Hello all,
I've published two of my rejected Campaign Workbook items on my blog at www.ComicsOnTheBrain.com.
You can read about Six Cave Perils by going here: http://www.comicsonthebrain.com/index.html/208
(Rejected because it overlapped too much with already established rules)
You can read the "Hit List" by going here:
http://www.comicsonthebrain.com/index.html/205
(Rejected because it added extra rolls to combat)
I wrote both of these some time ago, and I'm not terribly attached to either. Still I thought they were worth posting.
Does anyone have any rejections they'd like to post? I'd be happy to host them. You'd be credited, of course.
Hello all,
I've published two of my rejected Campaign Workbook items on my blog at www.ComicsOnTheBrain.com.
You can read about Six Cave Perils by going here: http://www.comicsonthebrain.com/index.html/208
(Rejected because it overlapped too much with already established rules)You can read the "Hit List" by going here:
http://www.comicsonthebrain.com/index.html/205
(Rejected because it added extra rolls to combat)I wrote both of these some time ago, and I'm not terribly attached to either. Still I thought they were worth posting.
Does anyone have any rejections they'd like to post? I'd be happy to host them. You'd be credited, of course.
Mmmm, they are actually quite good, I like the hit list because it is tough to picture an evocative scene during combat. I could send you one of my failures but, your failures seem to be better, I have recently sent two new ones to Dungeon and if they are rejected I will let you have them.
Maybe we could start a critique my campaign workbook thread?
Maybe we could start a critique my campaign workbook thread?
Ok, you asked for it :) "Left Behind" attempted to answer a simple question, "do familiars ever survive their masters with their faculties intact?"
Left Behind
Many students of the arcane arts scorn familiars, viewing them as inconsequential burdens. Some however, marveling at their ability to endow a simple creature of the forest or field with magical abilities, even sentience, never lose their sense of wonder. Employing all their cunning and mystical lore they delve deeply into the mysteries of familiars, often making surprising discoveries along the way. Awakening strange abilities, endowing them with eldritch powers, crafting potent magical gear specifically for them, they sometimes turn their familiars into their most important asset. Very rarely, those who lavish such time and energy upon their familiars give them the most special boon of all, the power to outlive their masters. Each of the creatures outlined below began its existence as a normal familiar yet somehow, whether due to a quirk of fate or carefully planned magic, evolved into something more with the death of its master.
-Whispergloom, a bat (hp 9, Int 8, AL LG) lost her master, A 6th level human wizard named Trylanis, when he and his entire party fell at the hands of a drow ambush while exploring the Underdark. Prior to setting off on the expedition Trylanis created a magic item tailored specifically to Whispergloom, a bat sized collar that allowed its wearer create a daylight effect once each day. Taken by surprise Whispergloom watched her master and his friends die one by one, leaving the guilt plagued creature to seek refuge amongst the thousands of normal bats that swarm the vast cavern complex where he met his end. She patrols it daily; seeking surface dwellers who could benefit from a surprise explosion of light when confronting drow, particularly if they appear threatened by another ambush. So far, three drow war bands have fallen with her assistance, prompting both the drow and the adventuring bands she helped to spread rumors of the strange "ghost" haunting the caverns. Whispergloom takes a trophy off the body of each drow slain, something small like a house pin or an insignia badge, and places it in a small niche she treats as a shrine to her dead master. Since she lacks the ability to speak Whispergloom has no interest in interacting with those she helps, though a druid or similar character might discover a way to learn her story, and perhaps help her come to terms with her loss.
-Ashpaws, a cat (hp16, Int 10, AL NG) lost his mistress, a 10th level sorceress named Fadala when she went into labor just over nine years ago. The child survived, and somehow Fadala's frantic need to protect her baby, a girl named Darlise, left Ashpaws with his faculties intact. Darlise grew up in a foundling house, her mother's wealth looted by greedy siblings, and eventually ran away from the cruel owners who treated the orphans like slaves. Despite the harsh reality of the orphanage and life as a street urchin Darlise has, so far, managed to cling to a basic sense of humanity though she must steal to survive. Ashpaws, almost completely white with merely a band of dusky charcoal around each of his feet, desperately wants to find a way for her to escape the life of misery and poverty that seems her destiny. His intellect, ability to speak with other cats, and font of hit points, has made him the undisputed king of the city's ally cats. On one occasion he even managed to rouse up a "swarm" of cats to help Darlise when she got in over her head. He does not know how long he can keep protecting her, but he is ready to die in necessary. While only able to speak with other cats Ashpaws would welcome any attempts at communication, whether by a druid, another cat familiar or something even more unusual. He knows that Darlise's aunts and uncles cheated her out of her inheritance, and suspects that she might one day develop her mother's magical gifts, giving him two possible approaches if he manages to make contact with an adventuring band.
