Female Human

Jorli's page

9 posts. Alias of Cap'n Jose Monkamuck.


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"Wouldn't be the first time someones tried to kill me, and it won't be the last."

"No."


Well I it only took a few minutes to catch up with my companions. Wild Boy and the Professor came running up to me just as I got outside the building with the generator. I wish we had actually been outside rather than still in the dome, but you can’t have everything. They were by themselves, which from perspective could be a good or bad thing. Not surprisingly it was a bad thing. It turns out that the monkey guy and old guy that were among the scientists had disappear and were no where to be found. Of course the nice armor we picked up for the professor was shredded, and he claimed it was by the old guy.

I was all set to search down that wrinkled guy just to have the pleasure of planting my boot in his rear when we got interrupted. The floor seemed to simply explode nearby as this enormous….. worm…snail…thing reared up out of it. It seemed to have the body of a worm, but with a hard shell and the face had dozens of teeth and tentacles. I was a little busy to notice more detail than that. It was hundreds of feet long and definitely looking our way. I told the others to run and that I had an idea to slow it down.

Thankfully I wasn’t quite lying. I was barely able to get one of my most powerful spells off just before it would have eaten me. As I finished my hurried chanting a massive ley line storm sprung up in the dome. I had never cast this spell before and wasn’t exactly sure of its effect. Still I was definitely surprised when I realized I was suddenly looking down at the worm. Apparently I had possessed the storm and had at least a little control over it. Unfortunately I was also looking down at my unmoving body that was still directly in front of the worm. That probably would have been the end for me except that a strange wave of euphoria accompanied the storm, and the worm was not immune.

Let's see how the situation stood. The worm didn’t eat me, that’s good. My friends took several wrong turns and got lost instead of getting out, that’s bad. The energy bolts I was able to direct at the worm didn’t have any effect on the thing’s shell, that’s really bad.

Just as the euphoria wears off the Goblin shows back up in his power armor. He is of course at the top edge of the pit which we and the worm are at the bottom of. I am so grateful to that cocky little bugger. He launched mini-missles at it. While they might not have made much dent, they did get its attention. So the thing looked up and proceeded to try and rear up to get at this annoyance. BIG mistake on its part. My energy bolts only went down, but now I could actually hits its face. Unlike the armor the hits to the face were very effective. I have to admit that I felt a sense of glee as I as the thing twitch and convulse with the power I was hitting it with. It was like watching an earthworm getting electrocuted. How I loved watching that fat b@stard fry. As I poured the storm’s full fury into it the goblin jumped up and used his chainsaw to start trying to cut his way into the brain. It took almost 15 minutes of me and him hitting it with everything we had, but it finally stopped twitching. Although for the last minute or so the twitching may have only been because of the energy bolts. Oh well.

Finally getting out of there I went to talk with the scientists about what to do now. It turns out that old guy had left a message disk for me that basically said he wasn’t coming back and he was no longer my problem. Fine, but if I ever see him again I was show him exactly why he should have stopped being my problem before he pulled this stunt rather than after.

We certainly weren’t going to stay here and after seeing the worm corpse the scientists weren’t arguing. Luckily for them we had marked on the map where the buildings that had gotten cut off by the rift earlier were. So we packed up and headed that way.

It was pretty quiet at first. I was telling the Professor and the Silver Eyed girl about this world and some of the things to watch out for. The goblin was shooting at squirrels with his railgun. Not the best hobby, but at this point I was still grateful enough to him not to say anything about it. Well one squirrel he took a pot shot at was eating a finger. Not normal diet for squirrels, so I figure there must be a body around.

I took Wild Boy with me to look for it while the rest stayed guard at the trucks. After a few minutes searching Wild Boy found the remains of a Grackle Tooth. This was not good news. We were just about to head back when the weirdest thing happened to me, or at least the weirdest thing so far, the way my life goes I’ll probably top it inside of three months. Seeing one or more squirrels emerge from the underbrush wasn’t surprising. The part where dozens of them tried to swarm and eat us was another matter.

The little buggers were like furry piranhas. We probably would have gone down if not for the goblin. He had mounted a flame thrower on his armor and it made the forest go up in this lovely forest fire. That bought us enough time to get away. Remember kids even you can start forest fires.


