As everyone begins to draw their weapons, the informant shifts uncomfortably in place - he doesn't seem to be armed."Very well then... LET.. THE DUEL..." Before Titania can get a "begin" out, a huge seven foot tall mirror rimmed with polished steel comes crashing into the ground nearby, embedding itself upright and sending multiple students in the vicinity flying. The mirror appears to have been launched from inside the academy, as a heavy chain runs from the mirror over the top of the gates. The surface of the mirror begins to ripple, after which an image appears.
Lady Titania turns her head away in disgust.
The image in the mirror sharpens into a pile of scantily clad women in various states of wakefullness. The women begin to clear out of way, revealing a man sitting on a throne made up of more scantily clad women. The man (who looks just a little too old to be a high-schooler) is shirtless and bears a stylized "KM" tattooed across his chest. His hair has been painstakingly styled into rows of increasingly larger spikes. Coiled around his head like a crown is an iridescent serpent-like creature which is distorting the air around it, as if by heat. On a nearby pedestal (which is actually two more women) is a book titled Naughty and Nice only the word 'Nice' has been scratched out and replaced with another 'Naughty'.
"Woah, woah, woah, WOAH! Don't tell me you were about to start a duel without introducing the contestants? Especially considering how stuck up you are about protocol!"
Titania still refuses to even look at the mirror."Speaking of tardiness, this incorrigable slacker is King Mob, who inexplicably holds a spot among the Elite Four."
"No need to get so hostile now! You should be thanking me for bringing some much needed flair to your dry, dry duel. So without further ado..." Spotlights appear on Vinda, Shona, and Kayin, "Allow me to present our first team, consisting of Wierd Fox Girl, Hot Musician Girl, and Whip-Wielding Wasp Girl. Ooh, kinky! And in the other corner..." Spotlights on the informant, "A member of the Elite Four and President of the Dueling Club, undefeated in any school-sanctioned battle, the one and only Lazarus the Undying! READYYYYYYYYYYYYYY FIGHT!"
Lazarus adjusts his glasses nervously, but makes now move to attack.
As Titania speaks the words that will start the duel, Karma tenses up, poised and ready for action. Thus, when the mirror makes its surprise appearance, Karma's leap back, followed by a withering blast of startled profanity--in a handful of languages, no less--is quite understandable, if incredibly harsh on the ears. When he sees what the mirror has to show, Karma just shakes his head slowly while muttering half to himself. "This isn't a school, it's an asylum where the patients are in charge." Even with the highly uncomplimentary thoughts he's having about the mental stability of those who seem to have any authority at the HoUR, to say nothing of his own for wanting to attend, the man's odd crown still manages to catch his attention.
It takes a bit of effort, but Karma is able to identify the crown for what it really is, and he quirks an eyebrow upward in surprise behind his mask. It seems that having what appears to be an unusual companion creature is a measure of oower, if not status, at this school, and he makes a note of that detail, along with reminding himself to carefully examine any companion creatures that aren't the typical animals that the student applicants are apparently restricted to.
Hearing Titania identity the man on the... throne, for want of better word (and how do they even do that, Karma wonders in passing), Karma gets his wandering thoughts back to the matter at hand, wondering what this man has to with the duel. When Karma realizes that this King Mob seems to want to make the impending fight more entertaining, he frowns behind his mask, though the frown is quickly replaced with slack-jawed shock when he hears the pre-fight introduction that the man makes for Karma and the two girls.
He was introduced as a girl! A girl. In front of the whole school, who saw him transform. Now nobody will believe him when he says he's a male.
Head hanging dejectedly as a little dark cloud of concentrated misery forms over his head, Karma barely hears the rest of introduction. Only when Inari sinks his teeth into Karma's leg, just above the boot, in an effort to shake Karma out of his funk do the words register. In an instant, the thoughts of his shattered reputation are pushed aside--though not forgotten, oh no--and he points the tip of his rapier at the wheezer who is to be their opponent, now identified as Lazarus. "What manner of chicanery is this? How can this boy be both a member of this 'Elite Four' and undefeated president of the Dueling Club, yet be here among the applicants hoping to attend this school?" He points at Lazarus, Titania, and King Mob in turn, voice thick with an accusing tone as he continues. "You've set this up on purpose, haven't you? Using this entire situation as a way to demonstrate to these hopefuls the extent of your power and control over their affairs, so that you may cow them into fearful, unquestioning obedience of your dictates!"
