Mark D Griffin's page

I know that picking your favorite in this round is pretty subjective, but I wanted to respond to 3 things that I saw the mentioned more than once and offer another opinion.

Why save the turtle?

Honestly, why do we do anything when we play? Why save the aging adventurers of the Golden Watch? Why save Dustpawn? Why save Vegazi? Why save Lady Delbarra Axebringer and her clan? You can only make your PCs relatives or descendants of troubled NPCs so many times before it becomes old hat. Perhaps your games work differently than mine, but if we sit down to play a published adventure that someone paid money for, we have entered into an unspoken contract. The DM has said he has an adventure that he thinks would be fun and is willing to run for the players, and the players agree to play ball. They can of course go about the adventure anyway they wish, but they are going to go on it. If the adventure involves saving an NPC, then they save the NPC. If that isn’t the case, then really I can say why would I ever follow any of the plots of any adventure?

But there is no villain?!?

The rules for round 5 said that you could create and adventure based around a location in the Sodden Lands. Can you have an adventure that doesn’t involve stopping a villain? Of course you can! An adventure needs excitement, danger, obstacles and resolution, all of which this proposal has without a central villain. Plenty of great adventure stories, films, books and games have been told where the antagonist was the environment, the circumstances, or overcoming yourself. Neil in particular seems to think that you can’t have adventure without a villain orchestrating everything, but that seems more like a personal bias than an actual rule to me. Obviously, here Neil’s opinion is inherently worth more than mine, but I still wanted to make the distinction.

Silliness

This is the one I don’t get at all. A sentient creature was raised by a Desnan worshiper in a Desnan Temple and has lived there for 100 years. Is it silly that the creature worships Desna? It makes sense to me. Is Moonshell an unlikely NPC? Certainly, but those are my favorite kinds! Is he any more unlikely than Arueshalae from WotW? Less so I’d imagine, so I’m not sure what makes him silly.

Wild Magni rides a dire crocodile in a final fight against the NPCs who are currently riding Moonshell. If I described this to my PCs, I don’t think it would be silly, I think it would be thrilling and a little scary. The monster he’s based on from the Monster Codex rides a dinosaur, is that less silly? Is it silly that a dwarven temple animates and lumbers towards a city at the end of Clash of the Kingslayers? Is it silly that a bunch of wizards make a magic spaceship and then accidentally combine with their familiars to make animal creatures in When Doom Came to Dustpawn? These things are all fantastic and unexpected, but I don’t think any of them are silly, and I fail to see the difference between these things. Perhaps I’m a bad judge of this sort of thing, because I like when things get weird. I’m going to agree with Harp Rose and say that perhaps we take things too seriously in this contest.

I realize I’ve gone and written another wall of text, I make a habit of that. I think all the proposals are great, but this one seems like a breath of fresh air to me. It does some things that I’ve seen done in other Paizo material, but at the same time it does some things we don’t see enough of.

Thanks for the speedy reply Chris!

The voting booth claims that it will be closing at 3 PM EST tomorrow, but should it be 3 AM? The schedule puts the close at 3 AM, and I would hate for someone to not get to vote in the final round.

Respect to all the judges and the frequent posters in this contest and every year. Having finished my (admittedly lengthy) comments yesterday, I felt fatigued already. But all four of you did an excellent job, and your proposals were a pleasure to read. Congratulations to each of you, I suspect that you all have already won something even if you don't take the title at the end.

Beyond that, I'm a little concerned this will in fact be a "grueling slog" as you call it. It feels like it's a lot of "random" adventures (whether they're planned or not) for little purpose other than having adventures.

I have to disagree with this point. One of the things I love about this adventure is that it doesn't hand-wave how the PCs got to the Sodden Lands or why they're here. This is a dangerous place that isn't traveled to lightly, and the traveling should feel dangerous as well. If your trip to the Sodden Lands, a storm-wracked, uncivilized wasteland, doesn't feel a bit like being trapped in a Jumanji movie from start to finish, then you're doing the place a disservice.

As long as the encounters are interesting and unique, and I have ample evidence to suggest that they will be based on Jason's previous round and his boggard dam, I think Chapter 1 of this adventure is super important to do this location justice.

Skill unlocks were introduced in Occult Adventures, which is no more different than a magic item calling out a spell used in Ultimate Magic. I think it was a good desin choice and one of many interesting components that caught my eye.

