Bardic Knowlege Check: 1d20+11=30
Pip casts his mind back to any mention of Sahuagin, volcanic islands, Orcus, Ressurection Man and the Hool.
Briefly, the Resurrection Man is a....prophet of sort who has been active all over Keoland. He brings the promise of resurrection, only it's undead....
His name has been bandied about periodically.....in relation to several villains that the brave Revenuers have been up against; in their last outing in Castle Amber (reached through a gate in a Mordenkainen's Magnificent Doublewide Mobile Gnome Home on the outskirts of the Hool, he went through there to another gate to the Isle of Dread to "evangelicize."There is.....mention of a pirate port called "The Viper's Den" in an inactive volcano island somewhere off the coast of the Sea Princes. It's location is secret, but to the most scullduggerous varlets that comb the Seas of Greyhawk...
Sahuagin?....that's a new one; well nothing but the usual activity...which is bad enough.
Shooting from the hip here. May add to the statement later.
"Being fooled is not a crime." Elgan says in a much softer tone of voice than previously.
"Doing what is right, even when you know the results could be,... disastrous, that is courage." He says, indicating the returning, battered lizardfolk. He looks curiously at the lizardman.
"When this nights work is finished, I would like to hear more of this tale you weave. Perhaps my job here is not yet done after all."
"Yes, wise one..."
<Stig grunts and digs tenaciously at a difficult booger.>
"How will you get to this island? Do you have seafaring boats?"
"How will you get to this island? Do you have seafaring boats?"
"We made dugouts. They are less seaworthy than your softskin craft, but a lizard man is much more seaworthy than a softskin."
Also, there were a good fifty in reserve in your previous battle, and by destroying the "MOB" you didn't necessarily kill all of them. Still, the survivors of the night's vampiric predation are still straggling in and as of yet the total number of able-bodied fighting lizards is unknown.
"This gives me an idea... We'll discuss it further once we return from the vampire's lair."
"Pip, man we going along on this ride cos dat sounds like a big place for fun and adventure, risks and giggles. Maybe dis Resurrection Man has my Big Fight, my God's Challenge, maybe that dream I had is all for us to come and get some with these."
"I had it before we met, jess before."
Oso shrugs.
Elgan nods at the lizardman's comment, though he looks just a little bit uncomfortable. Perhaps he's not used to being called 'wise' yet. Certainly the only times he's heard the word used by his teachers, there was usually an adjective attached. 'Wise-@$$', for example.
He gives Altai an appraising sidewise look. The elf is clever, but he knows that the casters easily outstrip him in raw mental might. Whatever the tinkering mage is thinking, it is bound to spell trouble for those on the receiving end. He can't help but grin.
"Whutevah yer t'inkin' Altee, yeh kin count meh in."
The elf looks thoughtfully at Oso, smiling at his declaration, and apparently bemused by his eagerness to join in to 'the excitement'.
"Wah'll Oso, if'n yeh lookin' fer a scrap, ah don' reckon dat yeh kin do much bettah dan teh hang roun' dis group. We seem tah have a knack fer trippin' ovah trubble dat mos' folk don' seem tah have no problem avoidin'!" He says with a genuine smile.
"An speakin' personal-lahk, Ah certainly would'n min' if'n yeh came along tah he'p. Keepin' dese folk patched up is almos' more dan mah se'f bargin foh! If'n it were'nt fer mah goddess healin touch, ah woldn' be much he'p at all."
"Ah dream yeh say? Sum don' put much stock in dreams, but dey kin be pow'rful t'ings. Sumtime a dream iz jes' a dream, an' sumtime it kin be a lot mo'e. Do yeh min'? would yeh tell me about it?"
"Pip, man we going along on this ride cos dat sounds like a big place for fun and adventure, risks and giggles. Maybe dis Resurrection Man has my Big Fight, my God's Challenge, maybe that dream I had is all for us to come and get some with these."
