First time making monsters and a disease. Opinions?

[Silent_Spectre]

Hey so as the subject says, it's my first time making monsters and a disease to go with them and I wanted some opinions but I can't share with my usual GM's since they're in the game I'm running! They are also 3 (+1 GMNPC) experienced tabletop players at level 2, soon to be 3.

I'm calling it a Thoran, no particular reason why, but it's a plantlike creature that is incorporeal unless under bright light because, plant. I'm currently working on ecology but basically there's an adult and spawn which can both infect a creature with a mind however the spawn typically reside in a host and eat out their brain for space so, potential permadeath.

Spawn of Thoran CR 1/3:

XP 135
CN Medium plant (incorporeal)
Init +3; Senses sightless, blindsense 60 ft.; Perception +3

DEFENSE HP 6
EAC 10; KAC 12
Fort +3; Ref +1; Will +2
Immunities Plant immunities; Weaknesses vulnerable to fire; host dependent

OFFENSE
Speed 15 ft., burrow 15 ft.
Melee sting +4 (1d4 P plus parasitic offspring; critical +2 to disease dc)

STATISTICS
Str +0; Dex +3; Con +0; Int +0; Wis +1; Cha +0
Skills Sense Motive +3, Stealth +7, Survival +3
Languages Limited telepathy, Terran
Other abilities incorporeal under dim light and darkness

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Attach (Ex) The creature can attempt a special attack against KAC as a standard action. If it succeeds, it deals no damage, but it adheres to its target. Once attached, the creature gains a +4 bonus to its AC (from cover) and a +2 circumstance bonus to melee attacks, but it can attack only the creature to which it is attached. An attached creature can't move (though it moves with its target), take actions that require two hands, or make attacks of opportunity. An attached creature can be removed with a successful Strength check (DC 11) made as a move action, or it can remove itself from its target as a move action.

Parasitic Offspring (Ex) An Thoran's spit carries thousands of autonomous, parasitic particles of genetic matter. When an Thoran deals damage with its spit attack, the target must succeed at a DC 10 Fortitude save or be infected with these offspring, which function as the Ise of Thorans disease.

Sightless (Ex) The creature does not use any visual senses and is thus never subject to any effect that requires the creature to see a target or effect.

Thoran CR 4ish:

XP 1,200
CN Huge plant (incorporeal)
Init +5; Senses low-light vision, blindsense 60 ft.; Perception +10

DEFENSE HP 50
EAC 16; KAC 18
Fort +8; Ref +6; Will +5
Immunities Plant immunities; Weaknesses vulnerable to Fire

OFFENSE
Speed 30 ft., burrow 30 ft.
Melee vine +9 (1d6+4 B plus grab) or
vine +9 (1d6+4 B plus grab) or
vine +9 (1d6+4 B plus grab)
Ranged acid spit +12 (1d6+4 P plus parasitic offspring; critical +2 to disease dc)
Space 15 ft.; Reach 15 ft.
Spell-like Abilities (CL 4th; ranged +12)
2nd (1/day) - mystic cure (level 2) (DC 13)
1st (3/day) - charm person (DC 12)
0 (at will) - telepathic message

STATISTICS
Str +0; Dex +5; Con +3; Int +0; Wis +1; Cha +0
Skills Sense Motive +10, Stealth +15, Survival +10
Languages Limited telepathy, Terran
Other abilities incorporeal

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Grab (Ex) If the creature hits with the indicated attack (usually a claw or bite attack), it deals normal damage. If the creature's attack roll successfully hits the target's KAC + 4, the creature also automatically grapples the foe as a free action. (If it hits the target's KAC + 13, it instead pins the target.) The creature does not need to have a spare limb free to perform this grapple, as long as it can make the listed attack, and it can potentially grapple more than one target if it has more than one attack with the grab ability. The creature can maintain the grab either with another successful grab attack or by performing the grapple combat maneuver normally.

Multiattack (Ex) When making a full attack, the creature can make all the listed attacks, instead of two attacks, at the attack bonuses indicated. It can make the attacks in any order. Guidelines Use the appropriate damage column for the creature's array, and impose a -6 penalty on these attacks instead of a -4 penalty.

Parasitic Offspring (Ex) An Thoran's spit carries thousands of autonomous, parasitic particles of genetic matter. When an Thoran deals damage with its spit attack, the target must succeed at a DC 10 Fortitude save or be infected with these offspring, which function as the Ise of Thorans disease.

Sightless (Ex) The creature does not use any visual senses and is thus never subject to any effect that requires the creature to see a target or effect.

Ise of Thoran:

Type disease (inhaling a Thoran flower or injury)
Save Fortitude DC 12 or DC 16 after reaching comatose
Track mental (special)
Frequency 1/day
Effect progression track is Healthy - Latent - Impaired - Befuddled - Disassociated - Comatose; comatose is the last stage BUT subject will not regress from comatose until cured or the Spawn devours the brain and takes over after 2d4 days. At the latent stage, eyes slowly turn pale yellow; at the impaired stage, hair slowly turns pale yellow; at the befuddled stage, subject gains blindsense (vibration) 30 feet; these changes are permanent.

Thank you for your time looking at my post and please let me know how I did!

[Metaphysician]

The main thing singing out to be is the incorporeal status. Is it obligate, or can the critters voluntarily phase in and out as long as its not bright light? Because if they can phase at will, and attack while phased, the spawn are a death sentence under most circumstances.

[Silent_Spectre]

I was thinking obligate incorporeality and your point only makes that more certain for me. I'm not trying to kill them but I certainly want it to be a close call.

[breithauptclan]

I don't think that the incorporeal status is a death knell. However, I do think that it should not be controlled by the creatures.

Incorporeal creatures are (by default) able to attack while incorporeal. Their attacks always target EAC, and they can't do any combat maneuvers.

Incorporeal gives a 50% damage reduction to energy attacks and magic attacks other than force effects like magic missile. Also a 50% miss chance on other magic that doesn't cause damage. It does give a 100% damage reduction to strictly kinetic attacks.

But those aren't problems that can't be handled and dealt with. Even against creatures that are always incorporeal. And these plant things have a very easy way for the players to remove the incorporeal status.

[Metaphysician]

Incorporeal status on its own isn't the death knell, its the ability for the critter to attack at will while remaining incorporeal except for brief moments that is the death knell. You basically have a critter attached to you that you either can't attack, or can only attack at a notable disadvantage, while it is damaging and infecting you every turn. That is a combo that leads to character death.

[breithauptclan]

By default, incorporeal creatures are able to attack while remaining incorporeal.

CRB wrote:

Incorporeal creatures’ attacks always target their enemies’ Energy Armor Class. Incorporeal creatures cannot take any physical actions that would move or manipulate an opponent or its equipment, including combat maneuvers, nor are they subject to any such actions.

I'm not seeing anywhere in the rule block that says that the incorporeal creature has to somehow become corporeal in order to attack other corporeal creatures.

So having a racial rule that removes the incorporeal status under certain conditions should make the battle easier than it would be with a standard incorporeal creature with that infection ability.

Now, the combination of incorporeal status and the infection may be a bit much. But I don't think that the nerf'd incorporeal trait is.