| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
WE BE GOBLINS
Characters (Meet the heroes of the Licktodad tribe):
Reta (goblin, fighter 1)
Poog (goblin, cleric 1)
Mogmuck (aka Mog) (goblin, alchemist 1)
Chuffy (goblin, rogue 1)
Piney (goblin, sorcerer 1)
House Rule: in order to convince players to be a little more goblin like I gave them “goblin points,” which they could spend against other players to force them to roll two dice and take the lowest (like D&D Next disadvantage rules). In exchange for doing so they could earn a hero point that they could spend on themselves, assuming that the goblin point was spent in a situation that mattered.
I attempted to model this session after a typical session of Paranoia. It didn’t quite match the level of mayhem that a paranoia session entails, but it came close.
Introduction: The PCs are goblins of the Licktoad tribe, who live deep in Brinestump Marsh, south of the hated man-town called Sandpoint. Once, other goblins tried to burn Sandpoint down, and they would have been legends if they had succeeded. But they didn’t bring enough fire, and got themselves killed as a result.
The day before the adventure begins the tribe discovered that one of their own had been using forbidden arts and was engaged in one of the greatest of taboos—writing things down. In fact, rumor holds that what he was writing was a history of the tribe! There’s no swifter way to bring about bad luck than stealing words out of your mind by writing them down, and so the tribe had no choice. They branded the goblin’s face with letters to punish him, which is why everyone calls him Scribbleface now, and then they ran him out of town, took all of his stuff, and burned down his hut.
That’s where things got interesting, because before they burned down his hut, Chief Gutwad found a weird box within the building. Inside was a map and a lot of fireworks—fireworks that immediately came to use in burning the hut down. Then, in the morning, Gutwad announced that there would be a feast in order to drive out any lingering bad luck from Scribbleface’s poor decisions. But perhaps even more exciting, all of the PCs have been secretly invited to meet at Chief Gutwad’s Moot House.
Act #1, Scene #1 (Mission Briefing): The troubleshooters (aka goblin PCs) met with Chief Gutwad in his hall where they learned of their mission to recover the fireworks by following Scribbleface’s map. The were informed that they would be playing games at the night’s bonfire to earn items from the chief’s treasury, which could help them on their mission. Reta was the most active participant in this scene and as a result was made “team leader” by the chief, for she was clearly the smartest goblin of the bunch. As such, she was given Scribbleface’s map.
Act #1, Scene #2 (The Games): The games began with a rival of Reta’s, another female goblin warrior named Bramblebush, daring Reta to ride Squealy Nord (the tribes ill tempered pet pig). Reta took her up on the dare, as she was a competent rider. However, Piney (the tribe sorcerer and weirdo due to his aberrant bloodline) wasn’t too happy with Reta’s insults against Bramblebush since Bramblebush was one of the few female goblins in the tribe that didn’t think Piney was weird and had been willing to get with him. Thus, while Reta was getting ready to mount Squealy Nord, Piney cast a grease spell on the pig. Reta was still able to ride it, but due to the grease (and a spent goblin chip), she only stayed on for a few seconds before falling off, causing the goblins of the tribe to laugh at her. She was humiliated, and very mad at Piney. She immediately started plotting her revenge.
Reta then volunteered Piney for the next dare, which was to eat the bag of bull slugs. Bull slugs are quite large and difficult for even a goblin to keep down. Piney took on the dare, but didn’t have the fortitude to stomach them and was promptly vomiting up slug slime, much to the glee of the goblin tribe. Piney was somewhat embarrassed, but the little eweirdo didn’t seem to realize that his kind were laughing at him. Consequently, Reta wasn’t entirely satisfied with this revenge.
Chuffy volunteered for the next dare, which entailed playing “hide or be clubbed.” Chuffy was great hider and found an excellent hiding spot. The goblin tribe went out searching for Chuffy, but although many came near his hiding spot none found him. Mog came close, but Chuffy’s hiding spot was too good. Chuffy was pleased not to be clubbed.