"I had it before we met, jess before."
Oso shrugs.
Pip nods as he tries out a few rhymes in his head.
"I'm in Oso, for sure. This story will be told forever in the taverns and festhalls of the Yeomanry! Maybe even all the way to Greyhawk City! No way I'm missing this gig!"
Strums some more
"Now the foes have joined together
Under Hrrth Grrrhar's noble banner
'Gainst the evil Baal Sakatha
And his evil demon masters.
Regulators at the forefront
Reise's men with sword and spear
Smite the wicked as they threaten
Harry them from marsh to sea"
Elgan taps his foot and bobs his head in time with pip's song.
"Say chere', Yah don't happin tah know any wood-elf tunes yah? If'n not, ah'd be happy happy tah hum a few fer yah. En yeh kin mebbe teach me a few Hobniz songs in return. DEy alway' make meh wanna dance chere!"
Pip smiles
"I know the ancient woodelven song, Tinuviel." He says
Pip strums Lucille and sings a plainive song
"The leaves were long, the grass was green,
The hemlock-umbels tall and fair,
And in the glade a light was seen
Of stars in shadow shimmering.
Tinuviel was dancing there
To music of a pipe unseen,
And light of stars was in her hair,
And in her raiment glimmering..."
A sad song commences about a wood elf maid loved by a human man.
"Hey, stop talking all about tree, get to bit where he f@+%s her."
Pip looks up as he finishes his song.
"I can do bawdy if you want Gittik."
Starts picking out a lively tune on Lucille
"Way out in the Pomarj where the Orcsh*t lies thick,
Where the women are women and the swordsmen come quick,
There lives a fair maiden of forty or more,
Charlotte the Harlot, the adventurer's whore.
She's filthy, she's nasty,
She spits on the floor,
Charlotte the Harlot, the adventurer's whore.
She's handy, she's bandy, she screws in the street,
Whenever you meet her she's always in heat,
If you leave your mail open she's after your meat,
And the smell of her box knocks you right off your feet.
She's filthy, she's nasty,
She spits on the floor,
Charlotte the Harlot, the adventurer's whore.
She's easy, she's breezy, she's my hearts delight,
I'll fnck her by day and fnck her by night,
And each time I fnck her she shouts out, "Encore,"
I call that great fncking and I want some more!"
The song rollicks along with similar stanzas for quite a while.
Oso whispers to Pip, "I think she was in Highport..so I hear."
He coughs and scratches afterwards.
"Heh! Now THAT what I call music!"
|
"Charlotte the Harlot, the adventurer's whore."
To the tune of The Dead Kennedys 'Holiday in Cambodia'.
<ahem>
So you’ve been to school for a year or two
And you’ve memorised the SRD.
But when it comes to kobolds
That don’t mean sh1t to me.
Quoting EL, xp and CR,
On the Paizo message board
Doesn’t help you invade
A defended cave
And steal a real kobold’s hoard!
It’s time to face
What you most fear!
Appeals for help
Won’t help you here!
What you need, my so-o-on,
What.
You need.
My So-o-on!
Is a holiday in Koboldia
Where they make you wade in cack!
A holiday in Koboldia
Dropping scorpions on your back!
(Surf guitar break)
You’re an optimised sneak,
But your Fort is weak,
And your Will is made of fail.
We’ll see how you smile,
Dropped in the dung pile,
Skewered on a rusty nail.
Oh, you’ll sweat harder
With a spear in your back
From a hidden murder-hole!
You’ll regret
Getting out of your bed
Without your ten-foot pole!
It’s time to go
Where they use their brains!
It’s time to go
Where they deal out pain!
It’s a holiday in Koboldia
Where you do what you’re told!
A holiday in Koboldia
Where PCs get pwned and sold!
Ko – Bold!
Ko – Bold!
Ko – Bold!
Ko – Bold!
Ko – Bold!
Ko – Bold!
