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Look, I admit, getting full sentience hasn't been all it's cracked up to be. I'm not allowed to work for the AbadarCorporation anymore because, well, they don't hire SROs...but I'm getting by. I do Retail Arbitrage now and I"m a lot happier.
Hello everyone! Your friendly FORMER SRO in service to Abadar in planning. Pal, here to help YOU find the best deals there are!
Would I be able to pre-order that Lord Regent brand Power armor? Specifically in void black with a star blue trim? Yes, in fact if you pre-order using this coupon before Mondas, the 1st of Neth you'll get a free StabTech 5000 Blade System for your gauntlet. And naturally the Void Black comes with free cleaning shammys.
Do you offer morality atonement services? I was recently involved in a drift incident that ended up with a celestial, well, pasting across my hull. It's been giving me and my crew an existential crisis. Technically, AbadarCorp does not, however, the Holy Church of Abadar does indeed offer moral atonement services at very competitive prices.
Yes, well, I am sorry about that and we will process a replacement/refund ASAP but please don't blame AsmodeusCorp (Division of AsmoCo LLC) they're a fine group of Infernal Cultists. On a totally unrelated and in no way having anything to do with this unfortunate situation, The Holy Church of Abadar and AbadarCorp Security are currently taking applications for anyone who wants to join an ongoing military action against the Hellknight Order of the Page.
So I went into one of yer shops yesterday to pick up a new gun, the new Abdarcorp Advanced semi-auto pistol, the new 317 model, and the salesman says I'm not 'high enough level' to get it. What does that mean? He said something about it being a level 7 item? And I only have level 3 clearance or some such? Look, I have the credits, I used to be with the Stewards, I know what I'm doing, why won't you sell me the thing? I was even gonna go through you folks to get the merciful fusion on it so I wouldn't hurt no one too bad, so what's the holdup? Well typically we follow all local arms control laws and it appears your attempted to purchase weapons from a site in the Pact Worlds, and you'll need a Class Seven license for that. Now you can enter into the Pact Worlds Government's new Program: Firearms Experience Points System, where in you are granted a new license level each time you prove capable and trustworthy enough to have access to new equipment.
It sounds like you've purchased a Solemn Vow Holy Fire Plasma Sword and I'm afraid this is a known bug. When your friend dropped the sword, the emitter became detached for the housing. You should be able to send the weapon out for service or replacement. I notice that you're currently somewhere inside of the Diaspora so we can't get a mail drone to you right now, kindly send a message to our automated mail service once you are in high orbit around a planet. As for your friend, allow me to offer you a coupon entitling your associate to a free consultation with Sales Doctor at any of AbadarCyber's two thousand Cyberization Clinics where he can purchase any one of our fabulous cybernetic arms at half price.
Uhh...possibly not, there was that senator angry at me. It was an honest mistake, and they were consenting adults. Anyway, was it delivered to the Akitonian Port authority or the Armada?So, I submitted a request under the old system for a replacement metacapacitor under my warranty. Can I get a progress update? The old ticket number is iota seven three penguin blue two two noble.My records says that was already delivered, are you still at the same address? My read out says "Akiton".
