Funny Stuff My Kid Says


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We were far, far darker.

"Small creatures such as chipmunks, mice, and birds have too small of a meat-to-waste ratio. It's too much work to prepare them compared to the amount of meat they have. Very similar to small children..."
(slowly looks child up and down)
"...now once YOU'VE grown another inch or two..."

EDIT: And yes, in one of our best parenting moments of all time, we were called in by the school psychiatrist because our son had written a story about a picture the psychiatrist had given him. It was a side-splitting tongue-in-cheek take on the apocalypse, finishing with, "There were no survivors on that sad, sad day."
We (correctly) pointed out that the psychiatrist had handed him a picture of a massive catastrophe that was devastating a city and asked him to write about it, so what did she expect? The principal got called in, saw the picture and the story and started laughing out loud, then sided with us.

If you don't want gruesome stories, don't hand the kids gruesome pictures. I mean, sheesh.


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NobodysHome wrote:

We were far, far darker.

"Small creatures such as chipmunks, mice, and birds have too small of a meat-to-waste ratio. It's too much work to prepare them compared to the amount of meat they have. Very similar to small children..."
(slowly looks child up and down)
"...now once YOU'VE grown another inch or two..."

Which Imp was that?

...

Wait... If that was Major, then his slow growth could be a defense mechanism...

Quote:

EDIT: And yes, in one of our best parenting moments of all time, we were called in by the school psychiatrist because our son had written a story about a picture the psychiatrist had given him. It was a side-splitting tongue-in-cheek take on the apocalypse, finishing with, "There were no survivors on that sad, sad day."

We (correctly) pointed out that the psychiatrist had handed him a picture of a massive catastrophe that was devastating a city and asked him to write about it, so what did she expect? The principal got called in, saw the picture and the story and started laughing out loud, then sided with us.

If you don't want gruesome stories, don't hand the kids gruesome pictures. I mean, sheesh.

Which Imp was that? (I am pretty sure you told that story before but I don't remember if you stated which one was the hero of it)


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Drejk wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:

We were far, far darker.

"Small creatures such as chipmunks, mice, and birds have too small of a meat-to-waste ratio. It's too much work to prepare them compared to the amount of meat they have. Very similar to small children..."
(slowly looks child up and down)
"...now once YOU'VE grown another inch or two..."

Which Imp was that?

...

Wait... If that was Major, then his slow growth could be a defense mechanism...

Quote:

EDIT: And yes, in one of our best parenting moments of all time, we were called in by the school psychiatrist because our son had written a story about a picture the psychiatrist had given him. It was a side-splitting tongue-in-cheek take on the apocalypse, finishing with, "There were no survivors on that sad, sad day."

We (correctly) pointed out that the psychiatrist had handed him a picture of a massive catastrophe that was devastating a city and asked him to write about it, so what did she expect? The principal got called in, saw the picture and the story and started laughing out loud, then sided with us.

If you don't want gruesome stories, don't hand the kids gruesome pictures. I mean, sheesh.

Which Imp was that? (I am pretty sure you told that story before but I don't remember if you stated which one was the hero of it)

It's ALL Impus Major. Being the first, he was subjected to the worst...


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GM_Beernorg wrote:
Graduated to little Gersen from toddler Gersen I see, congrats on your next stage of development Gersen scion!

It's been years (like 3) since I last checked this thread! She is now Young Lady Gersen -- 7 going on 15. And I get hardball questions now.

Example: "Dadda, do you know about homeless people?"
Me: "Yes, I used to work with them, when I was younger."
Her: "Are there ways to keep from being homeless?"
Me [not expecting this obvious follow-up from a kid that young]: "Yes. Get an education, a degree in something people will pay you for, even if you want to be an artist. Save all the money you can. And stay away from really bad drugs."
Her [sensing an advantage, with laser focus]: "What are drugs?"
Me [facepalming, and thinking, hell, she totally painted me in a corner me with that one]


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I asked a hyperintelligent friend with slightly older kids how to field stuff like this, but she said, "My kids ask me stuff about Star Wars and legos. You're on your own!"

The next week, Young Lady Gersen said, "Tell me about trans people." Caught me totally off-guard again. I answered cautiously, "It is not my job to tell you what to think; it's my job to teach you how to think. So my opinion isn't important. But I will say that, when I was your age, the greatest athlete in the world was named Bruce Jenner, and every man I knew wanted to be like him. Later, he decided he wanted to be a woman." She thought for a few minutes, then said, "That's weird. But it's kind of cool."


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My 4yo niece, singing "Surface Pressure" from Encanto:

"Who am I if I can't carry a ball?"

It makes sense to her.

Liberty's Edge

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My 2-year-old son has learned about telling jokes and making people laugh, if not the practice and formula for jokes.

Him: Knock Knock

Anyone willing to listen: Whos there?

Him: CHICKEN ROAD! HAHA

Regardless, it's never failed to work each time he tells it to a new adult.


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Themetricsystem wrote:

Knock Knock

CHICKEN ROAD! HAHA

I don't get it.

Liberty's Edge

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The little guy was taught a few different jokes but the only ones that HALFWAY stuck were the intro to a knock knock joke, and the good old why did the chicken cross the road which ended up mixed together, and after it garnered genuine laughter he decided he is sticking with it.


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"Dadda, how come you're the worst at building things in real life, but the best at building with Legos?"


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This won't translate well to text, but we've been playing a lot of Clue, and Young Lady Gersen, who just turned 8, decided she needed to illustrate it. With great concentration, she drew a deranged murderhobo with a knife, chasing an obviously terrified man. Then she carefully labeled everything: MISS SCARLET - DAGGER - MR. BODY - HALL.

Paizo Employee Software Architect

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Them: "It's not fair - she has more milk than me!"

Me: "We have plenty of milk. Do you want some more?"

Them: "NO! But it's not fair that she has more than me!"

Me: "...get out of my kitchen."


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It makes me so glad we only had one of them...LOL


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A story from one of my regular players:

He and his boys watch the reality show Naked and Afraid, about wilderness survival. However... his youngest asked the woman at his preschool if she wanted to play Naked and Afraid, and she had never heard of the show.

There was a rather awkward conference.


That is exactly why I didn't become a teacher.


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That's exactly why I didn't become a parent!


*de-beverages

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