Meanwhile, Piney went to his own not so secret hiding spot where he started to make a sling stone by picking his nose and rolling the boogers into a ball. Reta knew of this spot and decided that she would try to club Piney. She managed to creep up on Piney, but her club swing was blocked by some of the brambles that he was hiding in. A scuffle ensued and Piney managed to daze Reta with a cantrip and pull her pants down before Reta could club him. Her fellow goblins laughed at her, including Bramblebush, and Reta was given the flattering nickname “Thornbush.”Once again Reta found herself humiliated by Piney, and her desire for vengeance continued to grow.
The goblins of the tribe soon returned to the village, frustrated that they never found Chuffy, but most of them had ended up clubbing each other at some point, so they weren’t entirely bored by the event. Chuffy earned the chief’s “ring that lets you climb real good” to aid with the mission.
Poog, the tribe’s cleric, was volunteered for the final challenge, which was to crawl through the Rusty Earbiter. Poog got caught in the Earbiter pretty quick. Mog gave him a good kick into it that caused Poog some pain, but got him moving. Unfortunately, he got pretty stuck in the thing and the goblins of the tribe, along with Chief Gutwad soon got bored of waiting for him come out the other side. Poog finally got free, but not fast enough to earn the chief’s robe of very useful items, which he had been sitting and farting on.
Mogmuck managed to get off the hook and avoided participating in any of the dares.
[/b]Act #1, Scene #3:[/b] The goblins eventually returned to their huts, went to sleep, and the next day they set out from their village to seek the fireworks. Before leaving, chief Gutwad entrusted team leader Reta with the last of the fireworks to be recovered from Scribbleface’s hut. They included one large “skyrocket.”
.
Act #2, (The journey- An encounter with Manylegs Eats Goblin Babies Many): The goblins followed Scribbleface’s map through the swamp to the location of the fireworks supply. They made their way west, along a stream towards the coast. Unfortunately, they were forced to pass through the territory of Manylegs. Most of the goblins in the party couldn’t remember what Manylegs was, but both Poog and Mogmurck recalled that Manylegs was a giant spider that hunted in the area. They, of course, kept this information to themselves. Perhaps it was karma then that resulted in Poog and Mog being the ones that were webbed by the spider when it ambushed them from some rushes. Luckily the two goblins were both able to escape the webbing before it could inject them with poison.
A fight ensued. Chuffy did a good job of sneaking through the reeds and hurling a dart from surprise that stuck the spider in the abdomen. Piney made effective use of his acid bolt ability to blast the spider, and Reta fired at it from a distance with her bow. Poog and Mog scattered after escaping the webbing, leaving Piney closest to the spider. While Piney was trying to dodge the spider’s snapping fangs, Reta saw a chance to have here revenge. She lined up a shot on Piney, hoping that she could plug him with an arrow and claim it was an accident. Sadly, she missed Piney when Manylegs got in the way of her shot, and to her chagrin she injured the spider instead. Mog hurled a firebomb at the spider. It caused the spider great pain, but also scorched Poog and Piney. Seeing Piney scorched by fire gave Reta much happiness and laughter.
It wasn’t long before Manylegs was dead. Luck was with the goblins, and the only injuries came from “friendly fire.”
The Licktoads eagerly started taking trophies from the spider, hacking off legs to eat. Piney decided to try to remove the poison sack and managed the extraction successfully. He then punctured the sack and emptied the poison into the gourd that he normally would keep his dried worms in. He somehow accomplished it all without poisoning himself.
After their encounter with Manylegs they made the rest of the journey to the coast without any further difficulty.
More to come...
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Act #3 (The derelict ship): Soon the goblins had completed the mile or so journey to the coast. There they located the spot marked on Scribbleface’s map. A derelict man-ship that had run aground on the edge of the marsh in a storm nearly thirty years early was caught up between two mangrove trees with vines and such entangling it. Numerous chimes and weird fetishes could be heard and seen hanging off various parts of the ship. A snake rail fence had been built around the ship to create a mucky yard of sorts that it sat in the middle of. The sound of a horse and barking dogs could all be heard coming from the general direction of the boat. The sounds put the goblins on edge as they approached, particularly Mog who had heard the rumours of Vorka the cannibal goblin, but had said nothing about them to his allies.
