You are goblins of the Licktoad tribe, who live deep in Brinestump Marsh, south of the hated man-town called Sandpoint. Once, other goblins tried to burn Sandpoint down, and they would have been legends if they had succeeded. But they didn’t bring enough fire, and got themselves killed as a result. Yesterday, your tribe discovered that one of your own had been using forbidden arts and was engaged in one of the greatest of taboos—writing things down. In fact, rumor holds that what he was writing was a history of your tribe! There’s no swifter way to bring about bad luck than stealing words out of your mind by writing them down, and so your tribe had no choice. You branded the goblin’s face with letters to punish him, which is why everyone calls him Scribbleface now, and then you ran him out of town, took all of his stuff, and burned down his hut.
That’s where things got interesting, because before you all burned down his hut, Chief Gutwad found a weird box within the building. Inside was a map and a lot of fireworks—fireworks that immediately came to use in burning the hut down. Then, this morning, Gutwad announced that tonight there would be a feast in order to drive out any lingering bad luck from Scribbleface’s poor decisions. But perhaps even more exciting, all of you have been secretly invited to meet at Chief Gutwad’s Moot House. Why would the chief want to speak to you? It can only mean that he’s got an important mission for you all... one that the other goblins of the tribe couldn’t pull off. This could be your chance to go down in Licktoad history!
Lying at the center of the village, the chief ’s Moot House is a veritable museum of Licktoad heroics— crammed with trophies such as stolen weapons, shiny bits of treasure, and the brine-pickled bodies of dozens of brutally slaughtered small furry animals (mostly dogs). His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad rules Licktoad Village from atop the great Teeter Chair, which is 6 feet high and allows him to more properly look down on his subjects. By tradition, Chief Gutwad does not speak directly to his subjects. Instead, he employs an advisor through whom he whispers instructions, for Chief Gutwad has convinced his goblins that the words that come out of his mouth are so mighty that they might frighten away all the words in the heads of lesser goblins. Only his duly appointed advisor, an overdressed, pompous goblin named Slorb, can handle the might of the chief ’s words without fainting from fear.
You have all gathered before the entrance to the Moot House, awaiting invitation from Slorb to enter. You all grew up in the same village, so you all know each other and, indeed, should have some preconceived opinions about each other.
Mogmurch arrives first in front of the Moot House. He looks around and sees no one else besides him.
"Whooooo~, no one here?! Is it only me? I am greatest for thís speciaaal mission~!!"
While he says this he starts "dancing". He jumps around in circles and claps his hands above his head.
"No one better than Mogmurch!"
After waiting, and boasting, for a long time Mogmurch sits down and starts throwing stuff in a pot. He is getting very grumpy that no one lets him inside and that no one pays attention to him.
+4 on Dex which results in -2 on Wis
+2 Natural armor
If used:
AC 21
Atk roll +7 thrown weapons
Atk roll +8 splash weapons
A goblin wearing a veil and wedding dress leaps at Mogmurch...
...but misses him wildly. She snarls at him on all fours, chomping her teeth.
"GIVE RETA THE FOODS IN YOUR POT!"
"Hey Mogmurch! What'cha doing here? You gonna be the next one we run outta town? Looks like I'm in line also. What to you think Boss Gutwad called us here for? Anyone else coming?"
"Reta! Nice flop." Chuffy chuckles. Laning in to whisper to Mogmurch, "I hate it when she does that. We must have an important job to do if the boss is calling all of us. How long will this wait be? I'm not sure if the dress or her wrestling skills are making me more uncomfortable?
Reta jumps up and glares at Chuffy. "YOU'RE INTIMIDATED BY STRONG WOMEN, AND RETA BIGGEST, BADDEST, STRONGEST WOMAN." She flexes in various ridiculous poses.
"FASHIONABLE HALFLING CLOTHES JUST GET IN WAY. RETA HANDICAPS HERSELF TO MAKE IT FAIR FIGHT." She gnaws on her veil.
Laughing Chuffy says, "Looks like that veil CAN be good for something!
Poog slowly marches up to the chief chanting, lucky frog riding proudly on the clerics head.
Poog be here
U no spurn
Poog be here
To pilag and burn
[b]Chuffy and Reta
Good for nuffin
Ugly faces
They busy stufin
Cuffy and Reta
Fight reel nic
Cuffy and Reta
Poog make goblin and wife
"Dear lord, NO! Not Poog. He's crazy. Boss Gutwad can't possibly be making us work with HIM."