I think there is a different between skill unlocks and occult skill unlocks. My gut tells me she wasn't referring to occult skill unlocks since this would require a special feat or the ability to cast psychic spells to be used (and she didn't say occult, which is important). The regular skill unlocks are from Pathfinder Unchained, and is probably not the best source to draw from. I wasn't bothered by it, because I own PF Unchained and I like the skill unlock system, but I agree that it would probably be best to cut that part or clarify its intent.

I’m going to assume that you are, like I was, impatiently waiting on the other side of this screen for anyone to write something about your creative endeavor. That way you know someone read it and really thought about it before casting their votes. So, now that I no longer have a horse in this race, I wanted to provide some feedback for the final four. I’ve already skimmed all the entries, and now I’m going to take notes while doing a more thorough reading. This is the kind of feedback I’d give if I were sent this for comments, so I’ll probably be nitpicky. Keep in mind you did a great job getting here, and your proposal is also great. With some time and elbow grease, every one of these proposals could make an excellent adventure. So on to the notes!

Your first few sentences are probably my favorite of anyone’s. As a GM I’m a sucker for weird NPCs, and a desna worshipping dragon turtle has me excited.

Giant musical orrery sounds like a perfect place for a desnan shrine, and makes sense for the locale.

Do the orbs orbit as they float? I picture them rotating, and I think that’s a cool visual, but it doesn’t say. I really hope these come into play during an encounter.

I wish Seracourt was a cleric instead of an astronomer, then it would make more sense that Moonshell became a worshipper of Desna. Also why didn’t Seracourt leave? Is he also trapped somehow? Was he that attached to this dragon turtle? He apparently had family somewhere, since he has a granddaughter, why didn’t he try to find them?

I love the name moonshell and it ties in the Desna theme in even more, but wouldn’t the turtle have had a name before he got swept in this hole?

Yup, I love this NPC, I want to GM him.

Probably the best hook of any of them, as it ties into the story and the themes of the region. But this sounds like it could be an escort quest through some pretty dangerous places, and nobody likes those. I appreciate that she’s level 6, so she’ll have 30ish health, but there is a decent chance she dies.

I like your chapter names.

It seems pretty foolhardy to travel by raft on a river in a place that is known to be routinely hit by hurricanes, especially if you know there will be rapids. I guess it’ll be faster, but it seems like it would be safe to walk.

The dam sounds like a it would be a neat encounter, although further emphasizes why I wouldn’t raft this river.

I’m not sure what you mean by the lizardfolk “controlling the turtle.” It’s a fairly powerful, sentient creature, how would they control it.

Trogs and Lizardfolk seem a little samey to me. I’m sure they would disagree, but they’re both reptile creatures, and I wish you would have replaced one with something different. Lizardfolk are from this region, so replacing the trogs make the most sense.

I appreciate that you don’t have necessarily have to fight the lizardfolk.

Ah! At least you considered Meika’s death. Hopefully the treasure map will be enough to bring the PCs to the grotto.

How are the PCs supposed to know about the other entrance? Do the Lizardfolk know about it?

Not sure that PCs will panic upon discovering tentamorts. Any tank worth his salt will stand and fight!

I really hope Meika makes it this far, since it’s a sweet reveal that her grandfather raised the turtle. I’m not sold that many creatures of the deep will care about Desna though, although I guess the night sky can be beautiful from the ocean. Being a missionary isn’t always easy.

More neat NPCs! I love the flock, and they have good names, especially the crotchety old evil guy. I assume there is a reason they can’t leave, maybe the trogs? I wish you would have spelled that out.

I’m bummed that you don’t specify what kind of undead or haunts. I realize you were likely bumping against word count, but specifics can make all the difference.

I don’t think you should have used cosmic energy here for a couple of reasons. One it’s a sort of obscure thing in pathfinder, since it’s only really mentioned in Lost Kingdoms and People of the Stars (heck, one of the judges doesn’t even know it exists). Two, the farwatcher at the Dim Gate is basically an entire complex devoted to focusing cosmic energy, and I don’t think that same principle would work here. More on this later.

This is my favorite monster of the 4, what appears to be innocuous floating debris ends up being an extremely deadly threat. It has a good visual, and a mechanic I don’t recall seeing before.

Seems like Moonshell could tell the trogs to let you go since they worship him, or fly out of the hole.

I really like the side quest with the medusa and her pets, but bartering for the farwatcher doesn’t work. I could see her sending the PCs on some quest, but the thing is too costly the PCs to trade goods for it. Also, this much treasure along with a dragon’s horde seems like a lot. Maybe a farwatcher just shouldn’t be used. More on this later.