As team leader, Big Reta Thornbush voluntold Piney, Poog and Chuffy to investigate the yard. They tried to enter stealthily, but only Chuffy was successful. A big, fierce and mangy horse emerged from behind one of the Mangrove trees. It immediately huffed and started pawing the ground, preparing to charge and stomp the goblins.
Piney reacted quickly rushing back behind Poog and Chuffy then casting a grease spell underneath his companions. Chuffy, being particularly agile, even by goblin standards, managed to retain his footing, but Poog slipped and fell. The horse surged forward eager to stomp poor, prone Poog. It hit the grease as well; its legs splayed awkwardly but it didn’t fall. Instead it recovered its balance, reared up and crushed Poog with a front hoof, nearly collapsing the goblin priest’s chest. Chuffy, lunged at the horse and slashed it with his dogslicer. The horse whinnied in agony. The injured Poog, retaliated as well. He called upon his god of fire and dogslaying to channel negative energy. The burst, destroyed more of the horse’s life force, but also caused pain and harm to his companions. Mog followed this by hurling a firebomb at the horse, which struck it in the side, burning its mangy coat and scorching Chuffy and Poog. After this the horse didn’t land any more attacks, and it wasn’t long before the goblins had killed it.
After some healing potions were consumed, mainly to heal the wounds caused by Poog, they proceeded to the ship. A gangplank ran steeply down from the bow to the ground, providing an obvious point of entry to the deck. Reta ignored this and drank her potion of spider climbing. She then went to the starboard side of the ship and scurried up it. The ship featured a central cabin that dominated middle the main deck with a smaller cabin structure raised above the bow. It was connected to the top of the main cabin and partially supported by a pair of wooden stilts rising up from the bow of the main deck. This smaller, raised cabin had a wide, metal stovepipe protruding from it and smoke could be seen wafting out. Reta could hear that there were dogs about, but they were on the upper deck, which was essentially the roof of the main cabin. She was safe for the moment, so she attached a rope to the railing of the main deck and lowered it down for Poog.
Meanwhile, she ordered Piney, Chuffy and Mogmurch to come up the gangplank. Mog noticed a large, mud-caked wasps’ nest clinging to the railing near the top of the gangplank. Thus, he held back and drank his mutagen, giving him the strength he would need to fight dogs. He then tried to convince Piney and Chuffy to go first, but none of them wanted to. A scuffle ensued, and in the end Piney forced up first, but he struggled to ascend the steep gangplank. Chuffy got bored waiting and went to the port side of the boat and climbed it using his magic ring to help. Piney eventually gave up and went over to starboard side. Here he found the rope that Poog was climbing with ease. This left Mogmuck at the gangplank, and he decided to wait a moment to see what sort of trouble his companions might get in. Truth be told, he was scared that Vorka might be up there waiting for them.
Soon Reta, Poog and Chuffy were all on the main deck near the bow of the ship. Before they could do much, trouble found them. Coming along the walkway on the starboard side of the main cabin, approached a hideous goblin with a hand holding a ball of magical fire. From the walkway on the port side of the cabin came a giant frog. It was Vorka the Cannibal goblin, and her pet Lord Longtongue. She was hungry and ready to eat some goblins. She immediately hurled a small ball of flame that badly scorched Poog, nearly killing him. Reta rushed forward and attacked Vorka with her dogslicer, while Chuffy hid at the corner of the cabin, ready to ambush Lord Longtongue as soon as the frog reached the bow of the ship. Piney started climbing the rope and Mog started to make his way up the gangplank.
Reta fought well, landing some devastating hits on the Vorka (two max damage crits in the fight). Vorka tried to burn her with more magical fire, but Reta successfully dodged her attack. Then Piney cleared the railing to join them on the deck. He cast a grease spell under Reta and Vorka that caused Vorka to fall. Reta managed to keep her balance, snarling at Piney for nearly making her fall in front of a dangerous enemy. The big, female goblin warrior took advantage of Vorka being prone to land another solid blow, leaving Vorka quite injured.