Karma growls softly and brings his rapier back up into a ready position, clearly angered. "Such perfidious behavior on the part of those with power is never to be tolerated." With that, Karma begins to mutter softly while making a series of odd movements with his empty hand. At his feet, Inari seems equally outraged, his two tails lashing back and forth while his fangs are bared in a snarl that is no less threatening for his small size.
Chocola sighs. "Be careful, guys... You dont know what he is capable of..."
"GO FOR THE SPLEEN!" THe sloths giant voice rings out.
Vinda-metaru stares for a split-second, then just states "What he said." Then she springs into action, leaping forward to swing the blunt part of her axe at Titania's head.
As Vinda swings her guitar-axe, Lazarus awkwardly attempts to dodge out of the way, only to find himself tangled up in Shona's whip causing Lazarus' glasses to fall off his face to the ground. Somehow, he manages to twist himself around in midair and onto the bladed edge of the guitar-axe, which promptly decapitates him.
"And it looks like the girls have fallen for THE OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK! That's another victory for Lazarus the Undefeatable! As King Mob goes wild in the mirror, Lazarus' lifeless head rolls across the ground and comes to a stop under Titania's foot. "As per the The Book of the House of Unyielding Radiance Student Code of Conduct killing another student during a duel results in immediate disqualification and a loss for the offending team." Two students hastily cart Lazarus' corpse off on a stretcher as Titania continues her explanation of the rules. "Because of the particular wording of the rulebook, the student who dies doesn't technically accrue a loss. Normally, this little detail wouldn't matter much with the duelist being dead, but in this case..."
Right as you lose sight of the stretcher, Lazarus, now perfectly whole, steps out from the other side of the crowd and places the fallen pair of glasses back on his face. King Mob chimes in to finish Titania's explanation, "...LAZARUS HAS MIRACULOUSLY RISEN, GAINING VICTORY BY RIDICULOUS TECHNICALITY!"
Having only just completed the casting of his spell, Karma can only stare in shock at the chain of circumstances that results in their opponent losing his head. Having the boy step out the crowd, unharmed, shortly thereafter has Karma narrowing his eyes in suspicion. He's quite certain that there has been a very deceptive trick of some sort used against them, but he doesn't know enough to figure it out, and making accusations without solid evidence to back them certainly won't be of any use now. Instead, he watches and waits, certain that this so-called Elite Four has something else in mind for them.
Seeing this miraculous feat occur Tre is amazed. "H-how was that possible? she stammers.
"Magic" replied the caiman in a matter of fact yet smug tone.
"But.. but bringing someone back to life after they've been decapitated requires really advanced, powerful magic, with expensive components and stuff. I didn't see anything like that. It could have been an illusion but if he keeps using it in lots of duels someone would have noticed by now and it wouldn't count as death in the rules and that would be cheating... Tre voiced her thoughts aloud with a puzzled look on her face.
After a while her face lit up. She might not understand how stuff like what she just saw were possible now but that was the whole point of this school, to learn how to do the impossible. Tre was now even more excited about the start of classes, she just hoped that she wouldn't have to duel any time soon.
Vinda-metaru stands in place, her bloody axe-guitar dripping, and her eyes wide with horror. A single tear slides down her face, just before the young man steps back out of the crowd. She look relieved for a moment, then her relief turns to furious rage. "HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME? I... I KILLED YOU! I F&#^$&ING KILLED YOU! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
Vinda-metaru falls to her knees, and her armor recedes, leaving Vinda alternately sobbing and raging at the insane, risen young man.
"Did you KNOW he would do that? YOU'RE PURE EVIL!" she screams at Titania.
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"Ewwwwwwww!" Shona responds to the events of the decapitation.
Then as the voice from the mirror begins explaining things, Shona gets distracted by the throne of girls and asks the thrush, "Wouldn't that hurt their backs?"
Then, as the boy appears, risen and seemingly unharmed, Shona is still distracted looking at the mirror.
"Ahem, Shona," the thrush begins, trying to draw her attention back to the current moment.
"Oh, right," she says, acknowledging the thrush. She then turns to Chocola and Tre and says, "Hey, Chocolate and Treforshort! Did you see us win the duel?!?!"