Mogmurch sees Reta just on time and snatches his pot just before jumping away.
"Go away! Mog making special stuff! Not for you!"
He sits down again and continues stirring his pot. Suddenly a rock hits him from behind, the direction where Reta just stood.
"NO RETA! GO AWAY! You not Licktoad, you annoying!"
A rock hits him from the side, he squints his eyes and starts looking around for the rock thrower. A rock hits him from behind and he starts cursing, he grabs a bomb.
"You no threaten me! I boom you!"
While he says this he starts jumping from foot to foot, it looks like a little dance. Another rock hits him and suddenly Chuffy is there. Mogmurch jumps a few feet back and starts laughing.
"Hahahahaha! mountain face!" *laughing* "You no hurt me with rocks. Booms the real deal!"
Out in the distance Poog comes walking towards the group and Chuffy exclaims in disgust. Mugmurch leans over and whispers in his ear.
"He not even ride. He fall off, kablam! He no good!"
While you bicker in front of the Moot House the high-pitched, nasal voice of Slorb calls out for you to enter. Inside, Chief Gutwad sits precariously atop the Teeter Chair. Slorb asks you to sit on the dirt in front of the Chief (a great honor!), but then, much to the goblins’ surprise and shock, Chief Gutwad speaks to them directly in a deep, booming voice.
"You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe but for Slorb. That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission."
"You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast where Scribbleface found fireworks. And it says there are more fireworks there!"
"I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks. If you meet men, you make them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. And if you not find fireworks, you not come back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!"
After the meeting, Chief Gutwad has little more time or patience to talk to you. He has Slorb give you the map to the fireworks cache, then orders you out of the Moot House.
"We heroes! We not flee!"
Mogmurch makes a little dance of joy. After a short while he stops and thinks about all the information given.
"Marsh is not good place! good eats but many baddies. Big baddies too! I see too we go past Lotslegs."
He stops with speaking there and it looks like a shiver runs up his spine.
"Ship in bad spot too. Vorka there! Vorka bad."
He grabs his lucky toad and starts petting it.
"We not afraid huh Amfibier?"
He holds the toad up high and calls out.
"WE NOT SCARED!"
Poog not afraid. Zarongel leeds Poog to plase of many fire starters, Poog leeds other goblins
Reta wipes her face and punches Mogmurch in the shoulder. "RETA HERO, YOU LAME. RETA SHOW YOU BEST CARVYSTABBY." She draws her dogslicer and waves it around haphazardly.
Reta goes behind Poog. "RETA FOLLOWS ZARONGEL, NOT STUFFYPANTS POOG. POOG JUST BETWEEN ZARONGEL AND RETA. SO JUST 'CAUSE RETA WALK BEHIND POOG NOT MEAN SHE FOLLOWING HIM."
Reta pulls a caterpillar out of her pocket and starts eating it. "WHERE COWARD-HIDING CHUFFY? RETA WANTS TO GO KILL AND FIND FIREWORKS."
"Pictures here show best way to air sparklies (fireworks), is follow fish home (creek). One stopper, stash near home of Vorka! Vorka not good omen, but good place to put sharpies (blades)."
The four chosen goblins are eager to get going, but luckily they've not forgotten the big bonfire the chieftain mentioned.
Goblins toil all afternoon to build the bonfire out of branches, sticks, and unburnt timbers taken from the ruins of Scribbleface’s hut. As night falls, a group of four struggling goblins carry the Teeter Chair (with Chief Gutwad sitting atop it) out to the bonfire, and the chief lights the fire with a Desnan candle. This signals the start of an all-night party that features lots of good things to eat (snails, fish, and snakes) and gives you a chance to enjoy being goblins, mingling with your kind as the evening continues with feasting and dares. The chief brings out a barrel of fermenting cider apples early on and most goblins get drunk very quickly.
As the evening progresses, word that you are going on a special quest spreads, and the other goblins of the tribe begin daring you to show off your heroics. You can indulge in these dares or not as you wish, and you can win a prize for completing each dare.
