Our Lady of Silver
Open Call for Pathfinder Society Scenario 27
Introduction
The Society sends the Pathfinders to Katheer to finalize the purchase of the Fireheart, a fire opal found in the ruins of Shadun. Legend has it the Fireheart was once a powerful soul-binding item. Upon arrival the Pathfinders discover that the Fireheart has gone missing. The Pathfinders are soon swept up in a web of intrigue involving two shady merchants, a love-sick sculptor, and a Lady of Silver.
Summary
The Pathfinders meet Hirad Gaffari, the Qadiran merchant who contacted the Society about the Fireheart. Hirad, however, doesn't have the opal anymore. He claims Salomeh, a belly-dancer owned by one of Hirad's competitors, stole it.
Salomeh's owner Nour Azizi, an efreeti disguising as a merchant, sent her to seduce and spy on Hirad. Hirad soon fell blindly in love with Salomeh and, not yet knowing the Fireheart's true value, gave it to her as a gift. He even commissioned a silver statue in her likeness. Now Salomeh has gone missing. Hirad would go to any lengths to get her back, including getting a team of Pathfinders to work for him on a false pretense.
The meeting is interrupted when a group of invisible jann working for Azizi attack. They intend to capture Hirad and drag him away for interrogation. Afterwards, the Pathfinders head to the Silver Lady, a gentlemen's club owned by Azizi, where they find out more about Salomeh's recent activities. Apparently Salomeh has spent a lot of time with Jahandar Nazari, a promising young sculptor.
Heading over to Jahandar's apartment, the Pathfinders come upon Jahandar being interrogated by bounty hunters in Hirad's employ. The bounty hunters have no knowledge of the Pathfinders and won't part with their quarry without a fight.
Jahandar agrees to take the Pathfinders to his studio, an abandoned shrine on the outskirts of town where he says he's keeping Salomeh hidden. Jahandar has redecorated the shrine completely. The shrine's new centerpiece is a life-size silver statue of Salomeh. Jahandar explains that he and Salomeh had fallen in love, but since he's just a poor sculptor and Salomeh was the property of Azizi, the love was doomed from the start. When Azizi found out about the couple's plan to elope he had sworn to kill Jahandar. Rather than seeing Jahandar killed, Salomeh had taken her own life. Jahandar, insane with grief, had preserved and silver-plated Salomeh's body turning his studio into a shrine dedicated to "his Lady of Silver". The Fireheart is embedded in Salomeh's silvery belly-button.
Jahandar's confession is cut short when Azizi, having used sources of his own, arrives at the shrine, making his entrance in his true efreeti form. His elemental rage is a terrible thing to behold and he will settle for nothing less than the deaths of everyone involved.
Encounters
Scene 1
The Pathfinders need to locate Hirad's office in the merchants' district. They meet Hirad, who claims Salomeh, a slave belonging to Azizi, has stolen the Fireheart. Hirad will lie if necessary to get the Pathfinders to find Salomeh for him.
Scene 2
The jann attack using surprise and their invisibility to their advantage. The jann attempt to capture Hirad, then retreat. (Tier 5-6: two jann and a hell hound. Tier 8-9: six advanced jann [+2 HD])
Scene 3
Hirad's directions or successful Gather Information checks lead the Pathfinders to the Silver Lady. Azizi denies involvement. Snooping around reveals clues leading to Jahandar's apartment.
Scene 4
Hirad's bounty hunters are determined professionals who've worked together for a long time. (Tier 5-6: A 5th-level cleric of Abadar and two 3rd-level rogues. Tier 8-9: A 7th-level cleric of Abadar and four 5th-level rogues)
Scene 5
Azizi enters the shrine in his true efreeti form, accompanied by allies from the elemental plane of fire, and attacks. (Tier 5-6: A lesser efreeti (advanced janni [+2 HD]) and two fire mephits. Tier 8-9: An efreeti, three fire mephits, and three steam mephits)
Conclusion
After the battle, the Fireheart's magic is revealed. It has become a phylactery for Salomeh's soul, allowing her to animate her own silvered body. Removing the opal will render the statue inert once more. Whether or not the Pathfinders do this is left to their own judgment.
It's also possible to spot the Fireheart during battle, steal it, and make an escape. This will most likely doom Jahandar to a fiery death at Azizi's hands, and Salomeh's soul to eternal captivity.