The thrush simply mutters disappointedly under his breath.
Tre turns towards Shona " I saw you beat that boy, Lazarus, but I believe I heard Lady Titania say that you were disqualified. So if that is the case then I do not believe I saw you win the duel."
Realizing that this may be discouraging however Tre quickly adds "You did very well though. You deserved to win. They should have warned you about that nasty dying trick. How do you think he did that anyway?"
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"Disqualified?" Shona repeats, cocking her head to the side like a confused puppy. "No, that doesn't sound quite right. We killed the dead boy who's still alive, so that means win."
She then nods as if verifying to herself that she thought that all through correctly. "Anyway, I'm parched. May I have some more coffee, Treforshort?"
"I'm sorry Shona, but you drank the last of the coffee, remember?" Tre said, tipping the coffee pot upside down and tapping the bottom to prove it.
Karma stares at the girl in the wasp motif outfit, his expression behind his mask one of befuddlement. He doesn't know whether her air-headed personality is genuine or the best facade in the history, well, ever. But if he's confused, then it's likely that the current members of the Elite Four are as well, and that might throw them enough to make some mistakes. Or so he hopes, because he really doen't know what else to do at the moment.
Inari, in the other hand, seems to be taking the loss in surprisingly good humor, as he's wandered over to Chocola and begun a conversation with her loud sloth. "Still loud as ever, I notice. How that poor girl isn't deaf yet with you bellowing into her ears, I can't explain," Inari says as he sits at the girl's feet. With an imperious sniff, he looks up at her, a calculating gleam in his eyes. "Girl, you may pet me. If you do a passable job, I'll allow you to pet me more later on." To encourage Chocola to comply with his oh-so-gracious "offer," Inari activates his "cute" mode; slowly rolling onto his back to expose his belly, catching his tails between his forepaws, and hiding his nose underneath the fluffy tips while gazing up at her with eyes far too big for a creature of his size.
Catching sight of his companion's actions, Karma groans in frustration and presses his empty hand against his mask. He really can't believe that Inari would do such a thing. No, scratch that, he can believe it, it's Inari's piss-poor timing that has Karma cursing sulfurously under his breath.
"Umm... Okay..." Her response is more to the situation with Lazarus than to the offer Inari had just given her, but she kneeled down anyway and gently stroked the creature as she processed what just happened. "You see that boy right? The one who was just decapitated? Everyone sees that? He was dead... Weird, right?" Chocola continued to pet Inari, rubbing his soft belly fur.
In reply to Chocola's question, Inari makes a noise that presumably indicates agreement. Possibly. It's rather hard to know for certain, what with the way his eyes have rolled back into his head, even as his body--save for the back left leg--has gone bonelessly limp under Chocola's hand. The aforementioned leg kicks and twitches slightly each time her hand rubs past a particular spot in his stomach, but otherwise Inari does a credible imitation of a corpse.
Off to the side, Karma silently indicates the blissed-out fox with outstretched arms, then raises those arms imploringly to the heavens, as though asking why this furry burden was dropped on his back. All thoughts of the duel, or of the highly suspicious means by which Lazarus won it, have temporarily been driven from Karma's mind in the face of his companion's behavior.
Seeing Shona burst into tears Tre begins awkwardly trying to comfort her;
"Oh dear, You're not hurt are you? What's the matter? Please don't cry." Tre says as she does a quick visual check of the sobbing girl.
Seeing nothing obviously wrong with her she resorts to the tried and tested method of patting the subjects back while quietly murmuring "There, there, it's okay"
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Shona continues sobbing as Tre tries to console her.
Meantime, the thrush decides to take advantage of Shona's...peculiar outburst...to do some damage control.
Throwing on his best off-put businessman voice, he intones, "Well, if we've done enough traumatizing of the incoming class, perhaps we could actually proceed with new student registration and whatnot?"
Meantime, the weeping girl behind him mutters quietly, "No more coffee. No more coffee!"
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A now-much-calmer-looking Shisōka suddenly looks around, and makes a slight jerk of her forearm, casting an unnatural shadow over - or more light chasing the ambient light away from - the small pile of coffee cups that have accrued next to her sometime in the past few minutes.
"I'm...pardon me. Does that mean the academic misunderstanding's been settled, hopefully?"