The first dare is the "dance" with Squealy Nord. The goblins describe Squealy Nord as a fearsome boar who lives in a muddy pit in the middle of the village, right next to the goblin baby cages. In fact, Nord is a hyperactive piglet escaped from a nearby farm. His pit itself is circular, nearly 20 feet in diameter, and just over 10 feet deep. "Dancing with Squealy Nord" requires a goblin to spend 18 seconds (3 rounds) riding on the piglet's back. Squealy Nord is tethered for this dare, then released into the pit from a narrow corral with the mounted goblin clinging onto his back and generally screaming a lot.
Nord's innocent willingness to consume goblin corpses frightens the superstitious goblins enough that they haven't roasted him, but he won’t actually attack living goblins. The humiliation of falling off his back is painful enough. If one of you lasts at least 3 rounds on Nord's back, you'll get a special item to help you in your quest.
Poog not afrad
Squeely behaves or Poog bites
As Squealy Nord bucks Poog off his back within seconds. and attempts to trample him, Poog returns the favor, biting Squealy Nord on the snout.
Stupid pig, not know Zarongel is god of riding things.
Squealy Nord angrily bites Poog as well, and chases the mad goblin out of his pit.
"Hahaha! You no good riding!" the goblins that are watching yell at Poog. "You ride nothing! Nothing not much!"
"You no good riding! Me'sa show Poog the crazy."
"Hahaha! Poog bad! Me better!"
Mogmurch jumps on Squealy Nord to beat Poog.
Mogmurch also gets thrown off the pig. He scrambles out of the pit and makes angry signs at the beast.
"Bad! Very bad! Me good at riding! You bad pig!"
Reta twirls her dogslicer around over her head in wild arcs. "I SHOW YOU ALL BEST RIDING" She jumps on the pig and starts whipping it with the flat of her blade.
Reta jumps off the pig and stands up straight, making chopping motions with her sword. "RETA TOLD YOU SHE BIGBAD RIDER. YOU ALL LAME." She sticks out her tongue at everyone.
Poog Points at Mogmurch and Chuffy, rolling on the ground and laughing as both scramble to avoid being trampled. Hahahaha, Poog not bad rider, Squealy Nord bad at being riden.
Chuffy and Mogmurch make fun of Poog, but when the y fail the other goblins laugh even louder: "Hahaha! You no riding good! You do failing good!"
While the other goblins are still laughing Reta steps into the pit and shows how it's done. All the goblins immediately quiet down when they see Reta's incredible riding skills. However, as they're goblins, the silence doesn't last long: "Reta riding good! Reta good much!"
Reta's carried off to the next dare by the village's goblins, and the three who failed have to walk.
"Special thing that helping you come tomorrow! First you do other dares!" a goblin informs you.
Bull slugs are black, wriggling slugs the size of sausages. Even among the goblins, they’re considered particularly foul-tasting and, because of the large amounts of slime they exude, difficult to chew. A covered wicker basket containing the slug bag is brought before those who accept this dare, along with a napkin made out of a soggy leaf. The participant has 1 minute to eat an entire bag of bullslugs to win this dare.
Eating the slugs is not a problem, even though they wriggle, taste of rotten fish, and burst with a little squeal when chewed. Eating a full bag in a minute is the hard part. There are five slugs in the bag, and successfully eating one requires a DC 15 Fortitude save. The participant may choose to not spit out the slug’s mildly poisonous slime bladder, and take a DC 10 Fortitude save instead every time the participant does this. Neglecting to take care not to eat the slime bladder could have repercussions though.
When at least one of you succeeds in completing this challenge there'll be another reward. Like the reward from the previous challenge, it will be rewarded the next morning when the party leaves the village.
After his last failure, Mogmurch jumps up at the new challenge. Ready to prove himself.
He globs up the first one within no time. But... the next one he can't keep down. He throws him up again just after swallowing. His shoulders sag and he moves away from the challenge, unable to prove himself.
Reta--still holding her head high--shoves Mogmurch out of the way. "RETA SHOW ALL YOU LAME TRYING-HARD GOBLINS AGAIN WHAT REAL BIGBAD GOBLIN CAN DO" She grabs a handful of slugs. "RETA DO IT RIGHT WAY TOO, SPITTING OUT POISON BAG."
"THIS EASY..."
"...EASY LIKE POOG AFTER FIREWATER..." Her face turns even more greenish-yellow.
"...SOOOO...EASY..." Her cheeks bulge for a moment before she forces herself to swallow again.
