Ask A Succubus Journalist's page

<stuff>

You do know that true veterans don't just make one ridiculous post after another on the same thread?

I'd be remiss in not thanking RPGSupersuccubus, whose advice will most certainly help in later rounds of the contest...assuming I make it past the Organization round. Luckily, I had a spare drawer in my filing cabinet which helped me get organized. :)

We need something new we can quote! About what a farty-pants he thinks Asmodeus is, or what his favourite method of killing devils is!

Oooh, can I quote you on...
This post was censored by Ask A Succubus Censor, making (non)sense since whenever.

So, the deadline has passed, and it is time to see what this batch looks like!

I have to say this, however...we made this call for submissions back in JUNE, when PaizoCon started. I truly thought that by getting the word out early, I'd have a nice stack of submissions by the deadline. But....I did not.

Now, I DO have a nice stack right now, BUT, it's largely due to a small group of fans who took it upon themselves to answer the call when I mentioned that I really wasn't getting any submissions to make the 'zine. That small group submitted upwards of 3-4 articles each.

SO, MANY BIG THANK YOUS to those prolific writing fans!

But that also requires me to question if making the early call for submission is even worth the effort....comments on that?

IMO, it has become painfully obvious that Wayfinder NEEDS a website. And our call for submissions NEEDS to be put out there on more gaming and writing websites, blogs, forums, and Shelyn knows wherever else, so that we aren't begging for articles.

(edited, artistically rearranged)

Disclaimer:
The following constitutes the view of a CE aligned demonic journalist at the end of a long hard day. It has been toned down several notches. Lucy Fury isn't available to comment since Ask A Succubus Censor has suppressed her on the grounds of probable fire-hazard.

Dear Mr. Evil Editor,
It would be insincere of a succubus to apologise, so I'll save us both the bother and won't, but shouldn't you have perhaps been more vigorous in promoting your efforts? Between the 23rd June and the 26th September, you made one post (on the 12th September), which is Sloth of almost Runelordic proportions (although obviously much short of what can be ironically referred to as demonic 'standards').
A new website is an absolutely fantastic idea from a state-of-splendid-isolation point of view. Mini private-kingdoms where you make the rules and can do whatever you want are all tremendous fun, but (to sound a note of caution) why do you think so many tycoons (and villains of other shades) have villa retreats on remote islands? It's not because they want to make themselves more prominent.
I'll skip over the manifesto regarding fiction writers you sketch out in your second post of this thread. I quite understand and approve.
However, if you are commonly given to muddling the name of the patron of the arts, Shelyn, I am unsurprised if you meet with only limited success. Even her legendary tolerance and patience have some limits. I had to correct your post quoted above to avoid risking offending her by proxy.
Trusting that this post has given you some food for thought.

Yours,

Ask A Succubus Journalist.

Further Disclaimer:
Oh, what's the point? If you saw the first one, you should have realised by now exactly How Seriously The Views of A Quite Important tanar'ri media temptress Must Be Taken. ;)

Dear Mr. Diabolic Headmaster,
No, no, no, no, nooooo. You're doing it wrong. Look at the record of your predecessor, who has now been translated to other things. She flaunted her evil personality. She laughed evilly, and left out plates of cookies to tempt people to the dark side.
You have to constantly fascinate and engage the public. What you should have been doing, little by little, over the past month, was revealing, inch by inch, your latest scheme - that, with Selytiel's assistance (whom you have since double-crossed) you have captured ALL the iconics, and unless you get enough articles by September 30th (midnight your time) you will marry Kyra and sacrifice all the others to Asmodeus by dipping them into vats of boiling wax and turning them into candles.
(Whether or not it's true doesn't matter; this is journalism and if you reveal your evil plans for real, most people are just going to figure you made it up to raise circulation figures.)

Yours cordially,

Ask A Succubus Journalist.

PS
Knitting Monthly are interested in covering your possible forthcoming nuptials; they'd like to know if it's okay to send along some artists to get pictures?

PPS
You need to wax your moustache more, so you can twirl it properly. Whilst chuckling in a suitably sinister manner.

Sara Marie is pregnant.

And before anyone asks, I am not the father.

Well, either this is a masterly wind-up, which will shortly result in large amounts of smackdown being laid out, good and proper, or this is cause for some interest.

Whilst (being a journalist of a demonic turn) being 'damned' isn't a problem with the whole 'publish and be...' thing, I am a little cautious to putting out a 'hatches/matches/dispatches' thread specifically for this one item of news. Ascertaining first the proper etiquette when PMGs are involved is tricky but important.
In non-diplomatic language, do you want to keep a lid on this particular news for now, PMG & Sara Marie, or would you not mind deranged posters zipping around posting threads with the word 'Congratulations' and a large number of quotation marks regarding this topic?