-Crawdin, a raven (hp 26, Int 13, AL CN) lost his mistress, a 15th level wizard named Valerine "the daughter of discord", a notorious mischief-maker, when she was executed for treason. Her attempts to spark a civil war, the final straw in a lifetime of malicious service to anarchy and bedlam, finally proved too much even for those who admired her undisputed genius for magic. Unknown to her accusers however, Valerine had prepared for just such an eventuality, causing her to laugh even as the flames consumed her. The lords of entropy, who oversee chaos throughout the multiverse, stretched out their hand and allowed Crawdin to keep his mind and abilities intact. He knows that if he can manage to sow enough turmoil on his own his mistress will get a second chance to walk the earth.
Like any raven familiar Crawdin has the ability to speak a language, in his case Common, but he also has a talent for mimicry, allowing him to imitate any voice he hears with virtual perfection. He usually prefers to act as a normal bird, keeping his keen wits and ability to converse a secret, simply uttering a few amusing words to entertain any people he meets. Crawdin even permits his new "owner" to put him in a cage, though most locks prove absurdly simple for him to spring when the time comes to move on. Once inside a household as a mere pet, Crawdin bides his time, studying the situation, looking for weak points and secrets. When he finds a target, someone with dark blemish on his or her soul; jealously, distrust, greed, he lays the groundwork for tragedy. Working at night, while everyone sleeps, he plants evidence for his dupe to find. When he deems his victim primed Crawdin then uses his masterstroke, imitating the voice of someone else in the household, acting like a dumb animal simply repeating an overheard conversation. An unfaithful wife, a son scheming to kill his father, a brother plotting to take control of the family business, so far Crawdin has instigated four murders, and with each he gets a bit little closer to returning his mistress to the mortal realm.
-Essphus, a snake (hp 44, Int 12, AL NE) parted ways with her master, a 14th level necromancer named Myrgallin, when he attempted to become a lich, callously intending for her to die or lose her sentience in the process. Somehow, the magic that bound the two together interfered with the ritual, trapping Myrgallin in a halfway stage between mortality and undeath. Essphus, realizing the betrayal fled for her life, but now must hide from the minions of her former master, intent upon killing her and freeing him from his feeble state. While Myrgallin languishes Essphus has learned how to tap into a tiny portion of his power, allowing her to cast command undead twice a day. Despite her inability to speak she somehow manages to convey her orders to any undead who fall under her control, favoring non-intelligent undead since they get no saving throw to resist the spell. Essphus is as evil and calculating as her former master, and feels the same need to dominate and control others. She is perfectly willing to play the helpless victim however, particularly if she can find a party of "heroes" willing to use her inside knowledge to dispose of Myrgallin for her. How much, if any, of his power she would gain upon his final death is up the DM.
Maybe we could start a critique my campaign workbook thread?Ok, you asked for it :) "Left Behind" attempted to answer a simple question, "do familiars ever survive their masters with their faculties intact?"
Yup, I asked for it and the start of this thread looks promising, although I am getting more and more depressed about my impending rejections ;<
Maybe it would be good to add the reason for rejection as well?
"Left Behind" is a fantastic concept. Thanks for posting it.
"Hit List" reminds me of a concept from a wee Survival-Horror RPG of my own design. (Genovore, debuted at DragonCon 2000 and resting on the back burner since.) The key idea was that I wanted players to react to damage more viscerally, and less heroically. I was very happy to find that my intuition was right in that providing players with a slightly gross real world description of damage evoked far more nuanced roleplaying than telling them how many 'points' of damage they suffered. Players in Genovore were told that they had shattered ankles, or inch deep gashes with their ribs showing through, or chipped eye sockets, never that they took X points of damage. It worked - people stopped acting like heroes and started playing like they took real trauma.
The trick that made The Table o' Pain work was that it was pre-generated for each scenario, as part of the DM's screen like the old map screens on 1st edition modules. The gamemaster could translate a single combat roll's margin of success to a result on the table. Very fast, very effective. The downsides of the method were that it didn't deal with violence-intensive scenarios well, as repeated hits by the same weapon could easily generate repeat results on the table, the gamemaster had to tweak the results to make sense for the weapon used at that instant, and of course, it was only suited to pre-generated scenarios since you needed a new table each adventure and each table was hand-generated.