Reta vomits up all four of the slugs she's eaten thus far. She starts beating her arms in the air and jumping.
"THAT NOT COUNT! WAS FAKE SLUG AND RETA SPIT IT OUT TO PROVE CHEATING. TRY 'NOTHER!"
She can't keep that one down either. She stumbles back and falls onto her butt, out-of-breath and covered in stomach bile and partially-digested slugs. "YOU ALL...CHEAT...." She falls on her back.
"Trick be quickness, not chew, slide down tummy...
Approaching the slugs with a jaunty saunter, Poog stops before reaching the table, offering a plea to Zarongel while pounding his head into the ground. Mighty Zarongel, make bad bugs not taste bad.
Grabbing the first bug and swallowing it whole, Poog goes into spasms as the bug crawls out his nose and make a desperate attempt to escape being eaten a second time.
Zarongel make second bug stay. chants Poog as he shoves the second bug in his mouth. This one also attempts to escape, but becomes lodged in Poog's nose.
Arrrgggg, no make it stop. Poog feel worms on brain. Poog shoves the third worm in his mouth, vomiting half a worm in Chuffy's direction.
Starting to foam at the mouth, Poog grabs the fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh worms and rapidly crams them in his mouth, biting each worm in half to prevent escape.Ggggrrrrrrr!!!!!
Eyes starting to bulge as the slimey foam drips from this mouth, Poog finally looses control as he attempts to eat the eight worm, spitting most of it on the still prone form of Reta. Is too much, Zarongel help Poog .... Bleh!!!!!
Nooo!!!!! make it stop. Bug eating Pooooog's brain.
Ripping the twitching bug lodged in his nose loose, Poog noisily chews the foul thing and swallows before passing out just as the timer expires.
While the others are still puking or passed out Poog eats all his slugs. After which he also passes out.
"He dids it! He dids! Poog Amasin!" the Licktoads yell, loud enough for those who passed out to wake up again.
The chosen goblins are then dragged over to the next challenge. By their feet. Except for Poog, who's carried. By his feet.
This is the goblin version of hide and seek. The dare-taker rushes off into the marsh without any weapons and attempts to find a good hiding spot (where he makes a Stealth check to determine his success at hiding). The other goblins of the tribe try to find him, and if they do, the finder is allowed to whack the previously hidden goblin with a club. If one of the hiding goblins isn't found, there's a reward.
Poog not feel well. Poog not want to play.
Whoooooo another chance!
Mogmurch quickly glances around and sprints off. As he charges off he yells
"Me, Me, Me, Me! You will never find me!"
He soon finds a hiding spot and stays there.
"Chuffy TOO good with the sneak, sneak. He win this game EVERY time!"
"Psssssssssst, Mogmurch! Can you see me!
"YOU LAME CHEATERS NEVER FIND RETA. SHE BEST AT BEING QUIETEST GOBLIN EVER," Reta shouts at everyone as she runs into the forest.
Reta finds a hollowed-out tree stump and pulls some branches over top of it, giggling all the while.
Right next to him, Mogmurch hears Chuffy call out to him. He grabs a stick and pokes the "bush" next to him.
A group of five goblins approaches the stone, branches, bushes and tree stump you're hiding under, behind, or in. Despite your ingenious plan to hide in places that are one foot apart from each other the five goblins don't notice you. Perplexed by your amazing hiding skills they give up, and return to the village.
Some time later you decide to return to the village as well, and you receive a warm welcome from the tribe: "You hiding good! Hiding awesome!"
The last challenge is the infamous Rusty Earbiter. The Rusty Earbiter is a hollow coil of rusty wires, barrel hoops, bent swords, and thorny branches and vines that's kept behind the Moot House when not in use. So named for the fact that it's claimed a number of goblin ears in the past, the Rusty Earbiter is both an object of fascination and fear for the Licktoads. The half-insane tinkerer who invented the thing has long since died (carried off one night by a giant bird of some sort after his first and only test of a prototype bird-attracting hat), but his legacy lives on. The other goblins cheer and hoot when one of you dares to crawl through the Rusty Earbiter, and a half-dozen eager goblins roll the 20- foot coil out from behind the Moot House with the typical number of slashed fingers and stabbed legs such a task normally brings.