Titania - or rather her ego - now towers over you as she proclaims victory. "Settled indeed - having lost the duel you've also lost hold to any claim of innocent intent regarding you're tampering with of the forms. The penalty for which is INSTANT EX-"
"Expulsion?" offers up The Omnesiac, who if asked would say he's been there the entire time. This obviously couldn't possibly be true, but if almost any student in the vicinity was questioned they mysteriously wouldn't be able to remember the precise moment he did arrive. Titania, Lazarus, and King Mob are now bowing their heads in reverence, although a closer glance reveals that King Mob is actually bending his head to sip some sort chilled drink (complete with tiny umbrella) out of a very short straw.
"I must admit that while expelling these hopeful students would be proper, your most gracious headmaster is nothing if not merciful. As the saying goes, 'A second chance is, um, well...' Yes, that's the saying, "a second chance is, um, well!" Even the Elite Four seem a little skeptical of this claim. "Furthermore," continues The Omnesiac, "As per that dreadfully named student handbook, unregistered students may receive pardon for any offenses committed before registration by embarking on a dangerous and life-threatening que- I mean, perfectly harmless New Students Orientation Field Trip entrusted to them by one of the Elite Four! So how about it, which one of you needs some errand run?"
Lady Titania is obstinately refusing to speak, Lazarus looks too afraid of Titania to say anything, and King Mob is sleeping.
"I believe I can help with that." Another girl is standing in line with the Elite Four.
For some reason unknown even to The Omnesiac, there are some girls who no matter how doggedly they pursue the whole goth style, will always end up with a sort of half-baked "wannabe-vampire" look. This girl, on the other hand, can only dream of coming close to one of those "wannabe-vampires" - she is perhaps best described as a "wannabe-'wannabe-vampire.'" The basic elements are all there (gothic lace, corset, choker, pale skin, suspiciouly familiar black lipstick and razor sharp fingernails, etc.), but they've all been laughably overdone, to the point that she's passed the sphere of taking herself seriously into the realm of irony but then travelled so far that she's arrived back at seriousness.
"My name is Hirakari and its a pleasure to meet all of you." She has a kind of sing-songy voice that wants to be attractive and spine-chilling at the same time, but only partially succeeds by being spine-chillingly unattractive. In case you haven't guessed, I too am a member of the Elite Four AND have a lovely little errand to boot. As the Chief Liebrarian for the academy's Liebrary (the largest private collection of Lies) I loan out all sorts of books to all sorts of exotic people. Recently I loaned a teeny little insignificant book to the Bloodless Lich Queen Ilnora who lives on the dreaded and cursed isle of Gho Vella and the book is now long overdue. If you'd be willing to undertake this very simple errand, I'm certain our headmaster could find a place for you six cute girls here at the House of Unyielding Radiance."
Karma is clearly unhappy as Titania announces the punishment for losing what was obviously a rigged fight, and has begun to pick up his stuff in preparation for leaving, not even bothering to transform out of his costume. The appearance of the Headmaster, however, makes him pause, and he feels a slowly growing sense of hope as the glowing figure speaks. That hope is dragged into an alley, robbed, beaten, and left for dead the instant the Headmaster mentions that their pardon depends on completing a quest for one of the three that just got done screwing them over.
When the fourth member of the Elite Four makes her presence known, it's all Karma can do not to fall down laughing at the ridiculously overdone appearance she presents. The urge to laugh quick fades as Hirakari explains the nature of her errand to the group, and Karma begins to plan feverishly. He's absolutely certain that this errand is anything but simple, given how the three other members of the Elite Four have behaved so far. Unfortunately, his planning is interrupted when yet another member of the foursome refers to him as a girl. He thinks about objecting, but realizes that the only way to actually, concretely prove his claims would leave him with a reputation that's considerably worse than what he's gaining now.