AH! You use the orbs in an encounter! Excellent!

The turtle can fly with a simple fly spell, and cosmic energy is sort of convoluted, and the farwatcher costs too much. I think you need another mechanic for getting Moonshell out. Like the Lode Motes interfere with flying, and you need to disperse them somehow so Moonshell can get out?

The treasure is serviceable, but not outstanding.

This final fight is pretty awesome. I’d rank it second place behind Charlie’s final fight, but it would certainly be memorable and bad ass to fight a cavalier riding a dire crocodile from the back of Moonshell.

In conclusion:

I’m not sure if it was clear because of the nitpicking I did, but I really like this adventure a lot. I’m actually a fan that the true villain is a cross between the environment and the weather and not some cackling machiavellian character. Obviously those kinds of villains are great, but they’re also featured all the time, and an interesting adventure without one is rare. I think your featured location is wondrous, and just the right size for an adventure this size (some other module proposals feature entirely too many unique locations), which shows restraint. This proposal seems very informed about the Sodden Lands, more so than the rest, and there is little I appreciate more than good research. This will require some rewriting, but I think less than Nick’s proposal, so given all that I will be voting for this proposal. Excellent work Jason and good luck in the polls!

I’m going to assume that you are, like I was, impatiently waiting on the other side of this screen for anyone to write something about your creative endeavor. That way you know someone read it and really thought about it before casting their votes. So, now that I no longer have a horse in this race, I wanted to provide some feedback for the final four. I’ve already skimmed all the entries, and now I’m going to take notes while doing a more thorough reading. This is the kind of feedback I’d give if I were sent this for comments, so I’ll probably be nitpicky. Keep in mind you did a great job getting here, and your proposal is also great. With some time and elbow grease, every one of these proposals could make an excellent adventure. So on to the notes!

Acid rain, cool! I did a quick search for what acid rain does in pathfinder, but the only credible result was a 9th level druid spell that does 1d6 damage per round with no save. That seems a bit much, but I’m sure this rain acts differently.

This garden doesn’t seem very gnome-like to me, usually gnomes for me about about a sense of wonder and weird. Maybe it’ll get more gnomey later when you describe it in detail.

A Qlippoth? That’s different, and goes along with your general theme of sort of icky stuff. It’s a weird choice, and I like it. I hope it’s going somewhere interesting.

Manipulation and murder sure seems to be in line with what this qlippoth does, although I feel like qlippoth in general would be more inclined to attack more civilized areas with greater populations of the young and innocent. They especially like murdering children and pregnant women, which I imagine are in relatively short supply in the Sodden Lands vs any neighboring region.

A bound dragon is a neat way to power a ritual, but I’m skeptical of a cleric of a demon lord working with a Qlippoth. Yes Dagon may have once been a qlippoth, but if he was, he has since been driven out of their deep realms and into the abyss because he is now an enemy of the qlippoth. I don’t think this really works, and since the Sodden Lands is already full of cultists of Rovagug (who is a god who was perhaps once a qlippoth, and definitely not a demon), it seems like you should have gone there instead.

Hooks are about as good as you can expect for this area.

How much acid damage I wonder? Also what if the PCs don’t have healing magic and acid resistance? Does no one in the Knight of Abendego have either of those?

I like the scarred cannibals, but why a dhampir I wonder?

The item is fine, but won’t be winning any superstar competitions.

It’s cool that you used the render’s affinity for other animals, but it’s Int is a little low for social interaction.

I’m a fan of the bait and switch here with the dragon.

I’m glad that you pointed out that the gnomes made the space large so now giants can fit inside, but I’m unsure as to why they did in the first place? I guess wide open spaces are agrarian, I’m only bothered a little bit by it.

The mossrock gang is good, but I’m sad that they live on the top non-submerged level. Those poor Merrow :(

The monster is okay, but I don’t think the Sodden Lands, apocalyptic as it is, is a great place for a creature that feeds on happiness of any kind. Still the idea is probably my second favorite overall.

Ghost story is pretty cool though, even if the monster feels forced.

Wait, your module’s big bad isn’t the climactic fight? That seems off. If Graldar was your end villain, you probably should have spent more time talking about him in your background and not Xzeraren. I was hoping there was going to be a payoff at some point for your unique choice of big bad, but he falls kind of flat.

This is a pretty awesome final fight though, it sounds like it would be dynamic and memorable.

