Kitty Martini's page

Now, I myself haven't personally DM'd, although I am likely to very soon as well, I've been trying to come up with a collaboration of things to take into consideration.

Firstly, an engaging story. What you may consider engaging may not apply the same way to the rest of your players. In this sense, you may have to adjust some aspects or elements of what you may have come up with to something else. Example, you may be coming up with a horror filled campaign, but your adventurers may start goofing around with different scenarios such as playing "skull-puppets". Rather than always attempting to make it bleaker and get them immediately back on track, maybe add a little bit of humor and have one of the skulls still alive an animated, biting down on the "puppeteers" fingers, or talk for real, surprising all the other players. Generally, take into consideration your audience. This is true for speeches, movies, writing, it often works its way into roleplaying as well.

When to say no. Sometimes players, rather than going for flavor, will go for downright OP attempted things. Although this may be their definition of fun, if it ruins the fun for the other players, it should be attempted to be stopped, and early before it really takes effect. This mostly occurs when 3rd party material comes into play, or certain iterations upon the normal rules can be interpreted differently. Unless you have taken the time to read up on the clarifications and have a good understanding of what the player is attempting to do, say no until you have had that opportunity, and once clarified, dictate what you believe is right to keep the game enjoyable. When there is one player who disposes all things and issues in their path, leaving the rest of the players in the dust, this can lead to a situation where those other players begin losing interest, and becomes much less enjoyable.

Players that argue. There have been a multitude of threads on this, for a multitude of reasons. If it is personal issues among the players, talk about it...

This is great, thank you! :D

Hey everyone, I was wondering if any of you had advice for someone who is wanting to try their hand at being a DM. I've been playing the game for years, but due to player fallout my group seems to be lacking someone to DM. It's a bit intimidating when my prior DM was quite good, but I'm hoping that with enough study/practice/suggestions I can be just as good. I'll spare you the drama of the group breakup, but needless to say I can't exactly go to my old DM for advice, so I'm coming to you guys for help!

What I'm really looking for (aside from useful advice on how to make a game great for my players) is a good low level campaign for a group of mix experienced and inexperienced. I'd keep it at a 25 point buy (gives wiggle room for the newbies) and restrict it to core class/races for the first go round. Like I said, I'm a very experienced player, but I don't want to overwhelm myself (or the new player) with complicated classes/races (at this time, down the road is a different story). I'm also keeping the group to a six person maximum, I'd prefer smaller, but we'll see who actually commits when it's time to roll the dice.

I'm looking for something that is fun and simple, but still lets the group feel like big darn heroes, or at least little big darn heroes. So, lay it on me! Suggestions, advice on how not to kill my players (both in and out of game), and any other helpful tips you may have. Thanks!

Action shoot? Maybe a superheroine/villainess fight?

Oh, shoot, I should have clarified. She is a photographer that wants to shoot with me. It's still a solo thing. :)

Thanks guys. ^_^ I'm not really sure what I want to do with this shoot, I think I'd like something a little different than full pin-up. Any suggestions?

** Must keep thread alive!! **

Haha, aww, you are really sweet! Well, the good news is that I'm talking with a friend about doing a shoot together. Not really sure what exactly we're doing, but I'll certainly keep y'all posted. ^_^

Aww, thanks guys! I've been a terrible forum lurker and haven't checked Paizo in a while... But yes, I did get my edits from my circus shoot and I am pretty happy with them! I think my favorite is the close up, but there are a couple of raw photos I may post later that I also like. ^_^

Now THAT sounds like it could be an entertaining trip to Tragicstan. Got photos? (of either?) :p

Thank god, no. Both were big ol' fail whales, that luckily I can blame on being very young and very dumb.

Kitty is a rare, classic pin-up beauty. As an *cough* older gentleman I have a deep appreciation for that. I can say she is leagues ahead of the competition. In fact I signed up for the site just to vote, which says a lot. :)

Best of luck Miss Martini!

