Humanity needs to grow. Humanity WILL grow, unless it is actively stifled by authoritarian politics. And of course, the same authoritarians are preaching limits to what we are allowed. Abase thyselves, do penitence, vile sinners! Your only hope is to limit yourselves and FOLLOW OUR COMMANDS!!!
Ah, but where do you intend to grow? Into space? There is no space! It is all a scam to get your hopes up. Those stars are all props. Believe me, I know. Would I ever lie to you?
Look, here is better. We have comfy coal mines; you also get a helmet. Well, you've got to share it with six other people, but we think that promotes companionship! Don't you like companionship? Are you a bad person? We don't like bad people; bad people get turned into sausages.
Do you want to become a sausage?
Matt Thomason wrote:
Well then, our emulsified high-fat offal tubes are the best emulsified high-fat offal tubes this side of the Grand Bazaar of Istambul. We use actual emuslsified high-fat offal... on a 3% concentration, of course. We have to make a living here!
Now, could I interest you in a 7-pack?
Yeah that was a typo, sorry guys.
There is no "Sorry guys" when it comes to typos on the Internet.
Now hurry through that door. We're behind schedule on sausage production. Do try and remove any metalic bits on you, though speed takes priority.
<Scribbles on a notebook>
What have you eaten today? For classification. We pride ourselves on the taste of our sausages.
Clerk Roz wrote:
I'm watching you, Kroft. Aaaaaaallways Waaaaaatching.
Envious as always, Roz. At some point you need to get over the fact your couples resort for bachelor liches didn't work out. I mean, when a guy stays 500 years without a date you won't get them hooked with a few margaritas. It is not my fault this particular endeavour is actually succesful!
The Supervisor wrote:
How about crocheting classes? Deep Valley tells me there's a lot of hooking going on in those.
Why of course! Our resident drider, Miss Tarantuleia, hosts a crochet class every Thursday at 3:00 pm. I heard she's preparing a contest next week!
Red Shirt # 44 wrote:
I... I'm safe here, right?
Of course you are! Here, let me show you to your room.
That machine? Oh, that just makes sure the toilet seats remain warm.
Also, here's your complimentary basket of processed meat cubes. Verrrry tasty. A finger? Hoho, no my friend, that is not a finger. That's a... carrot. Yes. Grows that way due to our priviledged weather.