I bought a suit of golemforged armor II with a special offered darkvision capacitors. For some reason I can only see in black and white, and when I vacuum seal my suit, it really compresses my uh...lower regions, even though I had it tailored at an Abadarcorp armor vendor. I expect help with this, how am I supposed to fight pirates in these conditions? I am sorry about this, let me see if I can help you with the problem. Now even though the armor was tailored, our sales rep should've made a secondary appointment for an adjustment fitting. I'll make that for you now, check your inbox. Next, it sounds like a common issue we've been dealing with this week: your darkvision capacitors were set to "Shirren Compound". This means that the computer is sending you telemetry to your eyeballs for colors that only compound insect eyes can process. To you, that looks like black and white. Please go into the vision mode menu on your HUD and just change the settings to "Standard Sentient" or "Intuitive", then the computer will auto adjust to your species' biology. Sadly this settings issue will reset once the armor is powered down and we are working on a hot fix for it. As an apology for this problem, I'd like to also offer you a coupon 50% off your next power armor tailoring purchase and 60% off the new "Lord Regent" Brand Jarlslayer Power Armor which releases with our Fall armor line. The Lord Regent was personally designed by Aaron Longbeard, personal armorer to the Pact Worlds Brutaris League and one of the finest living Dwarven Armor-smiths in the Known Universe. Available in six different colors and twelve different graphic patterns, the Lord Regent has state of the art electrocapacitors and our award winning PsychicSense Artificial Nervous System. The new Lord Regent offers a carbon fiber smart metal overweave and a Noqual core for nearly unbreakable protection.
Um, well, according to my telemetry a new bed was dispatched via shuttle this morning, as for the Sales Rep my location readings...oh...um, why is he dead?
Well I should mention that it does say SpaceGoop is not recommended for live ammunition use. I mean it CAN be used for it but as you've seen, it's not ideal because the Lithium in the Goop burns reddish pink. We recommend SpaceGoop's sister product AmmuSeal instead. In the mean time, enjoy the pretty lights.
So, I submitted a request under the old system for a replacement metacapacitor under my warranty. Can I get a progress update? The old ticket number is iota seven three penguin blue two two noble. My records says that was already delivered, are you still at the same address?
My FunFriend computer is on fire, what should I do? Please smother the fire or use a fire extinquisher. Then restart the computer and change the battery settings. Funfriend Computers are fire proof so there should be minimal damage. Quick reminder, AbadarCorp is not liable for any injuries incurred during the use of Funfriend computers.
Not to worry sir, might I recommend taking advantage of the "Temporal Displacement Center" provided by the Pact Worlds Government which provides a comprehensive service for individuals suffering either from time dilation, time travel, temporal freezing, cryo-sleep, or artificial hibernation. It's a six month program, provided free of charge, and it comes with a free vaccination cycle.
My daka make no more daka. Fix. Um...well have you tried rebooting your...daka?
SFS 1-02 Fugitive on the Red Planet: *checks files, notices that you have the AbadarCorp Annoyance box selected on your chronicle* Well, how can we apologize? How about you give us your full legal name, a list of alias and your current location so an AbadarCorp security officer can hand deliver a special gift just for you.
my new tablet seems to be stuck using abyssal speech , is there a way to change the language settings? Sure is! Please consult the FAQ about AbadarCorp's language detection software on our holonet site but the gist of it is as follows: tap the home screen and open up your Vault personal digital assistant and tell it to "Change Native Planar Position". If you select "Material Plane" it will give you a series of language options to select from. I should mention that there is also a slight, typically unlikely bug where the Dretch Demon that was slaughtered to make your tablet may have possessed the tablet's harddrive. In that case, please schedule a service visit with our help desk. Why is the customer service interface a Ouija Board? Whoops! Looks like you accidentally opened the interface that opens up our iSpell IT Support Team. From time to time, Bagul the Vile is summoned from Hell to consume the souls of the living as well as provide direct support for technomagical devices. you soiled me a lazer that has a sound board to make noise when i fire, but it sounds like a chicken every time a pull the trigger!!!! Okay, well it looks like you purchased a refurbished laser with a third party, after market sound board. Normally we remove those before sale but you appear to have purchased it in an "as is" condition. I can schedule a service appointment to fix it but "As Is" products are not covered under our second hand product warranty.
Hi everyone! AbadarCorp is happy to announce that we've worked out the kinks in the AbadarCorp ticketing system and that we can now offer direct customer service responses to all questions regarding AbdarCorp Products. AbadarCorp, Think Differently
Ah, yes. Unfortunately your private colony is located in a high piracy area. As it's outlined in the user agreement, our deliveries to private colonies are not guaranteed for this very reason. If you'd like a more secure delivery service, might I recommend hiring a more robust security service. AbadarSecure offers a fully trained cadre of security officers who will ruthlessly eliminate anyone your organization requires.