Yep, officially have permanent blush. Thank you all again, so much, you've no idea what a boost to this nerd girl's self esteem you've given. It's also really nice to know that people think that I work the pin-up look. I mean, it's one thing for you yourself to think it, but another for people to agree with you. It's like when I thought those shorts with the "PINK" on the butt were cute, but then no one mentioned that they were actually awful. To be fair, I was 18 and had very poor judgement, you should have seen the guy I was dating. :P

Freehold DM wrote:

I will grow dreads for neither love nor money.

/Mel Brooks

I bet you'd do it for Randolph Scott!

/Mel Brooks

Also:

Miss Martini, how fare you on your competition?

110 votes! Small fry in comparison to the competition, but so beyond amazing for me! I'm ridiculously excited that I would even get 50 votes, but over 100?! Thank you to everyone who has voted for me, you've really just made my week. *HUGS*

Matthew Winn wrote:

Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:

The blatant bigotry in this thread against men with beautiful, flowing locks makes me want to cry.

The blatant discrimination in this post against my pockmarked balding dome makes me cry...

At the link I gave above, you can also find the Luxuriant Former Hair Club for Scientists.

This link is kinda amazing, AND full of science. It at the very least gives me the giggles.

I personally love long hair on men, Well not all men, but many men. As long as it is kept clean and maintained. I also do not like Pixie cuts on women, though on some women they look cute.

OH and agreed not all men can wear long hair. Not sure my BF could, but then again he is bald on top which I'm not a fan of bald men or shaved head men, but it's what is inside of him I love.

Yeah, I really think it comes down to a person's face and how they keep their hair managed. I mean, even women with long hair look terrible if they don't take care of it. I think that the more unusual styles look really amazing on those who can rock it, but kind eh on those who can't.

My friend sports a beautiful pixy, but has that tiny face for it, where as I would look awful with that cut. I've seen men with long hair who make me go "rawr", but as far as my group of friends are concerned I was happy when they cut their hair.

ulgulanoth wrote:

while i don't go as far as Freehold DM, i do think short hair is the better way to go, and looks nicer, on both males and females.

While I don't mind a short haircut I'll have to disagree on both counts. I much prefer a fairly "natural" looking shoulder-length style on both sexes.

Men with ponytails, however, should be brought in by the style-police and made to "resist arrest."

You, I like you. Seriously, drives me up the wall to see the long hair on guys. Some men can pull it off incredibly well (Hello Thor), but others just need the nice short crop. I also look like a puffy fish with short hair, so I like to keep mine long.

Vic Wertz wrote:

Kitty Martini wrote:

...I get lazy after the first 30 minutes of curling...

Whoa. I had no idea such time scales were even possible.

My professional hairdress takes about 45 minutes to blow out my hair after a haircut.

I don't even bother, just leave it naturally wavy. tooo much work! It would probably take me an hour and half, and it would still suck. :/

So glad I'm not the only one who is a derp with hair. I've been trying to learn a couple of new braids, even using yarn to practice on... basically I'm going to have to live with the fact I can only straighten my hair.

Nickname aside story.

** spoiler omitted **

That's kinda amazing. :)

Shifty wrote:

Now, lets get back to the hot chicks :)

Speaking of hot chicks, Shifty ...

Hello Miss Kitty!

I've two things I'd like to type to you:

(1) I just voted for you. The Maxim / Gamer Girl site wasn't working over the weekend, but I'm glad I managed to get my vote in for you. :D

(2) You have one of the best noms de guerre I've ever seen.

I think you better Trademark it quick (it's still available, hurry!).

A pleasure. I hope you win.

-- Andy

Thank you so much! I've actually been known as Kitty since high school, my real name is Krystal. Back in high school there was this guy named Dan Martini, who I maybe said ten words to in all four years of knowing him. It was a couple of weeks until graduation when I sat down next to Dan and said, "Well Dan, you do understand that we're going to have to get married right? Because I can't go the rest of my life without the name Krystal Martini, but really if I'm going that far I might as well change it to Kitty." Without missing a beat this kid says to me, "You'd be surprised how often I hear that."