Instead, he approaches that Omnesiac and, voice heavy with weary defeat and faint bitterness, asks of the glowing figure, "Pardon Headmaster, but do you have someplace where we can store our stuff while we're on this, what did you call it, New Students Orientation Field Trip?" While waiting on the Headmaster to respond, he makes his way over to Chocola and toes his comatose guide in the ribs with a boot. "Alright, you unskinned fur accessory, enough of your conning pretty girls into touching you inappropriately. Get up, we have stuff to do." With a startled jerk and a fearsome snarl, Inari looks up at Karma as his happy time is rudely cut short. "I'm going to piss in your hat for that, you bastard," the disgruntled fox replies with a faint growl as he slips out from under Chocola's hand and gets on his paws. He's a little wobbly from the effects of the petting, but that quickly fades, much to Inari's displeasure, and he looks back over his shoulder as Karma returns to the Omnesiac. "You've done an acceptable job petting me," he says to Chocola, a pleased tone in his voice. "As such, I will graciously allow you to do so again at a later time. Oh, and my name is Inari. You've already met my mentally-challenged student ward," he adds with a contemptuous flick of his tails at Karma's back.
At the mention of the Liebrary, and books, Tre squees. She is more than willing to overlook the strange appearance (and pronunciation) of the librarian in order to find out more.
"Did you say library? You're the librarian? You loan out all sorts of interesting books to exotic people? Do students count as exotic people? You want us to return an overdue book? I'm sure we can do that! What book was it? Was it a book about magic? Or history? Oooh or things man was not meant to know? Wasitabigbook? Withpictures? Doesthelibraryhavemanybooks?...
Tre continues spouting question at an increasing pace, not waiting for any answers just asking them as soon as they pop into her head. She appears far more excited and animated than at any earlier point during the day, almost but not quite bouncing up and down on the spot.
Vinda has been slowly composing herself, and by the time the fourth member of the Elite Four introduces herself, she is standing and has shouldered her guitar, which she will need to meticulously clean to get all the blood out of the strings. When Hirakari introduces herself, instead of thinking her outfit is laughable, Vinda thinks That is the coolest girl I've ever seen. She's so F*#$ING METAL! but she is able to restrain herself from shouting it out to everyone.
When her future best friend tells the group about their mission, she dutifully gives Hirakari the international sign of metal, the devil-horns. "We'll get that book back, and we'll ROCK OUT while we're doing it!"
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Shona suddenly pops up from fetal position and gives a look of utter bewilderment as she says, "We're going on a trip?"
Then, she scans the group before thrusting both fists in the air and proclaiming, "This is AWESOME! Treforshort, pack lots of coffee! Chocolate, pack the sloth! Other people, pack...other things! Let's go!"
And she starts marching determinedly forward until the thrush calls out, "You don't actually know where you're going yet."
At that point, Shona stops, looks around, and says, "Maybe someone else should lead." Then, she looks at the wannabe wannabe vampire girl and says, "When did she get here?"
"Pardon Headmaster, but do you have someplace where we can store our stuff while we're on this, what did you call it, New Students Orientation Field Trip?"
The Omnesiac cracks a friendly smile, "We actually have plenty of storage..." Titania cuts in, "Inside the academy. For admitted students only. Paperwork required." The Omnesiac smiles even wider, "Still, this errand couldn't possibly take too long, so I'm sure you'll be able to bear the temporary inconvenience."
Meanwhile, Hirakari seems pleasantly surprised by Tre and Vinda's enthusiasm, weakly mimicking the devil horns. "It's a very simple little book and while I could tell you what it is, the one thing I love more than books is surprises. Although I suppose you do deserve a tiny hint since you are all so lovely and interesting. My hint, which I'm sure you've already figured out considering that I am a Liebrarian, is this: the book lies."
As Karma speaks with the Headmaster, Inari is oddly intent on avoiding the Omnesiac's attention, trying very hard to stay behind Karma at all times. When Titania interrupts the conversation with her own unwanted contribution, Inari slips a little by growling at her. It seems the fox doesn't particularly like the girl all that much.
Karma, meanwhile, is trying to lobby for any assistance the group can get, in spite of Titania throwing up a constant stream of objections based on the fact that they're not students. "Look, this entire errand is referred to as the New Students Orientation Field Trip. It is being assigned to us," Karma says while waving at the girls behind him. "Ergo, we qualify as new students, and are entitled to make use of assets available to new students. If we do not get to use these assets, because we are not students, then this errand should not be given to us."
Karma folds his arms and stares at Titania, green eyes just barely visible. "And if we're not doing that, then maybe you can trot the little wheezer's headless corpse out for a bit of inspection instead." Behind his mask, Karma grins humorlessly, sure that none of the Four want that corpse to undergo any sort of examination. "And, of course, I'd willing to say a few words over it, if you'd like a religious authority to ensure that it stays buried after you plant it."