Chuffy ambushed Lord Longtongue and fought the giant frog well, slashing it with his blade and eventually forcing it to retreat and jump over the railing into the muck below. Mog reached the top of the gangplank and carefully removed the mud covered wasp’s nest. He hurled it, so that it landed in the midst of Vorka and his allies. Angry wasps surged out of the nest and stung “friend” and foe alike. Poog and Chuffy suffered the worst from the stings, and both of them were soon very swollen. Angry and badly hurt, Poog decided to ensure that the wasps wouldn’t do anymore stinging. He channeled negative energy once more, killing the wasps and harming Vorka, his companions, and even the barking dogs on the upper deck. By this time, Vorka was badly injured and it didn’t take long for the goblins to finish her off. Poog spent the remainder of the fight healing his wounds with his wand.
Down in the muck Lord Longtongue hopped towards the gangplank and noticed, Mog standing at the top of it laughing while his companions were being stung. There was a reason the giant frog was called Lord Longtongue, and his tongue lashed out, grabbing around Mog’s leg and yanking him off the gangplank to the muck below. He landed with a splat and slight bounce. He wasn’t overly injured, but he was prone and had the angry, oversized bullfrog in front of him. He drew his club, hopped to his feet, avoided a bite from the frog and angrily attacked. The mutagen he had previously consumed gave him a boost of strength that he used to fight off the frog. He smacked it with his club, injuring it enough that it soon hopped away into the swamp.
The fight was over, but Reta knew there were still dogs nearby to kill. She hurried around behind the main cabin where she found an open door into it. It seemed likely that Vorka and Lord Longtongue had originally emerged from the door, but she ignored it, and with her spiderclimb spell still active she scaled the cabin wall and climbed onto its flat roof, which comprised the upper deck. There she found two wounded and angry dogs chained to a mast. A fight ensued, and Chuffy and Poog soon joined her after climbing up the ladder. While Reta killed dogs, Piney occupied himself with looting Vorka’s corpse, and Mog busied himself trying to get back on the ship.
Big Reta, Poog and Chuffy performed well, and easily killed the two dogs. The three then spotted the door to the upper cabin, which was accessed from the deck they were on. Poog decided to check it out. Upon entering the cabin, he was set on by Vorka’s final pet dog- the nasty creature known as Cuddles. Poog suffered a terrible bite wound, and was pulled to the ground. Before the mutt could tear Poog apart, Chuffy hit it with a dart and Reta rushed forward and cleaved open its skull with her dogslicer (another max damage crit), killing it instantly.
Down below, Mog and Piney explored the main cabin. Here they found a chest full of fireworks. Mog lost has mind at the sight. He loved big explosions even more than most goblins, and he knew that so many fireworks could make a huge BOOM. His body started to quiver and sweat at the thought, and he brought forth one of his bombs. Piney, realizing what was about to happen, and he started to cast a daze spell, but he wasn’t fast enough. Mog detonated his bomb in the chest, causing the fireworks to go BOOM. It was not a little boom. It was a big BOOM. Mog hurled himself to ground, just as the explosion took place, avoiding the worst of it, but Piney was blasted right out of the cabin door and flung across the rear deck where he was left on the verge of death. Up above, the deck was blasted into splinters, and although Chuffy, Reta and Poog were by some miracle not harmed, they realized right away what had happened. They howled in laughter at Piney being blown out of the cabin, and they howled with more laughter when a blackened and smoking Mog emerged.
Epilogue: In the end, the explosion destroyed the treasure. Piney barely survived and was presumably healed by Poog. The goblins had no fireworks to bring to the chief, except for the few that he had given them, which they had somehow managed to resist using. They decided that they would return anyhow, walk into Gutwad’s hall and fire the skyrocket right into his big, fat face. But this is a tale for another day.