Yup, I asked for it and the start of this thread looks promising, although I am getting more and more depressed about my impending rejections ;<
Maybe it would be good to add the reason for rejection as well?
Don't get too depressed, editors work in mysterious ways their decisions wonders to behold :) You never know what will tickle their fancy, or conversely, rouse their ire. In the case of "Left Behind" as I recall Sutter said they just weren't particularly keen on familiars.
I also really like the foundation of "Left Behind." A flood of impish encounters immediately came to mind. I can't recall any similar concepts in any other types of fiction. So it would probably get alot of play... if you fleshed out more about the how to use them rather than their background dressing. Potentially, they may fall into the category of drawing the spotlight off the PCs.
As Whispergloom is written, it's a little too Deus Ex Machina. NPCs aren't supposed to "Save The Day", the PCs are. It'd probably be a more suitable encounter if Whispergloom first tried to corral the PCs toward a group of Drow it was unable to defeat, then Whispergloom took the PCs to a cache of trophies afterward.
Ashenpaws should be King of the Alley Cats. As that, he'd be a a good ally of the PCs. Alley, ally, what not. I once left out a paragraph from something I was editting. Ashenpaws is an "neat" contact, but it strikes me as a lot of explaining for a way to introduce a complex side-quest that hasn't been fleshed out. With Whispergloom, you just need a random Drow Warband to get to his point. Ashenpaws means Gather Information checks, dealing with the local police, taking it to the courts, etc. The DM has to prepare alot of other specific one-use NPCs and their responses to potential questions. Why does the DM need to know she may gain her mother's powers? What will she do with them? Why does Ashenpaws want to confront a adventurer band about that?
Crawdin isn't really specific enough to the PCs, or at least you don't really come out and say it. How and why would the PCs want to investigate this? As written, Crawdin is just there doing his thing. Does he give off a bad vibe? "Dude, roll a Sense Motive check." "Fifteen." "The bird is evil." "The bird?" "Yeah, like, investigate it." What are the six degrees of separation between the PCs and encountering Crawdin? Does a brother need to clear his name, and he goes to the mystic-and-arcane-looking PCs for divinations? Does Crawdin target the PCs? How? Et cetera. What obstacle do the PCs provide Crawdin, and how does he try to circumvent the obstacle their existance provides? I think maybe Crawdin is just too open-ended. I read Whispergloom and I want it, I read Ashenpaws and I stroke my beard, I read Crawdin and wonder why I did. He needs more hooks, or just a sharper one.
"Despite her inability to speak she [u]somehow[/u] manages to convey her orders to any undead who fall under her control." I would like for an editor to come in and tell us whether or not saying something like that auto-kills a proposal. This tells me "I haven't really put alot of thought into this, and I'm just typing things down." As far as I know, a submitted CW should be ready for the magazine; a sellable product. An un-answered question such as that is an incomplete product. Honestly, the over-all feel of the submission is that it starts off awesome then peters off for awesomeness as space needed to be filled in a rush due impatience.
If it wasn't for my personal moral code, I'd rip off the idea and submit my own glossy version. I don't think that they don't like familiars, I'd expect that they simply got turned off by the execution. The core idea is made of win, the concept hooked me hard. But it's alot of low-end fluff with no real crunch. I'd say, given the reactions from people, it's worth a re-write and a resubmit. But, now you're in a race against the clock as some less scrupulous types may submit a fixed version first.
If you'd let me, I'd work with you on a resubmission. Just drop your e-mail address in here.
I also really like the foundation of "Left Behind." A flood of impish encounters immediately came to mind. I can't recall any similar concepts in any other types of fiction.
I gave it my best shot, if you (or anyone else) has a better hook/approach using this concept feel free to run it up the flagpole :) One thing I've learned, sometimes a piece simply does't gel and there's no point in getting too stressed out about it. There's always another project just around the corner. I try to live by the iron rule of all freelancers, "Only revise a rejected piece when an editor specifically asks you to."
I also really like the foundation of "Left Behind." A flood of impish encounters immediately came to mind. I can't recall any similar concepts in any other types of fiction.I gave it my best shot, if you (or anyone else) has a better hook/approach using this concept feel free to run it up the flagpole :) One thing I've learned, sometimes a piece simply does't gel and there's no point in getting too stressed out about it. There's always another project just around the corner. I try to live by the iron rule of all freelancers, "Only revise a rejected piece when an editor specifically asks you to."