So.. any comments? What's the main fault of this entry? Not interesting enough backstory? Not interesting enough encounters? Too lethal? Not lethal enough? Not enough ties to the name of the scenario? Crappy grammar?
Any kind of constructive criticism is welcomed as I'm quite stumped as to what caused the rejection this time around. Then again, it's quite possible that the end product will just blow me away with sheer awesomeness. ;)
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Salomeh's owner Nour Azizi, an efreeti disguising as a merchant, sent her to seduce and spy on Hirad. Hirad soon fell blindly in love with Salomeh and, not yet knowing the Fireheart's true value, gave it to her as a gift. He even commissioned a silver statue in her likeness. Now Salomeh has gone missing. Hirad would go to any lengths to get her back, including getting a team of Pathfinders to work for him on a false pretense.
How come that Hirad is not yet knowing the Fireheart true value, if he contacted the Society to sell it? And why he gave it as a gift, if it for sale?! And how can he give his lover a gift without too much value in his eyes?! And why call some Pathfinders, when he can hire some local mercs to do the job?!
The sell hook is good for me, but then you kill it when you bring the gift explanation. Better if she may just stolled it.Afterwards, the Pathfinders head to the Silver Lady, a gentlemen's club owned by Azizi, where they find out more about Salomeh's recent activities. Apparently Salomeh has spent a lot of time with Jahandar Nazari, a promising young sculptor.
Jahandar agrees to take the Pathfinders to his studio, an abandoned shrine on the outskirts of town where he says he's keeping Salomeh hidden. Jahandar has redecorated the shrine completely. The shrine's new centerpiece is a life-size silver...
Too much Silver lady/statue just to fit the title... You could be more subtle...
I like the story plot, but you force the ties too much. And you kill the girl too easy to make me, as a potential player, to believe her reasons...
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Actually there are only two instances of mentioning silver. The Silver Lady, and the silvery statue. No silver rings or other nonsense.
As for Hirad, at the time he gave the Fireheart as a gift he either didn't know it's true value or was too blindly in love to give much thought to it.
Hirad Gaffari did hire local mercenaries as well. Pathfinders, however, are rather known for their combat prowess (I'd premuse) so it couldn't hurt to ask them to come and see.
I doubt everything needs a logical explanation. Salomeh kills herself in grief, call it hysteria if you like. Not every death is done by a sword or a ritual.
Now that I look at the proposal again I notice a distinctive resemblance to Eberron's "Silver Flame".
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I judged your submission only from the story perspective… I see that you were very careful with the monster CR and advancement, but that is not all that is need, in my opinion.
I think the story is important even for an adventure. And I think that the hooks are the key for keeping the players in the adventure world. Although, you can simply drop some minis on the table and ask your players what they want to “hack” that day.
The „silver” problem is not in the numbers. Naming that club Silver Lady is redundant, unless you give us a strong motivation for the utility of that name. More than that, it competes with your main plot, because it opens a door in the middle of the story and you can’t close it from what I seen. Think how a reader/player will think… What is with that name related with the title of the adventure? Is this club the key of the mystery? Is there more that we can now about it? Will the author tell us later?
Or, that club has no special meaning to the plot, being just a location for one of the NPCs and the stage for an encounter. Let the readers find the answer by they own; don’t put them on the walls, to be sure they will see them. You must be more subtle in dropping the hints and revealing the mystery.
Well, that name is not such a big problem for your submission, but I like to explain what I think…
Hello again Navdi and Deussu. Once again, I give the same caveat as with the other scenario.
This, in my opinion, is weaker than your other scenario submission. It didn't flow as smoothly, and there were a couple more grammatical errors. Also, this reads more like a story with some encounters tied to it than an adventure. It is an enjoyable story, though.
The Silver Lady seems incidental to the adventure, since the real focus is the Fireheart, which has a likewise evocative name. I might have downplayed the item, so it didn't compete with Silver Lady theme. In my opinion, the submission gives the impression that it wants to be about the Fireheart and is throwing in the Silver Lady because that was a requirement.
Overall, this sounds like a pretty cool story/adventure for a home game, and I might snag a couple of themes from this for my own game. :-)
Edit: I forgot to mention a minor point. Encounter 2 changes monsters between tiers. I would recommend advancing the hell hound with the janns, just so the encounter is consistent between the two tiers.