If you agree to this dare you must climb into one end of the Rusty Earbiter and then wriggle through it, coming out the other side. There’s no time limit to get this done, but the faster the better! Climbing through the Rusty Earbiter requires a series of three DC 15 Escape Artist checks as the goblin must writhe through a series of tight squeezes. Each Escape Artist check takes 1 full round to attempt, and each one must be repeated until a successful check is made before moving on to the next one (or, in the case of the last check, successfully crawling out the far end of the tube).
If you fail more than three checks, the other goblins get bored, throw a few small rocks, and wander off; after that point it doesn’t matter if the goblin gets out or not, although if she gets stuck for a few days, someone might help. But probably not. Each failed Escape Artist check causes damage from the Rusty Earbiter's spiky spikes.
"Oooooooooo! Poog brave. Him show goblins not need to fear Earbiter!"
The other goblins of the tribe chime in: "Poog brave! Poog brave!"
Eyeing the rusty contraption nervously, Poog calls upon the blessing of his god before crawling into the contraption with a wimper. {b]Zarongel, Poog no want get ears chopped off.[/b]
Clearing the first hurdle, Poog continues to wimper.
Realizing he is stuck, Poog panics and begins to scream, thrashing back and forth inside the contraption. After several minutes of thrashing, Poog passes out halfway through from blood loss and exhaustion.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
GETITOFF, GETITOFF, GETITOFF!!!!!!
Reta giddily points and laughs as Poog whimpers. "BIGHEAD POOG GET STUCK 'CAUSE OF BIGHEAD. ZARONGEL PUNISH!"
When he passes out, Reta quiets.
She starts stomping and screaming. "YOU KILL POOG. MORE STUPIDLAMEBAD TRAP GAMES TO KILL GOBLINS! RETA NOT PLAY!"
"Him heally pants. He no dead. Just tired from fat slug belly. Chuffy show goblins how to conquer Earbiter, or get new hole for ear shiney.
"Owwww! Earbiter just give Chuffy new spot for nose shiney!
"Chuff. Fy. Chuff. Fy. Chuff. Fy."
"CHUFF-FY! CHUFF-FY! CHUFF-FY!"
Mogmurch watches the whole spectacle and decides not to want any new holes in his body.
"Me not going. Chuffy did Earbiter we get prize. Me not likes new holes."
He walks over to Chuffy and pats him on the back.
"You did good job sacrificing."
Chuffy completes the last dare without a problem. The tribe's goblins join him in his chant: "CHUFF-FY! CHUFF-FY! CHUFF-FY!"
The remainder of the night's spent eating, drinking, and setting things on fire. Poog's left inside the Rusty Earbiter.
You are expected to set off into Brinestump Marsh the next morning, lingering sickness from the previous night’s party or not. Poog's released from the Rusty Earbiter and patched up, because the other goblins released he's necessary for the fireworks mission. "We need fireworks! You go too!"
The party is handed their rewards for completing the dares, though they're only allowed to keep the first. All other rewards are from the Chieftain's private treasure collection, and heads will rolls when they're not returned.
You are then brought before the chief again, whereupon he instructs you to "get fireworks and bring them here to me." To help you, the Chieftain gives you the remaining fireworks from Scribbleface’s stash—two Desnan candles, four paper candles, and a skyrocket.
Mogmurch's eyes widen at all the treasure before him. All the beautiful creations.
"Fire. I love fire! And boom things! Me wants!!!"
He starts grabbing the fireworks and dragon brew, holding everything in his arms. He seems half dazed in his joy.
Poog slaps Mogmurch on the back of the head. Yoo already has boom bottles as makes things burn. You not bee greedy.
As chief speaker of Zargonel, god of fire and killing dogs, I takes the biggest fire maker and dog-killing sword.
Mogmurch turns around with the treasure in his hands.
"MINE! Not Poog's."
Reta slaps Poog. "RETA'S JOB TO CHOP STUPIDBADLAME DOGS AND HORSES, SO SHE TAKE THE SLICY-DICY."
She waves her hands around above her head in a mocking pantomime of spellcasting. "YOU GOT ALL THOSE FLAMY AND HURTY OOGA-BOOGA MAGICS TO BURN DOGGIES AND HURT THEM WITH BAD FEELINGS, SO YOU NO NEED SLICY-DICY."
Mogmurch starts running with all the fireworks in the general direction they need to go.
"You never catch me! It all mine!!!"
He starts laughing after his challenge. As he runs away he keeps watching back to see if they are following.