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"Shush, girl," Shona says to Kayin/Karma. Then, to the wannabe wannabe vampire, "I believe you were saying something about us being lovely and interesting?"
The thrush sighs loudly behind her and then interjects, "Young Master Karma's point is entirely valid that student status is implied simply by the words used, therefore they should have all of the benefits that another student would have. Access to storage, additional gear, a facilitating staff member to lead them..."
Meantime, Shona is still staring at the wannabe wannabe vampire and waiting for more compiments.
Chocola nods. "If you expect us to do this we need to be certain that we will be students when we get back too. Not just errand girls, and boy... Show us a sign of good faith."
Lady Titinia seems as though she's about to raise another objection when Hirakari cuts her off. "Storage? Gear? Assistance? Absolutely!" She holds out a slightly corroded copper key just under a foot in length and a matching black box. "Take this Liebrarian's Key and this box to store it in and I'm certain that my dear friend Lazarus would be willing to chaperone you and protect you from anything dangerous. Problem solved!"
Chocola nods at the thrush's words. "I agree. If we are going to do this this is our best shot of being successful."
Karma raises a hand as though he's about to object to the key and box the group has been given, then slowly lets the hand drop after a few silent moments, a palpable aura of defeat hanging over him. Instead, he wordlessly shuffles over to his pile of belongings and begins loading them onto his back, barely pausing as his costume disappears in a slow fade to reveal his normal appearance as Kayin.
His possessions once more ready for hauling, Kayin looks at the various members of the Elite Four, as well as the Omnesiac, as though waiting for something. After a few beats of expectant silence, he finally speaks up. "If one of you could provide a map, a guide, directions written on a scrap of paper, something to get us pointed in the right direction, that would be quite helpful," Kayin says slowly. He's clearly under a bit of strain at the moment, mostly because this day has been pretty much nothing like what he thinks it should have been, and the utter destruction of his expectations has left him mentally adrift.
Hirakari passes Kayin the box containing the Liebrarian's key with a sly smile. "Queen Ilnora lives in Anamareth, the City Unforgotten. Lazarus knows the way. Better get there before nightfall though!"
///
One sailing montage later, you find yourselves approaching the cursed isle of Gho Vella with a despondent Lazarus in tow. The island has a tall central hill with a smoking volcano crater at its peak, dense jungle along many of its flanks, and a huge walled section covered with hundreds or even thousands of tombs and mausoleums. Closer to you, you see an enormous titan's corpse washed up on the beach. Swarms of birds and crabs nibble at the decaying flesh, and the smell drifts hundreds of yards to your ship.
On the northwestern curve of the island ahead of you, you see a harbor entrance and a dozen ships in various states of decay, each flying a black flag. This must be the City Unforgotten, Anamareth, and a castle stands on a height above it.
After the smell of the beach reaches his sensitive nose, Kayin spends quite a bit of effort on taking short, shallow breaths through his mouth, but finds that to be not much better, as the rank taste of ocean-kissed decay squats on the back of his tongue and proceeds to thoroughly defile the inside of his mouth. Gagging and spitting, the disguised kitsune looks around desperately for something, anything that he can use to send his tastebuds into blissful numbness. Though, as the stink--and the awful flavor that comes with it like a conjoined twin--somehow increases in intensity, he grudgingly admits that he'll kill his sense of taste entirely, if need be.
Tre's nose wrinkles a little at the unpleasant odour but the bad smell is more than compensated for in her mind by the amazing view that meets her eye.
"This is incredible!" Tre exclaims to no one in particular. "I've never seen anything like it. That body is enormous. I wonder what it was like when it was alive? It must have been magnificent. Do you think we have time for me to draw a quick sketch of it in my journal?
Without waiting for a response Tre takes a notebook and pencil from her bag and and with a few strokes begins drawing a rough outline, muttering quietly to herself as she does so.
Vinda makes it a point to give Lazarus as much stink eye as she can muster the entire trip, but flatly refuses to speak to him. She wants nothing to do with the idiot who gets himself killed on purpose on a regular basis.
