How about that. It's in the archives, yet...new.
I'm sorry. I just can't resist pushing buttons or toggling blinkie lights. Ask my wife about me breaking the dentist's chair sometime...
Resonant jungle drum sounds.
There they are again.
The drums; again with the drums.
Those damnable jungle drums.
God I could use a diet coke. Oh wait, caffeine is illegal now. Scratch that.
I still want a diet coke anyway.
How the hell could the drums have followed me here, across time, across space?
Maybe the crew knows. I’ll ask if they hear it.
Blinkie crap. Great, what now? Emergency hull breach? Hmmm, looks like it auto-sealed.
That’s good.
Wonder how that happened? No biggie, the crew would have suited up just in case.
Protocol.
Lord my head; those stupid drums.
I was sure the crew was making the noise, screwing with me. Always playing around, those guys.
Can’t be them now though; I ruled it out.
Around the high-backed chairs, do dee doo
Hey, do you guys hear the drums?
Of course, they stare blankly at me. Idiots.
Blank stares through frosted faceplates.
Succinylcholine in the suit tanks. Man that took a long time.
But I added it with love.
Yep, makes all the difference, like those sandwiches mom makes.
Definitely not the crew drumming.
You guys hear it too then? Shew.
I thought I was cracking up.
Set course for…away from here!
Drumming continues unabated
What?
Oh cripes. It’s my damn phone.
That’s odd. Not my alarm.
Paizo…Golem..? Huh
hello?
“Sup Bish?”
Uh..who is this?
“Are you trying to be a smart ass?”
What?
“I said, are…you…trying…”
I got it, I got it.
“I know you looked at the face when it rang.”
Did I win something?
silence
I imagined you’d be nicer.
“I’m a busy man you know. I have like, 10 other calls to make this morning.”
Hey, you called me.
“Yeah, about that. I have a message for you.”
Ok
“Emet”
Emmit? Like the Jug Band?”
“Are you trying to be a smart ass?”
“Look, just look in the archives.”
”EMET”
That’s stupid.
“Did you just call me stupid?”
No, I said the message was stupid.
“Oh, well ok then.”
Is that Hebrew?
“Do I…look…like I would know Hebrew?”
“Douche.”
click
Well that was odd.
Wonder if there are any new posts on the boards.
“you’re up early”
Hey love.
“Did someone call you?”
Yeah, I think it was a wrong number. It was from Pie-Zoe.
“The “Spank-It Magazine” people?”
Yeah, that’s them, but they don’t do that anymore.
“No more softcore porn?”
Nope, they do violence now.
“Ah. Violence, the new porn.”
Yep.
“Love you!”
Love you too, bud.
Hey look at that. Archives.
I wonder if I can make a new post in this section.
Well, I’ll be damned.
Uh oh.
Did I break something? Gary’s going to know.
Of course he knows. He sees everything
Should we delete it?
No, it’ll be way worse
Dude, hit it with a rock. Pretend you never saw it.
I can’t. I’m stuck now. Bail man. Bail!
Uh hun, I’m going to go get more Diet Coke.
“Good idea. Can you bring home some chocolate? Not the dark stuff.”
Sure love.
Uhhh, Gary? I can’t move man.
“It’s cool. That’s the magic of it. Pretty soon, you won’t even “want” to move.”
test spins cordless drill.
So uh, what’s the hot water for?
“Your brain is all dirty. We’re just going to tidy things up a bit.”
“I like tidy.”
So you see Gary, it was the Golem made me post it.
"I get that a lot."
“Don’t struggle, ok? It makes it way worse.”
Should I have deleted the post instead?
“Excuse me?
I’m sorry about the post. I should have just pretended I didn’t post it, right?
“I can’t believe you just said that. Like I wouldn’t know.”
“Are you…trying…to hurt my feelings?”
drill spins, Gary sniffles
Uh dude. No offense, but…Cowboy up.
Gary wipes the black sharpie circle away with rubbing alcohol
“I thought we had something special here. But that’s over now.”
Gary sets down the drill, snatching a turkey carver instead.
The lights dim, then slowly fade out, as “breaking up is hard to do” plays softly in the background.
Drums. No wait….phone.
Paizo…Golem?
hello?
“Sup Bish!”
The Phantom zone! Sweet.
You know I had to see if this went anywhere if I replied.
Glad I got that out of my system.
Shhh! He'll "see."