Petyr Gabryl, Steampowered Bard's page

Can I go home yet? I've been here for 90 minutes, surely that's good enough, right?

{tunes up guitar for unplugged version of "Hotel Rey de los Mono"} ♩♫ "...Plenty of laundry at the Hotel Rey de los Mono..." ♩♫

Me: "So, the bread represents Christ's body?"

Priest: "That is correct."
Me: "And he was crucified, died, and was buried?"
Priest: "Yes, and then three days later he rose from the dead."
Me: "... Because of the yeast?"
Priest: "Get out."

Time for some math...

[CENSORED]

{wonks Pillbug with large sledgehammer} Your poetry license is hereby revoked.

There was once an Allen named Tim,
Who played a handyman funny though dim.
Post a film role as St. Nick,
Was wacked by primate John Wick,
And now that Monkey is Santa, yes Virgin(ia)

Did you mean "tome"?

Yes.

(F!cking autocorrect!)

{reads from tomb clutched in the skeletal remains of a maintenance man:}

"They have taken the front desk… and the dining hall.
We have barred the broken doors… but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes.
Phone calls… phone calls… even in my nightmares.
We cannot get out. Shadows not wearing their required masks move in the dark.
We cannot get out…
They are coming!" -- Vidmaster7, last entry to Book of Mazarbul

{looks up suddenly at hearing drunken skittering nearby}

Me, I'm just a lawnmower
You can tell me by the way I walk