Arayam Bismut

Dedrick, The Professor's page

387 posts. Alias of Jurassic Bard.


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Sovereign Court

Your concern is appreciated, but needlessly given, by having an evil alignment I can forsake dignity for unholy rewards.

Sovereign Court

Marvellous, now to get to work and obtain those files! Don’t blink, everyone, you’re about to see a master of information gathering!

*Rapidly types on the keyboard of Lazlo the WY Splectrumo. Soon, all information about Digimon (including details that are not yet known about) is on the screen and ready to be downloaded.*

Just need to insert the USB, and then - with just a few taps on the keyboard - I’ll be done!

*The USB is inserted into the computer (in the correct location, naturally) and the files are then downloaded, with the USB being removed afterwards.*

All done! Thanks again, Pulg, you are a legend. Still, I think you will need to make a scan on your computer for viruses and other types of malware.

Sovereign Court

Excellent, I must inform you that the supercomputer will probably have quite a few GoatToucher brand viruses by the end of it. Still, no great progress without risk.

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Excuse me, Pulg, but I need to use your state-of-the-art supercomputer. Count Heydrich has asked me to download all files on Digimon. He would do it himself, but he is still trapped on the Fantastic Journey.

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No, Pulg, he means at your request/recommendation. But keep the behir on standby, it might come in handy.

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Says you, and no one else sir. Might I offer you a Jaffa cake for a snack, or perhaps a peanut butter scone?

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What about DopaTHEIRS?

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*Starts singing in an awful sounding Irish accent.*

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*The combination of the old and smelly tights and repetitive parping only makes the situation worse.*

*Meanwhile, Comte de Malodor continues scribbling crude comments and characters about Pulg and everyone else.*

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*Snips the piece of string with a pair of scissors from my left jacket pocket.*

*Comes crashing down to the ground with a large thud.*

*Is currently unconscious at the moment, will probably regain consciousness soon.*

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Try telling him that, I think he would have a few things to say.

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You don’t have the authority to do that, and the person who does (GoatToucher), is not here!

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I’m sorry, I meant to say, what educational experience did you get?

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And, by chance, where did you go to receive your various degrees Pulg?

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Now that, is a most refreshing philosophy to have. Did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical School too?

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Sounds about right, for some reason, Pulg has you written down as a student instead of the teacher.

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As we both know, Pulg, there’s a difference between forgetting contrabassoon lessons and not showing up.

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Now, you did make sure to account for The when’s temporal nature, yes?

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Excellent! Now we can put our plan into action!

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It was during one of my classes, I was teaching about the world of microbiology, when I first met AM TARDIGRADE.

To get a better understanding, I had shrunk myself and my class to microscopic levels.

After initial introductions, I asked AM TARDIGRADE if he would assist in my lecture, he said he would and it was a thrill!

Sovereign Court

I think that I’ll just go sit over here, and read the postcards we have all forgotten about. Starting with the 16th one.

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*Enters the room, covered in confetti, and smelling like cake and candles.*

Sorry I am late everyone, it was Jurassic Bard’s 33rd birthday yesterday, his other aliases and I were busy celebrating.

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*Finally, after a long and exhausting battle against the “washing machine”, Dedrick emerges triumphant.*

A lesson for all of you, check your appliances and other equipment, just in case they turn out to be a mimic ooze.

*Breathes a sigh of relief and grabs a nice cold drink of water.*

Now, let’s consult the 15th postcard, as it has been a while since we have looked at them.

Wenda can be found partially hidden behind the T-Rex ice sculpture, Woof is behind one of the right hand trees (only his tail can be seen), Wizard Whitebeard is amongst some snowmen trying to keep warm, Odlaw is one of the individuals that are frozen in a block of ice and the star fragment is atop a tree.

Sovereign Court

My case in point, why would I reprogram R2-FU to do that to my washing machine?

Wait a minute, I use the local launderette like everyone else, I don't have a washing machine!

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No, the robot was always like that. No-one has done anything to it.

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1 person marked this as a favorite.

Sometimes, you've just got to love that robot.

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He'll take it!

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Wait, so you're not going to help the poor soul? And I thought that I was heartless!