But from that day on Kitty stuck and it's actually very strange to hear my actual name. Well, except in the academic community. As for trademarking, I've considered it for my site, but it's really expensive and I'm not actually sure how necessary it is. There is another woman with the name Kitty Martini (wrote a self help book of all things), but I am the second thing that comes up in the google search and my site is the first. Maybe when I have extra funds I'll trademark, but again, not sure how many people do that. Anyone here have an idea?

You guys are going to give me a huge head, at the very least I'm going to be stuck with a permanent blush.

I wish I lived closer Cal, everyone has been so generous with shoot offers, it makes me wish I lived somewhere more centrally located, but alas North Texas it is. Regardless, thanks for offering (and thanks Iceni!), you guys are wonderful.

As for the actual contest, I really wish that Raychul had a better chance. She is really devoted to the video game industry and even writes for it. The lady in first is cute and all, but I really appreciate that Raychul is as smart as she is adorable. However, Tradechat (the girl in first) seems to have dominated the votes with help from her youtube channel. Ah well, at least she is a non-traditional beauty, which is nice to see a more alternative look getting recognition and does seem like a legit gamer girl.

You've..become..REDDER? AND you're a tomboy?!??

swoon

Aww, thank you! But really, you are giving me too much credit, especially considering I'm wearing the same thing two days in a row. Writing massive papers on the Crusades is difficult and I don't have time to find clean pants when in dire need of coffee. Hello Foul Bachelorette Frog meme, thy name is Kitty. At least I've managed a shower or two, so not completely beyond hope.

Aww, thanks Wellard! I've actually gotten a lot redder since this picture (it was taken last year), so I figured Shelyn would be a great fit without the need for a wig. ^_^

Iceni, I have hot rollers, I'm just always running out the door before I can justify spending an hour shoving them in. Same goes for my sponge rollers, though my group has often had to deal with me sitting in curlers at the game table. I've given up the ghost of being anything more than comfy for the mass amount of time spent there, so cute has long gone out the window. PJ's for the win!

And Matt, if it makes you feel any better I was always a tomboy and eventually just figured a lot of this out on my own or by watching my girly friends. If your niece really wants to move into the realm of girliness she'll be at the very least covered by Youtube, if not her friends, so don't worry. :D I do have to admit, I have a ton of fun teaching my nieces tips and tricks that I know, but really they teach me just as much (as my brothers did marry girly women), like braids!

Yeah, definitely wish I was closer Iceni, your pictures are awesome! Sorry about the vocals, but at least you do get to be a girly girl. Funny enough I still keep my nails short from when I used to play (and that is being incredibly generous with words) guitar.

I probably would have an easier time curling the sport than the hair, considering how TERRIBLE I am at it. Sadly Vic it's true, hair does take that long. When I'm getting done up for a shoot they take almost 2 hours to do my hair and makeup, which sitting perfectly still is really rough on the body. I actually get more of a workout from shoots than I do the gym, it's like yoga in heels and it leaves you famished.

You sound like me :P Me do hair? FAIL. Make-up I just really started to figure out as I grew up in a family where even my mom did not wear make-up. A dress was rare even at a wedding or funeral or formal gathering. It's only been the past few years I started to care. Even after I broke away from the family mold, then I was to busy playing in heavy metal bands, and back then the metal I played you NEVER wore make-up or had big hair. It was those Hair metal people that did that and my kind of metal you'd be laughed at.

I used to do photo shoots once a year, then the place I went left the area so no more :(

Now I DO photography, but not make-up or hair and if you lived closer I'd say lets hook up and we would play dress up and game :P

Stupid lack of proximity to cool people, seriously I would love that. I sadly know too few nerdy ladies and would love the chance to game after playing dress up! The boys have come to accept when I want to wear hats and stuff at the game table, but it's just not the same.

I'm getting better with makeup thanks to youtube, but hair seems to be beyond me. I have super thick hair, which, while great for people who like to play with hair, sucks for me because I get lazy after the first 30 minutes of curling...

What kind of photography do you do? And are you still in a metal band?

I'm sorry to hear about the breakup! It can be hard to separate all the stuff after you decide to call it quits.