In conclusion:

You sort of tied a lot of things together with the acid theme. Everyone was either super into acid, or negatively affected by it. Beyond that I’m left with a lot of questions that don’t have answers, like you’re stuffing your story with lots of elements because they’re all fun elements, but they don’t necessarily make sense. Why gnomes? Why a qlippoth? Why a dhampir? Why is the final fight not with Xzezaren? I’m sure that you know the answers to these questions, but it’s not clear to me. You did put the most effort into making your final encounter memorable, not simply glossing over your capstone fight, which I appreciate. I’d like to run or play that encounter for sure. Still, I don’t think I will vote for this module because it seems to lack focus. You have a flair for the gross, and that unique voice could serve you well. I wish you the best of luck in the polls and in your future endeavors.

Did they print stats on Heveril somewhere? His level isn't given in the Inner Sea Guide entry about Jula. Why must he be level 4?

Huh. You're right, his stats aren't written down anywhere. I read that he was level 4 in Charlie's module and then internalized that to be fact. That's my mistake. However I still think that the caverns should be moved away. Even if you have a bad ass fallen paladin leading your group, it's unwise to have such a tiny settlement right on top of a deadly dungeon.

Maybe because of their badass paladin guardian Father Heveril, whose will the hag queen now seems to be trying to break by corrupting his daughter? You point that out as incoherent, whereas it seems to me to tie together nicely.

A level 4 NPC fallen Paladin is probably CR 2? I'm not sure that's bad ass enough. Either way it was a minor point, and the problem would be easily solved by moving the caves.

They seem to be caretaking this ancient center of Lirgen astronomical knowledge, no? Seems like a perfect fit to me, not a "throw away" at all. Perhaps they once helped the Lirgen astronomers here study the stars they hailed from?

I just don't understand why the Hags and the Contemplatives are capable of sharing the same space. They are extremely different in alignment and motives. Also, as far as I know there are no contemplatives on Golarion anymore. There of course still can be, but if you were going to add them I think they should get a lot more emphasis than this. Maybe I feel this way because they were central to my module's plot, but I think these weird aliens deserve a better reason for being here and more of a spotlight.

All of the points you answered were minor, these were things I would suggest changing but aren't game breaking.

I’m going to assume that you are, like I was, impatiently waiting on the other side of this screen for anyone to write something about your creative endeavor. That way you know someone read it and really thought about it before casting their votes. So, now that I no longer have a horse in this race, I wanted to provide some feedback for the final four. I’ve already skimmed all the entries, and now I’m going to take notes while doing a more thorough reading. This is the kind of feedback I’d give if I were sent this for comments, so I’ll probably be nitpicky. Keep in mind you did a great job getting here, and your proposal is also great. With some time and elbow grease, every one of these proposals could make an excellent adventure. So on to the notes!

I like that you’re fleshing out the backstory of Heveril

Never kill again? Like people or monsters? I feel like living in the Sodden Lands there is a good chance he’s going to be killing at least some boggards, if not Sodden Scavengers.

Would a hag “mourn the loss of her beloved daughter”? That seems very uncharacteristic for a hag.

Speaking of which, what kind of Hag is she anyway?

Still digging this backstory for Heveril.

These hooks are definitely the weakest of the four. Being local is fine I guess, if the PCs are being made just for this adventure, but no level 5 PC is looking for work or visiting friends in the Sodden Lands. I get the feeling that very few people live here by choice unless they’re evil, crazy or both.

I’m wary of adding subsystems like this to adventures. I appreciate that interacting with Calla may make a final set of diplomacy checks easier or harder, but I don’t think I need corruption to track this.

On top of a known hag lair seems a poor place for a tiny human settlement, also where are the Knights of Abendego?

Bandits in the Sodden Lands are probably Sodden Scavangers, I wish you had called them such

Wow, even more monsters in this cave below a tiny settlement, how has Jula not been overrun?

Seahorse mounts are cool in theory, but I’m not sure they’d work well in practice. Are the PCs going to be underwater for large portions of this adventure? What kind of skill checks and penalties would you use? Are the seahorses already trained to be mounts? By who?

The shrimp doesn’t do anything for me.

I really like the magic item, probably my favorite of the 4.

What boat? (Nevermind, I found it, it just wasn’t mentioned for awhile) Why does a Sea Hag need a magic boat?

I LOVE LOVE ship graveyards, one of my favorite kinds of places to do basically anything. Are they actually ghost ships though? Or just ships full of undead?

Why do the undead and incutilis work with the hag? Is that common?

Influencing Calla via in the mirrors is pretty cool, if a little convenient.

