"Pheh, art? Ugh." Pagrip shakes his head in disgust. He turns to Caulder. "He also mentioned a freak golem behind a barred door. We passed a boarded-up door a room or two back. Could be in there. Not sure I like the sound of a freak golem though."
The derro wriggles his fingers conspiratorially at the mention of the freak golem: "is why master lock him down in store room. hopes he calm down in a day or two."
"Don't try to change the subject, derro. Why is your 'art' moving? Some kind of foul necromancy?"
Esme coughs some blood into her hand.
"Cleric, you don't happen to have that wand handy do you?" Esme holds out the other hand to accept the wand.
A little reluctantly, Caulder pulls the wand from his pack and hands it over. "Don't get carried away, Darkbane," he warns. "Overhealing is as profligate as tossing good coins into the harbor."
"dwarf and woman both stupid, can't explain craft to the dumb. tissues react to lightning is all." He pauses, then adds, "I done part of bargain that is mine - now I get to leave. yes?"
Esme wipes some blood from the corner of her mouth as she blinks at Caulder for a while.
"Abadar will provide." she intones as she turns to the others "Who else is in need of Abadar's healing touch?"
"He provides for those who provide for themselves," he reminds her with a stern glance. "Don't get all theologically mushy on me, Darkbane, or I'll have to inform the Bank you need remedial training. If we're going to have to fight an out-of-control golem, I suppose I should take a charge. But just one! So what do you think?" he asks, nodding toward the derro. "He's kept his end of the bargain, but I don't want him creeping up behind us while we're getting the arm off the 'art.'"
"Yes, cleric. No, cleric." Esme grins knowingly.
"But first, I think the derro should stop the lightning going through his 'art' first. Playing with lightning is the purview of the gods."
Esme uses the wand on Caulder
"what? you think I'm some kind of wizard? ...okay, so I am wizard - but what moves these creations is not a kind of magic, but principles of existence. stupid woman. otherwise I could've just stopped the freaky golem too. or petition your purview of gods, see if they care." He turns to Caulder to add, "you not so stupid. okay, no backstabs either. now I go?"
"Is he telling the truth, dwarf?" Caulder asks the Academae dropout of the twitching torso. "Is there a way to turn one of those things off?"
Pagrip thinks for a moment, then shakes his head. "Hard to say for sure, but probably not. All you can do is kill it--sort of. Smash it until it stops moving would be more accurate. Golems aren't really alive; they just move like they're alive. Kind of like undead, except it's a different kind of energy that keeps them animated. But like undead, there are lots and lots of different kinds of golems, some worse than others. Each kind has its own little rules."
"See, this is what come of necromancers branching out," Caulder complains. "A simple zombie we could stop with positive energy. Well, it's not my problem. Grandpa Idiot said he wanted his idiot grandson's body back, not that he wanted it unmoving. See, derro, here's our problem," he approaches the grappled creature. "I don't trust you to keep your word any farther than I could throw you, or, well, than you could throw me, to be more specific. Darkbane and I, we're men of our word. Well, a man and a... you know what I mean. So you're not going to die today. You're cooperating, so we're not even going to run you in today. Nine Hells, as far as I'm concerned, I'd be happy to consider you a Confidential Informant and give you a bit of immunity. But when we've still got a hyperactive golem to disassemble, I honestly wouldn't put it past you to hit us with another of those screams or turn the lights out on us at a critical juncture. So help me help you. What can you do to convice me you're not going to turn against us before we get out of these crypts?"
The derro turns a pained look to Caulder, "what? it is not enough? I've already 'screamed' earlier - it's one of our hidden, nature things, dooming screams - I can only do it once a day. ...but think it through, if I interfere with you and freaky golem and golem wins - then how am I going to stop it after, huh?"
Esme waves the wand around in the air.
"We should get another one of these... this one doesn't seem to work very well. Anyone else want a shot?" Esme asks as she holds up the wand.
Caulder winces visibly as the wand charges pile up. "Well, not handling it like that, it won't work well," he snatches the wand back. "Abadar's scales, woman, did noone ever teach you to swish and flick?"
Derro mutters, "told you she stupid. we deal?"
"I skipped the swish and flick classes. Which I am sure you excelled at, cleric. While I was out and about doing general do-goodery. Why don't you show me how its done on Ten. Looks like he is in need of a good swishing."
"And I would appreciate it if you stopped insulting me, derro. You are walking on thin ice."
"There, Darkbane, see how it's done?" Caulder remarks with satisfaction, prodding the distiller with the wand. "Listen, derro, you're getting a second chance out of this that I very much doubt you deserve. If I see you again, I expect you to have made the most of this opportunity and be walking the straight and narrow -- or you'd better hope I don't see you again."
"I plan on not seeing you again, if it all same." The derro looks at Ten's tentacle expectantly. "oh - master will be most displeased with what happened here; but he'll have to live with it. I think I learned enough from him and can start on my own."
"I plan on not seeing you again, if it all same."
"Good plan," Caulder growls and turns his attention to Pagrip. "All right, dwarf, you're our 'expert,'" he grimaces at the depths to which they have fallen. "What can you tell us about this golem and how to disassemble it?"
Pagrip strokes his beard for a moment. "Well," he says, then pauses for another moment for more thought. "I think the best advice is to hit it as hard as you can and to keep hitting it until it stops moving. Then hit it a few more times just to be sure."
Caulder surveys the dwarf bleakly. "How much did they charge you for tuition?"
"More than you'd consider worth it, I'm sure," Pagrip laughs.