Hmmm, I wonder what one would enter in the Standard Disclosure Form.
I warrant that the submission (check one, and provide information if necessary):
( ) has never been published.
( ) has been published by __________________ in __________________________
(X) was created by Hal Maclean but he gave me the go ahead to use his idea as I saw fit.
I further warrant that the submission is original, and that its publication will not violate the rights of any
third party, and that the person identified herein as the submitter is the sole owner of the submission.
Like, yeah, what Darkjoy said.
If I post something here, as far as I'm concerned it's still mine. As far as I'm concerned that's still yours.
Ranger "Can I make a Craft (Woodworking) check for some cash? I'll make chairs."
DM "Gimme a roll,"
Ranger "$#!^, a four..."
Rogue "Can I make a Bluff check to fake people into buying it?"
DM "Gimme a roll."
Rogue "Seventeen!"
DM "Okay, add this much gold to your total."
Ranger "What about me?"
DM "Rocks fall and you die."
One thing I've learned, sometimes a piece simply does't gel and there's no point in getting too stressed out about it. There's always another project just around the corner. I try to live by the iron rule of all freelancers, "Only revise a rejected piece when an editor specifically asks you to."
Amen, brudder. No sense in beating a dead riding dog.
Okay, but if I manage to perform a bit of Necromancy, don't send the whole Temple of Pelor after me.
Hmmm, I wonder what one would enter in the Standard Disclosure Form.
I warrant that the submission (check one, and provide information if necessary):
( ) has never been published.
( ) has been published by __________________ in __________________________
(X) was created by Hal Maclean but he gave me the go ahead to use his idea as I saw fit.
That's great! Should definitely be an addition to the SDF :) I'm one of those people who finds idea generation very easy so I never get all that territorial about them. There's always another one around the corner.
You can read the "Hit List" by going here:
http://www.comicsonthebrain.com/index.html/205
(Rejected because it added extra rolls to combat)
These remind me of the very cool I.C.E. charts that my group utilized for critical hits back in the good ole days of 1st edition D&D.
Some of those we still talk about.
Don't get too depressed, editors work in mysterious ways their decisions wonders to behold :) You never know what will tickle their fancy, or conversely, rouse their ire. In the case of "Left Behind" as I recall Sutter said they just weren't particularly keen on familiars.
Yay, I didn't receive a rejection, according to the black hole thread this means that it will be rejected later ;>
Bad news is that it still won't be listed here any time soon
Yay, I didn't receive a rejection, according to the black hole thread this means that it will be rejected later ;>Bad news is that it still won't be listed here any time soon
And ofcourse, I was right, they rejected it today
Well, on the bright side I've finally got something to submit ;-)
Reason: Too similiar to an already published CW I guess
enjoy,
http://www.geocities.com/daemonslicer/writings/militia_members.pdf
Now, thanks to my FLMS being spotty with the Dungeon coverage, I don't have a full sounding of what CWs usually encompass... But, I can't recall anything other than a Critical Threat having a statblock, and I can't recall a Critical Threat group...
Did they say "too similar"? For all those statblocks, it looks a bit too long to actually fit.
Are town guards covered in the DMG or one of the Web Supplements? I'm sure I've seen it somewhere outside Dungeon... I can't recall.
Probably, there just needs to be a stronger "hook" (or unique quality) to the militia group. Maybe something that actually moves them a bit away from being simply a militia. Something pertaining to their cause or goals? Maybe a non-standard thematic tactic or equipment set? Maybe pull a dirty-dozen and reformat them as convicts pressed into service by the town's dire need (save us and be pardoned), making it so the players need to be wary of not only their enemies but their allies as well?
Did they say "too similar"? For all those statblocks, it looks a bit too long to actually fit.
Are town guards covered in the DMG or one of the Web Supplements? I'm sure I've seen it somewhere outside Dungeon... I can't recall.
Yup, it was too similiar to something they already published, I believe it's probably the following one:
#118 - Alert the Watch! (F. Wesley Schneider)
I don't have that issue, but I bet James (Sutter) did ;>
Militia's are covered in the DMG.
Anyway, because it was rejected upon consideration and I didn't receive a rejection notice straight away I would like to think that it was good enough to see print, in response to this rejection I submitted another article, which is the way to go I gather from the black hole thread.