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"Cousin Aaqir! "Hi! I'm Kotyk, and I just wanted to come by and drop off this sack of shiny, shiny gold from last month's... errr... special activities. Don't worry, it's all perfectly clean. I've got people for that now. Not like last time with the tracking spells, that was almost a big mistake. And in a couple weeks when the Chelaxian delegation starts howling about the missing items from their vault they need to pawn so they can fund putting down that rebellion, you can just smile and play dumb just like the rest of us! I know, it's fun, right? "Ohhh... it got quiet in here all of a sudden and you've got this look on your face like you don't even want my shinies. "I mean, I got the note. You and Guaril both signed it, and it says that from now on, I'm to turn over the Sczarni share of our guild activities straight to you. Don't you... remember the note? "Huh. This is awkward. I guess you weren't expecting me to just walk in and hand you a sack of shinies in the middle of your fancy business meeting like this. "Hello business people! Did you know I can smell your shinies from here? Just for the record, that Taldan has the most. Thirty-seven platinum, a strong whiff of gold, and... is that diamond dust? You silly Taldans. "Anyway, Cousin. I just wanted to extend an offer to you. If you aren't comfortable dealing with my side of this weird family, you can send them all to me while Uncle Guaril is off doing... things. I'm based right here in Absalom! Just head up to the Ivy District and ask for the Reborn Crowsworn. I'm sure someone can direct you to my front. I mean store. Storefront, that's what I meant. "Don't worry about the sign in the entryway. I'll get it fixed soon so that it says 'Steal from the rich, give to Uncle Aakir.' Wouldn't want my crew giving shinies to the wrong person! "Sooooo, that's about all. Shinies are yours to keep to help keep the Exchange strong. If you need me, I'll be up in the Ivy District since I'm a Seeker now and everything so I don't have Drandle Dreng waking me up at 3am anymore. Technically I don't report to you, I guess, but now that you're family and all... "See you soon, Cousin!" Kotyk "the Kraken"
Hey, the Reborn Crowsworn Guild is always looking for more members! I'd be more than happy to have more Pathfinders to bring some shinies from their trips around the world. We've got plenty of extra space, or will, as soon as I finish cleaning up all the blood from the old Crowsworn guild... To remain a Memberbird in Good Standing of the Guild, you must bring back a unique item for the Sacred Shelf of Shinies in the main hall every time you are sent out on a mission for the Society. To advance to Journeybird in the Guild, your successful shiny-gaining antics must make your entire adventuring party laugh. Those Society members must be willing to testify that you are sufficiently ridiculous. To advance to Master in the Guild, you have to be me. But you can't. So there. If you'd like to apply, come to the Ivy District of Absalom on a moonless night. Stand in the shadow of any building with a handful of diamond dust in your pocket. I'll find you.
Besides, I wasn't squinting; I was closing my eyes in quiet resignation to the fact that I face more prejudice as a bringer of light than I do as a tiefling. I've met a lot of tieflings, and I can safely say that the ones who don't use that ability that makes everything go dark where I start running into things probably rank about a 2.9: Generally More Awesome Then Average, Provided They Let Me Have The Shinies.
You'll be happy to note that the "just following orders" clause was removed in the most recent Guide. Your actions, for better or worse, now fall squarely back on you. Oh, that's fine. Tengu believe in a simple worldview containing a Hierarchy of Awesomeness. 1: Dragons: Perfectly Awesome
Any acts that some might call evil aren't actually evil when they are enacted upon someone lower on the Hierarchy of Awesomeness, because those acts are really just common sense.
Yeah..... The faction that has a **spoiler omitted** faction mission isn't evil in any way. Sorry there are nastier factions but I can't think of a more evil faction mission out there. Well, to be fair to that guy...:
He was certainly a player in the underworld. He'd have plenty of money to pay for his own regeneration. It's like putting soap in an unruly kid's mouth, but for adults. Who also own swords and can hire assassins. I know a lot of these factions can't figure out a way to deal with problems except turn them into corpses, but the Szcarni know that corpsifying folks just ends up limiting your options in the long run. If everyone could just convince people to come around to your way of thinking, Golarion would see a lot less killing. Just saying. Be less evil... Be Sczarni. This has been a Public Service Announcement from Kotyk, Leader of the Reborn Crowsworn Guild, Absalom.
Here's what I've learned in my time among you humans. In general, punching people is bad. But punching your sibling is just a thing that happens. Stealing is bad, but stealing your sibling's diary and reading their deepest, darkest secret is just a thing that happens. Marriage is good, but marrying your sibling is bad? Apparently, when you're dealing with family, it's like opposite day every day. For the Sczarni, everyone is family. Therefore, least evil family-- I mean, faction-- is the Sczarni. Hands down. It's LOGIC.
Kotyk (AKA "The Kraken") was always close to the edge anyways. His never-ending quest for the Shiniest-of-all-Shinies had caused him to make some enemies among his fellow Pathfinders. As he spent more and more time at his thieves' guild up in the Ivy District, the Reborn Crowsworn convinced him that maybe it was time to pay the Pathfinders back for all of those 3am wake-up calls from Drendle Dreng or the callous regard of Shiela Heidmarch. When Kotyk let Cousin Guaril know that his time among the Sczarni was at an end, Guaril simply nodded, not quite sure how the ensuing combat with the famous tengu would go. Kotyk smells the coins jingling in your pocket. He charges from the darkness, his gleaming Elven Curve Blade slashing down like a sharpened nightmare. With a cry of "No one escapes!" Kotyk slashes again and again before racing back into the night. After the brutal robbery of many members of the Junior Pathfinder Society, Kotyk attacked Venture-Captain Ambrus Valsin by accident in a darkened alley. Valsin prepared to fight back, but Kotyk pulled out a rumpled ZonZon Doll and handed it to the the Venture-Captain before vanishing down the next street. Valsin returned to the Grand Lodge and immediately put together a crew of seasoned Pathfinders with a single mission: re-infiltrate the Reborn Crowsworn guild and bring their fallen leader to justice. "And for the love of Aroden, leave your gold and gems at home!" (I imagine a Spring/Sneak Attack rampage through a maze filled with mist. Since Kotyk can SA those with concealment and has scent, he leaps in, makes significant contact before rushing back into cover. When someone actually finds him, his AC of 30-37 keeps him relatively unscathed before he can make it to safety. But in all likelihood, he would drop in the first round to a failed Will save.)