Thanks, it was a really difficult decision, but we're still friends and get along very well. But it's going to be a very long time before I think about getting involved again. Besides with two games, grad school, my job, my blog, burlesque, and a social life when do I have time? :p

Come on, who doesn't like ducky lips? It's actually a joke with my friends that I do pin-up, but personal photos of me I make dorky faces or I'm shoving cake/burgers/hotdogs in my mouth. So full of class!

Yeah, I miss that bookshelf, I sadly lost it and half of what it contained in a recent breakup.

I am glad you guys like my normal pictures, and I can see what you are saying about the natural look, though I still need photographer friends. I mean, duck face bathroom shots are great and all, but I think I want something a little less Instagram inspired. ^_~

As for Kickstarter, I couldn't imagine people actually pulling together to pay for a shoot for me, I don't think I'm that popular. Which really, I wouldn't drop money on a chick to have photos done either, so I don't expect others to do so.

Either way, I have a lot of fun playing in front of the camera when I get a chance so, I look forward to whatever shoot I end up in next. ^_^

Methinks Kitty needs to assemble new photo shoot to placate all the necessary Pathfinder and Star Wars swag into a spread.

Provided Vic doesn't go into cardiac.

If only I weren't a broke grad student, otherwise I'd gladly do another nerdy shoot. Alas, these things tend to cost a bunch, so I try to limit myself to once a year. What I really need to do is make more photographer friends, oh and someone to do my hair and makeup. The problem with being a tomboy who plays dress up is that you tend to be clueless on how to do any of the actual dressing up parts, I was a little too busy learning the Forgotten Realms when I was younger to actually figure out eyeliner...

However, I am noodling a Shelyn cosplay, which if I could get that done I would totally do a shoot for. The hard part is realistically creating that neckline, but still having something that can support the ladies. Stupid goddesses and their gravity defying bodies...

Kitty Martini wrote:

The shirt also matched my green lightsaber (not in this photo)...

Why would you leave out the lightsaber?!?

Only because when this picture was taken it was just the green light portion of the lightsaber and looked super awkward, but it is in this picture. ^_^

http://postmoderntease.deviantart.com/gallery/31377501#/d3eeypm

And John is great, but so is Jade and Kilowog, man, so many good characters...

Nice shoes. The sparkles and texture remind me of the Ruby Slippers.

Side note and worth a nerd credit (1.609344 nerd credits in metric: Do you read Green Lantern? If so any specific titles? Will accept New Guardians as a valid answer.

Thank you, they were too cute not to wear with the shirt and I do read GL, but mostly things with GL in it (like JLA). I'm a huge Kyle fan (though Guy is also the bee's knees), but I really enjoyed Hal in New Frontier, amazing comic. GL isn't my favorite hero, but I wanted to wear the Batman panties and thought it'd be funny to wear the GL shirt because Hal and Bruce hate each other. The shirt also matched my green lightsaber (not in this photo) and went with the shoes better than my other nerd shirts.

My favorite comic series is actually Fables (just wrote a paper on it for my Comic Literature class), but I enjoy the non superhero comic series more than the actual traditional style.

Awww, you guys are the absolute best! Thank you all so much for taking time out to vote for me and visit my blog, it means a ridiculous amount to me.

As for the shoot thing (not sure if you were talking about me, but I'm going to assume) I did just have a circus themed shoot and should have those photos back soon. Even better, I met amazing women who are hooking me up with other burlesque academics, so that means lots of summer research for my thesis.

And just in case my nerd cred needs to be re-validated, I am currently the king in Kingmaker (we're in the second book going on third, so technically baroness for now) and once this semester is over I'm starting Council of Thieves (just finished Second Darkness).

Thank you all again, just knowing that there are people who are voting and visiting my blog makes me smile like a total derp. *BIG HUGS*

Kitty Martini wrote:

The NPC wrote:

Kitty Martini wrote:

As for your question, both, actually. It started as a hobby, but now I use it for my blog and burlesque. I'm a graduate student studying the history of burlesque and I'm using my experiences as part of my research.

