Ye Olde Barista's page

I gotta admit, I loved the scene where that chef showed pink goop to a bunch of US kids, told them their McNuggets and burgers were made out of it, asked how many wanted to eat them now, and all them plump little suckers shot their hands up.

USA! USA! We may not be first in education anymore, but we'll eat almost anything.

Is this a uniquely "American" trait? Telling me that things that I thought were food but instead made by neon play-doh would make me VERY excited, just like it would have when I was a kid. I seem okay, it tastes like food but it is really GAK!?!? AWESOME!

I attribute that to being a kid...but maybe it was some sort of nationalist identity that I had no idea I was party to?

Christmas was good, but I have a heavy heart today.

** spoiler omitted **

I pop by randomly and yell about coffee...and post weird haikus. Otherwise I lurk but I am sorry to hear about this, that sucks.

Time for the once every six months: WHO WANTS HOT COFFEE?!?

HAppy Birthday. HAWT COFFEE FOR EVERYONE!

For you all. HHHAaaaawwwwwttttt Coffee!

Too long too long!

DELICIOUS HAWT FAWTL COFFEE for ALL!

Hot Coffee!!

I win!

DDDdiiiidd ssoommmeeeooonnneee sssaayyy CCCCOOOFFFEEE?

HAWT! FAWTL! COFFEE!!!

*throws coffee on Fawtl6*

Charles Scholz is banned for *not* being hot delicious coffee!

*throws coffee on Deep FAWTL 6*

WAKE UP!

HHHAAAAWWWWTTTT COFFEE!

Anyone want some?

Running dog! Away with your slave-grown coffee!

Pfffttt. Lackwitted Communist TOAD!

I'll have you know that I assault my fellow FAWTLers with only the finest in organic, fair trade, shade grown, minimally processed and maximally leveraged coffee beans from across the globe, finely processed in the highest end of machines and served in bio-degradable, eco-friendly, allergy sensitive containers.

I want my customers to know they are receiving the *best* when they are screaming in horror and pain, scalded by the coffee I have prepared at optimal temperatures.

AAUUGGHH!! I'm scalded! And sticky! And soy-half-caf-frapped!!

And NEKKID!!! I'm scalded all over!! AAAAUUUGGGHH!!

See? Another satisfied customer!

WAKE UP FAWTL!!

*throws coffee on everyone*

WWAAAAKKKEEE UUPPP!!!

gran rey de los mono wrote:

I am making beef vegetable soup, so I win.

Beef isn't a vegetable, so I win.

Everyone knows that dark delicious espresso is the real winner!

Go ahead, do it, shake the trunk!

How about....you do it since you are so enthusiastic about it?

Ye Olde Barista wrote:

Sentient Coffee Bean wrote:

Help is on the way!

Ahh my friend, excellent!!! Now just come and get in the grinder and we will help that poor little lycanthrope out!

As you can see, I'm a friendly magical coffea. Just shake my trunk until my beans fall into the grinder!

Errr....Do I need to shake your trunk? Can you just...

well...

you know...

shake your own trunk?

Help is on the way!

Ahh my friend, excellent!!! Now just come and get in the grinder and we will help that poor little lycanthrope out!

What is it werewolf? Does someone need coffee?

The truth is, the real purpose of the monkey is to grind coffee beans, not the organ. We only do the organ to raise money to buy the beans.

He says its only coffee beans in there but the last shipment he sent me tasted otherwise...

*eyes monkey suspiciously*

Ye Olde Barista wrote:

Puffin Augustus wrote:

Caffeine, caffeine! My kingdom for caffeine!

Not until I see this *kingdom*. Never can trust you types, comin' round offering the likes of lands and rulerships for me fine wares.

No caffeine till a kingdom's on the barrelhead...or rather my finely polished coffee bar.

Fear not, common coffee maker, for I have found a source of the blessed caffeine. No coffee soils my breath, but a sweet tea of divinity.

You may now return to peasanting. I shall keep my kingdom...

Look at my hat! Do I look peasantish to you? I be a fine *middle class* ye olde barista.

Psshaw. "Tea" yah good luck with that

You'll be back, they all come back....but not without me seeing that kingdom FIRST!!!

On second thought we shall not go to FAWTL it is such a silly place...

Caffeine, caffeine! My kingdom for caffeine!

Not until I see this *kingdom*. Never can trust you types, comin' round offering the likes of lands and rulerships for me fine wares.

No caffeine till a kingdom's on the barrelhead...or rather my finely polished coffee bar.