Whats a wizard to do about his waste. He wants his privacy but he wants a clean abode as well.
If you don't have a portable hole, and you reasonably have to cast no higher than a 2nd level spell to handle the problem, what would you do?
I wonder if you could have a variant of mount that came with some sort of garbage cart. Summon the mount. Fill the Cart. Dismiss the mount and the crap disappears.
The problem is that this seems prone to abuse.
What do people think? Any other spell that might work more elegantly? A low level spell would be the most elegant.
Sigurd
Do like the people in the country side, pile all your trash outside and burn it. Flaming sphere will do nicely for this.
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1) Cast the mount spell, and feed the waste to the horse (or donkey or goat or pig, if you can customize it!). Dismiss them.
Waste B Gone!
Make sure to use Prestidigitation and / or Silent Image to make the waste look / smell / taste like something even a horse will eat willingly. Trying to force poo down a horses throat is likely to result in the loss of a hand...
A summoned monster could also work this way, but won't be around for long enough to eat a huge quantity of waste, unlike a mount.
2) Research up a reverse version of the Mending cantrip that 'un-mends' stuff, affecting only 1 lb. worth of material / caster level, and inflicting 1d4 hit points to it (exactly like a reversed Mending), and design it so that when an item is 'un-ment' to zero hit points, it turns to fine ash or sand or mist or something.
Zap the waste with a dozen 'un-mending' cantrips, and then freshen the area with a lemony-fresh-scented prestidigitation cantrip
A tweaked version of the Shatter spell might work here as well.
3) Acid Splash, used over a couple of months, might be able to dig quite the 'privy' into the ground. Waste goes down the hole!
4) If waste can be burned or boiled away, parking a Flaming Sphere on it could eliminate the problem, or blasting it with Burning Hands. Once dried out, human waste burns nicely. Don't forget the lemony-fresh Prestidigitation afterwards, 'though!
5) Research a 'failed' version of Rope Trick that bursts open if another extradimensional magic intersects with it (like the old 'portable hole in the bag of holding' thing). Cast the spell. Load it up with waste. Cast the spell *again,* directly within the first spell. Boom! Welcome to the astral plane, waste!
Unseen Servant: Clean up this mess. Its what it is designed for. As long as your trash doesn't get more than 20 lbs that can't be separated, your gtg.
Wow, your games get into detail!
Have your lowly apprentice clean it up. Have your unseen servant clean it up.
Thanks, I'm really just musing...
New Spell
Day Tipper - Sorc/Wiz 1, Cleric 1
Summoning
Duration 1hr/level
"It was a day tipper, one way ticket yeah!"
A day tipper is a ponderous slimy quadruped similar to a small hippo or scum covered Ox. It has a movement speed of 20ft and will make no aggressive action (see Rejection below). These beasts are summoned, or perhaps, created from the stuff of shadow and earth.
They appear attached to a ponderous large empty cart requiring an open space 20'wide to pass. They obey simple hand signs from the caster or a trained handler. Their cart may be filled with up to 1000lbs of trash. At the end of the spells duration or when dismissed the day tipper will wander in a safe direction for the remainder of the spell and then vanish with all its garbage.
Material in a tippers cart is deposited on an adjacent plane or cast randomly into the countryside, at the casters discretion.
Rejection: Such is the nature of their summoning, that if the tipper is rejected or threatened by any sentient creature the summoning ends and they vanish leaving their cart contents behind. Tippers will vanish if any living sentient creature is loaded into their cart even if the creature is bound and unconscious.
Passive Summoning (daylight): Day tippers cannot be summoned at night. This spell ends or automatically fails in the presence of night or magical darkness or any threat to the day tipper. Day tippers will not enter a warded area without protection\suppression of the wards.
Tipped Off: A loaded tipper may be lead to a location and rejected, dropping its load before vanishing. The delivery of 1000lbs of waste to another wizards doorstep is a serious insult and challenge for it implies that you have neutralized all defenses and obscured all local auras and sources of threat for the timid Day Tipper in broad daylight.
In some circles Day Tippers are called POwner Beasts.
It needs refining.
Prestidigitation - Clean?
Unseen Servant. You'd be amazed how much mass they can shift in a day. Seriously, as long as the individual pieces are small and they don't have to carry them too far, unseen servants can shift literally tons of rubble or waste or anything you want in a day. Aside from that they can cook, clean efficiently, do the washing up, the works.
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Make sure to use Prestidigitation and / or Silent Image to make the waste look / smell / taste like something even a horse will eat willingly. Trying to force poo down a horses throat is likely to result in the loss of a hand...
A liberal reading of the mount spell's text, "The steed serves willingly and well." could be construed that the horse would gladly gobble said wizard's refuse.
My favorite use of the mount spell is to get hungry giants off the well armed party's back. I even went as far as to name the horse I summoned from whatever planar realm of horses "Tasty Horse."
I'm not thinking about a chamber pot. My thought is about personal boltholes or demiplanes. To begin with you usually dont have a lot of space and then you don't want to advertise where you are.
Food, waste, life, etc.... What would be simple to do rather than advertise your presence with a rubbish pile.
Sigurd