Thank you all again! *BIG HUG*

The history of Burlesque is a subject you can get a degree in... I don't know what to make of that....

Well, it's history that I am getting a degree in, but my master's thesis is on the study of burlesque. Hopefully it will also be my doctoral thesis!

Interesting. In Columbus, Ohio, we have a very thriving burlesque community and I imagine some of them would be tickled to know that someone's doing their master's thesis on the history / study of burlesque. The troupe styles range / varies depending on their niche and/or how risque they want to push it. Some keep it simple as belly dancing while others push buttons with their explicitness. I know one group that embraces slasher horror in their troupe.

Is your act solo or do you perform as part of a troupe?

You know, I've heard that before. I think one of my followers has a wife who performs there, at least that sounds familiar. It's great though, there is a huge revival going on right now and it's fantastic for research!

As for me, I'm solo, but I'm also still learning. Sadly it takes a lot of hours and practice that with my current schedule I can't devote as much time to as I like. I'm hoping the summer will free up more time for me, but so far my burlesque career has stayed to shoots and networking with other dancers. Basically, once I get my butt on stage I'll be very set, but until then I'm under piles of books and research. :p

Kitty Martini wrote:

As for your question, both, actually. It started as a hobby, but now I use it for my blog and burlesque. I'm a graduate student studying the history of burlesque and I'm using my experiences as part of my research.

Thank you all again! *BIG HUG*

The history of Burlesque is a subject you can get a degree in... I don't know what to make of that....

Well, it's history that I am getting a degree in, but my master's thesis is on the study of burlesque. Hopefully it will also be my doctoral thesis!

She's cute in that "Oh, just want to pinch her face" kind of way. I would say cheeks but someone would take it the wrong way.

Question: Does she model as a career thing or just a hobby thing?

Thank you all so much!!! I really just did this as a silly thing, but I appreciate all the votes. ^_^

As for your question, both, actually. It started as a hobby, but now I use it for my blog and burlesque. I'm a graduate student studying the history of burlesque and I'm using my experiences as part of my research.

Thank you all again! *BIG HUG*

Strictly speaking, then, my wife fits a lot of the criteria for some of the negative views of female gamers - she's only there because I'm there, she didn't really build her own character, she hasn't put herself forward in either play acting or learning the rules...

...but she's not clingy, she doesn't seem to bother/disrupt other players, she gets no special treatment, etc.

So she fits the listed criteria of many of the negative things discussed in this thread, without actually exhibiting/producing any of those negative effects. I'm curious how that fits into the discussion at hand.

I think she fits in because (and as I was to one to start it, I am to blame) it's wrong to make generalizations. It's so hard not to use blanket terms, because it is what we are used to, but when we (and by we I mostly mean myself) fall into the same pitfall that I railed against, which was different treatment because of a preconceived notion of how someone is like due to gender (or whatever).

You know, in my anger from the last game (it was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back) I lashed out in a rant, that where as it did hold truth, it was a broad generalization. Heck, I've honestly been unfair in my portrayal of my gaming partners, because I've only brought up their negative traits but never mentioned the positive, which obviously if I've played with them for five years there has to be some reason why I stuck around. However, that doesn't mean the negative isn't there and shouldn't be addressed, but I should take a moment out to apologize for a lot of generalizations that I've made that aren't fair and honestly make me a bit of a hypocrite if I do stick by them.

In short, I think people are just people. Some are just jerks, and sometimes you run into them more which puts you off. Others may be good guys/girls who sometimes derp it up and slide into jerk tendencies. We can't attribute a standard trait to a set of people, because people are just too varied to fairly do so. Not every nerd guy is an antisocial, awkward freak show with women and not every woman is a vapid, just there to please a man, player.

Honestly, I'm glad I started this thread, because it's given me a lot of time to reflect on my fellow players and my own undesirable habits that I do as well. That doesn't mean that the one player's behavior towards me shouldn't be addressed, he was a jerk for that, but maybe he has issues outside the game that I should learn about as a friend first. But addressing the other players with my grievances (I've had time to talk to them) saw a noticeable change in attitude last night (we played one of our two weekly games) and it was great. Even the problem player was better, though I'm sure he has stumbled across this post, or was talked to, doesn't mean I won't talk with him later. So, either way, progress is being made on sides of the gaming table.