Indications are that they aspire to be evil, but aren't quite there yet. If they were actually evil, there'd be a succubus in charge, or at least in charge of 'public relations'.
Trusting that this post has been useful, your tireless (including frequent extended lunches on expenses) crusader for the naked truth,

Ask A Succubus Journalist.

Dear PaizoCon UK attendees,
Posting as a journalist of CE inclinations (and I would like to commend here some UK journalists who have made some rather pathetic attempts to live up to Abyssal standards in recent years - still, it's the thought which counts) it would of course be utterly irresponsible and shamelessly chaotic of me NOT to post a reminder to check the PaizoCon UK website for any mentions of last minute plagues of locusts, volcanic eruptions, details of bloody stupid idiots who think it's funny to say 'Hastur' three times in a row...
So, like on that other thread, I [again] won't post a reminder like that.

Yours,

Ask A Succubus Journalist.

Dear PaizoCon UK attendees,
Posting as a journalist of CE inclinations (and I would like to commend here some UK journalists who have made some rather pathetic attempts to live up to Abyssal standards in recent years - still, it's the thought which counts) it would of course be utterly irresponsible and shamelessly chaotic of me NOT to post a reminder to check the PaizoCon UK website for any mentions of last minute plagues of locusts, volcanic eruptions, details of bloody stupid idiots who think it's funny to say 'Hastur' three times in a row...
So I won't post a reminder like that.

Yours,

Ask A Succubus Journalist.

Always leave them wanting more... Well played, sir.

On another thread pertaining to a Wayfinder forum?

Let me resurrect this thread.

I would love to have a section of these forms where we could discuss published articles as well as plan new ones.

Dear Mr. Humual,

Well Paizo remains as yet unconvinced as to the need for a whole forum for this, but for now, to see what happens, here is a thread for discussing stuff pertaining to Wayfinder #6. Imagine this as the latest Abyssal club, where article writers can hang out amongst sulphurous braziers swapping notes and hatching plots; of course it's possible that the atmosphere may prove too rarefied for mortals to handle in which case it will sink like a well weighted gangster slowly to the bottom of the forum with scarcely a 'glop', never to be seen again (or at least not until some 'well-meaning' law-enforcement type comes snooping in a couple of hundred years time).
Trusting that you have found this post Helpful.
Yours,

Ask A Succubus Journalist
PS
I did consider naming this thread 'The Pit', as this is a common practice when naming such hot-spots where fearless exposers of Asmodean lies like to hang out; indeed it is to some extent echoed in beautifully chaotic fashion in your world in so far as I believe Paizo Publishing has a 'Pit' where their brains trust lurk.
However I considered this too confusing for a first-time thread. I would commend it as a possibility for a subsequent (perhaps longer term) thread.

The Sandpoint Devil's foul breath appears to have traumatised him sufficiently that he is incapable of setting quill to parchment.
Or perhaps there are other explanations...

Hang on a moment: I think he just insulted us, implying that we're all the same succubus.

Dear Paizo Posters,
Mr. Evans has suffered a breakdown which has required his immediate removal from the messageboards. For the duration, any and all correspondence will be monopolised by the Ask A Succubus team instead. Or should that be the Ask A Succubus 'tiweam'? I'm reasonably certain that when it comes to succubi there's both an 'I' and a 'we' in team...

Yours, Trusting That This Post Has Been Helpful,

Ask A Succubus Journalist.
<wanders off to check an Abyssal dictionary>

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Timitius wrote:

Just a reminder...TWO WEEKS left until the Wayfinder #5 submissions deadline.

I have 10 submissions so far...

10 submissions in 10 days? Time to start the hamster wheels turning and churn out some words people! Um, 10 submissions total or 10 people have submitted?

I would like to see the following prestige clases: Varisian dancer, Lyrune-Quah hunter, monster/vampire slayer, Whispering Way cultist, a class inspired by the Flagbearer feat for Orc/Half-Orc.

Maybe some tribal type Settlement or Realm Building stuff.

I just hope the Hold of Belkzen doesn't get neglected.

10 submissions total. Now up to 12 or 13, but those are essentially 2nd submissions by a couple of you now.

I should mention that we roughly go by a "first submitted, first selected" sort of rule, unless the piece needs too much work/editing, or if the piece violates the submission guidelines.

Procrastination is NOT advised here, people. Get 'em in!