Ko – Bold!
Ko – Bold!
(Koboldkoboldkoboldkoboldkoboldkoboldkoboldkobold)
It’s a holiday in Koboldia
Where you do what you’re told!
A holiday in Koboldia
Where PCs get pwned and sold!
"Charlotte the Harlot, the adventurer's whore."
** spoiler omitted **
“Hey man, you’re good!” says Beldan. “Well, I’m ready as I’ll ever be … are we going to slay this vampire or what?”
The hole's on the NNE side of the tree. You guys leave in the midmorning. It takes about half an hour to get there.
Tenser's nose seems to remember the way.
It squats in the middle of a boggy clearing.
Bring him along. I'm sure we'll manage.
Roll spot.
The black man fingers his holy symbol at every chance. "Dis is the juju dat the paddleboat cap'n meant. Gots to get it right dis time or we be serving the lizard."
Oso doesn't see anything untoward.
Pip:
I have to do some set up for this as of yet, however...
Nope. You don't see nothing. Neither does Altai.
1d20 10=20 spot.
Hmmm.
Pendobar; Riese:
A marsh giant rises up a little bit (still prone; resting on elbows) where an odd hilly clump was and fires a crossbow, the javelin-size bolt thunks into Stiggy's chest and he takes 12 h.p. in damage.
Riese; Pip have a standard action, then it's initiative.
Giant's initiative is 9.
On a grid, a-j across the top,
1-18 down the side,
The trunk of the tree is located a-j 1,
The giant is at ef 7-8, you guys can be anywhere f-j 17-18 to start.
"You sneaky giant b#%**! Imbelia furtion de'flar!!" Riese directs a Fiery Riese's Firebolt at the giant, 5d6 5=28 damage, DC 18 reflex for half. Riese is at - J18 .
He can't reflex because he's prone. You burn a crispy swath from his head down his back to his arse.
“Huh, what giant? All I see is a hill…”
Altai is at H18.
"Uuh,....guys, I.... I don't feel so good."
He starts vomiting something that looks like split pea soup.
“Better out than in,” comments Beldan sagely. “Hey! Watch my boots. Hmm… have you started seeing the fairy yet?”
"[censored] on Pelor's [censored] you [censored] little gob of troll [censored]!!!"
it doesn't sound like Altai's voice, but he is throwing up.
BEFORE we leave for the tree,...
"Say y'all. Jes so yeh knows. Ah asked fer a special faveh frum deh goddess dis time. Deh mos' powerful faveh ah evah asked. Iz bound tah give deh lizard-vamp a reel hotfoot, so let me get it out o' deh way befo'e yeh go closin' in on 'im, 'K?"
ELgan travels with the group, but overhead, watching out for his charges in Hawk-form.
Seeing the mound of detrius that wasn't there earlier, Elgan screeches both a warning and a spell, the now-familiar cloud forming and the first bolt lighting the area even as the mound rises and fires a bolt the size of a small tree into Stiggy!
Hittem...just Pip to go in the surprise round.
OMg-roflmao!
He's stunned for one round. Rolled a 1.
Who said bards are wussies again?
You guys' attacks.
Pip segues into a stirring fight song
"There weren't a giant e'er so tall
That Stigwold Maechammer couldn't make fall
A titan would quake when he heard the sound
Of Gittik the Mighty when he came around
An overgrown bully would cry in his turn
When Riese would deliver his arcanist's burn"
“Oh … that giant…”
Beldan will wait till some of the others have taken their turn, see if he can set up a flank or something.
Pip segues into a stirring fight song
"There weren't a giant e'er so tall
That Stigwold Maechammer couldn't make fall
A titan would quake when he heard the sound
Of Gittik the Mighty when he came around
An overgrown bully would cry in his turn
When Riese would deliver his arcanist's burn"
Shut up! Shut up! Or I'll shove that lute up your arse and you'll have to fret with your teeth!!!