Getting back to the main encampment was pretty uneventful thankfully. Unfortunately when we got there the scientists were long gone. The morons. At the entrance to the dome we found their abandoned scientific equipment so we knew that they were in the dome and that the power draining properties were fully intact. The goblin guy decided to not to use his power armor, so we’ll get to see just what he can do outside of it. Probably not much, but we can hope.

As we went it didn’t take too long to find the scientists, unfortunately a quick head count showed we were down a guy. Apparently the one guy was know for wondering off, so much so that they had tracking devices installed in his cloths. I wish they would tell me this $hit before we get all the way out here. So I left the rest of the group we had handy to guard the main group of scientists while I went to find Bob.

Just a little while after separating from the group I came across 3 of the alien things. I was able to handle them without too much trouble, especially when I managed to knock them into each other. Sharp limbs don’t work too well for catching your buddy when he’s been thrown across the room.

Of course by the time I finished off the three, 12 more showed up. With these things running around in numbers, even if I was absolutely certain of being able to take them on like this my only chance of actually getting to Bob before them was to really cut loose.

I hate it when I use my full power. Everything seems to slow down, like everyone other than myself is moving through molasses. I can’t touch hardly anything without breaking it, even with people it’s like trying to touch soap bubbles. It’s so creepy to feel like the whole world is made of glass and dipped in molasses. Fortunately that meant that it took only a moment or two to annihilate that group of enemies.

Of course that group was only the first of many. The further into the place I got the more I saw. I really, really don’t buy this whole “absentmindedly wandering away” crap. The stupid ^%#@#*^$#(*$^#Y^#.

Eventually I did find him, monkeying around with this huge engine or power plant of some sort. I was absolutely right about him not being absentminded. The being possessed part was a little surprising, but not too much. What did surprise me was the possessing being claiming we were the same thing.

He claimed that he and I were remnants of an ancient race. Supposedly this was pretty much the first intelligent race to exist, but they thought they were made by something older. They were created to attempt to learn everything there was.

Well eventually this got boring. So they decided f’ this and wanted to just screw around from now on. Of course they didn’t think that what created them would want to let them get away with it. So they ran. As they ran they created, left behind or otherwise made stuff like me and him.

His goal is to use this place, which is basically one of their ships, to try and get back to the place where all this started. Of course something keeps trying to stop him. I know the feeling. He is willing to leave the guy behind and give us at least some time to get out of here. He warns us that we need to leave fast because the critters are coming to stop him. Fast I can do.

This is just lovely. Now I’ve got two different claims as to what exactly I am. To make it even better no one who made either claim is sticking around to so I can compare notes or get a good explanation. This one does make sense, I hate to say it. It would explain both my powers and why I’ve become so obsessed with learning. It would also explain why something keeps SCREWING WITH ME. There is also the fact that he didn’t ask me for anything and didn’t seem to want anything from me when he told me this.

So I grabbed the now sleeping and unpossessed scientist and started heading out. Apparently most of my fellow guards are up above and trying to get the scientists out as well. I’m looking forward to getting the hell out of here, getting back to Lazlo and finally getting paid.


Well, we didn’t have anything to do except go further into the dome. The passageway didn’t go too far until it opened into huge space. I mean HUGE. Most of the dome was hollow above a huge hole which looked like it went down a couple hundred feet. The hole itself was almost a mile across, which was about half the size the dome. We could see a city with massive buildings somewhere down the hole, but no real way to judge just how far down.

Apparently we weren’t the only ones here either. Yay. Using binoculars we could see that on the opposite side of the pit was a guy that the Elf Chick claimed was a cyber-knight. We might have been able to get some answers out of him if he hadn’t jumped off the edge of the freaking pit. Since we didn’t see a parachute open either he was expecting something to catch him on the way down or he was committing a particularly spectacular suicide, or both.

So since we didn’t want to go splat when we got wherever there is to get around here, we had to look for another way down. Not too far away we found it. We found what I guess you could call an elevator, although it was just a disk with a panel set in the middle of the floor for controlling where it went. Accord to what I could make of the control panel this place had 600 floors and this elevator could go to any of the first 300. Oh just freaking lovely!

