You are goblins of the Licktoad tribe, who live deep in Brinestump
Marsh, south of the hated man-town called Sandpoint. Once,
other goblins tried to burn Sandpoint down, and they would
have been legends if they had succeeded. But they didn’t bring
enough fire, and got themselves killed as a result.
Yesterday, your tribe discovered that one of your own had
been using forbidden arts and was engaged in one of the
greatest of taboos—writing things down. In fact, rumor holds
that what he was writing was a history of your tribe! There’s no
swifter way to bring about bad luck than stealing words out of
your mind by writing them down, and so your tribe had no
choice. You branded the goblin’s face with letters to punish
him, which is why everyone calls him Scribbleface now, and
then you ran him out of town, took all of his stuff, and burned
down his hut.
That’s where things got interesting, because before you all
burned down his hut, Chief Gutwad found a weird box within
the building. Inside was a map and a lot of fireworks—fireworks
that immediately came to use in burning the hut down. Then,
this morning, Gutwad announced that tonight there would
be a feast in order to drive out any lingering bad luck from
Scribbleface’s poor decisions. But perhaps even more exciting,
all of you have been secretly invited to meet at Chief Gutwad’s
Moot House. Why would the chief want to speak to you? It
can only mean that he’s got an important mission for
you all... one that the other goblins of the
tribe couldn’t pull off. This could
be your chance to go down in
Licktoad history!
You wonder if you can withstand the might of the words of His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad, since they are said to be enough to topple the greatest of goblins.
Slorb directs you to wait in front of the great Moot House, and sing the Song of the Licktoads in honor of your great chief.
And-a-one, and-a-2...
Goblins!
®
We be Lick toads! We make raid!
Put the longshanks to the blade!
Burn them up from feet to head,
Make them hurt, then make them dead!
Cut the parents into ham,
Smush the babies into jam,
All the rest in pot get stewed,
We be Lick toads - you be food!
Sign in, brave goblins. Each of you will sing his own song once in front of His Mighty Girthness, so it better be good! Goblins aren't particularly imaginative lyricists, but the general theme of any goblin's personal song doesn't vary much from the above.
Confirm your place, post a short personal song, and finish whatever final touches are left for your characters.
If you wish to fight and tussle amongst yourselves in the meantime, well, it's expected...
Somebody still has to make a saving throw, I think. XD
The Great Gutwad will address you Monday around 5:00 EST.
In game time, just a few minutes, so look sharp! LOL!
Male Goblin Rogue(Knife Master and Scout) lvl 5 Assassin lvl 1
Warming up the old vocals. Here goes.
I be Klepy!
So Dey Call Me!
I like too cowect tings!
Goody feewings dey Brings!
I wike tings dat shine!
I will make dem all mine!
I like ma tings
I like them I do
If ye have tings
I take dem fwom you!
Tark takes a stoic stance while he considers his inspirational song.
Tark bash things flat!
Could be dog, could be cat!"
Tark bash things flat!
Be it gristle, be it fat!"
Tark bash things flat!
The flatter;
the better;
mash all together!
Tark bash things flat!
Tark seems most impressed when he hears the chief has invited him. "Something need to be bashed! Harrruuu!!!!"
He looks to his goblins chums. "Me never meet chief like this. What me do? Me need bring present? Me wear best clothes? What me do?" Tark looks gravely concerned.
Male Goblin Rogue(Knife Master and Scout) lvl 5 Assassin lvl 1
Klepy sits and looks at the toad with a big grin.
"Hehehehe. Froggy"
Start caressing it obsessively. Suddenly refuse burns. Klepy is still staring at the toad.
"Heehee, froggy hehe" He's not hiding anymore
"Me be Velag, me eat words,
(also squirels, and mens and birds).
By them godses me be picked,
And from them me learnses tricks,
Lick the toads and eat the writtens
Goblin enemies get smitten!
Against things that nasty, me go bash
Hey, Rockhead-Blockhead! Acid Splash!"
Velag looks over at Klepy: "Mmm. That look like tasty frog. Me have, or you save for later?
Init +5, Perc +11 // HP = 53/53 // AC:20, T:16, F:15 // F +3, R +12, W +2 // CMB +8 / CMD +23 // Speed 30'
Joboo had hung in the background for long enough as the others made their sing songs. He came to the front, turned around and gave klepy a shove.
bigga chief no ask talk to you. only want Joboo, Velag, Bucko n Tark. leava now or weza gonna cut you up real good like
a wicked glean shone in his eyes as stared at the funny gobbo. then he cleared his throat, spat a big oyster of phlem to the side and croaked out -
Joboo smart Joboo quick
me stab dogzees with sharp stick
stabs it in
make it die
Joboo mean Joboo trick
me hide like lickety split
no see me
then they die
Init +5, Perc +11 // HP = 53/53 // AC:20, T:16, F:15 // F +3, R +12, W +2 // CMB +8 / CMD +23 // Speed 30'
although in the interest that I want to apply to Shanosuke's Guantlet game Im going to respectfully withdraw from this one so Klepy can play :->. Have fun gobbos!
