Uncle Tony's page

Nihimon wrote:

You may be remembering Aunt Tony.

You are correct, I confused the two.

An easy mistake to make. I had some bad mushroom tonic last year and spent a week thinking I was Cousin Tony.

Let's say I suddenly somehow come into possession of a large amount of, uh... dough.. but I can't really bake anything from it because it's a little bit dirty (and may or may not look very much similar to a large pile of dough that was just reported missing). Could I hand it in to Tony to have it all cleaned up and baked into perfectly legitimate stacks of... bread.. that I can use with a clean conscience and no hassle from the authorities?

Tony hates dirty bread! Tony will most certainly make sure his dough is properly laund...er, cleaned before it can be presented to the public.

How clean? Well, let's not get too fussy. The 5 second rule is scientific fact, after all: If You Drop It, Should You Eat It? Scientists Weigh In on the 5-Second Rule

***SPECIAL NOTICE***
This Toilday, the 29th of Erastus, Tony's Totally Legitimate Bread Making Business will be running a special on laundering ex-wives.

comic

The Pillsbury Doughboy!

And I'll bet I can find a wide variety of both cookies and muffins at Tony's.

My backstabberry muffins are almost as good as my gingers (cookies).

Don't ask what's in the special filling, it's a secret recipe. Unless you're a necromancer, then we're not worried about you knowing.

I look forward to having a whole chain of bakeries in many towns.

Character Name: Tony the Baker
Character Alignment: Lawful Sexy!
Organization: Tony's Totally Legitimate Breadmaking Business
Rank: Breadmaking Person with the Shiniest Moustache
Organization Info: Talk to Uncle Tony and tell him about your problems. Through positive attitude and odd coincidences, mayhaps Tony can find a way to make them go away.
Organization Ambitions: to make backstab-berry muffins every day and use the power of heating up dough to make everyone's problems go away.
Play-style: whimsical and ironic
History: Legend has it that Tony's moustache helped clear many of the monsters from the River Kingdoms to help make settlement of Fort Inevitable possible.

I welcome the fact that there will be other bandit companies out there in the River Kingdoms. You will perhaps provide our own operations the plausible deniability or even a scapegoat, we might need from time-to-time.

Indeed. This sounds like all kinds of fun.

No matter how the loot system is designed, people will find cause to buy bread.

Rat faced boyfriends? If it's a matter of dishonesty and cheating, we have a special on "you lie, you rye".

If it's more an issue of abuse though, then perhaps your sister would prefer to order some "beat his crêpe out"?

Tony is no criminal. Tony is good for the community. I did not inhale, and you can't prove anything happened with that intern!

Pull up a seat, have a piece of break neck baguette, or try a backstab berry muffin, and tell Tony all about your problems. I promise, you'll feel better afterwards.

:D

Tell Uncle Tony who's ruining your day, and he'll make sure the backstab berry muffin you ordered finds its way to your mail box.

Uncle Tony wrote:

Aunt Tony wrote:

...

Pallid grey skin and crimson eyes,

How could my dough help but rise?

Alas. I've changed my avatar. Probably more of a hairdo thing than anything.

Mmm, more material for inspiration.

Eyes like charcoal, hair like snakes,
Really warms my butter cakes

...

Pallid grey skin and crimson eyes,

Aunt Tony wrote:

Bluddwolf wrote:

If you look at it this way, there is only one way for the thief to be the clear winner. So the victim "not having fun" isn't really a big concern if they consider the risk vs reward that the thief must deal with.

Humans are rather famously not-rational.

Wait...how did I miss the fact that there is a forum member named "Aunt Tony" who's been around since 2011?!!

I assure you - not the same person as I am.