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I only made it into Round 2 as an Alternate, as you all know. That means nobody got to see my map.
However, I really want feedback on it! This was my first time drawing a for real game map that wasn't just something I scribbled together right before a game based on an existing map, so I really want to improve and get better... so that next year I can kick butt and take names :)
What I want from you: Please critique my map as though it were an actual entry (if you have the time!)
I'm not going to put in commentary yet: I'm going to treat this like a for real entry, so, for the next... let's say a week, I will not publicly clarify anything or respond to any critiques with more than a vague "Thank you for your comment."
The "maybe more?" Is that I'm also considering putting in this thread a revised version of my magic item, along with my build process for that item and backstory... but that won't be till we're done with the map.
WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, JENSEN'S MAP ENTRY:
Crystalhurst Village and Druid Circle
Thank you in advance for your feedback and comments!
Well... I would easily have voted for that. Nice work, Jensen.
Pretty nice map, certainly better than some of the actual contestants, so you would have had a shot at advancing.
I like the idea of a druidic village build in trees and I could certainly see this as a central village in a campaign. You've added some nice touches with the druid circle and all the sacred things in it. Makes me interested in finding out the story behind that.
Unfortunately, aside from that, the village is a touch generic. We don't get to know what those bigger platforms with multiple treeforts are meant for, we don't know how high that hill is and all around this would have benefited from some names, aside from the main one that is. It would have allowed you to add some character and specifics. Names can be very evocative.
The trees are also somewhat far apart from one another, though the walkways are of proper width for that scale. Some indication that this is an actual forest, and not just a loose collection of trees, would have helped.
I'm also missing colours. Now you're using a lot of symbols that look a lot alike, meaning that the map can be hard to read. I wouldn't be surprised if someone thought that those triangular platforms are the elevators, because the small symbol in the key is not very clear.
Nevertheless, not a bad map. It would have needed some finishing touches and something to add more character to it. As it is, it would have been a weak maybe for me.
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9
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Needed some height/depth lines, but overall a solid map that would have outperformed some contestants who did make it into round two.
There's plenty of freelance opportunities with 3pp, you got some chops. Make a go of it.
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... You know what that hill looks like, right? <_<
I'll give some more useful feedback later, when my brain lets me unsee what isn't meant to be there and look at the actual design.
You would have been a contender for my Top 8, but at least in my own personal Top 16. I'd really need to see the three judges comments to "fairly" place you, as I didn't decide much except "gut reaction" before doing a full read through, but my gut reaction has your map in my keep pile.
I have to admit, my mind went to the same place Raynulf's did.
That said, I think this looks pretty impressive. I like the treetop walkway. This seems like a site I'd like to know more about, though there's no singular large spot for a combat -- the whole village seems like it would be he site of a combat, which could be cool or could be a little problematic.
I think this certainly would have been a contender for one of my votes.
I like it!
This looks like an interesting village to explore.
20-40ft. wide might be a bit too big for the sod houses, though...
Also, I would like to see a few tree houses being different or special in some way, not quite as many standard ones.
Overall, nice job!
Rope bridges aren't the only means of getting from tree to tree - what about swings, tarzan like vines and the like?
I would have expected rope bridges on the established centre, but outlying structures might not yet have them, so requiring ladders, lifts, climbing ropes, vines and the like to get to them.
What are the bridges and trees over? Imaging the tress are along two edges of a chasm with some of the central trees being attop a rock pillar - such a thing would give depth to the map, a sense of heights and falling.
Alternatively, you could have a cut away showing the scale of the tree, how tall they are, how high the rope bridging is, how far the pcs could fall.
That is a good map!
Somebody in the top-16 is lucky you weren't the first alternate. This one probably would have been in the #7-11 range for me. Great Job!
Wow, I can't seem to find the real life hard copy of this map now D: No clue where I put it.
I'm hoping it didn't get accidentally thrown out -- I had to move back in with my parents (at... 28. Ah, the 21st century :\ ) and my mom has a bad habit of wantonly cleaning up everything without telling anyone. I've lost important financial information and job callbacks this way, so it's possible :(
(I don't really blame her, per se; she lives with two people with severe ADHD and anxiety, me and my dad, so the clutter can get maddening sometimes, and sometimes she doesn't even look at what she's throwing out. Even so...)
Luckily I still have HQ digital scans.
Good idea, useful map. Would have been upper middling in the spread for me. On the bubble of what I'd have considered voting for.
FOUND IT oh thank god
it had been under some things
First off: Congratulations on making Round 2, and the best of luck in the votes!