Is there really no way to get inside without these two pearls? You can’t break down a wall, dispel magic, anything?

Contemplatives, sweet! My module proposal actually have a rogue group of these guys serving as villains! But why are they in this hag’s tower? Just throwing in a couple aliens from another planet as a throwaway encounter seems wasteful. (As a side note I see Adam mentioned them being related to Kaer Maga, and I could find nothing setting them in that city. I know they have links to the Red Gate in the Mwangi Expanse, but that’s the only Golarion link I’m aware of).

Once again, is family really that important to hags? I suppose this hag could be super unique in her desire to have a family with a human and her daughter.

Another new monster, but this one doesn’t do much more for me than the last.

I like the tower as a location, but if the only way to get in is to use two star pearls to unlock the door, then why did each of the hags only have one pearl? Why wouldn’t they have the keys required to access the tower which was the headquarters of their coven?

I like the conclusion, especially the idea that even if they defeat Velika they may still fail to save Calla if they’re jerks about the whole thing.

In conclusion:

You have a pretty great story here, and a trio of cool new locations to explore. I think perhaps you might actually have 1 too many adventure locales actually. The problems I see are reminiscent of problems in earlier rounds, and that is that your mechanics aren’t as solid as your writing. Still, your writing has been excellent enough so far to carry you to the final round. I don’t think I’ll be voting for this adventure because I think it would take a lot of development work to punch up the encounters to make them interesting and challenging, but I still think you wrote something that will become a great adventure if you win. Good luck in the final voting.

I’m going to assume that you are, like I was, impatiently waiting on the other side of this screen for anyone to write something about your creative endeavor. That way you know someone read it and really thought about it before casting their votes. So, now that I no longer have a horse in this race, I wanted to provide some feedback for the final four. I’ve already skimmed all the entries, and now I’m going to take notes while doing a more thorough reading. This is the kind of feedback I’d give if I were sent this for comments, so I’ll probably be nitpicky. Keep in mind you did a great job getting here, and your proposal is also great. With some time and elbow grease, every one of these proposals could make an excellent adventure. So on to the notes!

Just reading your background I’m already running into a rather large problem. Where is the Star Savior, his rusulka lover, and the army of Skum? I imagine those two powerful NPCs are in the CR 12-15 range, and one of them has minions. Seems like they could easily handle this problem without the PCs (and don’t exactly appear to be good guys themselves).

Storm hag is a cool choice for a monster in the Sodden Lands, but at only CR 7 is it an appropriate villain for PCs who will be reaching level 8? (It certainly isn’t someone who could challenge the established leaders of Hyrantam)

I’m curious what other other 2 hags in the coven are.

Can a trio of mid level hags really do much to affect weather patterns of the Eye of Abendego?

Of your hooks, I like coming to Hyrantam for lost treasure, because that actually makes sense give the region’s history. A boat passing by would probably make the PCs pirates, which is okay, but Hyrantam doesn’t actually appear to be located on the coast. It’s appears to be about 25 miles inland on the Frogmarch River, and I get the feeling not too many boats are just “passing by” there.

You have excellent chapter titles.

Prompting the PCs to find tribute to get the hags off of their back is a good way to get them into the ruins quickly, and this is a great place to have some sandboxy stuff.

You have some really cool locations and encounters in this sandbox, I especially like the magic academy and the planetarium. You might have too many places though, given how much space you have.

I’m wary of adding mechanics like this suspicion counter, but this one doesn’t seems pretty good actually.

I wish I knew what this monster looked like or why is exists, I’m only so so on it with the given information.

Only level 6 after that sandbox? There seemed to be enough encounters in that sandbox for two levels if the PCs did everything.

I get that the PCs learn about storm auguries in the sandbox, but what tells them that the hags are actually performing them other than the fact that they’ve been positioned in this adventure as the bad guys?

Another sandbox with yet more new locations. Some of them are cool, but I feel like you definitely have too many now. Also you have a ship graveyard, which is cool, but one already exists very nearby called Steel Maridoth. Still, I do like the Public Works location.

I love both the name and the visual of your item, however I wish its powers were more useful beyond this particular adventure.

Fighting the thunderbird using all of their prep and with a series of encounters is a pretty cool setup. It’s cool enough that it feels like it should be the culmination of the adventure, but here it leads into a new location with even more bad guys. I’m sure you wrote out more detail about Augur’s Throne but had to cut it for word count, but the fact that you chose to cut that and keep the parts about the Thunderbird tell me you agree that the thunderbird is the real boss here (not to mention almost certainly the highest CR thing the PCs will fight). So the ending leaves me a little cold.