Slorb slipped inside the moot for a while, but returns again and interrupts your zany antics long enough to say You four! Inside!
Once inside, you sit on the dirt in front of the Teeter Chair, a 6-ft. high contraption that lets Chief Gutwad look down imperiously upon his lowly subjects. He is, as you've heard, very fat, and the Chair creaks under his weight.
In a deep, booming voice, he says “You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe but for Slorb. That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission.
“You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast where Scribbleface found fireworks. And it says there are more fireworks there!
“I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks. If you meet men, you make them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. And if you not find fireworks, you not come back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!”
In the interest of moving things along, here are some things you would know or easily find out:
Brinestump Marsh: The marsh is a place of great
bounty, with lots of places to hide and lots of delicious
things to eat. Some of those things are kind of poisonous,
though, so take care. One of the best things about the
marsh is that the humans don’t normally come into it.
They’re afraid of the monsters. Which are a concern, but
if you know about them before they find out about you,
running is always an option. Among the dangers that you
can expect to face in the portion of Brinestump Marsh
that you’ll be heading through are wild dogs, giant bugs,
giant snakes, and giant frogs. Oh, and Lotslegs Eat Goblin
Babies Many. And maybe Vorka.
Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many: There are plenty
of giant bugs in the swamp, but of late, the giant spider
known as Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many (known more
often simply as “Lotslegs,”) is the most notorious. The giant
spider lives somewhere in the marsh between the Licktoad
village and the coast, and the route that Scribbleface’s map
shows leads right through the giant spider’s territory.
Scribbleface’s Map: The map is relatively simple,
showing little more than the Licktoad village, the old shipwreck on the
coast that supposedly contains the fireworks, and the creek that runs
between the two locations. By following the creek, the PCs should be able to easily reach the old wreck. Unfortunately, the old wreck is also located in the part of the swamp that all Licktoads know to be the
territory of Vorka the cannibal.
Vorka: One of the greatest terrors of the swamp, at least to the Licktoads, is old Vorka, a ravenous cannibal goblin who, legend tells, was once the wife of a Licktoad chieftain. She murdered and ate that chieftain, as well as several other goblins, before she was driven out of town many years ago. Since then, the story says that she’s lived alone somewhere along the coast to the west of Licktoad village, and while she’s never returned, most goblins who go missing in that part of the swamp are assumed to have been eaten by the cannibal.
"Harruuu!!! Me not can wait! Chance to make Lotslegs flat! Maybe make me goblin big hero! Maybe make statue of me! Harrruuu!!! Me can hardly wait 'till tomorrow!", Tark jumps up and down excitedly, swinging his earthbreaker around carelessly.
Male Goblin Rogue(Knife Master and Scout) lvl 5 Assassin lvl 1
Klepy pulls out lil Sticky "Pushy gobby. Klepy meets him to lil sticky. Klepy toys will the idea of sneaking up and skanking Joboo. Then he notices a glint coming from sticky
"Ooo, lil sticky is shiny"
Fascination: 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (1) + 1 = 2
Klepy stares at lil sticky in facination for a number of rounds equal to the results of the dice
Klepy's persistence has paid off. Joboo, angry at the little tag-along, witnesses Klepy's severe mental affliction(s), and decides that killing him, while temporarily amusing, wouldn't make him look very cool, so he wanders off.
Klepy's annoying, easily-distracted and useless personality has made him the goblin of the hour, a true paragon of his kind.
Velag ducks the swinging Earthbreaker, then steps towards the Chief... "We get firebooms, then all goblins loveses us! Lemme see map - me may needs to eat partses of it." Velag holds up the map upside down, looks confused, and then stands on his head. "Me getses it now! Firebooms over there!" *points*
Chief Gutwad, noting the proximity of Tark's wild swings to the Teeter Chair, orders you out of the moot. You are given the map, and told that you will be the guests of honor at tonight's events.
Outside, the village busily prepares for the evening's festivites. Goblins are building up a pile of wood and refuse from Scribbleface's former home for a big bonfire, while others prepare such delicacies as snails, fish, snakes, spider-gut pudding, crow feather pie and crunchy treefrog stew with crunchy treefrogs in it.
As night falls, a group of four struggling goblins carry the Teeter Chair (with Chief Gutwad sitting atop it) out to the bonfire, and the chief lights the fire with a Desnan candle. This signals the start of an all-night party that features lots of good things to eat and gives our heroes a chance to enjoy being goblins, mingling with their kind as the evening continues with feasting and dares. The chief brings out a barrel of fermenting cider apples early on and most goblins get drunk very quickly.
