Sneed the Wise One's page

An extremely hungover Captain Killjoy shows up out of solidarity. While neither he, nor the guy who writes him are likely to be involved in PFS, some scurrilous sort informed him that the Pathfinder Society has access to boats, pickles, and alchemist's fire, all things of keen interest to the nasty little creature.

However, as he's exactly the sort of goblin who makes a BAD PC, the Captain is perhaps fortunate to end up passing out in an alleyway before any awkward questions can be asked.

Sneed passes around a jar of pickle juice with whiskey in it.

FIRE WATER!

McGruff gets in line. He's short, he's got sharp teeth, occasionally evil. No one notices he's not a Goblin.

If you're doing something with goblins and it forms a line you're doing it wrong. Even the bodies should be haphazardly spread around and on fire.

We is trying to behaves!

A small goblin wearing baggy halfling-made clothes joins the line. He grins and pulls out a flute from his halfling-made backpack and starts playing a slightly off-key song! Jabbermouth plans on becoming a famous bard in Absalom!

Sneed starts bopping along to the beat and the other goblins join in. A big yellow skinned goblin grabs a pair of skin drums as Jabbermouth hops on a nearby barrel to blow his jaunty tune. A goblin with a bone through his nose produces some sort of fiddle and suddenly everyone is bouncing along to the "Good Goblin Anthem"

Goblins sing and goblins dance,
Goblins just want their chance!
We are nice and we are kind,
For Valsin, secret paths we will find!
We just want our fair turn,
We promise there are no more houses we will burn!
We reformed, we make nice!
No more longshanks will we slice!

Someone in the line shouts "Unless they're Aspis!" And everyone agrees that yes, they'll definitely kill Aspis Agents because that's half the fun of being a Pathfinder.

We'll be honest, we'll be fine,
We promise we won't cut this line!

Literally as soon as he says that, a wart covered Goblin freezes and stops cutting in line

We is goodies now, we swear!
Why we won't even hurt that doggie over there!

A random druid Pathfinder and her pet dog suddenly get very nervous

Let us adventure across the land
Or here on the pavement we will stand
And play forever in this band!

And it continues on like that for a while until Valsin pokes his head out the door and shouts...

"THE BLOODY PLAY TEST DOESN'T START TILL AUGUST!"

In the queue, looking a slight bit more orderly than many of their ilk, a goblin of noble bearing with clean scale mail, well-kept dogslicer stands with a big happy grin on their face.

Sneed is overjoyed and happy! Another Silver Crusader has come quick and snappy! Together we show them Goblins are nice-y and no make mess! We wear clean and fancy dress! No worries Pathfinder kin, no turn Grand Lodge into pyre! Sneed promise raises hand Swear only minimal use of eldritch fire!

On the street in front of the Grand Lodge, an unusual line is forming in front of the gates: it's full of goblins! Some of the rowdy little greenies are now bouncing up in down and singing as they await their chance to join the fabled Pathfinder Society. Ambrose Valsin pokes his head out the front door, shakes his head, and sighs. Once again the Decemvirate has made a baffling decision with potentially insane consequences. A strange, studious looking Goblin in homemade Wizard robes bounces up the street and into the line.

Sneed is here! Sneed is here! Sneed bring books and wands and wriggly, snigglly magicky things! Sneed is proper wizardy man!

He does indeed have spellbooks and they are indeed magical, it's just...they appear to be second hand and they say "Property of Malus the Magical". Apparently this is what happens when Goblins learn to read, they steal books and teach themselves magic.