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Hello everyone,
I recently submitted the following article to Dungeon, and was promply rejected. As you know, Dungeon doesn't usually provide feedback as to why, so I'm hoping an experienced DUNGEON writer has some constructive input for me so I may improve on future submissions. Thank you in advance for your helpful suggestions. Please note: I did use the proper "styles," even if it does not show from this "cut & paste."
Take care,
VoR
SKULLS OF CHAWNTAY
by Martin
Introduction
Chawntay was an eccentric mage. While he preferred to research the arcane arts in solitude, he longed for company to discuss his theories and debate matters of forgotten lore. He tried to discuss the magical arts with other mages but found he could not tolerate their company, so he decided to create his own. Except for his occasional venture to seek out new knowledge he never left his secluded study again. He acquired rare and exotic materials during his travels, which he used to create the items that have come to be known as the Skulls of Chawntay.
Chawntay sculpted the different materials he collected into the shapes of carved skulls. He then empowered each of these with sentiency and extraordinary powers. The skulls developed abilities and personalities that were influenced by their originating materials. None know how Chawntay came to craft these wondrous items and the skulls themselves are closed-lipped about their origin.
Common Abilities
The skulls share the following traits/ abilities:
While none of the skulls share a language (they do not speak common), they are able to communicate with one another as if affected by the Tongues spell when within 20’ of another skull. Also, although the skulls have a range of alignments, they will not cause harm to each other. Chawntay intended the different alignments in order to have different viewpoints during their lengthy discussions & debates.
Each skull has an innate desire to learn and broaden its knowledge. Like restless sages, each skull craves new tomes and scrolls, especially those pertaining to their particular area of expertise or interest.
The skulls are able to use Mage Hand at will within a 30’ radius. Each skull is considered to be under the effect of a permanent Comprehend Languages spell usable solely for reading.
In addition to these abilities, each skull has its own powers and personality as follows:
Wooden Skull
During its development, this is one of two skulls that took on a feminine persona, and goes by the name Subreena. Being carved from a strange wood, some say from a fallen ancient treant, this skull has a keen interest in matters of nature. Subreena’s knowledge of the natural world rivals that of the wisest and oldest of Druids. Besides being fluent in Elvish and Sylvan, she is able to Speak with Animals and Speak with Plants at will. The animals and plants subject to the spells are considered ‘friendly’ towards Subreena.
Stone Skull
Gromp, the name of this skull, is carved from a rare green/gray stone found deep in the earth and known to few deep-dwelling dwarves, and no surface inhabitant. Gromp is a bit haughty and sarcastic until he “warms up” to his company. Gromp’s features remind most of a dwarf, and his deep masculine voice fits both his features and demeanor. His expertise includes the subjects that would interest most dwarves, such as mining, ore, metallurgy, smithing, and precious stones. Gromp’s languages include Dwarven and Terran. He is able to use Stone Tell and Stone Shape at will. Additionally, he may use Rock to Mud, and Stone to Flesh (or their reverse) once per day. He is ever glad to assist those who provide him with new reading or a rare gem or stone to study.
Bone Skull
This is the only skull from the group that was not crafted from a raw material. Raz’zin is the skull of a male drow Bard who has retained some of his former memories. Raz’zin is a bit sarcastic with a sharp wit. He provides assistance only when there is something in it for him, and that usually entails new tomes for him to mull over. He enjoys reading and learning about the seas, pirates, smugglers, and all things “less than lawful.” Raz’zin especially enjoys intrigue and is zealous in his pursuit to learn more about the Underdark and all its inhabitants. His languages include Undercommon and Aquan. Raz’zin is able to cast Legend Lore (without need of the material component) once per month. He will only use this ability for someone else at great compensation to himself.
Crystal Skull
Flassa is the second of the skulls that has developed a female persona. Flassa is carved from a translucent crystal that Chawntay obtained during his travels to the goodly planes. Her voice is angelic and peaceful. She is wise and well read in matters of the planes, celestial beings, angles, and heroes of righteous causes. She is fluent in Celestial and Draconic, and freely shares her wisdom with those that would further the cause of good, and/or oppose the vile plans of evil. Flassa is able to cast the following spells once per month: Hero’s Feast, Resurrection, Remove Curse, and Remove Disease. Also, no undead is able to neither approach within 15’ of this skull nor affect her with any spells or abilities.
Metal Skull
This skull is forged from a red-orange metal that is indigenous to the City of Brass. The metal is perpetually hot and deals 1d6 fire damage each round of contact with unprotected flesh. Chawntay paid heavily in gems and jewelry for the metal while he was in the city acquiring several rare tomes. Jiz’rell, as this skull is called, is sly, cunning, and wholly lawful evil. When Jiz’rell speaks (Auran and Ignan are his known languages), he sounds as if some loathsome blacknight is speaking though a closed helmet. He enjoys twisting the words and views of others, and is constantly planning and plotting on how he could manipulate those around him. Jiz’rell’s interests include evil planes and their inhabitants, especially efreeti. This skull is able to cast Wish once per month for a non-evil being. While Jiz’rell extracts a heavy cost for using this ability, he also strives to twist the outcome of the Wish from what the recipient intended.
