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After several years hiatus, I've finally found myself in a position to start a gaming group. We've enjoyed three sessions so far, all the players are having fun, I'm having fun, and things look to be shaping up nicely.
Then, yesterday, one of my players lays this one on me:
As a child he lived with an emotionally abusive mother who was also clinically depressed. Apparently, his situation was so bad that he became suicidal, almost reaching commitment on several occasions. Once he graduated high school and moved out of the house, that is, changed his environment, his entire outlook on life changed. After college, he moved back home for some time and found himself right back where he was as a teenager--actually suicidal. Fortunately, he recognized what was happening, and that's when he joined the army. This was all a good fifteen years ago, and he's lived a healthy, productive life since, with nary a depressed thought.
Last year, he got married. He has enjoyed a full year of happy marriage and they've just had their first child. His wife is now suffering from Postpartum Depression and is on medication. He's having a tough time, though, getting her to regularly take her meds. According to him, she's the woman he married when she's taking her prescription, but if she skips for two or three days, her mood immediately darkens.
Here's the crux--he's beginning to notice signs of the old depression in himself and he's worried he won't be able to hold it in check.
I told him to make an appointment for himself, but he's of the belief he can manage himself so long as his wife manages her meds.
I have absolutely no experience with this sort of thing. I've dealt with depressed subordinates before, but never with peers, and certainly never with this kind of situation.
Suggestions?
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I would really strongly press your friend to see a medical professional.
Here's the crux--he's beginning to notice signs of the old depression in himself and he's worried he won't be able to hold it in check.I told him to make an appointment for himself, but he's of the belief he can Manage himself so long as his wife manages herself.
Also, this apparent contradiction would concern me.
It's not just him any more, he has a family to look after. If he has even the slightest concern he might not be able to handle this, he should get help, for their sake as well as his own!
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I would really strongly press your friend to see a medical professional.
Here's the crux--he's beginning to notice signs of the old depression in himself and he's worried he won't be able to hold it in check.I told him to make an appointment for himself, but he's of the belief he can Manage himself so long as his wife manages herself.
Also, this apparent contradiction would concern me.
It's not just him any more, he has a family to look after. If he has even the slightest concern he might not be able to handle this, he should get help, for their sake as well as his own!
Exactly what I said to him! In fact, I told him he should figure this out right now, while he's only worried about his own symptoms, rather than wait until they develop. He's not very receptive, though.
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As a teen, I played D&D because I enjoyed (and still do) fantasy stories. I loved theatre and enjoyed acting and telling stories. I never played as an escape from anything. He tells me that's the only reason he played D&D. I suppose that's therapeutic, and if by pretending he was something more than himself he was able to work through his real world home issues, so much the better. He has, however, indicated that this is the chief reason he responded to my flyer last month.
I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the idea, now that it's upon me. Suggestions on this are welcome, as well.
Thanks, all.
Edit: I should also mention that this person is a contract English teacher here in Korea, not a current service member, so he's a little limited in available military resources, since he's not a retiree.
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As a teen, I played D&D because I enjoyed (and still do) fantasy stories. I loved theatre and enjoyed acting and telling stories. I never played as an escape from anything. He tells me that's the only reason he played D&D. I suppose that's therapeutic, and if by pretending he was something more than himself he was able to work through his real world home issues, so much the better. He has, however, indicated that this is the chief reason he responded to my flyer last month.
I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the idea, now that it's upon me. Suggestions on this are welcome, as well.
Thanks, all.
That's a lot of pressure on you as the GM / therapist.
After several years hiatus, I've finally found myself in a position to start a gaming group. We've enjoyed three sessions so far, all the players are having fun, I'm having fun, and things look to be shaping up nicely.
Then, yesterday, one of my players lays this one on me:
As a child he lived with an emotionally abusive mother who was also clinically depressed. Apparently, his situation was so bad that he became suicidal, almost reaching commitment on several occasions. Once he graduated high school and moved out of the house, that is, changed his environment, his entire outlook on life changed. After college, he moved back home for some time and found himself right back where he was as a teenager--actually suicidal. Fortunately, he recognized what was happening, and that's when he joined the army. This was all a good fifteen years ago, and he's lived a healthy, productive life since, with nary a depressed thought.
Last year, he got married. He has enjoyed a full year of happy marriage and they've just had their first child. His wife is now suffering from Postpartum Depression and is on medication. He's having a tough time, though, getting her to regularly take her meds. According to him, she's the woman he married when she's taking her prescription, but if she skips for two or three days, her mood immediately darkens.
Here's the crux--he's beginning to notice signs of the old depression in himself and he's worried he won't be able to hold it in check.
I told him to make an appointment for himself, but he's of the belief he can manage himself so long as his wife manages her meds.
I have absolutely no experience with this sort of thing. I've dealt with depressed subordinates before, but never with peers, and certainly never with this kind of situation.
Suggestions?
Speaking as a recent father, lack of sleep (which is synonymous with being a new parent) can trigger depression. It's best to seek help/medication, even if only for the difficult first year.
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I don't think your in a position to take any responsibility here. All you can do is be a good friend and GM a fun game.
If he asks you for advice: give it, under the proviso that you have no medical training and any decisions he makes have to be his own.
Probably the best thing you can do is advise him to seek further support from professionals.
My only observation would be that it seems odd that his wife has just been given a prescription and waved away. The people I know who have had postnatal depression had counseling/psychotherapy instead of/alongside medication.
Basically, if my computer breaks down I get help from an expert and a brain is a lot more complicated and important than that.
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I don't think your in a position to take any responsibility here. All you can do is be a good friend and GM a fun game.
If he asks you for advice: give it, under the proviso that you have no medical training and any decisions he makes have to be his own.
Probably the best thing you can do is advise him to seek further support from professionals.
My only observation would be that it seems odd that his wife has just been given a prescription and waved away. The people I know who have had postnatal depression had counseling/psychotherapy instead of/alongside medication.
Basically, if my computer breaks down I get help from an expert and a brain is a lot more complicated and important than that.
She apparently has biweekly sessions, and I've suggested he might want to be sure her analyst is aware she's hit-and-miss with the meds.
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I'd have to go with the Idea of Professional Advice.
About the only advice i can offer from personal experience is for him and his wife to talk to each other more, maybe eat better nutritionaly, for you, perhaps have your players write a thousand word short story on what their PCs did when they got back to town (Between adventures) - Creativity is a good medicinal pick-me-up psychologicaly.
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I'd have to go with the Idea of Professional Advice.
About the only advice i can offer from personal experience is for him and his wife to talk to each other more, maybe eat better nutritionaly, for you, perhaps have your players write a thousand word short story on what their PCs did when they got back to town (Between adventures) - Creativity is a good medicinal pick-me-up psychologicaly.
All of us write professionally some 5000-10000 words a day as it is... I'd be leery to start requiring adventure journals.
I'm also, as I mentioned before, a little concerned regarding his motives for joining the group... I'm not sure I want to encourage further departures from his real life issues, or to encourage intellectual escape when he's away from the gaming table.
Something you might want to point out to him is that prolonged depression can actually damage the hippocampus, and lead to deeper, more serious depression. If he's experiencing symptoms, catching and treating it early can actually prevent this sort of brain damage. If he's truly worried about his symptoms, and he wants to be there for his wife, I really do think the smart thing is to get treatment for his symptoms.
snip - Dealing with a depressed player
Suggestions?
It's not on you to 'save' him, you cannot do that. All you can do is be there for him when he needs it, and allow him to escape during your D&D sessions...The toughest part is really just to realize that he has to 'save' himself.