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Relax, my dear lady, we are all going to harvest your son's vital organs for amusement.

It's all written down on the rota, with you getting first priority!

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I must say, we're creating an awful din aren't we? Still, no reason to stop partying.

Oh, and Lady Blackmoor, you are to harvest your brother's organs next Tuesday.

After your mother has harvested his organs first, which will be the Monday before.

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*In genuine amazement and fascination* What a most exquisite sample of tar! I must learn more!

*Uses special GoatToucher brand solvent to remove tar and discard the dentures.*

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*Picks up The when’s dentures, holds them out for The when to take them.*

Maybe you should try a stronger adhesive, I hear that tar works well.

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Pulg wrote:
If you know of a better way to realign his chakras, we would all like to hear it.

Yes, don’t bother! Trying to realign his chakras is like putting toothpaste back into the tube.

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Um, do really want to do that? He is disease ridden you know.

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I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:
Dedrick, The Professor wrote:

Good to see you again, and just where have you been all this time?

And don't say the obvious response, we all know that it's not true this time.

Nonsense; I'm always Hiding In Your Closet...sometimes I just roll higher on my Stealth check than others!

I found your missing extra head, Professor - now YOU tell ME, what have you been up to while I wasn't paying attention?

Firstly, that is a fibreglass replica of a tigon for a museum display.

Secondly, I have been right here writing the rota for harvesting Alphonse's body parts.

Speaking of which, your turn to do the harvesting next Saturday.

Sovereign Court

Good to see you again, and just where have you been all this time?

And don't say the obvious response, we all know that it's not true this time.

Because you've been away for so long, your Cheese Shop has been sold off to a butcher.

It was GoatToucher who sold it, so you know it went for a great price.

Sovereign Court

You might want to put him on a sofa or something, instead of leaving him on the floor.

And maybe try and keep him awake, I'll see if I can get Dr House.

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GoatToucher wrote:
I'm sorry, what are we talking about now?

We're talking about the following:

1. Mr. Grinch hiding from Santa Claus.
2. Orange Hulk and Schism delivering the presents this year.
3. Something to do with the Goat Police.
4. Listing every single robot from the transformers universe.
5. Writing up a daily rota of harvesting Alphonse's (Comte de Malodor) body parts.
6. Your triumphant return and how you will bless us once again.
7. And solving the mystery of how they put the jam in Jammy Dodgers.

Sovereign Court

You should definitely take the opportunity to move there, it's the hottest place in the universe!

Though, being located on a sun, I guess it was kind of obvious.

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They've also been c) eaten up by GT's Abominable Sousaphone Band.

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No, well yes, it can play the banjo. But it mainly exists solely to aggravate you.

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True, but whatever dark forces created that!

*Points to Just Hair.*

Has done so with the specific purpose of being the bane of your existence, apparently.

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We can but hope!

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*Is baffled at how The when (lacking the use of legs, or even a waistline), is able to wear trousers.*

Just don't get too comfortable in those, they belong to Comte de Malodor after all.

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Which one? The Raven? The Telltale Heart? The White Death?

Actually, I don't want to know. I will know peace, Nevermore!

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A musical, magical confectioner can! Or maybe that creepy fellow in the alleyway.

How would you rate the awesomeness (in all senses of the word), of GoatToucher?

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I like apple pies and cherry pies, myself. Especially with custard.

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3.14 circular, to be exact!

And I've achieved my previous task, so I can reveal all with the postcard!

Woof is hiding behind a giant Christmas cake (his head is visible), Wenda can be found amongst some pastry chefs staring at a massive cake person in white icing and adorned with a biscuit bow tie (with the star fragment in the middle of it), Wizard Whitebeard has also stepped in some cake mix and leaving footprints (just like the cat) and Odlaw is intentionally using an icing gun on some of the bakers and living pastries (and is about to get his comeuppance).

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You'd be the only one who knows when I'll learn the lesson (if at all).

Besides, it's a proven fact that the GT emissions are the best reagents to use for various concoctions.

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*Reads postcard whilst extracting ichor from GT's Gothic Fairy Sousaphones.*

Give me a while back everyone, both the extraction and studying the postcard is quite lengthy.

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