In conclusion:

You have some awesome locations and encounters in this proposal for sure. In fact you probably have too many of both, but cutting them down to just the most awesome ones will leave you with some distilled awesome, and that’s just super awesome (let me say awesome a few more times). That said, I think this proposal would require significant rewriting. Something has to be done with this thunderbird/hag dynamic, I just don’t think it’s working out as written. Your biggest fight appears to be with your miniboss, and that’s because your minibosses is actually a much bigger threat than the boss. Even more problematic is that you ignored the extremely powerful players already involved in this city. Lost Kingdoms clocks Hyrantam at a CR of 12, I don’t know if that’s an average, or a suggested PC level, but either way the people who run this place are going to be high enough level to deal with these hags on their own. The rusulka rogue is a CR 15 beast, and her lover is a sorcerer of at least level 12 I’d guess? I think ignoring them means you’d have to do major rewrites or move the adventure, but where would you move it to? If I had to guess, I’d say you didn’t read Lost Kindgoms because you didn’t know the PDF existed? I still love a lot of the work you did here, and I know that all of these problems can be solved, and if this module gets published I’d probably buy it, but because of the large amount of rewriting I think would be required I’ll spend my vote elsewhere. Good luck at the polls Nick, you are a great competitor!

I assume there are at least 4 other people waiting around here. I'm rooting for all of you, can't wait to see what you've created.

So, on this fine Saturday afternoon...

I'm judging you and you and you and you.

The rest of y'all are off the hook.

:)

Can you give us that stats Adam? How many started at level 5? How many featured the Sodden Lands? How many included the word Boggard at some point?

Nice! My adventure had the PCs finding that Aroden is actually James Jacobs. He used Baba Yaga's hut to come to our plane of existence to spread tales of his prior home.

Oooh, that's good too.

Everyone is missing out on my adventure where you would have learned that Aroden is not actually dead, but has been throwing a century+ long rager in the abendego gulf. It was epic.

Maybe it's all the Harry Potter my wife and I have been watching, but I'm getting a serious Triwizard Tournament vibe being in the Top 4.

Oh dear, I hope it ends better for you than Cedric and Harry.

Congrats top 4! And good luck!

In unrelated news, can we comment on the encounters now? With the AM/PM mix-up, I'm hesitant to jump the gun.

I don't see why not, no matter which time was correct, voting it done.

Any other taters out there playing the waiting game with me?

So they did. Weird.

I recall hearing that in previous years the round 4 contestants would run a brief elevator pitch by Paizo in order to determine if they wanted to focus on topics that were okay for development (no you can't write about how Aroden died, and maybe lay off of Cheliax and Lovecraft because of upcoming APs, or something like that). Is that something we'll be doing this year, and do we know when something like that might be taking place?

Did you know?

There are two cat people, two dog people, and four unknown preference people in the Top 8.

That makes it easy to vote along animal preference lines.

Well, I guess since that's potentially more about narrative than tactics, playtesting isn't needed. Even though there are more words, I can actually vote faster.

Obviously play testing is invaluable, but almost as valuable is the sense of "Am I excited to try this as a player or GM?" That kind of feedback could be given after a quick perusal. Ideally feedback would be a nice mix of the two.

The module proposal is even longer, and according to the timetable voters will only have three days to look at those.

Is that the way it always works? That seems like an absurdly short period of time.

Well I've read everyone's encounter, good job everyone! I'd provide feedback to you, but that's generally frowned upon. If any contestants want to talk privately about round 4 submissions, send me a PM and we can chat.

Seems like less folks are commenting this round. I wonder if they're waiting to play the encounters first or if the encounter round is just less exciting for people than the previous ones, since they have to really experience them to judge them.

This sort of thing seems to happen every year during the later rounds (at least in the more recent years). I certainly recall experiencing fatigue as a voter in previous years.

I wonder if we're going to receive comments from the third judge? My guess is no, since a similar thing happened in round 2.

Then I remembered there's this contest going on. So now I'm over here wasting time.

Welcome back! I'm sure you're in good company with approximately 8 other people who refresh this page approximately every 10-15 minutes, or at least that's what I do.

Thank you judges for your feedback, and thanks to anyone who takes the time to read through all the encounters and vote.

I say he just takes all of our bodies and creates, hands-down my favorite undead, a warsworn. With our powers combined!

I've always wanted to be part of a siege tower of steel-girded flesh.

