So, it's the fourth day of Spring, sun's high in the sky, fluffy clouds are galloping the winds, flowers are exploding in colours everywhere. A group of horses happily trots in the distance.
And I'm -me, myself, the whole of yours truly- swimming in worms. As in actual worms, not metaphorical "woe is me, the dreadfulness of sorrow crawls around me" nonsense-worms.
You see, I work in the agricultural business. And one of the things I grow are plums. When we send these plums to places like Germany and China, we have to first dry them, a process which generates huge amounts of sugar water as waste, which is expensive to get rid of.
I like this business. It doesn't usually involve more than a few worms at the same time. I like not being surrounded by worms.
Today, however, I was visiting some friend's plum drying plant, where they showed me their ingenious method for dealing with said sugary water: A huge pool filled with dirt and sprinklers, which spread that sweet liquid around, which worms happily digest and clean in the process (the rest is filtered afterward and used for irrigation).
Thing is, while plum season's not upon us, they were testing the growth of these little buggers, and had been feeding them lots of sugar water they had stored precisely for this. So there were lots and lots and LOTS of worms, some as thick as my fingers, like Monster Manual-level stuff. These bastards had CRs, I tell you.
And of course I get offered to walk on the teeny-tiny catwalk.
Which of course has no railing.
Which of course is also wet from the rain.
Which of course makes me trip and fall head-first into the wormy abyss.
Do you know how it feels to sense you face plunging into a soft, sticky, cold, writhing mass of miniature tentacle-like creatures, which proceed to fill every available space as you keep sinking beyond your shoulders, infiltrating your beard to the point of almost replacing it, before your back twists forward from the impulse and causes you buttocks to land on even more worms and, since the whole thing is soft and watery, cause you to end completely under a quicksand-like morass of annelids?
We're still going to implement the bloody thing, though. It's a good idea. I'm adding extra-railing, though. Like shark-proof cages railing.
....Now I'm hungry. I had no idea such a marvelously smorgasbord awaited consumption. It sounds divine!
But, you two leggers don't like that stuff much...
You should blame Cosmo, this smell like his deviltry.