Coolness: Do I look at this, and want to use it in a game? Does it provoke wonder or amazement? Does it hold potential for interesting encounters, adventures or roleplay? How much mileage does this map have in it?
Usability: How usable is this for me as a GM (being that GMs are actually the primary audience of most maps)? Is the legend clear and in logical order for play? Does it give me enough information to easily visualize the parts and wax poetic about the varied locations? Does it have the necessary details for me to run with it on the fly, or will it involve a lot of improvisation? Does it have any glaring oddities that stop me mid-breath to go "what the hell is that?!"?
Craftsmanship: Is it clear, legible and containing all the necessary bits and bobs? Does it make good use of the space? Is the scale appropriate for the detail (and visa versa)?
(I suppose you could also call them "Creativity, Functionality and Skill", but I like my terms better :P).
Coolness: B-
- Positive: Multi-level town, combining underground, on-ground and aboveground dwellings? Pretty sweet. The druid circle caps off the theme the sod houses and packed earth roads started presenting, making the whole place feel primitive yet majestic as bridges span up to a hundred feet between the trees.
- Negative: I'm left wondering some things though; Is this in a forest? If so, why are there no trees that aren't built on? Is there undergrowth filling the spaces, or is it more open? Also, what are these buildings? Half the key is dedicated to telling me about the druid circle, but no information is present about other important sites, notable residents or functional buildings. As an exclusively personal preference, I think 5ft walkways would be more suited… but that's just me :)
- Verdict: Some really inspirational stuff, but as with all town maps it's the details that bring it home, and this is needing a chunk of work filling in the blanks. All told, I'd peg it as an B-
Usability: D+
- Positive: The scale is present, and I can clearly see how to get around this place, and thus mostly navigate.
- Negative: I need info! What are the various buildings? Is there an inn? Is there a shop? A furrier? In addition to reasons to navigate this cool place, I need something else: Elevations. The scale only applies to the horizontal, but this is a three-dimensional town with no indication of the elevation of the various places. I appreciate it may have cluttered things up on the hand-drawn version, but this is information the end user is going to want and need.
- Verdict: D. In the sense of being a functional town map, it is sadly unfinished, in my opinion.
Craftsmanship: B
- Positive: Everything is labeled, the layout is clear, the key is comprehensive and the layout is thought-through.
- Negative: Too much of the key dedicated to the druid circle, no town locations, no elevations (my first impression was that the hill was actually a gaping… depression. Elevations would help a little there, especially) and missing non-building terrain.
- Verdict: There's a lot here done really well, but it's not actually complete, in my opinion. Overall, I'd be saying a B.
Overall: C+ for a great idea, but needs some more detail to really do it justice.
This could use an NSFW tag. Are you a fan of Georgia O'Keeffe?
That is really, really cool.
I am exhausted at the moment and don't have the juice to comment much more than that but I would say generally it's a great idea, and well laid out. My one major concern is the hill looks more like a hole to me. I would eliminate the long hash marks and instead use some lines to indicate elevation could help (something like ---10'---).
This looks like it'd be fun to try to draw out in a mapping program.
Despite the gutter that many people went down, the hill with the druids circle looked like a Sharingan eye to me. Wondering if that was intentional or not.
1) Color almost always helps, as it adds a new dimension of design and organizational space to an image.
2) Labels and titles for the places on the map. "Druid Circle" might not need to be keyed if there is a label "Ceremonial Circle" next to it on the map. For the labels to not clutter the map, things need to be more clearly delineated (hence using color to east the visual burden)
3) The filler. Are there smaller trees, or have they been clear-cut to make room for the (lower-class??) ground-dwellers. Are the squiggles on the hill flowers, bushes, small trees? Are there trees surrounding the village, or is it just a copse in the middle of grassland?
4)Zoning. the sod-huts seem to be the central hub of the village, with three roads and a river converging there. Is this a market area, housing for non-elves, a business district or what? There seem to be clusters of tree-houses too without any hint given as to what they are: is the center octagon a palace, are the clusters by family, by class, by zone (commercial, industrial, residential), or by chance (the trees happened to grow like that). The lack of small intervening trees makes it seem like the whole village is managed, so the clusters seem deliberate.
5) What does the river add? Transportation, food? Should there be warehouses for storing trade goods, or boats, more docks, customs area?
Just some thoughts. In all I really like the map and the setting.
Ok, a week has passed, which is the length of time it'd be before winners were revealed if I'd been in the competition, so I'll be responding to your critiques...
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Soon :\ Right now I have a HUGE copyediting job I have to burn through x_X Once that's done, I'll be ready to respond, and include some other goodies.