"Honestly, Caulder," Pagrip continues, "without having seen this golem, it's hard to say. There are so many different types. This one's made from body parts apparently, so we can rule out iron golems or stone golems, but there's still a whole bunch left over it could be. Bone golem, flesh golem, and so on. All I can really say for sure is that most golems are highly resistant to magic. So the best option is just to hit 'em really hard."
"So your answer is effectively the same." Esme hefts her greatsword. "I am sure we can handle hitting it. A lot." She intones with a gleam in her eye.
Ten accepts the healing. "Thanks, Caulder."
After Pagrip's brief analysis, Ten glances at the derro, still wrapped up tightly. "So, we're letting him go?"
"While I loath to release such a clearly evil creature, we have made a bargain. But know this derro. If I hear of any heinous crimes that are of your doing, I will find you. And you will atone for them. One way or another. Now scoot. Before I reconsider."
"mistress evergloat is too kind," the derro remarks drily as the coiled tentacle relaxes enough to let him out. He clears his throat as his chest finally gets to expand a little. "I give a little extra: freaky golem is not like the ones you learn about in the Academy; is original creation by master. flawed though," he adds as he indicates the head with a twirling finger. He goes off to his room.
"I suppose it would be immoral of me to shoot him in the back as he goes," Pagrip mutters, touching but not raising his crossbow. "Shall we go check out this original creation?" he asks the others.
"Paladin Darkbane to you, derro." Esme adds as she watches the derro going about his business in his room. "I suggest you leave as fast as possible. And no sudden moves."
The derro mutters some words that may be a general murmur of assent; but on the whole he seems far more preoccupied with collecting various personal items and what not.
It doesn't take long for the party to backtrack to the ominously barred door.
"Unless somebody has a better idea... Darkbane, get your sword ready." Ten pulls out his crowbar and begins prying the door open.
"'Ten grabs it and we smack it until it stops moving' sound like a good plan to everyone?" Esme whispers while clutching her greatsword.
"Appreciate you volunteering, citizen," Caulder remarks, laying a hand on Ten's shoulder. "Abadar protect you."
"Now you have gone and alerted the golem to our presence." Esme shrugs "Ah well. At least we have a plan this time."
Esmerelda
Caulder
Ten
Pagrip
Golem
Finally with a cracking snap the door gives way under Ten's efforts. Almost immediately an unbearable stench is carried out of the room - thick and palpable, strong enough to make even hardy warriors wish they could spit out the content of their mouths as the foul scent becomes taste-able.
Esmerelda Fortitude
Caulder Fortitude
Ten Fortitude
Pagrip Fortitude
Both Caulder and Pagrip are overcome with the urge to immediately relieve themselves of their breakfasts. The retching leaves little room to do anything else.
An abomination lumbers forward from the rear of the room. A terrible vision of rotten body parts sewn together in a haphazard fashion - with little respect to species or origin. A massive fist rises and sinks at Ten with surprising speed, but fails entirely to connect with the alchemist.
Golem slam
Next up: Esmerelda, Caulder, Pagrip, Ten, golem
"Have at 'em, Ten!"
Pagrip coughs and wretches a bit, but manages to regain his composure. He grabs his war hammer.
Ten rocks back on his heels, barely dodging the creature's initial swing. "Pagrip, watch my back!" Ten yells as he changes direction, springing forward while lashing 33 out at the abomination.
Caulder manages to stumble his way further away, his constitution doesn't improve with distance though, leaving him with a defiant - if sour - expression and bitter taste in his mouth. Pagrip quickly recovers after the initial onslaught of the foul vapors, he hefts his warhammer, the weight oddly comforting.
Ten's tentacle doesn't manage to bring up enough impact, leaving the golem's body unharmed. Quickly the tentacle tries to envelope and hold the golem - but the powerful frame resists the attempt. Still, Ten's familiarity with golem's give him some basic insights regarding this one - it appears to be an adaptation of a carrion golem - albeit this one seems more elaborate. Other than its incredible stench and immunity to magic, it also appears to be a bearer of disease.
The golem, for its part, raises two massive hands and smashes both down at Ten. The first one connects leaving an immediate and intensely purple splotch. The second only barely misses - for a moment Ten can feel grateful to the divine protection that Caulder provided as the fist deflects just enough to harmlessly scrape past Ten.
Next up: Esmerelda, Caulder, Pagrip, Ten, golem
Esme steps to the side opposite Pagrip, pushing a cupboard out of the way.
"If you can't push it back into the room, Ten, back up over here so we all can swing at it."
Pagrip stays put and prepares to swing at the golem should it emerge.
Ten staggers back from the blow, but 33 helps the alchemist keep his balance. Listening to Darkbane's advice, Ten steps back and then withdraws, stopping just in front of Caulder.
"We might need to rely on that wands some more, after this," Ten remarks, patting his new bruise gingerly.
Caulder looks up from his state of misery for a moment, then grows paler with nausea.
Esmerelda finds the cupboard anything but easy to move, the clutter and books in it adds up to a significant weight. She strains against it, then successfully pushes it out of the way far enough not to get in the way too much.
The hideous construct lumbers forward with surprisingly fast lurches. Pagrip wacks at it with his hammer, but although the weapon connects, it doesn't deal enough damage to actually penetrate the many layers of flesh and bone. With a complete lack of irritation the golem retaliates, a powerful fist-like bit connects with Pagrip's cheek spinning him around and coming tentatively close to dislocating his jaw.
Next up: Esmerelda, Caulder, Pagrip, Ten, golem
"Pagrip! Stay with me!" Esme shouts encouragingly over the creatures head as she tries to place her greatsword through it.
"Caulder! Keep the dwarf on his feet!"