Male Goblin Rogue(Knife Master and Scout) lvl 5 Assassin lvl 1
Klepy looks around anxiously for the tings he loves so much. That could be anything. Particularly anything shiny. "Oh wat tings cud Klepy find for twip. Hmm oooo a metal spoon. Is shiny.
Fascination:1d4 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 1 = 3Klepy is fascinated for the moment.
Oh by the way. Thanks for the praise earlier. I've always wanted to run this kind of character. One question. Are we still at level one or did we decide to do the level 15 thing?
I guess this makes you the map-keeper. Very important goblin! There's no writing on it, and it's easy for even a goblin to follow.
Klepy: Evil parties play to high levels all the time, so it can be done. I'm not sure how this crop of Bozos could last that long, but it would be fun to try. I'm willing to go on after the AP if everyone else is.
Bucko: Near you, Slorb and three lesser goblins guzzle the hooch, when suddenly they spit it all out in disgust.
Slorb angrily bashes his cup into the face of what looks like the server, screaming a furious stream of goblin obscenities, to the delight of all and sundry.
With thoughts of grandeur on his mind Tark happily drinks from the cider. Seeing some of his chums around he tells them, "Sure firebooms fun, but chance to flatten Lotslegs... that be bestest! Me might die. In fact from what chief say me probably will! But this such great thing to flatten! Have to try."
As more cider flows, the more Tark's bragging increases as he eventually starts to list all the things he has proudly flattened. When someone points out in jest that firebooms are not on that list, Tark goes silent. Then his eyes light up, and a big grin creeps across his lips.
"Ohhhh! Me never try flatten firebooms before. Me never even hear of anyone that try! Me bet they make big-badda-boom! Ohhh... me must try that!! Me can hardly wait! Lotslegs can wait! Me have to get them firebooms!! Haarrrruuuu!!!"
Male Goblin Rogue(Knife Master and Scout) lvl 5 Assassin lvl 1
Klepy begins to move about the party occasionally takes a few useless knick knacks that are lying around. From time to time he sneaks up and takes things out of other goblins hands. Eventually he'll take a glass of cider and start to drink while looking at his loot.
"A fok, a petty stick, Glabby's favorite knife, cheese..." Sniffs the cheese. "Very good cheese" Suddenly Bucko purifies the cheese. Klepy looks upset. "AAAIIIEEE! MY STINKY CHEESE! Klepy sniffs again and then throws it at Bucko.
Not only do the Licktoads have a great feast afoot, but they also have lots of fun games planned. There is a big tumult at the center of the village, where, in a 20' wide x 10' deep pit, a goblin is tossed from the back of the much feared Squealy Nord!
He scrambles in fear, certain that the deadly boar will gut him! For some reason, Squealy Nord doesn't do that, and is herded, with poles and sticks, back to a narrow corral dug into the dirt, and tethered there. There is much laughter as the fallen goblin is tossed a rope and shamefully pulls himself up from his embarrassing failure.
You big heroes, huh? taunts one of the spectators, Let's see who of you brave enough to dance with Squealy Nord!
Dance with Squealy Nord! becomes a chant, as all the goblins surround you, wondering who has the skill to ride the frightening beast.
Mercutio would say "A challenge, by my life!" A goblin might say "Me no scared!"
Will one of you accept the challenge, or will you endure the taunts of your peers the rest of the night?
"Yah, we be big heroes when we flatten Lotslegs after it kill Tark!"
Velag picks up the putrified cheese and dusts it off. "It smell even gooder now!" and takes a big bite.
Whenever his cup is empty, Velag scowls at the nearest goblin with a full cup and mutters: "Me senses that you been nasty goblin. Me may have to make judgeys on you. Me feels the nasties in you... You need go make self clean in fire. Me hold drink! Go now!"
When the chanting starts, Velag says: "It look like good pig. Why want dances with foodses? Should eats now, not save for later! Me makes room! *belch*"... He then gets an idea and shouts: "Tark! Squealy not on your list, neidder!" He then mutters to himself, "If Tark loses, me gets laugh, if Tark flatten pig, me gets eats!"
I forgot to mention that Nord hasn't been eaten because he's been fed a few goblin corpses since he's been there. The tribe is weirdly superstitious about it, but they keep him around for waste removal and entertainment.
The goblins tease Klepy mercilessly, but he's not likely to care much. They won't come close enough to let him grab any of their trinkets!
Velag takes 1 damage. The goblins go crazy! They laugh and jeer, jumping around and farting in appreciation. Several took the racial trait; fart at will.