Hey Cousin, So I know we're doing good with all this talking to other people and all, but remember when we started taking control of Absalom with a furious pecking of beaks? Being nice is hard! I want to get back to taking all the shinies. If you need any legs broken, I'm your birdman. But all this talking is making me sleepy. Also, people keep telling me that I have to retire soon? I'm working on a couple more missions, but then I guess I'll just work for the family full time. Retirement sounds really boring. I hope someone has something fun for me to do... I don't have enough shinies yet! Thanks for giving me fun stuff to do besides save-the-world-from-some-cult-blah-blah-blah. Kotyk
Oh, just wait. You haven't seen anything yet. Just don't use any more shinies! I can't resist them, even if they ARE evil... or so that paladin over there keeps telling me. Most boring breakfast conversation ever.
We shall keep our eyes on this group. They have drawn our......interest. "And by that, I hope you mean the Junior Pathfinder Society. These kids are serious up-and-comers that provide valuable errand running services! They hand out faction missions, they lead us from various docks to Pathfinder lodges in cities I've never been to. They're great!" "Don't forget, if you need someone to watch these squirrelly rascals, there's no one better than your local Sczarni Tengu rogue! Kotyk is always here to help..." Kotyk jangles his coin purse. "... for some shinies!"
Kotyk frowns a bit at this. * A Lamplighter is skilled in diplomacy, tact, and effective communication. Kotyk nods vigorously and sends a well-meaning look at those kids in the Junior Pathfinder Society. If well-meaning is code for "do this or else." * A Lamplighter is well-trained, knowledgeable, and resourceful. Kotyk points back at those kids again. "This is exactly what I should have named my class! If you don't do this, you'll never get the shinies." * A Lamplighter is always ready for combat, and is trained and equipped for both hand-to-hand and ranged fighting. Kotyk starts getting fidgety, his weapons jangling together, as if he's waiting to get to the good stuff. * A Lamplighter is well-equipped for any eventuality, and ready to travel at a moment’s notice. "I remember the time I had to borrow a Fly potion, kids, and that Oracle has never forgiven me. Be prepared! It's the JPFS motto for a reason."
With these last two, Kotyk looks over at the picture of Guaril on the wall, his bright and smiling face looking out over the Sczarni headquarters. "Ummm... can we tack on a 'within reason' to the end of those two?
Kotyk had paused his class to a few members of the Junior Pathfinder Society in "Sneakiness, Shiftiness, and Getting All the Shinies" in order to listen to his fellow Pathfinder, and found himself nodding along to many of the comments he'd heard. He kept listening, speaking to himself just under his breath... To Explore, a Pathfinder must possess more than lethal skill with a single weapon: one must possess curiosity and skill, self-sufficiency and courage in equal measure. "Well yeah, there's more ways to get the shinies than the simple application of a Curve Blade." To Report, a Pathfinder must be at the least literate, and able to express themselves coherently in more than monosyllabic grunts. "Exactly! When I try to send secret messages in Tien or Aklo, someone else better know what I'm saying! How else can we make plans to get shinies?" To Cooperate requires a certain level of social grace and tact, which seems largely absent in many Pathfinders today. "If you don't cooperate, you don't have friends. And if you don't have friends, how will they tell you where the shinies are? Note to self: Send Guaril a box of chocolate thieves' tools for his birthday." In my country, we have a saying: “It is better to light one lamp, than to sit and curse the darkness.” To do my part in restoring the honor and traditions of the Pathfinder Society, I have decided to become a Lamplighter, and I invite other Pathfinders of like mind to join with me. Kotyk raises his hand. "I like the sound of this, as long as Guaril says it's okay, and I don't actually have to light lamps. It's lots easier to do parts of my job in the dark."
Dear Guaril, Look, I know things are busy for you down at the Pickled Imp but I thought I should take some time and let you know how unhappy I've been with some of your missions lately. Now, if you're too busy to give me a mission yourself, I don't really mind being hired out to the other factions, especially when it gets me more shinies. But some of these other faction leaders are ridiculous. Here's the thing. I'm really good at stealing things. And sneaking around and cutting off the occasional head. You need a message sent? I'm your bird. And if you've noticed the recent payoffs from the Ivy District, you'll see that since I took over that ruined Crowsworn base I've been earning just fine up here. But when you make me listen to some Taldan chump who wants me to find some jeweled piece of junk so he can put it on his shelf, or some Qadiran who needs me to broker some stupid trade deal? It just makes me sad inside, like you don't actually care about my needs. Remember the good times at the Green Market? Or with that punk kobold guild down in the Puddles? More of that, please. Guaril, help me help you help me. More shinies for everyone is going to make us all happy. May Abadar keep building expensive things for the Sczarni to steal. Kotyk PS. Pretty please, don't hire me out to the Paracountess. That lady totally freaks me out. |