It seems we've reached the part of the day where I'm so jittery that I'm useless at work approximately and hour and a half earlier than in previous rounds.

if I may ask, what do you mean by Post-Mortem?

Post-Mortem is either and examination of a dead body to determine the cause of death, or this this case:

"an analysis or discussion of an event held soon after it has occurred, especially in order to determine why it was a failure."

This is a common practice in software development, and many other fields I imagine, after finishing a project. In this case I think Garrick is suggesting that people discuss their thought process in creating their monster, including what they believe they did wrong and things they would change in hindsight.

Mark Griffin wrote:

Anyone else have the feeling that somewhere, someone out there is judging you?

I'm strangely free of that sensation.

But I thought you were married Neil?

Anyone else have the feeling that somewhere, someone out there is judging you?

Well now that I've finally finished my encounter, I can do a write up on my monster. I don't expect many people will read it, but it's more about catharsis for me than anything else. I'll try to answer the questions that I saw crop up more than once.

Attack and damage to low/high

Because most creatures will be flatfooted to a tatterghoul's attacks, it will get to Sneak Attack almost always (unless it's fighting something undead, something with blindsight, someone with true seeing, or someone with uncanny dodge). That is by design because Sneak Attack is what brings it's damage up to the appropriate level. I also left it's attack modifier a little low because it would be getting a variable bump to its attack rating based on its enemies Dex modifier. It will be better at hitting some kinds of PCs than others. I thought that was neat actually, that being dexterous was a hindrance in this case. I was generally happy with this, but someone did point out it could use higher strength to be dragging bodies around, and that's a good point.

Violence against children

Not much to say here, too each their own I suppose. As a parent, when I see a monster or NPC hurting children, I get extra motivated to stop them. Another person might be made uncomfortable. I will say that I did write the tatterghoul in such a way that everyone can be miraculously saved in the end, because they let people die slowly.

Addition of class levels

I love adding class levels to things that don't generally have class levels. That's just a personal preference of mine, but maybe this wasn't the right place to do it.

Not actually a ghoul

The original name for this monster was the Gutter Wraith, but someone mentioned to me that this was misleading because it's not incorporeal like you would expect. It was hard for me to come up with a name that invoked the feeling of undead without actually containing a word that was itself already a kind of undead creature. Ghoul seemed like the lesser of two evils, and I thought it sounded pretty sweet.

And now on to the big stuff.

Naturally Ignored
I didn't realize how divisive this ability was going to be, but it sounds like lots of people had problems with it. That probably means I should have written it another way, and that's okay. There is more than one way to invoke the feeling of "this thing is hard to see in death because you never cared to see it in life." So while acknowledging that a complete rewrite is probably the way to go, here is what I was actually thinking

If you are not undead, use sight to locate things, and don't have true seeing, the tatterghoul always has concealment against you. Your eyes basically refuse to focus on it, but you can see it in your peripheral vision. The tatterghoul may hide in plain sight if they are in an urban environment, and they may also hide in plain sight in any area of dim light regardless of environment.

That is how is it supposed to work, but why? True seeing negates it because it seems like the kind of thing True Seeing is good for. A lot of people said that doesn't seem fair because PCs won't have true seeing at this level. That is by design, you aren't supposed to be able to get around Naturally Ignored, if you could then it would be a pushover. You can still see it of course, but only barely, and only if you can beat it's stealth check (it will be trying to hide most of the time).

Should this get a will save? Maybe? I'm not sure if there is a precedent for a mind affecting effect that doesn't allow one. As I said before, the challenge of this monster revolves around not being able to see it. Much like an invisible stalker, if you can always see this thing, there isn't much point to it. That is why I called it Naturally Ignored, by the way. I was trying to hint towards the similar ability Naturally Invisible used by things like Invisible Stalkers and Will-o-wisps.

So why is the penalty so much worse than the penalty for avoiding Gaze Attacks? I did that on purpose, since to avoid gaze attacks you can simply look at a creatures torso, or see it in a reflection. Naturally ignored is much worse than that. Try holding something up in your peripheral vision, how well can you see it? I made the penalties worse because the effect seems worse to me.

All of these questions add up though, and it points to a clunky implementation of the idea I wanted. Hopefully that's the kind of thing that wouldn't be hard to fix in development.

How does Isolate actually work anyway?