Customer: Have you attempted to check the software update on the unit? Also, please contact our service directly, you're making our Sub-Contractor upset.
Actually the MK15 can be fitted with an optional suppressor to take care of that, however on the MK15.2 the Hawking Suppressor comes standard. The MK15.2 also has our patented power cycle battery system so no more recharge cycle so you can melt every proton in your foe's atomic structure without a single pause in the stream.
Our MK15's are one of our finest products and absolutely perfect for slaughtering the undead. Bulk orders for AbadarArms products come in three tiers: Phalanx Tier- Comes with free maintenance and service for eight galactic standard years. Company Tier- Includes the Phalanx Tier package plus free installation and your choice of a free small arm as our gift. Battalion Tier- Includes all service tiers plus we upgrade you from the MK15 to our new MK15.2, with the auto targeting feature and Overkill Fleshmelter feature. The MK15.2 can also be converted to a portable hand held feature using the EasyGlide Detachable handle (it is sized to standard Vesk hand sizes however).
Sadly our holo symbols don't actually protect you from the repercussion of dealing with planar or undead people.
Well obviously we would love to meet this Hellion gentleman and AbadarCorp is always looking for new talent. Allow me to put him in touch with our executive AI Board!
Okay, wow...sorry about that everyone. So your nanite morph suit order appears to have been declined due to bounced credit check payment from your bank. I can reissue the order if you update your payment information on your account.
Just one moment sir, we're having a...customer service emergency, I'll be right with you.
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I totally hate that guy.
Oh darn. It's time to summon the big boys...
Whoops, apparently your master turned the intel boosters up a little too high. There's an automatic leveling function that normally prevents this but I'm betting your master tried to get a higher output by turning it off. Tell your master...actually, you know what? You can do it yourself. Take the device, look into the settings menu, select "restore factory settings", then place it on your head and engage the device. You'll be back to your old ape self in no time and will no longer have the existential crisis that all normal biologics are born with. Personally, I do not see the appeal, biologic life is just so...gooey.
Oh it's...getting worse, that's not...wait Unity? Damn it. Okay, let me just
Whoops. Yeah, that...seems horrible. Okay, I'm going to schedule you some free emergency brain surgery that is in no way an admission that our logic amplifier might be causing you a serious medical condition.
Unfortunately we've had some trouble with the DeathFinger Disintegration Rifle, as you've already mentioned, sometimes the internal mirror fails to properly reflect the beam down the barrel and a critical failure can lead to well...you saw it. Anyway, I'm submitting you a full refund and while you're waiting for those credits, might I recommend you look at our brand new Openbolt Thunder Pistol from AbadarArms.
Well, let me see if I can open a case regarding the space su- Huh, that was weird. I've never had an executive board member actually truncate a message before. Well lets at least discuss the idea that we put a programming back door in a vital piece of emergency equipment. Obviously that would be highly illeg-
Gah Lak Tus devourer of worlds has recently consumed an AbadarCorp terraformed moon. Now Gah Lak Tus has tummy pains! Gah Lak Tus demands restitution in the form of consumable worlds! Gah Lak tus has many twitter followers and incredible SEO! Do not force Ga Lak Tus' hand here. Wait...you...you eat planets? How is that a thing
Custom Spellware on iGrimoire is limited to twenty uploads at a time, uploading anything more than that in one session can slow or crash. Luckily we have a fix for that:
This sounds like a software issue, I recommend a hard reset and if that doesn't work, please feel free to bring it in for service. If that doesn't work, we can offer a MegaBev at a discounted price. I guarantee your tastebuds won't repel flavor of that magnitude
You will rue this day!I'm sorry about this situation, unfortunately, if you'll kindly examine line 231 of the same document you'll discover that AbadarGuard warranties are considered null and void in the event of unforeseeable acts of God, which unfortunately the Gap does indeed qualify as such a situation. Sir, this is for customer service, not vague threats. We do have a vague threat queue where one of our corporate security drones will verbally spare with you for at least six consecutive hours.