Black Skull
The Bane of Chawntay, or Cherta as this skull likes to be called, was crafted from a stone so black, light is not reflected from its surface. Cherta all but drips of evil and chaos, and his features have been slowly morphing over time, becoming more demonic as the years pass. His powers and knowledge of devils and demons has been expanding since his creation. He is fluent in Abyssal and Infernal. Crafty and manipulative, Cherta strives to control and dominate those weaker minded around him. Currently none are aware of the extent of Cherta’s abilities.
Suggestions for Game Use
• Chawntay’s skulls work well in game as NPC’s.
• The PC’s may travel to a remote location for information from a sage and learn it is one of the skulls.
• PC’s can be sent on several quests to retrieve the skulls and reunite them to solve an epic puzzle.
• A powerful NPC may have one as an assistant, or an evil skull can be manipulating a weak minded NPC and be the power behind the scenes.
• The party may be assigned to escort a good skull to a distant city in need of council, or deliver an evil skull to justice.
A) What section of the magazine did you intend these for?
B) They sort of remind me of mimirs from Planescape.
C) I think one thing you suffer from is your skulls don't quite seem to know if they're a magical item (or possibly artifacts), or if they're constructs. If it's the former, you would need a proper magic item stat block - even artifacts have 'em. If it's the latter, you would need a full creature stat block.
If I were to wager, I'd say they're minor artifacts (since the formula to create them has been lost forever).
Keep in mind, though, that the above critique comes from a writer who has been unable to break into the pages of Dungeon. :)
Martin, this article sounds interesting, but it should have been pitched to Dragon not Dungeon. Right now Dragon is overflowing with neat articles like this. Just look at #350. This article doesn't fit into any of the niches commonly found in Dungeon.
Zherog also points out some relevant and important things to consider as well. For starters, so you don't have any confusion about which magazine to submit your articles to, read both magazine's writer's guidelines. You could also send an e-mail to Mike McArtor @ Dragon to see if it would be acceptable to pitch it to him. The worst thing that can happen is he says no.
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I second Zherog's comments. When I first read through this I thought maybe it was a proposal for a Dragon article, or maybe the background section of an adventure proposal.
Right now Dungeon only publishes two things from freelancers - adventures and Campaign Workbook articles. This looks like this might fit under Campaign Workbook as a "wandering monster" article, in which case it should follow the two-page monster writeup format used in Monster Manual IV (I think - this is a new article type, and I haven't written one).
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Hello again,
Thank you three for your input! Really!
The article was meant for the campain workbook. I pictured the skulls to be a cross between intelligent magic items and NPCs. I didn't generate a stat block as I assumed they didn't need one...and yes...I know what happens when you assume... HA! Now that it was mentioned, it does sound like they would be minor artifacts.
I'll try to pitch it to DRAGON, but I'll also get back to the writer's desk to try again. I promised myself that I would try AT LEAST 3 submissions (and rejections) before I just give it a rest.
Again, I thank you for your thoughtful feedback!!!
Sincerely,
Martin (VoR)
I'll try to pitch it to DRAGON, but I'll also get back to the writer's desk to try again. I promised myself that I would try AT LEAST 3 submissions (and rejections) before I just give it a rest.
Again, I thank you for your thoughtful feedback!!!
Sincerely,
Martin (VoR)
Three tries is not nearly enough. I beleive the average acceptance rate for Dungeon Adventures (only ones I can remotely comment on) is like 10%. So give it at least 10 (and maybe 20+) more tries before tossing in the towel.
Heck, for that matter don't toss in the towel.
GGG
I beleive the average acceptance rate for Dungeon Adventures (only ones I can remotely comment on) is like 10%.
If only... For us mortals the rate is a lot lower.
We get about 60 a month, on average. Since there's essentially 2 open adventure slots per issue (the Adventure Path is 100% solicited by us), that means that we only publish 3% of the submissions we recieve. It's pretty stiff competition.
I beleive the average acceptance rate for Dungeon Adventures (only ones I can remotely comment on) is like 10%.If only... For us mortals the rate is a lot lower.
We get about 60 a month, on average. Since there's essentially 2 open adventure slots per issue (the Adventure Path is 100% solicited by us), that means that we only publish 3% of the submissions we recieve. It's pretty stiff competition.
Damn sucky Adventure Paths (they kill off a whole 2 percentage points). ;)
Okay my acceptance rate is about 10% (4/50ish, with two "Thanks for the manuscript, but we can't use it anymore" and two "Submit this again next year").
"Never tell me the odds!"
-Han Solo
GGG
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I'll try to pitch it to DRAGON, but I'll also get back to the writer's desk to try again. I promised myself that I would try AT LEAST 3 submissions (and rejections) before I just give it a rest.
Again, I thank you for your thoughtful feedback!!!
Sincerely,
Martin (VoR)Three tries is not nearly enough. I beleive the average acceptance rate for Dungeon Adventures (only ones I can remotely comment on) is like 10%. So give it at least 10 (and maybe 20+) more tries before tossing in the towel.
Heck, for that matter don't toss in the towel.
GGG
The way I figure, you're gonna write this stuff anyway, right?
Keep trying, as long as you're not torturing yourself in some way. If it ain't fun, and it ain't good for you, and you're not getting paid, don't do it. Otherwise, it's a good hobby and it keeps ME out of trouble, anyway.