Oh man. This one. I added Isolate to the tatterghoul extremely late in development. I wanted something to make combat with it more unique that was also in line with its theme, and Isolate fit the bill. The day after I submitted it I was thinking about an cool encounter with the tatterghoul casting Isolate on an NPC who was imminent danger from a deadly trap. At this point I realized that the rules for Isolate were WAAAAAAAAAAAY too vague, and I immediately began imaging the judges tearing my apart and being drummed out of the competition. Fortunately that didn't happen, but Isolate remains my biggest regret with the tatterghoul. If I could do it again I would be very clear:

"Living creatures may not target the isolated creature with the aid another action or affect the creature with any targeted beneficial spells. Blah blah antilife shell."

I'd probably also throw in that teamwork feats don't work as well, since someone pointed that out.

Everyone can still see the isolated creature, they can still attack the tatterghoul as long as they don't enter the antilife shell, area affects work just fine, and any harmful actions are allowed as well.

The antilife shell should work just like the spell, with one difference. Usually if someone with a shell moves within 10 feet of a living creature, the shell is dispelled. In this case, the shell is not dispelled, the creature just can't move any closer. That's because this spell is used as a debuff against the target instead of a buff. If the target could dispel the debuff with a simple move action, there would be no point to it.

Is antilife shell to good at this level? I don't think so, but again that's because it's a debuff and not a buff. Used defensively antilife shell may be too good at this level, but offensively I think it's okay. The affected creature and the party have lots of options to mitigate how effective it is (including ranged attacks, area affects like channel energy, the targeted creature and run away from the tatterghoul), it just require the PCs to try new tactics.

Anyway, that was long and ramble-y, but I feel better. The tatterghoul was not without flaws, but I'm pretty proud of it. Thanks to everyone who shared their opinion, and everyone who voted for me.

making Top 100 has really opened the doors wider for me and I'm suddenly getting a lot of interest in various proposals I have sent to a number of 3PP.

Do you really think this is a function of making the top 100, or is it because of practice, persistence and a good attitude?

Mark Griffin wrote:

Can't....stop....editing....

I would caution against over editing, friend. I did that in the monster round and am still regretting it.

I'm not editing anything actually important at this stage, mostly I'm obsessing over the specific definitions and connotations of nearly identical words like some kind of crazy person. Oh, and commas, they're just the worst.

Description:
The acient Pharaoh Raman-Sek, called the Sand Pharoah, was reputed to have mystical control over the desert sands. He was entombed in a hidden location, taking the secrets of his power with him into the afterlife. What unknown dangers lie buried in his tomb?

I like it. Seems a little cramped if there is going to be combat anywhere but the burial chamber, and I'm not sure how you get to the glass sphinx. I feel you, like I was, are constrained by the space, I'd like to see what you would have done with twice as much.

Can't....stop....editing....

Generally speaking, even if it's wrong, once it's in the provided template it's considered correct (along with what's actually correct). Something similar happened with the round 1 template this year if I recall correctly.

And I'm not saying the template is wrong, just that it probably doesn't matter.

Owen K. C. Stephens wrote:

Rules for Round 4

Wow. This is super cool, I can't wait to see what the Top 8 comes up with. Going from an almost complete openness of the previous rounds to such tight restrictions of Round 4 is so challenging! Top 4 are all going to be awesome designers.

But also, while I am sad I didn't make it to the monster round, I'm actually happy that I don't have to work on this round - in my current personal circumstances I simply wouldn't have enough time to devote to this. I feel that a lot of effort must be spent to do this task justice, both in juggling creative options and in iterating on the minute details, not to mention playtesting.

I disagree with the restrictions being tight here. I could locate those maps nearly anywhere and fill them with literally anything. This round is almost terrifying in its openness, more so than the monster round for me.

Seems like it would be very difficult to specify the exact square with a short description. It would be possible to say a specific corner or side of a room. Can we assume the top of the map is north?

If I'm going to place a haunt or a trap in my encounter, how do I indicate precisely where it is on the map?

I imagine they just keep getting worse as it goes on.

Judges, thank you so much for your honest critiques. You've given me a lot to think about in the event that I move on to round 3. I wish everyone the best of luck at the polls!

Even the maps are gone, that's some next level illusion magic.

Am I the only one hitting F5 here? Usually someone is here to commiserate with me.

I'll be at work when the monsters come out.

As will I, but that will in no way stop me from reading all of them.

Only 6 posts to transition from The Ring to Dune. Nice, guys.

A phone rings. You pick it up. From the reliever you hear a harsh whisper.

"24 hours."

If at some point my tv turns to static and Neil crawls out of it, I'm quitting Superstar for good.