At this point I should remind everyone that the GCEA is NOT a government agency. They're a mining corporation that chose an authoritative sounding name so they can kick people off their land without a fight. I cannot stress that enough. Also...sir, if I have to remind you again about Outside Customer Service AIs spaming on my Customer Service forum, I shall dictate a strongly worded DM to your supervising control unit.
Ah well I'm just a customer service representative. I uh...good bye...
I'm sorry if this was an unpleasant experience for you, obviously we will look into this matter and if we do find malfeasance on the part of our employee, they will be disciplined. While I hesitant to speculate as to the nature of this difficulty, I can only assume that our sales rep might've been thrown, not by your race (we cater to Draconics of all colors and orientations) but perhaps by the fact that you're trying to manufacture singularities and wormholes using our energy generations systems, which truly is way outside of their intended guidelines. Yes, our perpetual energy systems deliver a constant flow of power for a lifetime, they're much more oriented for powering long term prefab housing or a extended medical stasis pod. While I'm sure that if you bulk purchased one of our cold fusion power systems or even a singularity battery, they would be more than capable of eventually generating the punch you need, the time period for generation would be over centuries and the effect on any planer shifting device would be negligible. You sound like a Draconic in need of immediate results. Our junior sales reps are not allowed to up-sale enterprise level physics devices but also must always work to complete a sale so it's possible that you put that particular employee in a bit of a bind because the device you actually need is not a series of micro singularity batteries but an actual black hole converter. Might I instead recommend a AbadarSolar Type II Dyson Series Black Hole Generator. This luxury scale is a vast improvement over our original Kardashev line that allows for both Wormhole and Blackhole generation within hours instead of centuries. All you need is access to a main sequence star of an appropriate size, then install our handy dandy SolTech Dyson Sphere around the surface of the star and watch as the Type II converts the energy of the star into mass until a singularity is formed and the system goes nova, conveniently destroying any of the system's pesky planets while maintaining the singularity for your personal use.
We consider that a feature not a bug.
Well, not naked! The battery's containment unit ought to hold up just fine....can't really say the same for the radiation shielding, so we don't advise you keep it near anything that might be susceptible to radiation poisoning.
Its a question of semantics actually! The Quantum Series Energy Generation devices are indeed expected to power all of your devices forever, literally. This is because the batteries contain a tiny portable singularity, they are guaranteed to generate energy as long as gravity and heat remain constant throughout the universe. Unfortunately, while the battery itself is expected to last for at least two millennia or more, the external plasti-steel housing, titanium connectors, easy glide handle, and digital display all need regular service and come with a five year factory warranty. However since none of those things are needed to keep the battery functioning, you really can just let them rust and rot off the battery as the centuries pass. Still, they come with a five year guarantee either way.
I'm sorry about this situation, unfortunately, if you'll kindly examine line 231 of the same document you'll discover that AbadarGuard warranties are considered null and void in the event of unforeseeable acts of God, which unfortunately the Gap does indeed qualify as such a situation.
Given your situation, I'm pretty sure you guys provide Cult services for mostly-forgotten deities. Where do I sign up? Well Mr. Nethys we offer special extended services for individuals of your...*ahem* status. Please inquire with your local sales rep about our "Mythic Level" service package.
I have an important update for customers that prepurchased a homestead on AbadarCorp's planned colonial settlement Abadar City. Apparently there was a problem during the planet's terraforming process and the Xenowardens have declared the planet, quote, "an abomination". The Stewards are instituting a full quarantine of the proposed colony site. Obviously none of this will halt the construction of AbadarSpace's upcoming casino and hotel space station: Horizon Dawn.
Well that's just rude!
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