While I went back a ways to try and figure out what our next move should be the Professor and Elf Chick decided to have a little fun with a new discovery. Apparently my blood isn’t the only one that works on this stuff, the Professors also can operate these gadgets. So of course their next move is to start hitting buttons on the elevator.

At this point I was beginning to wonder if this place actually occupied the same reality as we had been on. There wasn’t anything obvious like it being bigger outside than in. Yet how could something this large have just appeared. Obviously it had been moved from another world through something like a rift, but a rift big enough to move the entire structure, all 600 floors. It would be a lot easier if it was just that the dome was projecting into our world and the rest never had to exist there at all. That would also explain what had happened to all the dirt. Can you imagine a hole 2 miles across and at over a mile deep? For that matter would all of the place have to occupy the same reality?

When the Professor and Elf Chick got back from their exploration their descriptions made me sure that either my guess about this was correct, or they had been smoking something real interesting during their trip. They had some strange story about pineapples and hell that frankly I tuned out completely.

Well I went with the only idea I had up to now which was go to floor 300 and see if anything interesting was there. Unfortunately there wasn’t, it was a bunch of passages going on for miles. At this point I was ready to go back to the scientists outside and tell them that unless they wanted to bring a MUCH bigger crew they were screwed.

Of course it was about this time that something started happening. We could hear noise coming from a few hundred feet above us and suddenly I could feel rifts opening up all over the place and magic surging a nearby leylines and nexus. This was disturbing as hell since I hadn’t felt any leylines or nexuses nearby up until now. I figure that whatever brought this thing here was probably working again, and I didn’t want to leave with it.

From where we thought the sound came from we figure that things had to be happening somewhere around level 115-120. Well we started at the lowest of those and checked where the elevator let out as quickly as we could.

It wasn’t until floor 115 that we hit the jackpot. There the elevator opened up to a huge room used to store dozens of vehicles. They cleared up at least one thing. This place was not built by my people. The seats and cabins of the vehicles looked to seat a normal size person. At 4’ 10” I’m pretty tall for my people, so this definitely wasn’t built by us.

We decided to see if we could head deeper in the complex to see what was causing all these rifts to open up. Of course the rifts were opening up everywhere and this room was no exception. One especially big one opened up into space! Out of it came what looked like a jet until it turned into humanoid robot armor. Several of the machines that were attacking it follow it out through the rift. That was not a fight we wanted to be a part of, so the faster members of our band grabbed the slower ones and did a runner.

We found a passageway that seemed to lead towards where things were happening so we took it at high speeds. We came to large door and were just about to try and figure out how to get through when we got attacked by some really weird critters.

Back when I was playing around as a supe on some version of earth I watched a movie called “Alien” and that’s the only thing I can think of that is similar to what attack us. Of course what attacked us was squatter, had blades on the edge of some of their limbs and did NOT have acid for blood. That would have sucked massively. There might have been other differences, but I was a little busy trying not to get cut in half to remember them clearly.

Just as we were really getting into the fight the room above us shuddered and blew to pieces. Thankfully we managed not to get crushed, and even better the things we were fighter did get splatted by falling ceiling. Looking up I could see the robot armor from before fighting a giant spider looking thing. I hate to admit it but I was getting a little rattled at this point, so I didn’t get too good a look at it before we all started throwing everything we had at it. One thing I do remember for sure was that Elf Chick is a more experienced spell slinger than I am, we may have been using the same spell but her version was a LOT more effective.

Just as we took at the critter I heard one of my companions give a panicky shout of “this place is about to become Chernobyl”. I wasted no time and went with my emergency plan. I used up most of my magic energy to open a small rift and divert it to a nexus point I remembered between this place and Lazlo. We jumped through and shut the rift behind us just as fast as we could.

It almost wasn’t fast enough. As if I didn’t have enough nightmares before this. For just a heartbeat I could see the light and shockwave from a nuclear explosion heading directly for me before the rift shut. I never want to imagine being that close to an explosion like that again. Now I know what Slim Pickins last sight must have been.