Kitty Martini wrote:

You are right, this is an unfair statement to make about all male gamers. How about, all the male gamers that I have come across (therefore the only male gamer I am familiar with) are more concerned about mechanics than fluff?

I cannot say anything about the men you came across, but I know many men interested with fluff much more than mechanics.

I myself take a design interest in mechanics, but flavour takes precedence in my games (and that's how my players, males included, like it too).

Right, and I'm not saying they don't enjoy the fluff or get into it, they just fall into the habit of obsessing over mechanics first. It takes them a bit more time to settle into the fluff of it all, once they hit their stride it's great, but they slip back into rules lawyer very quickly and games will get sidetracked because of it.

Kitty Martini wrote:

It's true, most men seem more involved with the rules than the role play, but as I have a pack of rules lawyers in my group I try to stay on top of it.

Not true.

My group is an all male group and I would say that rules take a back seat to roleplaying. I think that is a generalisation, at least in my experience.

You are right, this is an unfair statement to make about all male gamers. How about, all the male gamers that I have come across (therefore the only male gamer I am familiar with) are more concerned about mechanics than fluff?

Also, Dudemeister, (though it seems a bit unusual for that reaction to occur) I do appreciate your approach to the matter.

And, I will admit, I was the girlfriend who was brought to the game. Well, the boyfriend said he wanted to try it and would like me to come with and it seemed like it'd be a lark, so I gave it a shot. Took me one session and I was hooked, it's like grown up make believe, just with more structure.

I will also admit that I have trouble focusing in certain campaigns that aren't pulling me in (the ones that capture my attention I am completely devoted to), and catch myself losing focus and then remembering I need to change out the laundry. It's a terrible habit that I am totally embarrassed by, but I'm working on it!

I will admit that I tend to think of guys first when I think of crunchy rules stuff, but that is because (again, in my experience) the girls didn't care as much for the rules and were not as versed in them. Some of them even go so far as to have other people (boyfriends, usually) roll up their characters for them! But they bring a lot to the table, and their characters are always very fun and interesting.

It's true, most men seem more involved with the rules than the role play, but as I have a pack of rules lawyers in my group I try to stay on top of it. I personally couldn't imagine someone rolling a character up for me, but I think that's part of what makes your character more real is the mechanics. I take a number of feats based on personality and not just the "wow, this will help my character be epic", and sometimes the fluffy feats are just fun. One of the things I love in Pathfinder are the traits and how the system basically rewards you for involving yourself in the fluff.

And yeah, I'd love to have another girl at the table, but coming across one is a difficult thing and coming across one who doesn't have the catty girl issues is even more difficult. But who knows, maybe one of the boys will get around to dating a nerdy girl and bring in a friend. My friends aren't interested in the least, so alas, no go on my end. But I can hope!

Glad to hear that you’re not going to let the problem players ruin your gaming experience too much Kitty.

Nah, I love the game and I love being a nerd, and like heck (not swearing is difficult, by the way) I'm going to let someone make me feel bad about myself or keep me from doing what I love. It's a great escape and (when they aren't being jerks) I love my friends. I think it was just getting to me and I needed to vent, in addition to voicing the matter with the offending players. I also rarely get to hear from other gamer girls, as the ones at the shop tend to not be that friendly, so hearing from other ladies is really nice.

Wow, I'm glad to see that I elicited such interesting thoughts and opinions from people. I'm also really happy to see that most people have a positive response to this, and have been honest about their experiences. And, despite what some people may think, I'm also glad to see that there is still that humor in these responses. I'm not asking for people not to make jokes, or not tease each other. Sharing humor with your friends is imperative for a real friendship to last, and everyone should be able to take some teasing, because it is meant in good fun.

