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It has come to my attention that some of you may be having difficulty keeping your paladins upright. I have compiled this list of Helpful™ tips for the enrichment of the community.
Why does your paladin keep falling? Semantics, that's why. A strict interpretation of the Paladin and an even stricter reading of the description of Lawful Good can get you around most issues:
Lawful characters tell the truth, keep their word, respect authority, honor tradition, and judge those who fall short of their duties.
Lawful Good: A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. She combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly. She tells the truth, keeps her word, helps those in need, and speaks out against injustice. A lawful good character hates to see the guilty go unpunished.
Code of Conduct: A paladin must be of lawful good alignment and loses all class features except proficiencies if she ever willingly commits an evil act.
Additionally, a paladin's code requires that she respect legitimate authority, act with honor (not lying, not cheating, not using poison, and so forth), help those in need (provided they do not use the help for evil or chaotic ends), and punish those who harm or threaten innocents.
Note that nowhere does it say that if you break your orders code of conduct you will lose your powers. Only if you commit an evil act. Is breaking your code an evil act? No, it's a chaotic act, so forget the code of your order, which is fluff anyway and has no RAW mechanics of any kind.
The following are the absolute baseline rules for Paladins to avoid falling:
1. Don't lie. Just keep your mouth shut. Nobody said you couldn't mislead, misdirect, distract, or delay others if you're doing it for Good™ reasons. But no fibs, or you're being Evil™. See rule 4 for more excellent reasons why you don't need to tell the truth to people who might do Evil™ with the information you're giving them. When in doubt, babble incoherently.
2. Don't cheat. However, unless there are specific rules of engagement, or rules of a game involved, the concept of cheating is meaningless. Combat only has rules in the training room. Feel free to throw sand in your opponents eyes, unless the ref tells you you're not allowed to do that, before combat starts. Cheating Evil™ merchants in the monetary sense is okay, because that makes buying from them Chaotic™, rather than Evil™. That's why you hang out with rogues; they can steal your money back for you, and then you're back to being Good™. See rule 4 for more excellent reasons to break rule 2 when dealing with Evil™.
3. Don't Poison People. This is another good reason that you hang out with the rogue. He's Chaotic Good™ and he can poison anybody he wants, plus he's better at it than you. Be wary of offering food to the needy. If they have a gluten allergy, and you give them bread, that's Evil™. Also, never buy anyone a drink; alcohol is a poison, and therefore Evil™. This seems harsh but it's good for your coinpurse, and will prevent Falling.
4. Do Help People. The ends justify the means here, so feel free to help anyone you want, as long as their ends are Good™. Or, alternatively, as long as you're sure you can stop them before they do something Evil™ with the help you provide. So feel free to buy poison for the thief, but be ready to strangle the thief in his sleep if you have to. If you're doing it to stop him from doing Evil™, that's Good™. But make sure you detect Evil™ on everyone you plan to buy something from. If you buy cookies from Evil™, you've just helped them, and that's Evil™. You fall.
5. Punish people who threaten or harm innocents. This is the only really tricky one. Feel free to punish them in any appropriate way that isn't in violation of the previous four rules, or clearly Evil™. Since you don't actually get any guidance on what sort of punishment is appropriate, you're going to have to Kill Them All™. If you don't kill them, and they go on to do something Evil™, then you have helped them do something Evil™. That's not Good™.So, when in doubt, detect Evil™, and then kill everything that pings. But don't punish people who threaten or harm Evil™ innocents, because that's you helping Evil™. You will fall.
6. Don't ever do anything unexpected while someone Good™ is watching. The only significant addition to baseline Lawful™ that comes along with Lawful Good™ is that you are required to act however you are expected to act...by anyone capable of having an expectation about your actions. Evil people don't matter, as you're going to Kill Them All™ anyway, which they should be expecting by now. But, if you surprise a Good™ or Neutral™ person, you are no longer being Lawful Good™. Not being Lawful Good™ is not Good™. Keep those shenanigans up and you'll be on your way down the slippery slope towards buying cookies from Evil™ and feeding them to Good™ while ordering drinks for the house, cheating at cards, and lying about losing a hand of poker to Evil™. You will Fall.
That concludes this announcement. I hope this has helped clear up any confusion about the Paladin class.
Note: Your DM may disagree in part or in whole with any of these rules, at any time, for any reason, because Objective Alignment™ and Subjective Paladins™ are very silly things to mix together.
Further Note: Due to the lack of a sarcasm font, some people may mistake this post for something other than satire. That's not Good™.
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Step 1. Ask your DM if he is an adult, and a mature enough person/gamer to recognize the difference between a moral quadary and a no-win-you-auto-fall scenario.
Step 2. Ask yourself if you are an adult, and a mature enough person/gamer to balance the requirements of a Code against the goals/fun of your friends and fellow gamers.
Step 3. Profit.
serious business
Roll Sense Motive.