As we picked ourselves up and looked around we could see something similar to a rift forming. Some sort of massive structure was trying to materialize nearby. When we could see it clearly it looked like it was the main building from the city we had seen in the pit inside the dome! I think this pretty well confirms my guess that that thing had had some sort of dimensional transportation system. I’m not really surprised that a NUCLEAR EXPLOSION caused some problems with it. I think it’s amazing that this much is left.

Still it isn’t all bad, at least now we have a reasonable sized structure to look into. Once we do a quick head count and find those scientists, or at least find the crater that once held their bodies and our campsite, we can see just what is in the building.


Well the rest of the trip was uneventful for me, although maybe not for the rest of them. I spent most of my time scouting ahead a bit and apparently missed the excitement. At one point I came back to find that the group had been attacked by yet more demons. I’m sensing a pattern here, and I don’t like it. Still they apparently dealt with it pretty easily. The little goblin guy even took a pair of horns as trophies and attached them to his suite of power armor. That little bugger’s got a weird sense of style, but he is fun to watch.

Somewhere along the way we met a new companion. She is a spell caster, maybe I can convince her to teach me a few things. She definitely seems to be more aware than a lot of my companions. I’m not sure I like that fact. Unfortunately her see aura spell picked up a bit on my true nature, but she does have some sense of discretion. I might be able to trust her with some information if she keeps this up.

We finally reach our destination. Pre-rifts city my sweet little fanny! There is no way you are mistaking this for a pre-rifts anything. It is a dome about a mile across made of some strange metal. There a very impressive main entrance, which is of course sealed with an electronic lock in a language no one knows. Not a big or surprising deal when dealing with alien tech.

What is a very big deal and shocked the hell out of me, is that for some reason it responds to me and only me. The lock only lights up when I get near it, and the writing appears to me at least as simple English. It turns out it was DNA scanner and of course mine works. What the hell?!

Oh, and to make things even more fun, we’re detecting a super-natural evil somewhere in there. YAY! Par for the freaking course at this point.

Inside the room is a passageway that goes for a pretty far distance, with a light somewhere at the other end. I decided to try and use one of my spells to blend in with the shadow, at which point the light disappears. Great. So I have to just walk down with everyone else. The spell casting lady decides to turn herself invisible. Now this is a great idea, if not for two little facts. Most demons and many supernatural creatures can see the invisible. None of our happy little band can except for me, and only if I cast the spell. My guess is that somewhere along the way she is going to get snatched up, raped and/or eaten, and no one will know.

The first problem started up as soon as we walked into the place. Something drained almost all our electrical power. All our fun toys, like guns, vibro blades and other stuff just stopped working. Luckily the goblin’s power armor wasn’t affected, nor was techno-wizard gear. I am very grateful the techno-wizard stuff didn’t stop. No molasses and glass today thank you. In fact when the techno-wizard tried one of his guns it seemed a lot more powerful. That is definitely food for thought. Still we weren’t going to let the scientists in until we checked the place out.

We know for sure that it is my DNA, or at least something in my blood, that it is responding to since we took a blood sample from me and it was able to open and close the doors.

The light at the end up the tunnel turned out to be some sort of high tech guard post. It had lots of screen displaying incredibly detailed scans of everyone there. Again to everyone else the stuff was in an incomprehensible language, to me it was English. The only problem was that it was using all sorts of complicated medical terminology and since my medical knowledge amounts to precisely dick, I had no idea what it was saying. I did notice that it didn’t pick up on anything magic related. Even more to the point while it identified our gear, it focused mainly on the medical scans. That is kind of weird for a guard post. I was expecting some sort of big flashing “They have got freaking guns! Do not let them pass!” type of sign. Just past the guard post is another door that we are just about ready to open.

What’s bothering me the most is why is this place responding to me? I’m not human, but the one time I actually met my people they had jack technology. Magic yes, but nothing resembling high tech. So where did this thing come from, and why me?


So my name is Jorli, and this is a journal I’m making for my recent adventures. Someday I may fill in the details of how I ended up here, but not for the moment. Recently I’ve been living as a citizen of Lazlo and training in magic. Of course now my apprenticeship is over, and more importantly my money is almost run out. Oh, and something is definitely out to screw with me and my new “friends”.