What I was more talking about was just a lack of respect, not some guys making "hehe bewbs" comment at the table or even the "shouldn't you be cleaning" jokes. By lack of respect I mean people who will check your every choice in spell or action, but never checking the other players. Players who will literally describe a D&D experience in every detail, except how it was your Paladin that actually took down the dragon. The other night when I got to listen to "the speech" this player went on about how every person's character is epic, and then literally said "and your character is tied in with the plot with her stuff".

I want my friends to joke with me, I want them to be relaxed with me, I just also would like a little appreciation for my contributions to the party. The fact that I already have my entire turn planned with books open to the spell I'm going to cast, so I don't hold up the game, while other players take so long that our DM is using a timer to get them to move faster. I admit to sucking at math, so I actually have all of my modifiers added up (even a section for my changes when I have buffs on) and keep a calculator next to me. I wouldn't even mind if they checked what the rule was after I said it, so long as they did that to everyone. But it's just me.

Again, my DM is really great, but he is used to having girls at his table and another player apologized for his behavior (without me saying a word) a while back, because he realized that he was kinda being a jerk. It really comes down to the boyfriend (which, we've both started playing at the same time and have been in the same amount of games, so not sure where his superiority act stems from) and the long winded fellow. The boyfriend is easy enough to deal with, he just needs to be reminded (luckily we do communicate our issues well) that he is being condescending.

It really does just come down to talking it out, which as soon as I get the chance I plan to. In the mean time, "I HIDE BEHIND THE PILE OF DEAD BARDS" and "BOOMERANG, YOU DO ALWAYS COME BACK!". Yay nerdy shows that fill the world with wonderful quotes.

These are all really great insights and opinions, I really appreciate you all for approaching this genuinely. To respond to one person earlier about not meshing with the group, the trying to get along was more for that particular player. She was a very petty creature, who was used to being the only girl in the group (DM's girlfriend on top of that) and was very much about getting her way. She was also very good friends with my boyfriend (I also later became best friends with her boyfriend/the DM), so I really didn't want to upset anyone.

I am typically a very direct and confrontational person, I dislike being pushed around (again, had six brothers), but I also have a boyfriend who tells me that I'm taking things out of proportion and that I shouldn't bring these things up to people because "they don't actually mean it". Which, honestly is just his avoidance of any type of confrontation. But for the most part, I really do enjoy my friends and I love the game. I too have that personality (to address another earlier) to avoid showing that I've been upset or hurt, in my life showing that kind of "weakness" just meant more trouble and becoming an icy creature just happens. As I've moved into adulthood I recognize that this isn't the best way to handle things, but it's a lot of tight rope walking and reflex to withdraw.

As for my level of stress, I've always had this much going on in my life, so that isn't new. However, certain players have new stresses that are most likely impacting their change in personality. In addition, we had a group change a little while back and that always throws the dynamics. I was talking more about stigmas I've experienced, as you never actually know how others handle things and following stereotyped assumptions just make you look like a fool. Really, much like someone else posted, I'm just looking for the same level of respect I give to others.

I've discussed my feelings on the matter with two members, which as they weren't the offending parties understood and agreed that I should just be open. I told the boyfriend to shove it (as again, apparently I'm just seeing things, despite the DM agreeing on the matter), so I will be talking with the main offender some point in the next few days. Which, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he was being more a derp than a jerk and maybe try to see if there is more to this switch in behavior than just the underlying "I'm a girl" thing. Either way, we're adults, we should be able to talk like them (though again, not looking forward to the repeated mope fest like the last time I addressed an issue with him). Thanks again everyone!

Well, I really appreciate seeing that I'm at least not the only one who has come across this. First to address someone who mentioned "finding the sweet spot", I'm just looking for someone who is just gaming with another gamer and don't want any type of special treatment. I can lose at a game and be ok, losing can be fun to and you learn more.

To address what kind of group I'm in, we've been gaming together for about five years and I'm going to admit that when I first started I wasn't great at the game. There was also another girl in the group who was the catty type (luckily she eventually left), but I just tried to get along, because I really wanted to enjoy the game. I'm gaming with people in the mid twenties range, and we're all fairly established. We do hang out outside of gaming, and this just seems to be a recent development, or maybe I'm just noticing it more now.

