| Tommi Brander Star Voter Season 9 |
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Thank you for any and all comments. Here's my item. I have some notes and specific questions at the end, but feel free to give general critique also.
Fluttering sphere
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 9000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
Up to seven swallowtail butterflies fly around in this translucent sphere, often carried by the favored of Desna. On command the sphere dissolves and each of the residents flies to an unoccupied spot within 60 feet, multiplying into a flutter of incorporeal butterflies occupying a square 5 feet on a side. The user of the item selects where the flutters form. The flutters provide concealment.
Any creature of Medium size or smaller entering a flutter teleports into another random flutter as though they had cast dimension door. The teleporting creature may not take other creatures with them. The destination flutter scatters. Random flutter also vanishes every ten minutes.
When only single flutter remains, it gathers and solidifies into a translucent sphere. Each dawn, a new butterfly appears within the sphere, until there are seven. The sphere may be activated when there is at least one butterfly within.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dimension door; Cost 4500 gp
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Notes and questions:
Commas are missing in the price and cost.
The name sucks. Any general principles or best practices for naming items?
I added a last-minute "favored by Desna"-reference. Should I make such references explicit or rather leave them implicit? This was a lazy way to add a reference, but I suppose it could be done better.
I had and still have no idea about the price. It is probably too high, but I really don't know. Any pointers?