(edited, polished)

Dear Mr. PaizoCon 2011 Editor,
I believe that what it may have been more appropriate to say was something more along the lines of 'Procrastination is the Perogative of Succubi and they do not Take Kindly to others who Impinge upon their Privilege'. Either that or: 'I have a machine powered by ten-thousand dretches in over-sized hamster wheels which in just over a week and a half's time will start churning out random articles to fill whatever slots are left, mwuahahahaha!'
An upper case 'not' (which doesn't even have bold or italic for emphasis) just comes across as if you're a headmaster raising his voice at one of those wearisome Chelish acadamies where they teach pupils first and foremost how to 'correctly' hail Asmodeus. If you want to apply pressure and make it even more difficult for writers struggling to get something effective in, that's frankly a bit weak and watery. You need to be more manic. And Evil.
Hoping that you have found this feedback Helpful.

Yours,

Ask A Succubus Journalist.

Disclaimer stuff:
Ask A Succubus Journalist is the latest member of a family of CE aligned succubi to take up a quill (or something) to Crusade on the messageboards for the cause of longer lunch-hours, better crumpets, and more screaming Asmodeans as background music for hard-working, deserving, succubi. Any kittens harmed in the process of writing this post were done so accidentally. The devils excruciatingly painfully nailed to an upside down image of their lord and repeatedly dunked in holy water in front of an audience of ten-thousand azata were however harmed deliberately in the interests of bona fide public entertainment. And - yes - ten-thousand is an interesting number which bears repeating.

Disclosure:
In an attempt to lend some much needed journalistic analysis to the debate of the original Mearls article, Ask A Succubus Journalist has been bribed and cajoled into making a post here by her much bigger cousins Ask A Succubus and Ask A RPGSupersuccubus. (That's not to imply that her cousins are obese, but that, umm, they may well be 'big' in many other senses...)
Ask A Succubus Journalist is Professionally Chaotic Evil (so what if that's a contradiction? Chaos by definition is contrary) and has a tendency to overlook logic, balance, and fairness in the interests of what is of interest to her and makes a good story. She is a firm believer in the journalistic traditions of not having to disclose her sources unless it makes for a much more sensational story.

An Introduction: Legends and Lore

Does the writer indicate he has connections to any Abyssal lords, deities, or other political figures worth knowing?

Mr. Mearls name drops like crazy, but these names don't exactly mean much to a resident of the Abyss. Who's 'Bart Carroll'? Or this Winston Churchill? Or Gygax or Arneson? I've carried out enthusiastic and vigorous research in the City of Brass, and in half a dozen Golarion locations, and none of the sages I, umm, 'interviewed' indicated any knowledge of people with these names.
In best journalistic traditions I can only assume that these are figures amongst his circles of friends or childhood inspirations in whatever profession he inhabits on whatever backwater world he's writing on. But given that they're not movers and shakers in the Abyss or any meaningful world, I think we can write them off as not terribly relevant.

Does the writer indicate any good restaurants for a succubus to wine and dine a client in or to otherwise generally hang out in?
No. Although early in the article Mr. Mearls mentions a 'tabletop MMO', which seems promising, (the printable version of MMO in Abyssal journalistic slang is that it equates to 'Meals, Menus, and Om-nomming') he wanders off-track to write a lot of stuff about editions which leads me to suspect that sadly he must have been misusing MMO, or using it to indicate some local phenomenon.

Does the writer indicate that he juggles kittens and scimitars in his spare time, does unspeakable things with oozes, or otherwise engages in amazing activities likely to interest people?
That depends on what those 'games' he lists at the end of his article involve? If to 'call Cthulhu' (whomever or whatever that is) he has to tie Asmodeus worshipers (or any passable local substitutes such as lawyers) to stone-slabs at midnight and bloodily sacrifice them, chanting invocations to some other-worldly entity as he does so, that sounds kind of fun and interesting.

Other Comments? (including fruitcake rating if applicable)
The whole article seems to be a rather milky thing, in which he's trying to appeal to some community to put aside its differences and hang together... It leads me to wonder if Mr. Mearls is the leader of some sort of church or religious organisation in danger of schisming due to some difference in belief such as whether it's appropriate to refer to the deity as 'The Divine Gorum' or 'The most sacred, blood-covered, warmonger Gorum'?
<perks up as inspiration strike>
Hey! If he's the leader of a church or religious organisation, maybe he's fantastically wealthy, respected, and powerful in the place he lives!

Rating:
Not much to go on. Maybe worth a meal in Sandpoint on a journalistic expenses claim.

Further keep-the-lawyers-off-my-back-stuff:
Ask A Succubus Journalist is posting a succubus' view of the article in question. Having made that comment about the Church of Gorum though, she's now on the run from one branch of the Church of Gorum, whilst another branch regard her as the closest thing to a crusading saint that someone who fights with words instead of sharp pointy metal things can get. Consequently, she might not have the opportunity to post in response to gushing letters of admiration or condescending sneers of derision that her piece draws in reply.