I'm well aware of the social stigmas that come with both genders of the group, and do my best to not alienate others or look for special favors. I really just want to sit at a table with people I'm friends with and play a game. And I have talked about it, minding other people's feelings as I did so, but maybe I was a bit too subtle. Honestly, it probably does come down to certain players bringing in their outside issues into the game. I'm pretty successful in my life (I work my butt off and barely sleep to do so, woo grad school and work) where they are still kinda at that angry phase of not actually knowing what to do with their lives. It should also be mentioned that not all in the group are this way, and that making a "boys are dumb" blanket statement isn't fair, just me being petulant. :p

The ones I need to address are pretty sensitive types, who don't handle criticism well, and last time I mentioned displeasure with one our group had to sit through a massive speech (45 minutes) about his feelings on the matter. So, addressing the matter will send them into a spiral of mopey doom, that I typically like to avoid, but I guess there comes a point when people aren't going to "get better" unless they know that they are doing something wrong.

For the most part, I just laugh it off. I grew up with six brothers, so being around nerdy guys was just something I was raised with and as much as I love them, you need thick skin to enjoy any family function. I just never got special treatment from them (ok, except the few times I convinced my favorite brother that he could dress up and play Barbies with me, but I was five), I was one of the guys and I kinda always have been, which is nice. I think that this has just been a long time building and I needed to vent, but also genuinely wondered if I was the only nerd girl who deals with this and how others felt.

So, after a terribly long reply, thanks. I appreciate the responses, they help a lot and make me feel a bit better. I'll let you know how the end results are from after the talk!

Warning to you all, I'm about to rant.

So, this is a conclusion that I've finally come to after years of gaming in various areas of nerdom. Girl gamers get little to no respect. Now I know that a lot of you will think "oh, but everyone loves a nerd girl" and sure, but we aren't actually respected. We're treated like second class citizens in gaming that are called button mashers, Timmys, or the DM's favorite.

When you enter a game shop you are gawked at like some sideshow exhibit, when you sit down to game with others they "take it easy" or are overly critical of any choice you make. Most other nerd girls that you meet face to face (internet ones tend to be much more friendly, and I love you ladies for it) are catty and territorial. They see you as competition in a metaphorical "who do boys like more" game that you aren't even playing in, because they lack self-esteem. God help you if you are a little pretty.

It's just... crappy. Especially when you encounter it amongst your friends, who will wax on about other players capabilities and almost purposefully glaze over you. And you can't actually complain about it either, because then you are "being a girl" or they "hurt your feelings" and that constitutes as weakness. It doesn't matter if you know the rules of the game, you are always questioned (usually proven right), but when a guy at the table says the same thing it goes unchecked.

Apparently, not being a glory hogging, showboating, center of attention whore translates to you not doing anything in the party. It couldn't be because you are trying to make sure everyone feels like they get time in the spotlight, nope, the same base class that is in the core book is some how lessened by the fact that a girl is playing it. Seriously. If I were a dude with my current character (Arcane Trickster) they'd give me a high five and talk about how awesome it is. But nope. I get the "wow, you do that much damage?" comments, or the "oh, well you'll be really effective when you are higher level" remarks.

And it's never enough. To be honest, it makes gaming seem less appealing. Like what's the point if you aren't going to ever be taken seriously. UGH, alright... I'm really just being whiny now and that doesn't actually accomplish much, except make me feel like a tool. Moral of the story: Respect your girl gamers. We aren't delicate flowers who can't read a book and get confused by scary numbers. We aren't something for you to just stare at and have you go "easy on" for the off chance that we say yes to a date. We're gamers. We know how to achieve Fatalities without button mashing, we can take down your deck with a pack of really big monsters in a Green deck, we *gasp* know how to read and understand human language so that rules aren't beyond us. We just want to be treated as equals in gaming, because this the place where gender shouldn't matter.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I'd love to hear from you guys and dolls about your experiences/opinions. So, what do you think ladies? Think we get the raw end of the deal or are you happy with your situation?