"Wow... what on Golarion is that thing?" she wonders aloud when she sees the titan's corpse."[/b]
"Somorath the sea titan," Lazarus explains. "No one really knows where he came from or how he did or why his name is Somorath, but popular rumor holds that the Lich Queen plans to raise the thing as an undead behemoth. Speaking of the Lich Queen, I must stress beyond all else and can not warn you enough (in fact you'd best write this down) that..." Before Lazarus can finish, the ships pitches violently as it cruises over some unseen rock just under the water. Lazarus loses his balance and pitches forward onto a one of the suspiciously sharp spokes of the ship's steering wheel, which impales him through the head and kills him instantly.
Chocola sighs. "Do you think he will get up again after that? It did go through his head... Someone give me a hand..." She goes to lift Lazarus' body off of the steering wheel.
Tre drops her notebook and moves to give Chocola a hand with Lazarus' body.
"He should be alright, seeing as last time he was fully decapitated. Unless there is some sort of limit or something on how often he can resurrect himself" She muses. "Maybe this time we'll be able to see how he does it"
Tre kneels down next to the body, trying to determine whether Lazarus is dead dead, or only mostly dead, ready to carefully observe any changes.
Vinda stares in disbelief at the impaled moron and the people just standing around after seeing it happen.
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Shona looks on as Lazarus begins talking, ten impales himself on the steering wheel. She then lets out a. "Heh heh," then a full on "HAhahahhahahahahahahaahahahaha! That boy is hilarious! How will he kill himself next?"
Then, looking out across the water, she says, "Hey look! There's a great big dead guy!" completely failing to realize everyone else has already been discussing him.
The thrush decides to actually try to be more helpful and starts thinking through whether or not those black flags might mean anything.
Kayin is listening intently to Lazarus' explanation regarding the Lich Queen, when it is interrupted by a sudden impalement. While he knows that he should be bothered by the sight of Lazarus slumped bonelessly against the ship's wheel, supported only by a length of now-bloody wood through his skull, he just can't quite muster his ability to give a damn today, it seems. Sighing, he steps over to help Chocola and Tre with the dead meat, not being particularly gentle about the process as he yanks on Lazarus' head with an aggravated mutter. "By the gods, this thing is really wedged in there tight," he says, referring to the length of wood that has ruined the wheezer's day.
Grunting with effort, he begins to twist the head in one direction, then back in the other while pulling firmly, trying to work it loose. As he works, he answers Tre's speculation with one of his own, something he'd come up with on the journey to avoid dwelling on the utter iniquity of this task. "Maybe Lazzy here has some troll blood in him, that would explain a bit about his reputation, wouldn't it?" Spotting Vinda staring incredulously, he waves her over with a bloody hand. "Could use some more help here, feel free to join in," Kayin offers with a friendly smile.
Vinda continues to stare in shock at the grisly work, then finally musters up the strength to say "You... you're all monsters! Why doesn't anyone care that he KILLED HIMSELF AGAIN????"
Through Chocola and Kayin's combined efforts Lazarus' body finally comes free of the steering wheel and collapses onto the deck. Moments later, the body instantly crumbles into some sort of fine powder, which is immediately carried away by the wind. The six of you are all alone on the ship now.
Watching disinterestedly as Lazarus drifts away in the wind like the residue of particularly bad flatulence, Kayin answers Vinda's question in passing. "Why get upset? One of two things will happen, and neither is in our power to affect in any way or form." Kayin then raises a bloodied index finger to count off the first possibility. "The most likely thing to happen is that he simply pops up somewhere, alive and healthy again. This is supported by his reputation, along with prior personal experience from all of us."
Kayin then raises a second finger as he continues, his tone of voice quite casual and worry-free. "The second possibility, and this is the least likely of the two, is that he stays dead. I don't possess any magic or knowledge capable of restoring him to life. And, unless you're holding out on us, I doubt you do either. So why stress about it, when we can't change it," he finishes with a shrug and a slight smile.
Turning to Vinda, Kayin waves a hand at the island. "Honestly, I'm more concerned about the warning he never got around to finishing. If I were a paranoid and suspicious sort, I'd say that the timing of his death was awfully inconvenient for us." With a glance at the approaching harbor, Kayin then looks around the ship slowly as Shona's question finally registers. "I'm also just now realizing that we have no crew, and must therefore ask who in the Nine Hells was running things around here? Because it certainly wasn't any of us, and Lazarus couldn't have done it alone."
Anyone who cared to check would find that this ship is completely unmanned save for a captain, and runs on the power of plot necessity.