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So I'm about to play a halfling bard and Oratory will be his first performance. I've written up his intro performance (at least the one that he'll give everyone the first time he meets them) but feel there could be a few changes to make it sound better. It should be known that no one actually calls him chief (they're generally yelling THIEF) but his 6 wisdom has him hearing something else. All suggestions are welcome!
Hi there! The name's Lem Foggybottom, but everyone just calls me Chief. Not sure why, but it sure is better than Foggybottom. If you've ever been to Egorian, Belde, Ostenso or West Crown then you've probably heard of me. If not, well, no matter. You've heard of me now and in person none the less!
Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit down and relax
I'll tell you how I became The Chief of CheliaxIn west Egorian born and raised
On the homestead was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some rats as a matter of fact
When a couple of gobs who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in West Crown'I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my bags and sent me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my stash.
I put my bow on and said, 'What a <bleep>'.Well, the coach landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a guard standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested yet
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappearedI looked for a tavern and when I came 'round
The sign said fresh and it had mice on the grounds
If anything I could say that I shouldn't relax
But I thought 'Nah, forget it' – 'I'm in Cheliax'I pulled up to the bar about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the keep 'Yo! Can I get a drink?'
I looked all around
I could finally relax
To begin my adventure, as the Chief of Cheliax
I'm old. I spent about a good five minutes trying to figure out how the words matched up to the theme of the Beverly Hillbillies. After about the third time through I realized it was based on the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire.
I think it's awesome, by the way.