I know this for a couple of reasons. First there is the fact that about a week ago I woke up to find myself in a strange town somewhere in Canada. I wish I could say what town, but since it was in the middle of being destroyed I didn’t stay around to find out. Then a rift opened in the sky and dropped two of my new traveling companions at my feet. Over the course of the next week three more rifts have deposited three more companions with me. I really don’t think this is coincidence.

My guess is that some “higher power” wants something from us. Now if they had approached me with a regular job offer of babysitter, which is my current role in this happily ignorant band, then I might have been interested. After all this sort of control over rifts is exactly what I need to achieve my goals. This little side show is something else. I definitely do not like whatever sort of smart@ss that is trying to throw us all together. Especially since these rifts also seem to enjoy spitting out demons after our new friends arrive. Multiple demon and bug attacks over a short interval make me really suspicious and pissed off.

So far there is a goblin who has suit of power armor that has one hand replaced with a chainsaw. He is always smoking cigars. Pretty fun guy to have around so far.

There is a girl with silver eyes, white hair and some serious strength and speed. Her habit of using a claymore one handed and cutting threw demons like they were paper, seems both useful and dangerous, especially in light of her apparent ignorance of anything technological or highly magical.

We have a human wilderness scout with some martial arts skills. He seems the most normal one of the bunch, and his skills will probably come in handy.

There is a guy who claims to be an archeologist and superhero from another world. Nice guy, but a little weird. He is always muttering about it being a “bad day”, which admittedly is usually true. Apparently he can magically power up, at which point he is hellishly strong.

A friend of the archeologist also popped up recently. He looks like he was carved of obsidian and against is damn strong. Not as quick on his feet as the other two though, and that may cost him in a fight. Doesn’t matter how hard you hit if you never land a blow. Still superheroes like him can be useful, and easy to manipulate.

Lastly we’ve got a techno-wizard. Use stuff, but strangely enough he isn’t from this world. Last I heard not many places in the multi-verse had discovered that. Hopefully I can trade spells with him or something. My training focused heavily on dimensional magic. I’m not that useful in a fight yet, although my martial arts training and working knowledge of how to shoot a laser rifle both make up for it somewhat.

Right now were are escorting a team of scientists to what they think is a pre-rifts city. I need the money and maybe archeology boy can find something useful. So far in the trip we have been attacked by bugs, demons and some sort of D-bee I don’t recognize that managed to grow an organic plasma cannon. Not the mention the exploding Nazi blimp and falling destroyer that on rift spat out. I am no longer surprised that the last missions never made it back. I’m still pretty confident we will, but then again we aren’t even half way there yet.


This is a campaign journal for a Rifts game I am in on Saturday mornings. It will of course be written in the character's own voice. I'll reveal more of her background as things go on, as this is not the first campaign I've played the character in. I hope anyone who reads this enjoys it and feel free to post.

The title of the thread is due to the fact that the character over several campaigns has gotten tired of people attacking, manipulating and generally just messing with her. She is nice most of the time, but her temper has worn a little thin over the years.


I'm looking forward to the first game tomorrow morning. I haven't been able to play this character for a very long time, and it will wonderful to get a chance to go back to playing her. This should also mark my return to the boards as a player. I will probably start a player journal sometime next week. Of course this character won't tell the story in any way similar to the way the Captain would....but that's to be expected.


This Saturday or the next we are switching from a 3.5 blackmore campaign to a Rifts campaign. I am delighted to be able to bring back an old character that I thought I'd never get to play again. Of course she is wearing an item that reduces her abilities most of the time. I will rarely get to take it off, for good reason. Still to play the character again is awesome.

It's hard to find good groups or good GMs, the rules can be clunky, there is almost no concept of game balance, etc. etc.

The thing is that we are still talking about, and in some cases playing the game. Even for you Sol, while you may hate this game you just cannot let the conversation go. So there is some sort of draw there.

As for the clunk.....I dare you to name one game system that doesn't have clinky parts. I certainly can't. I think it is an inevitable result of trying to express something as complex as existance in something as simple as a game system.

Our GM is a huge lover of Rifts and I think the game will be very fun. So I'm definately looking forward to Saturday.