porn mags, I sold them on ebay.
But they were lost in shipping when
a "curious" deliveryman caught a glimpse of
Valerie Lane, the 1973 Playboy centerfold with
long legs, lustrous hair, and nice.....assets.
Good thing they bought insurance. Oh well.
Unfortunately, the policy replaced said magazines with
National Geographics. This did not sit well
with the skin mag crowd, who promptly
started to rebel. The Whiskey Rebellion had
begun, and was soon followed by the
the Schlitz Malt Liquor rebellion. Quarts of
cheap beer were passed out to everyone
and they were organized into companies, named
Quart, Ounce and Gallon, according to the
size of their bottles. Forty Company was
comprised of the largest rebels. You know,
for a group of disorganized rowdy drunks,
they were surprisingly effective. In fact, they
drank more beer and read more porn
than the combined armies of the world.
Later, when everyone was passed out, Demogorgon
popped by to borrow a cup of
Cobalt-60, but was dismissed at the door
blood, which he needed to finish baking
a fiendish, half-dragon, zombie cheesecake...with raspberries.
As all reputable demonologists know, the raspberries
are a vital part of the ritual
discontinuity of seven word game message posting
that, if continued in perpetuity, will summon
naked men with hairy backs and paunches
to cheer over the hoped for ruins
of Wizards of the Coast and their
nefarious and loathsome allies, such as the
Illuminati, the Saucer People, and Reverse Vampires.
Then we will all make saucy breakfasts!
The mi-go were pulling all the strings,
while cleverly disguising their terrifying plots as
vacuum cleaner salesman conventions. Sneaky fungal scum
, cultivated in the mi-go brain jars, then
some brains wagering quatloos on gladitorial fights
challenged grammarians to make a correct sentence.
When all of this transpired, the smurfs
unleashed their own master plan to seize
control of the gaming market. Jokey Smurf
was, as always, the ringleader, and at
the time was planning a new game:
Vorpal Whack-A-Mole (tm). The object of this
game was to chop the moles up
into molé sauce - messy, but also quite
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