Squealy Nord clearly doesn't like the smell. He runs back to the corral. Velag is pelted with various kinds of food and drink.
I've been home most of the day, so I want to post some stuff to do.
There are 3 other dares you can take:
Eat a Bag of Bull Slugs Real Quick: Bull slugs are black,
wriggling slugs the size of sausages. Even among the
goblins, they’re considered particularly foul-tasting and,
because of the large amounts of slime they exude, difficult
to chew. A covered wicker basket containing the slug bag
is brought before the PC who accepts this dare, along with
a napkin made out of a soggy leaf. The PC has 1 minute to
eat an entire bag of bullslugs to win this dare. Eating the
slugs is not a problem, even though they wriggle, taste of
rotten fish, and burst with a little squeal when chewed.
Eating a full bag in a minute is the hard part.
Hide or Get Clubbed: This is the goblin version of
hide and seek. The dare-taker rushes off into the marsh
without any weapons and attempts to find a good hiding
spot. The other goblins try to find him, and if they
do, the finder is allowed to whack the previously hidden
goblin with a club.
The Rusty Earbiter: The infamous Rusty Earbiter is
a hollow coil of rusty wires, barrel hoops, bent swords,
and thorny branches and vines that's kept behind the
Moot House when not in use. So named for the fact that
it's claimed a number of goblin ears in the past (there are two still stuck in it currently), the Rusty Earbiter is
both an object of fascination and fear for the Licktoads.
The half-insane tinkerer who invented the thing has long
since died (carried off one night by a giant bird of some sort
after his first and only test of a prototype bird-attracting
hat), but his legacy lives on. The other goblins cheer and
hoot when one of the PCs is dared to crawl through the
Rusty Earbiter, and a half-dozen eager goblins roll the 20-
foot coil out from behind the Moot House with the typical
number of slashed fingers and stabbed legs such a task
normally brings. A PC who agrees to this dare must climb
into one end of the Rusty Earbiter and then wriggle through
it, coming out the other side. There’s no time limit to get
this done, but the faster the better!
Chief Gutwad has been known to sometimes give out prizes to the goblins who can rise to these incredible challenges, so it could be worth it.
Tark looks at all the games. But there be rules. Tark not very good with rules. So hard to remember. Tark looks quite uninterested.
Velag wrote:
He then gets an idea and shouts: "Tark! Squealy not on your list, neidder!" He then mutters to himself, "If Tark loses, me gets laugh, if Tark flatten pig, me gets eats!"
"You right Velag. You good chum! Me flatten pig and win game!" Tark jumps down into the pit, trying to bringing his maul down on the pig's head as he descends.
Poor Squealy is no more. All the goblins are shocked at first, but then rally in wild applause. Only Slorb seems upset about the pig's fate, and he hies to the Teeter Chair, where a laughing Chief Gutwad suddenly stops laughing, and scowls.
A crew of giddy goblins strips Velag of his arms and armor. They admire it briefly, before a "Harruuu!" from Tark, his bloodied weapon still in hand, inspires them to leave the gear at his feet.
You go hide. We come find you and bash you head real soon! says one of them.
Velag runs into the marshes, while the remaining goblins clamor for some more exciting goblin action! Two events are claimed or done. Two more remain. Who dares to eat a bag of bull slugs real quick, or face the spinning terror of the earbiter?
These are the questions on goblin minds, and they demand answers!
Tark continues to bash the pig's head several more times until the skull fragments are nearly indistinguishable from the minced brain matter. Tark then stands back, dripping with pig blood and other assorted tissues. He looks down proudly at his work, and then looks up to the pit's edge, "Me win prize?"
Tark notices several of the females staring at him and giving him smiles. A brief thought crosses through his head, "Are one of them my prize?"
You've attracted the attention of several goblin females, all vying for your favor. One stands out, though, well above the others. She has bits of food and spilled cider on her glamorous skirt, which reveals mounds of lusty goblin girl-flesh!
You've tried in vain to win her attention before, but now she stands before you, displaying like a bonobo chimp. She's almost as fat as Chief Gutwad, and for good reason; She's his daughter, Gupy Warbits, the most coveted female in the tribe!
Gupy jiggles up towards you and confidently whispers, "You, me, go make mushy-mushy, Tark?" She's the sexiest thing you've ever seen...
Bucko:
Spoiler:
The other goblins weren't interested in the earbiter until they saw you running for it. Then, they chased you, but you got there first and climbed into one end. They surround the strange contraption and begin to roll it along the ground. Make 3 escape artist checks!
Tark figures what the hell. Her girth, albeit unflattering does not overcome her value as a great conquest of Tark's. "A prize is a prize", he ponders. He grabs the nearest mug of ale, regardless of who is holding it (as long as it isn't the chief), he slams it back and says, "Tark's hut or yours?"
