is pretty cool. Good luck!
Very interesting direction to go in. Reading this makes me want to start up an underwater campaign! :) Very gutsy, and I sincerely hope it pays off. Definitely one of the stronger entries.
This entry held my interest, but didn't really grab me until the secrets section.
I consider the underwater placement a gimmick, and a slight drawback. It forces the GM and players to either use aquatic races or constantly deal with breathing problems and issues like swimming in armor and underwater melee rules. This adds overhead to the game and cuts into real play time.
It is fairly well-written. It's clear and mostly well-organized.
I didn't like the built-on-human-ruins idea at first. I loved it as soon as you used it as a mechanic to include dark underground ruins.
I find the unsustainable farming practices concept to be engaging, but a fairly difficult hook to build a plot around. I'm not sure if that's a bad thing.
I like how each different region has its own distinct flavor and purpose.
If I raised the setting from the sea, everything that's interesting about this setting is still interesting. In fact, as gimmicky as an underwater game is, I don't see a single place where you relied on that gimmick. I think that even with the overhead costs of an underwater setting, I could run a campaign here.
Good setting.
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RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16
aka Cruiser1
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Now that voting has closed, I wanted to thank you all again for your comments, praises, and concerns. Tomorrow we'll see how Olanra did in the voting (i.e. whether it sinks or swims :) and whether you'll be able to see more content from me in future rounds. :)
Maybe I am not envisioning things properly but I can't imagine why in a wide open ocean (where you can go down, up, and around) invaders wouldn't just go around the northern fortress of Necrith. It just seems a little contrived.
Necrith has a population of 50,000, so it's more than just a fortress. Our countries only mentioned "notable settlements", where there are certainly other smaller outposts along the border too. Invaders can indeed just swim over and past, however that runs the risk of them being discovered and trapped between the armies of Necrith and the even larger capital city to the south.
an underwater crystal city just seems silly since I have never seen or heard of crystals being found underwater.
Actually, most real crystals are formed in liquid solutions. Think of the school classes or chemistry sets or that allow one to grow their own crystals.
When I saw Efalfa, I immediately thought of ordering sprouts online.
Heh! If I could go back, I'd certainly change that name. However at least "alfalfa" is the farming town, which makes it easy to remember. Sometimes real world cities or words from other languages sound funny, so it's realistic in that respect.
Speaking of names, did anybody notice that Necrith, Efalfa, Wasmark, and Scythis, start with letters that indicate their direction: North, East, West, and South? And the capital i.e. middle city Meridel of course starts with "M"? That's a simple way to memorize the cities and where they're located. :)
A small army of Krakens just isn't feasible. How many sahuagin does it take to control four gargantuan monsters which are bigger, faster, stronger, smarter, tougher, etc. If I were one of the kraken, I would just take leadership and POOF!: an army of sahuagin.
There are enough Sahuagin to be a threat to a town of 50,000 Merfolk, some of which have up to 13 class levels. Some of the Sahuagin have class levels too, where the Sahuagin tribal leader might be able to solo a Kraken just like Queen Kalia can. Having the Kraken be the real leaders is an interesting concept. However my thinking was that the Sahuagin didn't enslave the Kraken, as much as form an agreement with them. Or maybe high level Sahuagin casters did manage to dominate a few Kraken. The PC's can still participate in this storyline even if they're lower level. They can be the scouts who detect the Kraken so the Necrith army can properly prepare, they can sneak in and dispel the domination so the Kraken are free and turn on their masters, etc.
They worship Nature deities, but they don't have enough druids to farm properly?
Olanras usually don't worship at all. If anything, they follow the concepts of having fun or acquiring power. For the few who are religious, I couldn't mention the standard pantheon since it's not OGL, and due to space constraints I didn't want to make up a new god (although as the judges said, that would have been a good opportunity) hence I just mentioned generic ocean or nature deities.
Speaking of names, did anybody notice that Necrith, Efalfa, Wasmark, and Scythis, start with letters that indicate their direction: North, East, West, and South? And the capital i.e. middle city Meridel of course starts with "M"? That's a simple way to memorize the cities and where they're located. :)
I bow before your DM-fu. That was a neat trick which I completely missed :)
I live in Taiwan.
In chinese, the compass goes East "dong" West "xi" South "nan" and North "pei. Middle is "chung"
We have cities on the island called Taidong, Tainan, Taipei(the capital) and Taichung in the middle. There is no Taixi because of the Taiwanese propoganda that China belongs to Taiwan. China is West of the island. A Taixi would imply that our country stops at the sea and not at the wall:)